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Messages - Craig

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Talk Zone / Re: More controversy
« on: November 16, 2019, 09:37:38 am »
I wonder if it was something as simple as monitoring the local AT&T camera in centerfield. The TV announcers often read signs and call the pitch when they see the catcher's signal, and that camera must stay active all game even when the broadcast team isn't using it. There may be dedicated feeds inside the stadium from that camera where someone watching could always watch the catcher. Or someone could have tapped into the feed.

I've always thought, it's interesting that the pitcher, catcher, and everyone watching at home knows which pitch is coming, because we saw the signal from the centerfield camera. And I've also thought, I wish there was someway I could tell the Astro batting what the signal was. So maybe they figured out a way to send that message to the batter. It's just a matter of timing to get him the message before the pitch is thrown. The camera to see the catcher's signal has always been there ... there was just no way to inform the batter quickly enough. Sounds like they perfected a system to do it.

Talk Zone / Re: Signal stealing haiku
« on: November 14, 2019, 09:16:01 pm »
You guys are just mad
You did not think of it first
Fucking crybabies

Game Zone 2019 / Re: 2019 World Series, Game 7, October 30, 2019
« on: October 30, 2019, 07:39:23 pm »
Keep the train rollin!

Game Zone 2019 / Re: 2019 World Series, Game 7, October 30, 2019
« on: October 30, 2019, 07:35:28 pm »

Game Zone 2019 / Re: 2019 World Series, Game 7, October 30, 2019
« on: October 30, 2019, 07:08:24 pm »
Alright friends, here we go. 

Talk Zone / Re: Defense
« on: October 20, 2019, 12:56:50 pm »
After Brantley's amazing catch, the grass stains on his uniform acted like a green screen for the cameras. When he came up to bat there were silvery patches where it looked like his magic was leaking through.

Let's knock these motherfuckers out.

Not the kid's fault...blame Springer...hell, the ball boy would have put up a better at bat.

At least the ball boy can put wood on the ball.

Talk Zone / Re: ALDS
« on: October 04, 2019, 01:10:15 pm »
FWIW, I'm going with a generic Astros shirt today.  Saving my Game #7 shirt for must-win games.

My wife and I have both lost a lot of weight this year, and we can fit into our old Larry Dierker Hawaiian shirts. So we're going old-school.

Alright here we go.

Beer and Queso / Re: DIRECTV streaming 2018
« on: September 13, 2019, 03:36:18 pm »
If you have a Playstation or Xbox you can stream through those. I use a PS4 plus PS Vue for programming. That still doesn't get me the Astros, but there are ways to do it.

Talk Zone / Re: JV ejection break down
« on: August 28, 2019, 01:26:25 pm »
Be sure to watch his video from the trade deadline when he learned that the Astros got Greinke.

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Rockheads @ Astros - Place data here
« on: August 06, 2019, 07:44:03 pm »
Maybe keep "Worrell Button" but add "Lance" as a verb.

Ex: "Goddamn it. TK, Blummer and Julia are on vacation again. I think I'm going to Lance the Worrell Button."

Talk Zone / Re: The Call - family edition
« on: August 02, 2019, 09:46:23 pm »
That's great news, best of luck to him.

Talk Zone / Re: 2005 big 3 vs 2019 big 3
« on: August 02, 2019, 06:52:45 pm »
The 05 guys also had a much much worse supporting cast though. Does anybody from 05 other than those 3, Berkman and Lidge play a meaningful role on this team? I don't think so but I could be wrong.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

We might find a spot for Wandy.

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: August 02, 2019, 11:04:54 am »
Add me to the list in full agreement with this.  One of the greatest risk/reward deals in recent memory.  And don't overlook Biagini.

I didn't realize it until last night, but apparently Biagini is incredibly popular with fans because of his funny, deadpan interviews. There are compilation videos of his comments. So we also basically got a stand-up comedian to spar with Julia.

EDIT -- Here's a video

Game Zone 2019 / Re: New & Improved Astros v. Cleveland 7/31
« on: July 31, 2019, 06:26:45 pm »
Oh god, Max Stassi has to stay in Cleveland because that's where the Angels play next.

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 31, 2019, 05:49:31 pm »
If you missed Astros pre-game tonight, check it out when they replay it later. Cole was very excited and animated about the day's activities. HE praised Luhnow and Crane and said "I'm very proud to be an Astro right now".

Thank you, I only get the game broadcast on MLB.TV and no pre- or post-game, so this is great to hear.

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 31, 2019, 04:41:32 pm »
Plus we got Sanchez and Biagini for Brent Strom to work on and see if his wizardry takes.

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 31, 2019, 04:00:54 pm »
Should have known something was up.  They pulled Greinke after 5 innings, 2 runs and only 82 pitches with the lead.

"Sorry I only had time to strike out seven Yankees, but I need to leave to join the Astros."

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 31, 2019, 03:19:34 pm »
OMFG Greinke

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 31, 2019, 02:06:25 pm »
It's the Witching Hour. In Luhnow We Trust.

Talk Zone / Re: 2019 Trade Deadline Talk
« on: July 28, 2019, 05:01:24 pm »
W T F.

Marcus Stroman has been traded to the New York Mets, source confirms to ESPN.

Maybe they're flipping him? Who knows with the fucking Stem.

Talk Zone / Re: World Class Selig Fluffing by Pinwheel
« on: July 11, 2019, 02:39:53 pm »
"If they want to piss on the grave of the greatest commissioner of baseball ever then, by golly, they're going to have to pay for the privilege."

If you paid him enough, he'd probably leave the roof open.

Beer and Queso / Re: NCAA Div. I Baseball Tournament
« on: June 22, 2019, 08:55:06 am »
The Tech program is so far beyond the program I saw forty years ago that it's a completely different thing. The field then was about high school caliber and one just walked up to watch a game. The players practiced on hard pan dirt in 25 degree weather and 30 MPH wind in down jackets.

Rip Griffin donated a bunch of money and got the Red Raiders a real stadium and some other facilities, like indoor practice capability for harsh Lubbock winters. Then Kirby Holcutt was hired as A.D. and he hired Tim Tadlock who turned the program from an also-ran into a power.

Tadlock is a master of player development, which is what's needed to pull a program up from the bottom. Now, with the Red Raider's success, Tech is starting to see better recruiting which will hopefully keep us in the mix for Omaha for some time to come.

With men's T&F natty, men's basketball national runner-up, baseball, and Tech's continuing national dominance of meat judging, it's a golden age of Texas Tech sports......well, except for football.

Just a personal note. I grew up in Lubbock and both of my parents were Tech grads and heavy supporters, so I know all about Rip Griffin and that history. But to me, Tech baseball will always have a black mark as long as they play at Dan Law Field.

Dan Law was my first baseball coach when I was 7. He was such an asshole and slavedriver (to 7 year olds!) that he turned off both me and my parents to organized sports from that point forward. He'd yell and scream and berate little kids. He demanded that the team parents pay for and build new facilities at a church, then didn't like it and never used it. When the Lubbock TV stations did investigative series on overly competitive coaches and parents in kid sports, they used Dan Law as the model.

I realize he donated a lot of money and material to Tech. Big deal. He ruined organized baseball for me and a lot of other kids. In my mind, any place that carries his name has a black mark. Especially a baseball field.

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Astros @ Pimply-misshapen asses 6/18
« on: June 18, 2019, 07:05:15 pm »
oh god she ate it

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Astros @ Pimply-misshapen asses 6/18
« on: June 18, 2019, 07:04:13 pm »

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Brewers @ Astros, June 12, 2019
« on: June 12, 2019, 08:00:24 pm »
Something interesting may have happened that inning, but anyway, more importantly, it's just so hard to play every day, you guys wouldn't believe.

Talk Zone / Re: Straw
« on: June 04, 2019, 02:10:21 pm »
Indeed, hyperbole is a close cousin to just about everyone here.

I took a DNA test and found out that I'm not related to Hyperbole at all.

Now I'm at a loss for words.

Talk Zone / Re: Morning Lineup MLB Podcast
« on: May 23, 2019, 12:39:06 pm »
What was the name of the little alien that lived in Jimy Williams' mouth? Oddly enough a google search came up empty.

Mr. Weebles! But he wasn't an alien, just a microscopic man.

Found it in this transcript

Beer and Queso / Re: Game of Thrones Season 8
« on: May 13, 2019, 04:43:28 pm »
That two days she wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone? (You know, like Varys told us right before Tyrion just waltzed in to start a conversation?)

She was playing Dragon Flight Simulator the whole time.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

With the unlimited ammo cheat. Seriously, how much fire can one dragon breathe? Don't they have to catch their breath and reload at some point?

Talk Zone / Re: Red Ass
« on: May 05, 2019, 12:16:55 am »
Now I can’t recall our nicknames for Redding though.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Talk Zone / Re: Aches and Pains (2019)
« on: May 02, 2019, 03:56:25 pm »
Are you sure it's not your pick for an early bird lunch?

The Blue Jay Plate Special

so it doesn't come across as revlationary (is that a word?)

I think "revelatory" is what you're looking for. Unless Republicans are censoring the dictionary now, which wouldn't surprise me at all.

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Game 2: Astros at Rays, 3/29/19
« on: March 29, 2019, 07:03:44 pm »
I am going to love watching Brantley on this team.

Game Zone 2019 / Re: Opening Day 2019 Astros at Rays, March 28
« on: March 28, 2019, 03:05:29 pm »
Bregman is armored up now

Talk Zone / Re: Race For the Lid XXI
« on: March 28, 2019, 02:00:40 pm »

Talk Zone / Re: It’s Opening Day!!!!
« on: March 28, 2019, 01:20:41 pm » for me. Which means I have to hookup my laptop to my TV via HDMI and can only  watch on one TV at a time. Can't wait for ROKU to get the AT&T Sports App...

I watch on PC ( and use a Chromecast to send it to the TV. That might work if you don't want to connect by HDMI.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training 2019
« on: March 16, 2019, 06:49:40 pm »
This game today was a pleasure to watch from start to finish. Peacock, Brantley, Correa, Kemp, the kids, Bukauskas, James... It's absurd how much talent this organization has hoarded. Didn't hurt either to see the Phillies broadcast focusing again and again on Houston: I especially enjoyed the bar graph of team wins going back to, I believe, 2012. Somehow I hadn't realized that Peacock was a 41st round pick.

Alvarez looms over the plate. His size and quiet makes every at bat an event. I suspect (knock on wood) we're in for some fun.

Jesus, remember 2012? Remember '13?

I'm really excited about having Brantley in the line-up. He isn't flashy or cocky; he just hits. I think he's going to be a great addition.

Talk Zone / Re: Changes to the game coming this year??
« on: March 15, 2019, 05:10:36 pm »
What does a Tank Commander do with no tank?

Pass out and wait for the cops to make him commander of the drunk tank.

Pizzagate was promulgated by bad actors in order to deflect attention from the Epstein cesspool where, among other things, Trump was credibly accused of raping an underaged girl.

It’s unclear to me that the word projection is misapplied here whether it turns out that there were underaged women working at the Florida jack-o-rama or not.

It's confusing because there are two separate sex slave/prostitution investigations in Florida, but they intersect at Mar-A-Lago. There's the Epstein case, which included minors who were working at Mar-A-Lago being recruited into Epstein's pedo ring.

And now there's the Chinese madam running the rub-and-tug chain, also allegedly with sex slaves, who comes and goes from Mar-A-Lago like she owns the place, and takes selfies with every Republican who shows up.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training 2019
« on: February 27, 2019, 02:58:13 pm »
Did anyone else see Julia's interview with Straw today about the Tebow catch? They talked about that, then how much he hates running. Eventually she asked how he got his love for baseball. I'm paraphrasing, but it went:

"I was about 3, and my dad would throw tennis balls to me. The first time I ever picked up a bat ..."

You can tell here he's wondering if he should tell this.

"The first time I picked up a bat, I hit the ball and bounced it off ... well, an inappropriate spot on him." Julia trying to keep a straight face. "And I guess I thought it was funny, so I kept doing it, and ever since then baseball's been my dream."

He mostly kept a poker face through the whole thing.

Beer and Queso / Re: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
« on: December 20, 2018, 09:01:00 pm »
You know what they call a man with no arms and no legs in a river, right?


You could tow him behind a boat and name him Skip.

Beer and Queso / Re: Roger Angell on "Most Important" Vote of His Lifetime
« on: November 15, 2018, 06:47:52 pm »
At the same time, though, Arkansas and North Carolina voted in favor of voter ID laws

Arkansas already had a Voter ID law, but the conservatives just wanted to show how super-serious they are by putting it in the Constitution too. So that meant I had to show my ID to vote against showing my ID.

Where’s Hoover?

It's his turn under the table.

Lots of stories right now from around the country about voter suppression.  The two most outrageous examples are:

North Dakota:  a new law - that took effect after the primaries so this is the first time it's been a thing at the polls - requires a street address on the voter's ID.  Well, in rural areas - and particularly on native American reservations - people often don't have a street address but a P.O. Box.  The new law means that IDs with P.O. Boxes only, are invalid.  Native Americans vote for Democrats in ND at about a 75% clip.

Georgia: this one's well known, but it's so bare-faced it's almost beyond comprehension.  Brian Kemp, the Secretary of State, has been systematically purging voter rolls and boxing new applications.  The latter at a rate of 3-1 POC vs. whites, in a state that is 70% white.  He has also purges over 1 million voter registrations since taking officer, including nearly 700,000 just last year.  Oh, Brian Kemp is also the Republican candidate for Governor - a race that went to the Republican in 2014 by less than 200,000 votes.  He's the ref in his own game, and he's also now eliminating people on the oppositions roster.

But let's not forget that up and down the country, Voter ID and roll purges are being used to tip the already tipped playing field even further in Republicans' favor.  The good news is that these actions seem to be garnering a reaction that may be big enough to overwhelm the scale-thumbing going on.  In ND, for example, Native American tribes are using their sovereign status to issue new IDs with a street address, and they literally burned their machine up doing it, such is the demand.  People don't want to lose their vote, and they're working hard to make sure they don't get disenfranchised.

The irony here may well be that telling people who might not have voted that they can't vote, is more likely to make them more likely to vote.

It's prime ratfucking season. They always come out in October after voter registration has closed. And they're especially emboldened this year since one of their own just got sworn onto the Supreme Court.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: ALDS Gam 3: Astros @ Indian s, October 8, 2018
« on: October 08, 2018, 04:19:56 pm »
The good people of Cleveland certainly think their team is done.

It's now Standing Room Lonely.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: ALDS Gam 3: Astros @ Indian s, October 8, 2018
« on: October 08, 2018, 03:17:09 pm »

Game Zone 2018 / Re: ALDS Gam 3: Astros @ Indian s, October 8, 2018
« on: October 08, 2018, 12:33:36 pm »
Come on, let's jump on this motherfucker early.

Beer and Queso / Re: Roger Angell on "Most Important" Vote of His Lifetime
« on: September 29, 2018, 09:42:39 am »
I'm doubtful if they can find anyone to fit their needs that has no baggage.

The baggage is important though, because conservatives can use it as a threat to keep their own judges and legislators in line. Not that lifelong ratfucker Kavanaugh is likely to flip on them, but it doesn't hurt to have some backup dirt just in case. They've known about his past all along; look how prepared they were to defend his treatment of women. They weren't surprised that it came out; in fact, they expected it. But I think they were surprised by the public reaction; compassion always surprises conservatives because it's unnatural to them.

They've probably got more dirt on their own Republicans than they do on Democrats. Example -- Lindsay Graham. Look how they've got him jumping through hoops now that John McCain can't protect him anymore.

Beer and Queso / Re: Brisket Rub
« on: September 14, 2018, 02:44:50 pm »
Have you tried allopurinol? Very good for long term control of chronic gout.

Yeah, I take it every day and it has reduced flare-ups. But this brisket was so good, it powered through the allopurinol defense anyway. And I honestly didn't even eat that much.

Beer and Queso / Re: Brisket Rub
« on: September 14, 2018, 09:52:43 am »

I’ve been happy with it.

I made a brisket last weekend using this recipe and method, and it was so good it gave me gout.

Well I've actually had gout since my 20s, but this fucking triggered it. But my new rheumatologist knows the cure -- six days of methylprednisolone. After 35 years of dealing with this shit, finally someone solved it for me. Now I know that if I want a weekend brisket, I just need to be ready to call my doctor for some steroids on Monday. Co-pay the piper, if you will.

Beer and Queso / Re: Hurricane Florence
« on: September 12, 2018, 03:01:48 pm »

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Astros @ Angels, August 24, 2018
« on: August 24, 2018, 09:23:47 pm »
Those jerseys are burning my eyes.

But if you bought a replica version, it could also double as a hunting vest.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Astros at angels - 7/20/18
« on: July 20, 2018, 11:32:18 pm »
My ears were bleeding during the last series with Stanton as the PBP guy.

I think he's still talking.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros trade James Hoyt to the Indians
« on: July 07, 2018, 08:59:12 am »
Saw that. Sucks for Jake.

Yeah, it's a bittersweet moment for sure.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros trade James Hoyt to the Indians
« on: July 07, 2018, 08:36:51 am »
Tucker called up, Marisnick sent down according to MLB Trade Rumors.

I let my participle dangle and they took away my poetic license. I can't even describe how that makes me feel.

Talk Zone / Re: Grandson Weston
« on: June 22, 2018, 10:36:48 am »
Best wishes to you and your family, Jim. I'm praying for quick, easy recoveries all around.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Rays @ Astros, June 20, 2018
« on: June 20, 2018, 10:20:20 pm »

And we ran out.

I took a couple of screenshots for you. I just need to figure out how to get them to you.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Rays @ Astros, June 20, 2018
« on: June 20, 2018, 07:48:18 pm »
Was that Budgirl they showed handing out rings?

Talk Zone / Re: DH and LF
« on: May 20, 2018, 03:37:11 pm »
Figured pneumonia from the breeze generated by all the swings and misses.

It certainly isn't walking pneumonia.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Angels at Astros, April 25, 2018
« on: April 25, 2018, 10:47:29 pm »
Did anyone else see Springer’s eye roll when Fisher got picked off?

Rolling his eyes toward Fresno and hoping someone takes the hint.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Angels at Astros, April 25, 2018
« on: April 25, 2018, 02:45:24 pm »
Idiotic baserunning. 

Picked off first with Springer sitting at 3-0.

Springer's eyeroll said it all.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Astros @Twins, April 9, 2018
« on: April 10, 2018, 11:55:30 am »
The line between the Mendoza Line and the Blutarski Line?  Hmmm...

A few years ago we had the Men Dozing Line -- .083 -- because that was Tony LaRussa's blood-alcohol content when the police found him asleep at the wheel.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Astros @ Rangers, March 30, 2018
« on: March 30, 2018, 07:25:29 pm »
Sweet double play

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Opening Day March 29, 2018 Astros at Rangers
« on: March 29, 2018, 02:57:42 pm »
4-outfielder success rate: 100%

Fly out to Bregfield.

Game Zone 2018 / Re: Opening Day March 29, 2018 Astros at Rangers
« on: March 29, 2018, 02:42:25 pm »
Well then

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid XX!!!
« on: March 29, 2018, 01:16:21 pm »

Talk Zone / Re: Crappy end to spring training for two Cali teams
« on: March 28, 2018, 10:08:29 pm »
There's a Yu Darvish/Game 7 joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going to be the one to make it.

It can't be Yu Darvish's fault. Everyone would have seen it coming.

Talk Zone / Re: Years Past
« on: March 23, 2018, 08:25:00 am »
4-for-84? With 43 strikeouts? That's not very good, is it?

He must have been swinging down on the ball.

If his nickname wasn't The Dutch Windmill, then I feel like the system has failed us all.

Talk Zone / Re: Years Past
« on: March 22, 2018, 05:11:30 pm »
An article from December 2009:

"The Houston Astros released the Rotterdam-native Jan Baldee according to the latest set of Minor League transactions at Baseball America. The 19-year-old shortstop played 31 games through two seasons for Astros affiliates in the Venezuelan Summer League and the Gulf Coast League. He collected during his professional career just four hits total in 84 at-bats, while striking out 43 times."

Talk Zone / Re: Altuve extension?
« on: March 16, 2018, 04:20:56 pm »
That is outstanding. Also reported on MLB Trade Rumors.

Talk Zone / Re: New Pace of Play Agreement
« on: March 15, 2018, 01:23:30 pm »
I saw that for the purpose of keeping stats, the second-base runner won't affect the pitcher's ERA and will be considered to have reached by error. Except no one committed an error, so I guess ghost runners are now a real thing.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training Nostalgia
« on: March 02, 2018, 01:09:00 pm »
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they still have casinos and whorehouses?

All the old whorehouses and casinos downtown have been turned into regular bars and art galleries. There's still a rundown 100-year-old "massage" place that everyone knows is really a whorehouse. Oaklawn has all the casino business now. In fact, they're trying to get their monopoly added to the state constitution.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training Nostalgia
« on: March 02, 2018, 12:31:35 pm »
Yeah, baseball and Oaklawn would be quite the draw.

Oaklawn has always been a massive draw during racing season (January to April) but they've also added a giant full-blown casino, so it's a year-round thing now.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training Nostalgia
« on: March 02, 2018, 12:03:04 pm »
Is The Hamilton House still open? I think there was a restaurant there about thirty years ago.

No, I think the restaurant closed in 2003 and then it was a bed and breakfast for a while. It's closed permanently now.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training Nostalgia
« on: March 02, 2018, 10:55:25 am »
Hot Springs has an interesting history....including mob connections back in the Capone days.

There is so much cool history here. The main downtown street has all the old respectable businesses (big hotels and bathhouses) on one side, and all the brothels, bars, and casinos on the other. There is a huge tunnel that runs the length of Central Avenue (the main drag), and the mobsters used the tunnel to cross back and forth. There's even a Model T still down there, and a bowling alley with scores still chalked on the wall. There was so much corruption back then that the police department and sheriff's department had a huge shootout in the middle of the street over who got to provide mob protection.

Talk Zone / Re: Spring Training Nostalgia
« on: March 02, 2018, 10:45:08 am »
There was a good documentary on the MLB Channel about Hot Springs, Arkansas serving as a spring training site.  The main recreational outlets were the horse racing track and the brothels.  Not surprisingly, Babe Ruth loved training there.

I live in Hot Springs and there is still lots of interest and promotion about the old spring training days here. There's a big promotion coming up later in the month that looks interesting. We have historical markers all over town about the various players and teams. They really play up the famous 573-foot homer by Babe Ruth in 1918 that landed in an alligator farm (which is still operating). The original location of home plate is outlined in a Weyerhauser parking lot.

Talk Zone / Re: tomorrows game is on mlb
« on: February 25, 2018, 07:05:24 pm »
A promo during the 7th inning stretch. The exit gate in RF was blocked by the media truck. After several attempts so squeeze by it had to drive back across the outfield warning track and leave out the gate in LF.

Since it's the Co-Ardinals, they were obviously trying to get a look at some Astros minor leaguers but didn't know the password to get through the backdoor. Luhnow had wisely changed the password to "V1ct0ryP4rade" so of course it never occurred to the Shitbirds.

Beer and Queso / Re: Roger Angell on "Most Important" Vote of His Lifetime
« on: February 24, 2018, 11:48:39 am »
One hilarious detail that came out with the newest plea deal was how Manafort and Gates created a chain of evidence against themselves, because Manafort didn't know how to convert .pdf files to Word, and back again. He was editing and faking up financial documents, but didn't know how to convert them. Gates did know how, so they were emailing the documents back and forth, detailing their fraudulent activity the whole way.

Beer and Queso / Re: Guns
« on: February 18, 2018, 06:20:27 pm »
Yes, the well armed government goons, the boogie man of the paranoid fringe.

So many "patriots" who have convinced themselves they need all those guns to fight the United States government.

Beer and Queso / Re: Guns
« on: February 17, 2018, 10:28:56 pm »
Everybody assumes that the words "well-regulated" don't exist. I think it's time to re-visit that assumption.

and "militia"

Beer and Queso / Re: Guns
« on: February 17, 2018, 02:55:39 pm »
go house to house to collect guns. The Democrat Party leaders have made it clear that this is their ultimate aim

Citation needed. And bullshit right-wing sources don't count.

Beer and Queso / Re: Guns
« on: February 17, 2018, 01:52:41 pm »
I can't believe it. The opportunity to employ the phrase Catch .22 presented itself and it was ignored, spurned, cast aside like so many cold shell casings.

With the AR-15 involved in every mass shooting, the phrase really should be updated to the more accurate "Catch-.223"

Talk Zone / Re: Darvish to the Cubs
« on: February 11, 2018, 09:56:45 am »
Like RB said, Fuck Darvish and fuck the Cubs.

Shitty-ass Wrigley is a good place for him. When he's standing at the piss trough, the guys on either side of him can watch his hands to see where he's going. He's known to tip his pisses.

Talk Zone / Re: hof
« on: January 25, 2018, 07:21:18 am »
He probably thought he was voting for Cliff Lee.

Or Sara Lee.

Talk Zone / Re: my father
« on: January 23, 2018, 11:47:06 am »
What a great post. Thank you, Mike.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros to acquire Gerrit Cole
« on: January 15, 2018, 12:19:04 pm »
No kidding. That was alarming.

It read to me like he was using speech-to-text and just dictated it, then someone added the links without bothering to proofread any of it.

Talk Zone / Re: Manager Rankings
« on: December 23, 2017, 03:07:06 pm »
Thread is now closed, cannot be improved.

Sorry, it was hanging right there in my wheelhouse; I had to take a crack at it.

Talk Zone / Re: Manager Rankings
« on: December 22, 2017, 02:58:50 pm »
This being Christmas-time, of course I read this thread as "Manger Rankings". I was curious to see what came in No. 2...

Number Two in the manger? It must have been the Caganer

Talk Zone / Re: Server move done
« on: December 11, 2017, 11:51:04 pm »
Cookin' with gas, now! Great job, Waldo.

Talk Zone / Re: Thank You
« on: November 02, 2017, 12:23:14 pm »
I grew up in a non sports family, and they are very ambivalent towards sports even today. I called my brother the day after Game 5 and he said that he had heard somewhere that the Astros were in the World Series, but hadn't really heard how the games were going or if we were winning. I tried to explain games 1 through 5, but there was no way. Our parents only allowed us to watch PBS and sports on TV growing up and there's only so many times you can watch Mr Rogers so it was sports for me from the time I could operate the remote. We were in Houston for the first 12 years of my life, so my loyalties were formed early and are unwavering. I don't really care that much about football anymore since the Oilers ceased to be and my interest in basketball waned a lot after Olajuwon retired, but I've always loved the Astros.

I've always been a mathematics / statistics kind of guy so when I found Rob Neyer on I was very interested in how he broke down stats in baseball. One day when discussing great nicknames for players he referenced a website that called Biggio "pigpen". From that point on I read less and less of Neyer and more and more of this new website. I tried posting my thoughts a few times, but I quickly realized that I didn't know anything about baseball (or pop culture) and have mostly stuck to read more post less ever since. I've been a guest of chuck's at an Astros spring training game (great seats, great company!) and had lunch with the honorable senator from Mississippi (whom I accidentally stuck with the whole bill, sorry David!) but mostly I just sit back and watch the fighting, learn about baseball, and enjoy having people to share the joy and pain with.

Seven years ago I was living in a duplex in Minneapolis with 3 girls upstairs and me a another guy downstairs. One of the girls and I became good friends and she took me out to dinner for my birthday. We were just starting to become interested in each other romantically, but the next few weeks things really took off and within a month we knew we were going to get married. 5 months later we were.

Marriage is hard. And happily ever after is more complicated than I ever dreamed. Health problems and misunderstandings and simple selfishness gets in the way, but I'm still married to the woman of my dreams and we have a son and a daughter and a third child on the way. And my life is so much fuller and happier than my 38 year old single self could have ever imagined.

She took me out for my birthday again yesterday. We went to a restaurant that had large TVs on the wall and talked baseball and then watched the first inning from the restaurant. We spent way more than we should have but neither of us cared because we both knew this day was special. After dinner we came home and paced and cheered and yelled and hugged in our basement for 3 hours.

She loves me. She understands what yesterday means to me, and I understand how much more it means because she was beside me. Year 46 of my life begins with a beautiful loving wife, 2.5 amazing children, and the Astros as World Series Champions. Life is good.

Best. Birthday. Ever.

Man, that's awesome. Happy birthday.

Talk Zone / Re: Thank You
« on: November 01, 2017, 11:40:21 pm »
Thanks to everyone here!


Come on Charlie, take us home.

Come on Springer, ride one more out of here

That's three more outs in the bank!

Sit down, cocksucker

Big fucking outs by Morton.

Time to pour it on. Let's go, Astros!

Here we go, friends. Let's do it.

The emotional roller coaster was extreme. The Dodgers took the crowd out of it early, then Yuli’s blast got it rocking again. Bellinger’s homer put the lid back on, then Altuve’s answering homer tore it off again. On and on it went back and forth like a tennis match between elite players. I was exhausted, and for real and for awhile, I feared I was experiencing a very untimely cardiac event. I do not know if I scared Mark, but I was seriously alarmed. We got back to where we were staying about 1:40 am and stayed up for more than an hour reading and talking about the game. Mark kept saying “It does not seem real.” I did not sleep a wink until we left at 6 am to get Mark back home for work.

What a game! Such a memorable experience for me made better because Mark was there too.

I'm so glad you guys got to see the game together; that's how it should be. And I'm really glad your heart is OK!

Good god, y'all.

It's time to drop the soupbone. Bomb these motherfuckers now.

Holy shit, I didn't think that homer was ever coming down.

OMFG great win


Beer and Queso / Re: RIP George Young
« on: October 24, 2017, 12:22:01 pm »
Yeah, George was part of the Vanda & Young combo that recorded under the name Flash and the Pan (Craig seems to know who they are) and were very influential.  They wrote and produced for a lot of 70’s and 80’s artists.  As I understand it they produced the first few albums for my favorite Aussie band, The Angels and helped launch them when they were struggling to get it together.  Alberts was a label that gave unknowns a chance to record and Vanda & Young would often produce for newbs to get them a start.  George, Mal and Angus played in a band called Marcus Hook for a short time along with a cousin (?) as well. But we know Mal and Angus joined AC/DC and the rest is history.  George was also supposed to have caused the on stage punch up between AC/DC and Deep Purple depending on who’s version you believe, they were a wild crew.

Believe it or not, I used to hear "Hey, St. Peter" and "Down Among the Dead Men" on the radio in Lubbock in the late '70s. On the Tech radio station.

Talk Zone / Re: The Umps
« on: October 23, 2017, 02:46:05 pm »
I held my breath before I clicked this link.

Beer and Queso / Re: RIP George Young
« on: October 23, 2017, 09:29:05 am »
He knew what to say when he got to the Pearly Gates ... "Hey, St. Peter."

Talk Zone / Re: ALCS Game 7
« on: October 22, 2017, 01:21:05 pm »
I don't think the broadcast crew ever mentioned it, but on the Bregman throw to the plate, Bird cleated the shit out of McCann's wrist. When McCann points at Bregman after the play, it looks like there's blood all over the wrist beneath his glove.

Talk Zone / Re: ALCS Game 7
« on: October 22, 2017, 11:10:48 am »
This is not a Yankees team to hate.  They have good players, and aside from Frazier, all seem to be good guys.  I like Joe Girardi a lot.  I liked him as a player and as a manager.  He will take way more than his fair share of criticism because he's in NY, but he's a good baseball man and a standup individual.

In the postgame interview, Girardi's voice was breaking and getting real high-pitched, and he was close to tears. They were asking about his contract expiring and does he want to come back, and he was barely holding it together.

I was wearing an old shirt from 2004, it barely fits me now. I'm not sure if I should wash it either but it's the shirt I'll be wearing for the world series.

The Astros are in the world series!!!! Can't stop saying that

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

I've also had a problem with all my old gear shrinking in the closet.

BTW, seeing Bregman get interviewed on the FS1 postgame show was hilarious. He was drenched in champagne and wearing huge black goggles, answering questions like A-Rod asking him how he felt moving from short to third. Each of the retired players on the panel asked him something, while teammates were mugging in the background and pouring more champagne on him.

There was no way I could report during the game. I was trying not to pee my pants. I was not leaving my seat.

The crowd was great.

I cried.

I'm really glad you got to be there.

Nope, just me. He stepped up big time. Proud of him and of Morton. Maybe McCullers has grown up some. Verlander can teach him and Morton a lot about the mental part of pitching.

One of my apps told me he threw 28 straight curveballs to finish the game. ETA: oops, someone already posted this.

After a while McCann wasn't even giving signals ... just motioning to throw it.

Hell of a job with pbp tonight again,  sir.

Yes, thanks for carrying us, Nate

Beautiful series, keep it going boys! AL CHAMPS!

Here we go, THREE OUTS.

Three more outs in the book! Bury these motherfuckers now.

Come on guys, shut these fuckers down and keep pouring on the runs.

Man, what a beautiful throw by Bregman. Right in line with the front foot.

Fuck you worthless piece of shit!

Go climb a wall of dicks, you fucking shitlord.

BTW Charlie Morton is pitching tonight, but he grew up a Yankees fan. Now let's hear a feature on Sabathia!

He turned his back and quit on it.

At first I thought he might have pulled up to avoid the kid who was reaching over the wall. But looking at it again, I saw that Judge turned his glove over as he neared the wall, like he was protecting himself from the impact. And he never complained or pointed to the kid, he just turned and jogged away.

For those of you searching for a better Astros pitching performance,  you can stop. There isn't one.

We just saw THE BEST in team history.

If you want to find a better one,  you're gonna have  to widen your search to the annals of all MLB teams.

And the thing is, yesterday's performance by Keuchel was high on the list too. But today's job by Verlander was so incredible, it even surpassed Keuchel's.

Holy fuck what a game. One of the greatest Astros pitching performances ever, and Altuve and Correa finishing it off. WOW

And the usher gives him a high-five

Wooo! And the kid in the rainbow gut got it!

Talk Zone / Re: Happy Playoffs!
« on: October 13, 2017, 05:53:02 pm »
It's good to hear from you again, DS. I hope things are going well for you and that you keep dropping by from time to time.

Talk Zone / Re: ALDS -- Astros vs. Red Sox
« on: October 09, 2017, 07:37:48 pm »
Sorry if this is inappropriate, but I saw this hilarious NSFW gif on reddit.

The Verlander Victory Train

Man I have seen enough of Boston and that shithole park and their dumbfuck fans. Good riddance.

Fuck yes!

WTF was he talking about McCann's foot not being on the plate?  Seriously stupid shit coming out of his mouth.

Yeah, looked like he was easily on the plate long enough.

The only drawback so far this postseason is realizing Asswipe Peirzinski is still around and actually calling games. 

And four outs later we're into the bullpen.

Holy shit what a blast

You guys are also easy to spot in the Astros Fancam for Game One, with Biggio and Ryan a few rows ahead.

I heard this said on mlb network, where they "watch all the games"

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk

Maybe they can only watch out-of-market games because of the stupid blackout rules.

Pomeranz is done.  Holy shit.

And throwing shit around the dugout before heading for the showers.

Talk Zone / Re: Yesterday
« on: October 06, 2017, 10:41:52 am »
What a great story.

Guys on the postgame show need to learn to pronounce "BREGman". Reynolds and Leiter both said "BERGman"

Are these announcers really bitching that Astros tried to steal with a 6 run lead?!

In the postseason, no less.

Man he is hitting bombs

All runs on Sale.  And I don’t mean half price. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This fucking ump, holy shit

Fuck yeah, Marwin!


OK.  What was the NSFW act that "Hanley Ramirez" was slang for?

At Opening Day 2006, Andyzipp and I determined the following:

"Andy wanted to know if the “Hanley Ramirez” comes before the Rusty Trombone, or after the Dirty Sanchez. After some thought, it was determined that the Handjob Ramirez is actually a component; it's the reacharound subset of the Rusty Trombone."

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Race for the Lid
« on: September 28, 2017, 05:02:18 pm »
Calm your tits, Toots. The men are talking.

ETA -- eh, just kidding, in case it's not obvious.

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Race for the Lid
« on: September 27, 2017, 10:40:42 pm »

The Championship Season Game Zone 2017 / Re: Astros at Rangers - 9/26/17
« on: September 26, 2017, 09:32:12 pm »
Quick question...but can we be all doom and gloom about Springer, Correa, and Altuve in a couple of weeks?

You guys are a fucking bummer.

Yeah, what Andy said. Christ, we can talk about contracts in the offseason. Tonight we're boning the fucking Rangers in the ear, so this should be a joyous time.

Talk Zone / Re: Division Winner
« on: September 25, 2017, 10:00:10 am »
Would you like to?

I can set up a sub account so you can in market stream.

Man, that would be great if it's not too much trouble. I'm hoping Root Sportsnet will offer in-market streaming next year, but I was hoping the same for this year too.

Talk Zone / Re: Division Winner
« on: September 24, 2017, 08:56:04 am »
I think it’s also worth mentioning that the AL switch and the worst 3 year period in franchise history also coincided with the television network fiasco.  I literally couldn’t watch the Astros for two solid years.  It’s difficult to maintain interest in something that’s bad that you also have to seek out.

This is my situation too and it's still ongoing. I haven't been able to watch the Astros on TV for years, and still can't. I admit that I'm a bandwaggoner now, but in my defense it's not something I chose. Ironically enough, moving into the home broadcast area is what killed my chances of seeing the Astros on TV.

Fucking sweet! It's been a long time coming.

The only way I've been able to see the Astros on TV this year is on national broadcasts or on the goddamn fucking Rangers broadcasts. I'm glad to get to see this game, but holy shit I hate the cocksucking shitlord Rangers. Fuck 'em right in the ear.

That inning almost got a bit runny.

So, with the last two games and thru seven innings today, seven Twins relievers (two of which have pitched twice) have combined for 180 pitches and 22 earned runs in seven innings.  Still two innings left in this one.

A guy covering the Twins tweeted that when the series started Monday, the Twins' bullpen ERA was 18th in the majors. Now it's dead last. And he tweeted that at the end of the 7th inning, so it's worse now.

Phil Miller
With six runs this inning, Twins' bullpen has managed to bottom out: Collective 5.18 ERA is now worst in majors. They ranked 18th on Monday.

Talk Zone / Re: Series Preview: Astros @ A's
« on: April 17, 2017, 02:22:33 pm »
I am in Arkansas and I get all of the games.

How do you get the games? I can't get Root where I live.

Talk Zone / Re: Series Preview: Astros @ A's
« on: April 14, 2017, 11:06:13 am »
Nice preview, Ebby; thanks for writing that.

Man, you're right about it being a TV wasteland here. Nothing but Shitbirds and Rangers. I'm hoping the streaming deal with Root and DirecTV might shake something loose, but we'll see. It's crazy because I've lived all over the country and bitched about the TV viewing problem for 20 years. The contracts and agreements and things change, but one thing never changes -- I'm still missing games.

Talk Zone / Re: In Market Streaming
« on: April 04, 2017, 05:27:03 pm »
I wonder if that includes DirecTV Now. I hope it does, because I don't imagine Root will be added to PS Vue anytime soon.

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid!!!
« on: April 04, 2017, 10:00:18 am »

Talk Zone / Re: OWA: 40 for 40
« on: April 03, 2017, 09:36:53 am »
Great job, MM. I read every one of them and know a lot more about the team than I did before you started. Thanks for putting in all the work.

Talk Zone / Re: How to stream Astros games?
« on: March 22, 2017, 09:47:00 am »
One nice update -- PS Vue just added the MLB Network.

Talk Zone / Re: How to stream Astros games?
« on: March 06, 2017, 10:25:34 am »
I used Unlocator for two years with great success.  It's not technically a VPN so it doesn't slow your connection down.  I tried actual VPN services like HideMyAss and the slower connection always caused the stream to buffer, pixelate, etc.

Can also echo doyce's comments about device limitations.  Works great on a Windows/Mac device, but can be tricky (or impossible) on other devices.

Thanks Waldo, that may be a good option too. I'm going to check it out.

Talk Zone / Re: How to stream Astros games?
« on: March 06, 2017, 10:24:51 am »
Root Sports is owned by ATT/DirecTV.  If they ever get around to streaming that'd likely be your best bet.

I didn't realize that. Thanks HH.

Talk Zone / Re: How to stream Astros games?
« on: March 05, 2017, 07:19:27 pm »
Thanks for the help. It doesn't look like I'll be getting access to Root Southwest anytime soon unless they make a deal with PS Vue, which I don't expect. So I guess it's whatever I can get on

Talk Zone / How to stream Astros games?
« on: March 04, 2017, 10:44:18 am »
I used to bitch eloquently about the blackout rules and how fucking stupid they are, but admittedly I've fallen behind the times. I don't know how the hell to watch the Astros anymore.

We dropped Dish Network last year because it's too expensive and went with PS Vue. It works well enough for the few times we use it, though we can't get any over-the-air network stations. These streaming services like PS Vue, Sling, and DirecTV Now are good in one way because you can pay month-to-month, drop them when you want, and go with a different one. But I don't see any of them offering Root or whatever channel it is that broadcasts the Astros.

So what's the best way to go? I live in the Astros home broadcast area, and also the home areas for the dumbass Rangers and cheating Shitbirds. Is a possibility? I do have a Chromecast to send streaming shows to the TV. It looks like is going to offer a single-team package for out-of-market games, but what about home games? How the fuck do I do this?

Talk Zone / Re: OWA: 40 for 40
« on: March 04, 2017, 10:34:34 am » and a phone/tablet/computer?  I love it and, when I want a big screen, I just HDMI into my TV.  Resolution quality is very good with any decent internet connection.

Hmm, that's a possibility. Then Chromecast it to the TV. I just don't know enough about the streaming and blackout rules anymore. I may start a new topic about it so I don't derail MM's excellent player previews.

Talk Zone / Re: OWA: 40 for 40
« on: March 03, 2017, 10:20:11 pm »
Well, bringing you out of lurking was well worth it!

I'm actually looking forward to this season, but I still don't think I'll be able to watch the games. I'm on PS Vue now and I don't see a package that will get me the broadcasts. One good thing about these month-to-month online packages is that you can switch from one service to the other, but I still haven't seen one that gets Root or whatever it is now.

Talk Zone / Re: OWA: 40 for 40
« on: March 03, 2017, 03:23:48 pm »
MM, I'm looking forward to these every day. Thanks for doing them.

Talk Zone / Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« on: November 22, 2016, 12:27:33 am »
I've heard of Soggy Cookie before, but it takes five Rangers to play Soggy Rookie.

Beer and Queso / Re: Daddy
« on: August 15, 2016, 10:46:46 pm »
I'm really sorry to hear that, and I hope he recovers soon. I'll be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts his way.

Talk Zone / Re: Rangers @ Astros - That's So Rangers
« on: May 20, 2016, 02:30:13 pm »
Great job, Waldo. Keep 'em coming.

Beer and Queso / Re: Love Matters
« on: May 20, 2016, 08:42:10 am »
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that.

Talk Zone / Re: No Matter
« on: May 11, 2016, 01:02:18 pm »
Damn it's good to read your stuff again.

Talk Zone / Re: Indians @ Astros - Photoshop/Meme Edition
« on: May 09, 2016, 11:20:53 pm »
Ahahaha, great job, Waldo!

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid!!!
« on: April 04, 2016, 10:13:32 am »

Beer and Queso / Re: Dan Robertson
« on: December 28, 2015, 01:19:42 pm »
I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. You have my sincere condolences.

Beer and Queso / Re: heading to the grand canyon any suggestions
« on: November 06, 2015, 01:46:18 pm »
It's a long freaking drive from the north rim center to the south rim, since you have to go all the way around one end to get there. An all day trip, so you better check before you head out.

Yeah, it's amazing. I was there in 2001 to present a seminar to the non-profit that runs the visitor center bookstores. (I worked at a similar non-profit in Yellowstone, and we'd cross-train a lot with people at other national parks. So I got to visit a lot of national parks this way.)

I was having dinner with the executive director and her husband at that big hotel on the South Rim, with a giant picture window in the restaurant where you can look out over the canyon. It was sunset, so it was an incredible view. As it got darker, they pointed out a streetlight on the opposite side of the canyon. She said, "See that light over there? That's our store on the North Rim. You can see it from here, but it's more than a 200-mile drive, one-way, to get there."

Beer and Queso / Re: heading to the grand canyon any suggestions
« on: November 04, 2015, 11:51:34 am »
Take some warm clothes because it may be colder than you expect. I went there in late April one year and it was snowy and cold as shit. It's also at a much higher elevation than you're used to, so be careful not to over-exert yourself.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs at Mets
« on: October 22, 2015, 12:12:53 pm »
Because of 1986, I despise the mets with the energy of a 1000 white hot suns.  Reckon that puts me in the minority against the FTC sentiment.

Hating the goddamn Mets and the stupid fucking Cubs doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. You can hold both positions at the same time. Well, I can anyway.

Talk Zone / Re: Who is everybody pulling for tonight?
« on: October 08, 2015, 12:51:13 pm »
Oh I know which goddamn motherfucking team I'd like to see the Astros face, but I'm keeping my mouth shut for now.

Today, it's Fuck the Royals.

Beer and Queso / Re: Remembering 9/11
« on: September 11, 2015, 01:53:10 pm »
I actually learned about it first on the BFT. I was living in Vegas, so was in a later time zone, and woke up well after everything had started. All the usual websites were down so I figured I was having internet problems, but I was able to connect to Astros Connection. One of our members in New York -- I think toddthebod -- was giving updates from the area. That's when I realized something terrible had happened and turned on the TV.

Talk Zone / Re: Trade rumors
« on: July 30, 2015, 07:26:45 pm »
This is awesome. I can't remember the last time I was excited in late July.

On the rare occasions when the Astros play the goddamn fucking Mets, I hope Gomez uses "Crying" as his walk-up music.

Talk Zone / Re: Trade Rant
« on: July 30, 2015, 12:21:52 pm »
Fuck Hamels. He bypassed the Astros and chose a division rival instead. Fuck him in the ear.

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy Birthday HH!
« on: July 28, 2015, 07:43:31 pm »
Happy birthday, HH!

Talk Zone / Re: Cooperstown July 2015
« on: July 28, 2015, 11:46:34 am »
It's quite simple:  I'm married to his sister, and this is his wife's dad.  No blood relation for any of us.

We had five HOF'ers on our flight home: Yount, Cox, Glavine, Bench and Blyleven.  And Jeff Foxworthy.

They should have made Glavine ride outside on the wing.

Talk Zone / Re: Biggio's Speech
« on: July 27, 2015, 03:01:51 pm »
I liked that Biggio recognized so many behind-the-scenes people who helped him along the way. I got a little teary-eyed when he was thanking Matt Galante.

Talk Zone / Re: Me
« on: July 26, 2015, 12:45:39 pm »
Good luck, Jim. I hope you recover quickly.

Talk Zone / Re: Jakes investigated by FBI for hacking Astros!
« on: June 16, 2015, 08:56:24 pm »
I posted a series preview a few years ago where I  talked about my vasectomy, and how when the urologist was knuckle-deep in my junk, he mentioned that he was a Cardinals fan.

Now I know the truth. He hacked into my nutsack and stole all my draft picks!

Talk Zone / Re: Jakes investigated by FBI for hacking Astros!
« on: June 16, 2015, 08:35:27 pm »
I just can't believe the Astros didn't have some kind of Secure ID key fob or card type VPN log in. Fucking cavemen.

The next time the Jakes are at Minute Maid, the promo item should be a VPN key fob for every fan.

Talk Zone / Re: Jakes investigated by FBI for hacking Astros!
« on: June 16, 2015, 12:46:16 pm »
I like it.

And, I assume if all this ends up in some Federal court, they'll become the Fifth-inals.

This is good. I thought about Jailbirds, but that's too obvious. Maybe Cardinal is the New Black.

Talk Zone / Re: Jakes investigated by FBI for hacking Astros!
« on: June 16, 2015, 11:04:08 am »
Goddamn fucking Cardinals. Now we're going to have to come up with a new nickname for them.

I don't know whether to be outraged or amused. More amused, I think, because whatever information they got probably isn't useful anymore. But as this thing develops, the potential for hilarity at the Jakes' expense is sky-high.

Cheating motherfuckers. The Best Felons in Baseball.

Talk Zone / Re: SERIES PREVIEW POSTED: Rangers at Astros, 5/4-5/6
« on: May 05, 2015, 05:58:57 pm »
Nice job, MM. Thanks for picking it up again.

Talk Zone / Re: Opening Day 2015
« on: April 10, 2015, 06:04:33 pm »
Congrats, austro!

Talk Zone / Re: Franchise Four
« on: April 08, 2015, 06:31:52 pm »
Biggio, Bagwell, Scott, and Oswalt. I don't like including Roy, but he was an NLCS MVP.

Talk Zone / Re: New, Nice and Clean OWA Webpages
« on: April 08, 2015, 06:21:15 pm »
And thanks for this.  We appreciate everyone's support and implied generosity, and we know you guys would give your left nut to keep this place running.  Luckily, it hasn't come to that, but if it does, y'all's nuts will be the first thing we think of.

Look to Foghorn first. Remember, one of his nuts is magic. I'm not sure if it's the left one though.

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid XVII
« on: April 03, 2015, 03:44:45 pm »

Beer and Queso / Re: Walk Up Music
« on: March 20, 2015, 06:01:51 pm »
1. Drivin' Wheel -- Foghat
2. Big Balls in Cowtown (the Asleep at the Wheel version)

Talk Zone / Re: Brilliant Astros programs from the 60s
« on: February 18, 2015, 01:41:14 pm »
I miss the old SWC cartoons that were in the newspapers on gamedays back in '60s. I can't remember the artist.

There was Dirk West, but I think his cartoons were mostly just in the Lubbock area.

Talk Zone / Re: HOF Voting 2015 Class
« on: January 06, 2015, 03:21:49 pm »
Underneath his plaque in Cooperstown, Bidge should have one of those push-button speakers. And each time someone pushes the button, Biggio pronounces his name correctly.

My favorite Biggio hit was the homer off Billy Wagner in Philly. I only have one link that still works, and it's pretty shitty quality. But still, what a great homer.

Talk Zone / Re: Altuve out of the lineup
« on: October 01, 2014, 02:43:38 pm »
I am on a personally imposed "fuck" quota this month, so I won't use it as a modifying adjective again here.

I still have many "fucks" to give, if you'd like to use some of mine.

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy WFBD, Coach
« on: September 27, 2014, 12:18:25 pm »
Happy Birthday!

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy Birthday wishes go to...
« on: August 29, 2014, 12:24:46 am »
Happy birthday!

Beer and Queso / Re: happy 4th of july
« on: July 04, 2014, 12:31:22 pm »
I've been smoking an 11 lb brisket since midnight. It's looking pretty good.

Same here, 11 pounds. But I didn't start until this morning.

Beer and Queso / Re: Visiting Chicago?
« on: May 12, 2014, 12:53:35 am »
Don't drive to Wrigley; there's no place to park. I made that mistake and ended up paying some asshole $20-$30 to park in his shitty alley.

Talk Zone / Re: Maybe the best use of slow mo in baseball this season
« on: April 15, 2014, 03:08:31 pm »
You can actually see them go through the Five Stages of Grief in about five seconds. Except the kid in the white hoodie. He'll probably need therapy after having his soul crushed like that.

Talk Zone / Re: Maybe the best use of slow mo in baseball this season
« on: April 15, 2014, 02:47:11 pm »
Oh man, that is beautiful.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Rangers Series Preview
« on: April 11, 2014, 04:54:07 pm »
The stuff I used yesterday was called MoviPrep, and I had to drink four 8-oz glasses (one every 15 minutes) starting at 4:30pm, and then four more 8-oz glasses (one every 15 minutes) starting about 7:00pm. It wasn't nearly as bad as a few years ago when I had to drink a gallon of whatever it was. The worst part was watching everybody else eat real food for the 24 hours prior. But I really enjoyed the Rudy's breakfast tacos on the way home.

Yeah, the day before is the worst part. I had my second colonoscopy last summer and had to drink 4 liters of lime-flavored ballsweat. No food for 24 hours is awful. Luckily there's a Sonic near the doctor's office, and I invaded them as soon as the doctor released me.

BTW, nice job on the preview.

Talk Zone / Re: Yankees @ Astros Series Preview
« on: April 01, 2014, 06:00:41 pm »
I knew I hated those Yankee motherfuckers, but I didn't realize how much until you provided the visual aids. Thanks EC!

Talk Zone / Vin Scully calmly narrates an earthquake
« on: March 29, 2014, 12:48:20 pm »
Dude can even make an earthquake sound relaxing ...

"And that's gonna go foul off to the right upstairs. Little tremor here in the ballpark, and I'm not sure if the folks felt it, but we certainly felt it here in Press Box Row. A tremor and only that, thank goodness. Two balls and two strikes ..."

« on: March 29, 2014, 12:37:06 pm »

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy Birthday, BudGirl!
« on: March 21, 2014, 12:17:16 pm »
Happy birthday, Budgirl!

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy birthday, Mark!
« on: February 15, 2014, 09:30:05 pm »
Happy birthday, Mark!

Talk Zone / Re: The Nolan Ryan thing
« on: February 12, 2014, 01:13:08 am »
I can't stand Crane. But that's all I'm going to say, I'm going to try to not be so negative. Even though he is a pathetic dickless fuckwad who hired one of the dudes, who not too long ago left his gaping asshole winking like a cyclops in a rainstorm, I'm going to stay positive.

That's just beautiful, right there. I'm going to have to nominate this.

Beer and Queso / Re: FCC moves to end sports blackouts
« on: December 18, 2013, 10:31:43 pm »
Sure, you are correct that there is a 'geographic component' to blackout rules/broadcast territories. To say that these blackout anything but absurd, however, is absurd. 

Eastern Montana blacked out from SEA games - absurd;

I don't know if it's still the case, but when I lived in Eastern Montana 20 years ago it was "home territory" for the Rockies, Mariners, and Twins. All of which are two states away. Any system where the Twins and Mariners can both claim the same home market is, like you said, absurd.

Beer and Queso / Re: FCC moves to end sports blackouts
« on: December 18, 2013, 09:35:50 pm »
The absurd part is letting teams arbitrarily declare home territories.  Was it Craig that said he can't see any games in Vegas, because he is considered a home market for both LA teams, both Bay Area teams, plus the Rockies and D'Backs? And if any one of those teams is involved in a game, it's a blackout.

Luckily, the Internet exists, so these antiquated rules don't actually do anything except stop people who might actually go the easy/legit route and pay for Extra Innings.

Yeah, when I lived there, Vegas was "home territory" for the Dodgers, Angels, Padres, D-Backs, Giants, and A's. I could never watch the Astros on a West Coast road trip, even though I had MLB Extra Innings.

The shittiest part is that only a couple of those teams even had broadcasts in the Vegas market, and those were spotty; it wasn't nightly coverage. The rest of the teams still claimed it as home territory, so it was blacked out, even though they didn't broadcast there.

Beer and Queso / Re: Obamacare roll-out and impact
« on: December 02, 2013, 05:32:30 pm »
I think Kentucky did also.  (I consider Kentucky southern)

Eventually, I assume most will because it is incredibly stupid and cruel not to. 

I don't know if they used the private option for Medicaid, but Kentucky has been doing great work with the Obamacare rollout. It's become one of the model states for participation.

Beer and Queso / Re: Obamacare roll-out and impact
« on: December 02, 2013, 05:24:04 pm »
Arkansas is the only southern State to take up Medicaid expansion offered in Obamacare.  They did it in an interesting way, though: they took the federal subsidy, and used it to buy insurance on their exchange.  This not only provided insurance for those who fell into the gap between the existing Medicaid program and Obamacare, but it increased the premium volume and the pool of lives* insured in the State's exchange, making it more attractive to insurers.

* "Lives" is the industry term for a insured/insurable person.

Yeah, I've been watching it closely. The political carnival here around Obamacare is interesting, because we have a well-liked Democratic governor but an insane Tea Party legislature. The governor was able to convince just enough of the legislature to pass the Medicaid expansion (because it saves the state an assload of money), but now the Republicans are dragging their feet on paying their share. Imagine that. So it's still up in the air.

Once Arkansas got approved for the weird "private Medicaid option," I think a few other states started looking at it too. It's not a perfect solution, because it's more expensive than just accepting Obamacare as written, but it seems workable. At least for states that are full of insane Tea Partiers who would never give up their Medicare, but come unhinged at the thought of someone else getting subsidized health care. Or getting any health care, for that matter.

Beer and Queso / Re: Obamacare roll-out and impact
« on: December 02, 2013, 05:00:04 pm »
Its not anywhere near 10% of the population. I doubt its more than 1% who have serious medical issues and who don't qualify for a decent insurance pool.

Maybe states with bigger populations have decent insurance pools, but most smaller states don't. When we moved to Arkansas in 2006, there was one private health insurer in the state -- BCBS. We weren't in the high-risk age groups yet -- I was in my 40s and my wife in her 30s. They rejected me for having mild asthma and high cholesterol, both of which are easily treated with generic prescriptions. They rejected my wife for a history of childhood epilepsy and, believe it or not, being "reproductive age." That's what it said on the rejection letter -- a functional uterus was considered a pre-existing condition.

Once we were rejected, our only choice for private insurance was to go into the state pool for uninsurable people. Guess who ran the pool ... BCBS, but with state subsidies. The state pool was originally made for people with cancer and heart attacks, and ended up covering asthma and high cholesterol. And it was incredibly expensive. Our regular monthly bill for premiums and prescriptions was over $1000 a month, and that was several years ago. Add in office visits or an unplanned trip to the ER, and it went much higher.

Now, with Obamacare, we can get a plan with much better coverage, and we can also include my college-age son on it. And with subsidies the premiums will cost between $100 and $200 a month. Thanks Obama.

Beer and Queso / Re: A new Astros fan
« on: November 27, 2013, 11:34:13 am »
Awesome, congratulations!

Beer and Queso / Re: Dialect Quiz
« on: October 08, 2013, 08:33:26 pm »
Most Similar Cities    
1    Lubbock TX    53.3
2    Amarillo TX    52.9
3    Arlington TX    52.5
4    Irving TX    52.4
5    Oklahoma City OK    52.4

Nowhere near those places. I have no idea WTF.

Holy shit, you grew up in Beaumont and your top score was Lubbock. I grew up in Lubbock and my top score was Beaumont.

Talk Zone / Re: Rangers @ Astros Series Preview is now up
« on: August 09, 2013, 06:12:34 pm »
Awesome job, 94CG. You explained it perfectly. They tried for years to fake up a rivalry with the goddamn Rangers, and when it still wouldn't take, forced the Astros into the unnatural American League. And then forgot the most important job of ownership -- getting a TV deal -- so that we have to watch the Astros on the "rivals'" broadcasts.

This year the stupid Silver Boot ought to go up the owners' asses. I'd pay to watch that.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Twins Series Preview
« on: August 02, 2013, 11:38:34 pm »
Nice job, Austro.

With all the wildlife trying to break into your house, you might consider a perimeter defense. Like one of those water sprayers that's hooked up to a motion detector. It could be the source of much hilarity, at least until the raccoons figure out how to aim it at your house.

Beer and Queso / Re: Road trippin', summer 2013
« on: August 02, 2013, 12:46:00 pm »
Nice recap, 94CG. I remember right after we moved to Vegas, watching the local news and the weather guy was issuing dire warnings. "Tomorrow, I am not kidding, the humidity might be 18, 19, MAYBE EVEN 20 PERCENT. So everyone be careful out there."

All the restaurant patios used to have misters that hung around the edges of the roof and sprayed water to cool the air. But the water authorities deemed those wasteful so they may have had to stop using them.

Beer and Queso / Re: Road trippin', summer 2013
« on: August 01, 2013, 07:05:19 pm »
Just got back from a week camping in Sequoia National Park/Forest and Kings Canyon NP.

Some pretty big fucking trees out there.

I went to Redwood NP a few years ago. It's north of Sequoia, and yeah, the trees are just mind-boggling.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros vs Orioles Series Preview
« on: July 30, 2013, 05:50:00 pm »
Thanks Noe, that was really nice to read.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Blue Jays Series Preview
« on: July 25, 2013, 08:08:13 pm »
Nice job, man.

Talk Zone / Re: BG's recap
« on: July 23, 2013, 07:10:44 pm »
Craig you keep that up and you will get magnets for life.

Ha, I've got so many magnets now, my refrigerator keeps trying to face north.

Beer and Queso / Re: Carlos Danger
« on: July 23, 2013, 06:49:28 pm »
Maximiliano Sly.

So ... what are you wearing?

Talk Zone / Re: BG's recap
« on: July 23, 2013, 05:44:31 pm »
Well, don't keep us in suspense.  Where DID the riding crop come from?

I figured it was a ballpark giveaway on El Caballo Night.

BTW, nice job, BG. That was ... um ... intriguing.

Talk Zone / Re: Seattle @ Houston preview posted
« on: July 19, 2013, 01:08:25 pm »
Dude.  Impressive.  I'd read these previews even if I didn't care about baseball.

Yeah, same here. I love this line:

I feel the twilight of the days of good hunting.

Beer and Queso / Re: Sharknado 2: Carcharhinoo Boogaloo
« on: July 17, 2013, 04:42:10 pm »
"This Time It Counts."


Talk Zone / Re: update on Elizabeth
« on: July 16, 2013, 09:10:29 pm »
Congrats to her, that's great news.

Talk Zone / Re: wait, WHAT?!?!?!
« on: July 15, 2013, 11:23:01 am »
Yeah, I read that this weekend too. Here's a long article about the murder she was involved in.

Beer and Queso / Re: Road trippin', summer 2013
« on: July 12, 2013, 10:39:29 am »
Sounds like y'all are having a great time.

When I was in Yellowstone I worked occasionally with the woman who created the Junior Ranger program. It's such a great idea and it's inspired so many kids to learn more about national parks. Any kid can finish it in a few hours, but it gets them involved with rangers and interpreters, and they learn so much. I always loved watching the rangers award the patches. They line up a few kids in a busy Visitor Center, a uniformed park ranger stands up and asks for everyone's attention, and then presents each kid with a patch. Everyone applauds and the kids just stand there and beam.

And btw, anyone who visits a national park should take advantage of the ranger-led programs. They're free, and so interesting and informative.

Beer and Queso / Re: #bleakerendings
« on: July 08, 2013, 04:21:30 pm »
Kelly's Heroes roll into the town square to find that the Tiger tank has been repaired, and it blows the shit out of Oddball's Sherman, killing Kelly in the process because he's riding behind the turret like an idiot. Big Joe, Crapgame, Cowboy, and the remaining squad members are captured and spend the rest of the war in a POW camp, except for Little Joe who is shot as a traitor because he's first-generation Italian. The marching band eventually liberates Claremont, but the bank has been cleaned out by the crew of the Tiger tank, who used it to buy a new fuel system. The first one was a piece of junk and leaked all over the place.

Talk Zone / Re: Cardinals at Astros – Eh, Throw that One Back
« on: June 26, 2013, 04:26:17 pm »
This should somehow be worked into Wood's next State Farm commercial.

Great job, Craig. I feel like I brought in my situational lefty, and he mowed 'em down. I may think of you from now on as the Juan Agosto of the Series Preview staff.

Ha, fair enough. I'll be down at the ass-end of the bullpen eating nachos, if anyone needs me.

Talk Zone / Re: Cardinals at Astros – Eh, Throw that One Back
« on: June 25, 2013, 06:42:57 pm »
We interrupt this thread with an update to the series preview, due to breaking news out of Chicago ...


Former Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood found a dead body while paddleboarding in a Chicago harbor today. Wood did not touch the deceased person, but suffered a separated shoulder while paddling over to investigate. He also blew out his right elbow while calling 9-1-1. Both Wood and the cadaver will be sent to Dr. Andrews for reconstructive surgery. The cadaver is expected to report to spring training and will most likely begin the 2014 season at Iowa, with a probable mid-season call-up to the Cubs.

Beer and Queso / Re: Moving
« on: June 25, 2013, 02:47:24 pm »
actually, Lubbock was not a bad place for law school. except for dust storms and tornado scares, that is.

My very first organized baseball game -- PeeWee League when I was 8 years old -- was on the night of the big 1970 tornado. We took team photos after the game and you can see purple clouds on the horizon.

Beer and Queso / Re: Moving
« on: June 25, 2013, 01:45:57 pm »
when we moved back to Austin from Lubbock after law school, we gave our Bassett Hound a sleeping pill so that he could handle that long drive with Mark's mom. watching him shuffle/stumble around trying to figure out why he was stepping on his own ears was hilarious.

I always found it was better to be sedated when you arrive in Lubbock, rather than when you leave. Come to think of it, maybe that's why you always see long-eared dogs stumbling around at 4th Street and University ...

At the crappiness of Lubbock's nexus, the ear trip's nearer.

Talk Zone / Cardinals at Astros – Eh, Throw that One Back
« on: June 25, 2013, 12:05:38 am »
Switch to the goddamn American League, and we still didn't get rid of the Shitbirds. Fuck you Bud.

Cardinals Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs Preview Posted
« on: June 21, 2013, 09:59:23 pm »
Mark, first of all, thank you.

Second of all, I still hate the fucking FTCubs. With a fucking passion, I hate them. I hate them like C4 fucking hated them, and he really fucking hated them.

Goddamn it to fucking hell, I fucking hate them.

I especially fucking hate their bullshit fucking fans ... I fucking hate them ... from the effete quasi-intellectual right wing jackboot conservative semi-Nazi bullshit fucking Cubs fans (George Will, etc.); to the Chicago-bred "DaBulls" bullshit fucking Cubs fans (Jim Belushi, John Cusack, etc.); to the super-fucking rich agrarian Solyent-Green-growing Archer-Daniels-Midland motherfucker Midwestern motherfucking bullshit fucking Cubs fans (Warren Buffet, etc.)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mark ... for skewering every goddamn one of those cockeyed motherfucking cocksuckers, one and all.

I am eternally in your debt.


Thank you.

Yeah, what he fucking said.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs Preview Posted
« on: June 21, 2013, 05:06:29 pm »
Right on. 

And how do you find the information about opposing batters' stats against specific pitchers?

I've always used the ESPN Probable Pitchers page. You can click a pitcher's name, then when it goes to his page, click  "Bat vs. Pitch"

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs Preview Posted
« on: June 21, 2013, 01:16:50 pm »
Ah, feels like old times. Thanks Mark, and fuck the fucking Cubs.

Talk Zone / Re: The Commissioner Comes to Houston!
« on: June 10, 2013, 06:55:16 pm »
I hope the Hyatt Regency gives him a room with an open roof.

Beer and Queso / Re: Moving
« on: May 27, 2013, 09:08:52 pm »
No one ever takes this advice, but don't try and save money using random cardboard boxes to pack stuff in. Go to Office Depot or whatever and buy cardboard boxes that one person can easily carry even if its full of books. If all the boxes are the same size it makes it easier to stack and will stack more efficiently. Also, buy lots of packing tape and wrap the tape around the box like ribbon on a gift box.

This is really good advice. Get a shitload of boxes that are a uniform size. And don't get ones that are huge; when you fill them up they'll be too heavy. Put books and heavy shit in smaller boxes. Also get a dolly/hand-truck and you can move 4-5 boxes at a time. The ones with rollers for going up and down steps are great.

Also, when you're packing up stuff in your uniform boxes, be brutal and get rid of stuff you never use. It's better to get rid of lots of crap now instead of packing it, moving it, storing it, moving it again, and unpacking it. Have a garage sale and use the money you make to buy more uniform boxes.

Talk Zone / Re: A's @ Astros Series Preview
« on: May 24, 2013, 05:46:21 pm »
Nice Job, RB. Good luck.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Pirates Series Preview
« on: May 15, 2013, 11:59:12 pm »
Thanks Mr. Happy, nice job. A lot of that story is scarily familiar, though I saw the reverse a couple of times -- nice punk girls turning into preppy bitches.

Talk Zone / Re: Rangers at Astros Preview Posted!
« on: May 10, 2013, 05:59:13 pm »
Fuck those guys.

Beer and Queso / Re: West
« on: May 07, 2013, 12:28:25 pm »
The local Chief Deputy Sheriff said that the plant had no perimeter fence, no burglar alarms and no security guards.  It was repeatedly the subject of thefts of anhydrous ammonia (which is used in the manufacture of meth).  Some of those thefts resulted in the air-borne releases of the stuff.

This is the part that just astounds me. I've seen multiple reports stating that this plant reported in 2002 that 4-5 gallons of anhydrous ammonia were getting stolen every three days. So thieves were going there multiple times each week, stealing around 10 gallons every week, and the business owners and law enforcement knew about it. Yet they never put up a fence, alarms, cameras, or security guards.

The plant was a distributor, not a manufacturer, so they were buying the anhydrous ammonia, knowing that 10 gallons or so was routinely disappearing every week. Did they just write it off as a cost of doing business? If the thefts had been going on since at least 2002, they must have budgeted for x amount to walk off every week.

At what point does the business owner become responsible for this stuff disappearing into the black market? If it's been going on that long and they never even took simple security measures, are they complicit in supplying the chemicals to criminals? It sure makes me wonder if someone was getting paid to look the other way.

I can't even buy decongestant any more without going to the pharmacy counter, showing ID, and getting the transaction recorded in a database. Yet apparently meth manufacturers can just walk up to tanks of anhydrous ammonia and siphon off however much they need.

Talk Zone / Re: Mariners @ Astros Series Preview is now up
« on: April 22, 2013, 12:44:02 am »
Man, I love reading your stories. I think you live more in one weekend than I do in 10 years.

Thanks, as always.

Beer and Queso / Re: Bad things at the Boston Marathon?!
« on: April 18, 2013, 09:16:30 pm »

Brosama bin Ladens

Beer and Queso / Re: Reuben
« on: April 01, 2013, 02:08:08 pm »
Happy Birthday!

Beer and Queso / Re: Ebby Calvin
« on: March 31, 2013, 10:49:18 pm »
Happy Birthday, Ebby!

Talk Zone / Re: Opening Series Preview
« on: March 30, 2013, 11:41:38 am »
Excellent job, RB.

Also, fuck the Rangers.

Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid XV
« on: March 28, 2013, 10:59:16 am »

Jail food made Dr. Brown sick, huh?

Daddy's Baby Hurl!

Beer and Queso / Re: BG!
« on: March 20, 2013, 11:03:20 am »
Happy Birthday to both of you!

Beer and Queso / Re: Mark Raup
« on: February 15, 2013, 09:14:00 pm »
Woot, happy birthday!

Talk Zone / Re: FTC
« on: December 25, 2012, 02:48:54 pm »
We have a club team too. We also have a rookie league team here in Missoula, the Missoula Osprey, so I guess that I'll be hanging out there this summer.

Legion ball is also pretty popular in Montana. I think that's their substitute for high school baseball.

Talk Zone / Re: FTC
« on: December 08, 2012, 08:19:24 pm »
And, does anyone in Montana really give a rat's ass about the Mariners?

Not when I lived there, which admittedly was a while ago. In eastern Montana you find a lot of Twins fans, because everyone out there has family ties to North Dakota and Minnesota. They are also Vikings fans.

There's also a subset of Montana sports fans who are Denver cultists, so they'll always root for the Broncos and Rockies.

I don't think I ever saw a Mariners fan.

The Bus Ride Discussion Forum / Bogar, Hampton hired by Arkansas Travelers
« on: December 04, 2012, 11:31:05 am »
Tim Bogar will be manager, Mike Hampton will be pitching coach.

I guess I'll be going to see a few games in Little Rock this year.

Beer and Queso / Re: My Mother
« on: November 29, 2012, 05:19:22 pm »
I'm very sorry, Jim. May she rest in peace.

Talk Zone / Re: GZ Special-Giants/Jakes
« on: October 22, 2012, 08:35:11 pm »
It is. But I am just not used to snow at all, much less snow in October!

You're in Montana now, right? Be sure to get a block heater for every vehicle. I learned that the hard way after moving from Texas to Eastern Montana.

Beer and Queso / Re: Texans SNF
« on: October 14, 2012, 09:12:13 pm »
I think Otis Nixon is the referee for this game.

Beer and Queso / Re: Friday LIVE! Music Discussion
« on: October 12, 2012, 10:48:06 am »
Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order:

Joe Ely -- Live Shots
J. Geils Band -- Blow Your Face Out
The Who -- Live at Leeds
Thin Lizzy -- Live and Dangerous
Dire Straits -- Alchemy
Blue Oyster Cult -- Some Enchanted Evening
Lou Reed -- Rock and Roll Animal
Bruce Springsteen -- Live 1975-85, also With the Sessions band Live in Dublin
And while I love the "official" Springsteen live albums, there are hundreds of bootlegs and some of them are much better than the commercial ones. I especially like some of the bootlegs from the late '70s on the Darkness tour.

and oh what the hell -- Foghat Live

Talk Zone / Re: Our Long Nightmare Is Over!
« on: October 07, 2012, 12:04:56 pm »
Heard last night that Brown does want to come back, but has a couple demands that have to be met. Hopefully the Astros will acquiesce.

JD has to wear an Alyson Footer wig.

Beer and Queso / Re: Another Friday Music Discussion
« on: October 05, 2012, 07:35:52 pm »
I agree with several of these, but here are some more:

The Who -- Tommy, Who's Next, Quadrophenia
Bruce Springsteen -- Born to Run, Darkness on the Edge of Town, The River
Joe Ely -- Down on the Drag, Live Shots, Musta Notta Gotta Lotta
Neil Young -- Comes a Time, Rust Never Sleeps, Live Rust. Comes a Time probably doesn't belong there, but I wanted to get Rust Never Sleeps and Live Rust together

Talk Zone / Re: Rangers Lose
« on: October 04, 2012, 04:09:22 pm »
Injuries, Arrests, and Stupidity should not be discounted.

And that's just the left fielder.

Talk Zone / Re: BG's recap
« on: October 02, 2012, 02:48:49 pm »
Nice job, BG, both with this recap and all season. You're one of the main reasons I'll always keep checking in from time to time. And thanks again for all the magnets and other stuff you've sent me over the years.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ FTCubs Series Preview is now up
« on: October 01, 2012, 12:21:03 pm »
DS, I know how you feel about this team, but you put it into words much better than I ever could have. That was painful, but just right.

And as for your stories, man I wish you would write a book. I would read that fucker from beginning to end in one sitting. Ideally on a beach somewhere, but maybe out in the woods.

Thanks for writing and sharing so much. I've looked forward to your writing every time, and when I see you've posted, it's something I want to sit and spend some time with. It's not all necessarily fun and enjoyable, because your stories are often painful, but I usually think about them for a long time afterward. And I mean that as the highest compliment I can give. I don't know what else to say but thanks, and please keep writing, whether it's here or somewhere else.

Beer and Queso / Re: Music question
« on: September 29, 2012, 07:51:01 pm »
I've been told that I should set up a dedicated computer or a hard drive or some damn thing to play music through the stereo instead of having walls full of CDs.  Has anyone done it?  What did you use, software and hardware?

I'm not an audiophile because my hearing is pretty much wrecked, so I'm sure there's something terribly wrong with this method, but I just use the PS3 that's hooked to my home theater system. You can play CDs on it or, store them on the hard drive, or stream from a networked PC.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Brewers Series Preview posted
« on: September 28, 2012, 06:39:44 pm »
Excellent job, RB.

Talk Zone / Re: Last home game as a National League team.
« on: September 28, 2012, 11:08:47 am »
Someday I'm going to tell the boys about you farting on the Cardinal jerseys. I think it of almost constantly when I see the Best Fans In Baseball overtake Houston in a conclave of lost lice- infested  grackles.

Ha! Thanks, that made me grin. Sounds like you've got some great boys.

Talk Zone / Re: Last home game as a National League team.
« on: September 28, 2012, 12:04:12 am »
Took two of the boys. Parking, free. Tickets--five bucks for me, a dollar each for the guys (8 and 11), cheaper than a movie. 3 JR Richard bobble heads, and a poster of ex-Astros with next years schedule. I buy two mini bats which the kids use to pound out cheers to the Astros on seats and railings looking at me to see how far they can go. I don't care, there's only cardinal fans around. The game is wonderful: double plays, bunts, a steal to get in scoring position that pays off--the kids love it. They love Bud's nickname and no Charlie I will not call you Shiner. We talk about the DH and the AL and Milo who seems older than God to them--hell he's older than grandpa, by a lot. Sam is into all the chants and is following the pitch count and is rooting for him to get into the later innings and earn the win. I am having so many memories wash over me looking at all the pennant flags with the tiny NL on them. The kids don't care. They're having a blast and I am too.  We buy two cookies and cream waffle cones and a coke icee and sit in much better seats, largely alone with cardinal fans a few rows down. The boys ask if they can open the bobble heads. Hell yeah only creepy guys leave them in the box. I tell them about JR Richard and they are moved--his number should definitely be retired. We talk about Altuve and Charlie says he's a magic midget and then sure enough our solo all-star hits a solo shot to give the good guys a lead. And the kids love all the stupid games and contests and the season ticket holder who is dancing cause he won a big freaking tv for reupping on the tickets for next season. After a tense 8th the Astros close it out in the top of the ninth. Carlos Beltran gets booed. Milo gets applauded. Bud pitches a fantastic game and Altuve delivers. After high-fives and hugs the guys declare that this was the best baseball game ever and they want to go to opening day. Because if the Astros can beat the team that won the world series then they can beat the team that lost the world series too. Sam admits that he thought the Astros would loose and he was ashamed that there were so many cardinals fans and so few astros but we didnt give up on the astros did we and we got to see them win. I told him that he might have seen the very last game that a pitcher ever has an at bat in Houston. He thinks about that. Thanks for taking me Dad, I'll never forget it. We get in the car and the first thing we hear is that the pirates lost to the mets. Damn this is a good night. Both boys tell me that they want to play baseball now--and my sixth grader tells me on ride home that at a baseball game he forgets his worries. Me too.  

Thanks man, that was great.

Beer and Queso / Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMR
« on: September 26, 2012, 12:59:45 pm »
We all pitched in and bought you the American League. Hope you like it, because, eh, we forgot to keep the receipt and can't return it. But it came with a free Designated Hitter, so there's that.

Anyway, happy birthday Coach!

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Cardinals Series Preview Posted!
« on: September 20, 2012, 03:29:01 pm »
Great job, EC. Fuck the Jakes.

Talk Zone / Re: Say Goodnight, Gracie; Phillies at Astros Series Preview
« on: September 14, 2012, 12:04:33 am »
Thanks man, that was great.

Beer and Queso / Re: 9/11/01
« on: September 11, 2012, 11:46:09 am »
First found out about it in the TZ (at AstrosConnection) and got all my news updates from the TZ since the major news web sites were all down.

Me too. I was living in the Pacific time zone at the time and had slept late, so by the time I got up everything had already happened and all the websites were jammed. I got through to the TZ, still unaware what was going on, and one of the New York regulars (Todd the Bod maybe? I'm not sure) was giving updates and everyone was telling him to stay safe. That's when I turned on the TV.

Talk Zone / Astros at Reds – The Worst Backyard in Town
« on: September 07, 2012, 12:12:10 am »
So long Dickities. Deep inside, we'll always be laughing at loud at the Cincinnati Reds.

Reds Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Astros vs. Reds Series Preview
« on: September 01, 2012, 03:47:02 pm »
Yeah, thanks Limey. I've always looked forward to your previews because you bring the quality and laughs every single time. Thanks again for all the hard work.

Talk Zone / Re: The Glorious Return of an Amazingly Shitty Writer
« on: August 30, 2012, 09:54:29 am »
Damn you, Autocorrect!

Talk Zone / Astros at Mets – A Heartfelt Goodbye to the New York Mets
« on: August 23, 2012, 11:31:39 pm »
An outpouring of emotion -- or something -- for the last time we have to see the New York Mets. WARNING -- There may be F-Bombs ahead.

Mets Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Astros v Nationals Series Preview
« on: August 06, 2012, 09:07:05 pm »
Awesome, welcome back Foghorn!

Talk Zone / Re: New From the Dugout posted!
« on: July 31, 2012, 11:17:43 pm »
Coach, you are a great storyteller. Thanks for writing.

Jim, thanks for sharing that moving story. I wish the best for all of you.

Talk Zone / Re: Wandy close to being a Pirate??
« on: July 24, 2012, 08:42:06 pm »
This will probably sound weird to most of you guys, but Wandy leaving feels more like the end of an era to me than Berkman or Oswalt did. I didn't start following the team in earnest until 2005, so Wandy was the first player I really watched develop and progress in the big leagues. He hasn't looked good recently, but I genuinely hope he finds success in Pittsburgh. I'll miss him.

He was the last player from the World Series team.

Wandy won't even need to leave town yet, because the Pirates are the next series.

No refunds, no returns. All sales final.

Reds Series Preview

P.S. Fuck the New York Mets

Beer and Queso / Re: JoePa
« on: July 14, 2012, 01:00:57 am »
When is the statue coming down?

They won't take the statue down. They'll just turn it so Paterno is looking the other way.

Talk Zone / Re: Guest All Star Game Preview Now Posted
« on: July 09, 2012, 12:48:31 pm »
Thanks Jim, that was very moving. I'm really sorry for what you're going through, but thanks for telling the story.

OMG, it's the Higgs-Bosom! They found her in Switzerland at that Hard-On Collider.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Giants Series Preview Posted
« on: June 12, 2012, 01:56:42 am »
Wait, Ron, where's the rest of it? Goddammit, where's the rest of it?

Oh wait, I know who's on the phone. It's strosrays, isn't it? That was his name back then. For the love of god, don't answer the phone! He'll ruin everything!

What, you thought I'd forgotten about this place? Not when the fucking Shitbirds are in town!

Cardinals Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Rockies Series Preview
« on: May 29, 2012, 10:45:54 am »
Eh, that wasn't Arkansas "soil" it was covered in; it was fucking (8) hog shit.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros/Dodgers Series Preview posted
« on: May 25, 2012, 12:29:11 pm »
Great job, Noe. Thanks for the flashback!

Talk Zone / Re: FTC @ Astros preview posted.
« on: May 21, 2012, 08:28:52 pm »

Talk Zone / Re: FTC @ Astros preview posted.
« on: May 21, 2012, 06:34:51 pm »
That's some choice hatred right there. FTC.

Talk Zone / Re: A little off-day humor...
« on: May 10, 2012, 04:15:30 pm »
Since I missed the game, maybe you can explain it to me, too.

What exactly *is* a Hanley Ramirez?

Andyzipp and I coined the nickname on Opening Day 2006 when some rookie came to bat for the Fish:

Andy wanted to know if a Hanley Ramirez comes before a Rusty Trombone, or after a Dirty Sanchez. After some thought, it was determined that the Handjob Ramirez is actually a component; it's the reacharound subset of the Rusty Trombone.

Ramirez went on to win Rookie of the Year, almost certainly because of me and Andy.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Brewers Series Preview is now up
« on: April 23, 2012, 11:14:19 am »
Awesome, thanks DS. Man I just love reading your stuff.

Talk Zone / Re: You gotta be kidding me???
« on: April 20, 2012, 01:02:02 pm »
Those Philistines had a huge strike zone.

Milo used to call home games for the Philistines, you know. That's where he coined the term "Canaan of corn".

Talk Zone / Re: Video of the day
« on: April 11, 2012, 04:41:39 pm »
Just googled "Yvette Astros" in an attempt to find a couple of assets to round out this thread, and this gem is the very first result (in which we are reminded that a Hanley Ramirez is a component of a Rusty Trombone).

Not coincidentally, it's also the first result for:

Budgirl Ausmus ass ogle
Yvette's copious rack
Craig Andyzipp reacharound
MRaup Berkman dirty sanchez

We're Number 1! Great success!

Talk Zone / Re: Braves @ Astros Series Preview Finally Up
« on: April 11, 2012, 12:52:15 am »
I was able to make one playoff game against the Braves. A few rows in front of me was a fat Latino girl who had the hots for Javy. She had a homemade poster with a heart and "I love Javy" written on it. She held up that friggin sign and blocked our view over and over again, while yellin, "I love you Javy", but the dumbass couldn't pronounce it correctly. She pronounced it: JV. Like saying the letters, rhymes with gravy, like the bowls she must have eaten. After a few innings, the Astro fans around her began to heckle her. She never got thst she was saying his name wrong. Stupid Brave fan.

Mmmm, gravy.

Talk Zone / Re: wtf
« on: April 09, 2012, 01:08:46 pm »
Well I'm still going to order DirecTV, but I have to admit I am a little bummed that they don't carry the G4 network.  I guess I'll have to start letting go of my Candace Bailey crush.

Dish Network has G4, but their sports packages aren't as good as DirecTV.

Talk Zone / Re: Craig
« on: April 08, 2012, 11:18:08 pm »
Thanks guys. I'll still be here to run through with my pants down from time to time.

Thanks everyone, much appreciated.

Beer and Queso / Re: Once a scumbag, always a scumbag
« on: April 06, 2012, 08:10:32 pm »
She was hired a week ago.  By Petrino.

For $55,000 a year, which is a shitload more than most other state employees make.

This is my last official Series Preview, in which I take an undeserved curtain call and run a naked victory lap around the concourse. Come for the Rukakkies preview, but stick around for Separated at Birth featuring Bobby Cox, Bill Worrell's Biggest Home Run Calls, and a colossal home run by Craig Biggio. Also lots of schlong-gorvelling and Fucking the Cubs.

It's all right here on your Opening Day Preview, Rukakkies at Astros!

Beer and Queso / Re: A Budgirl Birthday Post!
« on: March 20, 2012, 07:53:16 pm »
HBD Budgirl!

Beer and Queso / Re: davy jones dead
« on: February 29, 2012, 02:32:31 pm »
I don't care what anybody says--Daydream Believer, was a great song.

Sadly, it's now Daydream Bereaver.

Beer and Queso / Re: Mark Raup
« on: February 15, 2012, 11:41:35 pm »
Happy Birthday, Mark!

Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: November 22, 2011, 05:30:40 pm »

Beer and Queso / Re: Can't wait!
« on: November 21, 2011, 03:31:00 pm »
Who the fuck is "CeeLo"?

Imagine a shorter, fatter Kirby Puckett, singing the catchiest song to ever feature the lyrics "Fuck you, and fuck her too."

Fuck You

Beer and Queso / Re: Can't wait!
« on: November 21, 2011, 12:09:24 pm »
And in honor of the Astros moving to the American League, here's a classic ... Miss Piggy singing "Fuck the Pain Away." (NSFW)

Talk Zone / Re: Future of SnS
« on: November 18, 2011, 04:24:22 pm »
To be clear, I don't hate them at all.  I don't wish them well, or wish them ill.  I just couldn't care less.

I am tempted to say me not caring about the Astros . . . How will anyone tell the difference?  Anyway, personally, I don't think any individual who absolutely does not care for the team should be allowed to write Series Previews for them, for example.  Even if, you know, his previews had very little to do with the Astros to begin with.  But I don't think I should be allowed to write them anymore.  Even though I would like to.  But I'm not a good judge of whether I should or shouldn't, though.

I'll leave it up to you or Noe or Craig, whomever.  Get back to me.

It really shouldn't be up to me, because I'll be fading away too. Or maybe I have been for a while. I still enjoy a good ballgame, but I think I've burned out on MLB the same way I burned out on the NBA. I'll still root for the Astros and hope for the best, and I'll always check in here from time to time. But I just really don't give a shit about MLB's product any more. Maybe I will when Selig is finally gone and can't shit up the game any more. Maybe. And maybe the next commissioner will be even worse than Selig.

I wish the best for the Astros and hope they kick the shit out of the AL. I'll come crawling back and you can all call me a bandwagoner. But until then, I don't think I'll have enough interest to call myself a real fan.

Beer and Queso / Re: Saturday Night at the Ranch...
« on: November 13, 2011, 07:47:06 pm »
Wow, congrats!

Beer and Queso / Re: I have fantastic Whataburger news.
« on: October 10, 2011, 05:53:34 pm »
Goddammit, the closest Whataburger to me is in Texarkana. I have to drive more than halfway there to get to my deer lease, and I keep saying I'm going to go the extra 50 miles but haven't gotten around to it. I might do it this time.

Talk Zone / Re: Cards @ Astros Preview Posted
« on: September 26, 2011, 05:21:30 pm »
Great job! Thanks JD and all the other writers for working so hard again this season. It's been tough to stay motivated this year, so thanks to all of you for keeping the fires burning.

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy Birthday JimR!!
« on: September 26, 2011, 11:36:03 am »
Happy birthday!

Beer and Queso / Re: Question for the technology savvy:
« on: September 17, 2011, 12:41:27 pm »
CamStudio has not worked very well for me with video streams - sometimes I end up with a black box where the video should be.  YMMV.  Fraps is usually good but the free version will only let you record a certain number of minutes.

Despite my aversion to anything made by Real, I've heard that RealPlayer does record streams somewhat well, but I've never personally used it.

Thanks Waldo, that's good to know.

Jane, by all means trust Waldo over me, because I was just pulling suggestions out of my ass.

Beer and Queso / Re: Question for the technology savvy:
« on: September 17, 2011, 12:17:53 pm »
There are also programs like CamStudio and Fraps that record all the audio and video on your screen, so something like that might work. Though I should add that I haven't used them, so I don't know how good they are. Geeks who play video games use these a lot.

Also, axe 'em Jacks!

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs – Bear Turds in the Food Chain
« on: September 16, 2011, 03:49:42 pm »
Those bison have an instinctive memory of almost being driven to extinction, and they know who was primarily responsible for that.  A human confronting a bison in any way, shape, or form is just asking for it.

I watched a documentary about the wolves of Yellowstone recently - maybe on NatGeo, I can't remember - and for most of it I had goosebumps; and to be honest, a few parts had me teary-eyed. A howling wolf (or wolves) is the single most haunting/compelling sound in nature.  My howling beagle (he howls at a certain kind of ambulance siren) is second.  I think I may have been a wolf in a previous life.

Thank you, Craig, for a terrific preview.  And for all your years of service, both writing the previews and serving as our editor/coordinator.  To me, you are synonymous with Series Previews - I remember the years you wrote all of them.  That is beyond my comprehension, but ever since then you are my hero.

And, oh yeah, Fuck The Cubs.

Thanks strosrays, that really means a lot.

There are several great videos about the wolf reintroduction, but my favorites are the ones that feature the Rose Creek and Druid Peak packs. Their stories are so compelling -- tragic and triumphant at the same time. But that was a long time ago and I guess those packs are gone by now.

And yeah, a long, deep wolf howl is the most haunting sound I've ever heard. And on a quiet, snowy night, when the snow is muffling every other sound ... man I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs – Bear Turds in the Food Chain
« on: September 16, 2011, 01:34:16 pm »
Great job, Craig.  I'm usually a beach or city vacation guy, but now I'm adding Yellowstone in autumn to my list.

Let me know when you start planning your trip. I'll point you to some good resources that will make your trip a lot more enjoyable.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs – Bear Turds in the Food Chain
« on: September 16, 2011, 12:50:24 pm »
Your google suggestion led me to the site with the wildlife safety videos.  

I don't think a "Don't get near a bison" sign suffices.  At every park entrance, they should have a big screen with those clips on a loop.  It is hard to believe some people are so stupid.  A bison can really fuck up your day. 

Is that the clip where the bison gores a guy in the leg and throws him about 20 feet in the air? They used to run that video on a loop in visitor centers. Everyone is afraid of the bears, but grizzlies have only killed seven people in the entire history of the park (though two of those were this summer). Bison are a lot more dangerous because they wander all through the populated areas, up and down the roads, and they're fucking mean. People think bison are dumb and slow, but those things are FAST. There are way more injuries from bison than bears. I've seen people try to sit their kids on the back of a bison. Also, the Park Service denies it and really frowns on this, but there are secret betting pools among park employees for predicting the first bison goring each summer.

Another stupid thing people do is stray off the boardwalks in thermal areas -- the geyser basins where there is a very thin crust of earth above the boiling hot water underneath. Every year people break through the crust and get their feet and legs boiled.

A lot of people treat Yellowstone like a zoo or science exhibit, but it's an incredibly dangerous place if you ignore the rules. But the leading cause of accidental death is still car wrecks.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs – Bear Turds in the Food Chain
« on: September 16, 2011, 09:49:18 am »
Fantastic stuff Craig.  Thanks for taking me out of this boardroom and into the Lamar Valley.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.

Here's another board meeting story for you, Ebby. Once we were having a boring meeting at the Old Faithful Snowlodge, and the conference room there has a huge window on one side that overlooks Old Faithful Geyser. There weren't any clocks in the room, but I had been in the Old Faithful Visitor Center that morning, where the rangers post the daily estimated interval for eruptions. So during the meeting I kept track of time by counting the Old Faithful eruptions.

Talk Zone / Astros at Cubs – Bear Turds in the Food Chain
« on: September 16, 2011, 01:38:26 am »
Come for the Cub-bashing, stay for the biology lesson.

Cubs Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Phillies @ Astros series preview is now up
« on: September 12, 2011, 09:41:13 am »
Yeah, what Ebby said. Thanks for opening up so much, putting so much care and effort into it, and always making me stop and ponder. It's really a pleasure and an honor to read your writing, and I hope you always have an outlet.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Nationals Series Preview Posted!
« on: September 08, 2011, 10:51:29 am »
Great, thanks Ebby.

Talk Zone / Astros at Giants – And Then There was One
« on: August 25, 2011, 11:46:07 am »
Stupid four-game series threw off my timing and almost made me overshoot my deadline. If only we had someone who could make a schedule for these things ...

Giants Series Preview

Talk Zone / Brewers at Astros -- Phoning it in
« on: August 05, 2011, 01:18:23 pm »
I'm having to post from my phone. I swear it's not an inability to receive instructions and I totally don't need to be sent to Oklahoma city.

Some of the formatting and paragraph order got messed up, because fuck my iphone. Anyway, go tobthe front page for your Brewers Series Preview. I tried to link it, but like I said, fuck my iphone.

Talk Zone / Re: Reds @ Astros series preview is now up
« on: August 02, 2011, 11:55:45 am »
Thank strosrays. At this point I'm more interested in seeing how the story ends than in how the Astros' season ends.

Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: July 28, 2011, 12:39:23 pm »
Headed to Chicago in the middle of next month (for business) and am planning to stay and extra day and catch a game at Wrigley (they are playing the Braves).

Would appreciate any advice on places to eat/stay/sightsee.


Don't bother driving to Wrigley; take a cab or bus or train or something. Wrigley has some nice history I guess, but other than that it's a shithole. There's an ancient T-shirt stand across from the stadium, which is where I got my "Cardinals Suck" shirt.

Beer and Queso / Re: It's that time of year
« on: July 21, 2011, 11:25:57 am »
Happy birthday JD!

Talk Zone / Re: Pirates at Astros – A Real Fixer-Upper
« on: July 15, 2011, 12:04:25 pm »
Very nice, Craig.

So who is our Mike Holmes in this deal?  Crane?  Hunsicker?

Hmm, I don't know. Part of me would love to see The Hun back in Houston, but I'm not sure it would work this time. He'd certainly have to use a different approach because there isn't a lot of trade-bait for him to work with. But if anyone could go out and pillage the rest of the league's prospects, it would be The Hun.

Talk Zone / Pirates at Astros – A Real Fixer-Upper
« on: July 15, 2011, 11:07:13 am »
Nevermind that stench in the cellar, just sign on the dotted line ...

Pirates Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Marlins Series Preview is now up
« on: July 07, 2011, 05:03:46 pm »
i hope you finish this one day.

Yeah, I'm curious to see where this trip ends up. Traveling down this road with strosrays can be uncomfortable, but I want to see where it goes.

Thanks as always for the compelling writing, strosrays.

Talk Zone / Astros at Rangers – Again with the Stupid Boot
« on: June 20, 2011, 12:13:42 pm »
Kinda quick and dirty with the Rangers Series Preview.

Also, fuck Dallas.

Thanks OSF, appreciate the good work on short notice.

Talk Zone / Re: New column posted
« on: June 03, 2011, 10:26:48 pm »
I remember when we got cable and HBO. We used to get this little HBO guide in the mail every month, and it was a big day when it arrived because I could check and see if any new titty movies were scheduled.

As for Casey Anthony ... eh, probably not. She might look OK from the other side of the bar, but she's got those horse teeth and more ominously, the Crazy Eyes. I think the Crazy Eyes would have scared me away ... at least I hope so.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Friars Preview Now Posted
« on: June 02, 2011, 07:19:06 pm »
Thanks Mark!

Btw ... "Friday is Sample Downtown Day at Petco. Apparently you can go and taste food and drinks from local eateries before the game."

That would be worth the price of admission right there. I haven't been to San Diego in a long time, but there are some awesome restaurants in the Gaslight District around Petco.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs – A Rookie and a Veteran
« on: May 30, 2011, 07:43:40 pm »
Thanks everyone. I almost deleted this because I wasn't sure if it was appropriate, so I'm glad you liked it.

If you do one thing this summer, make it a point to get with your older relatives and listen to their stories. Record what they say, write it down, and tell it to the younger generations. Because once the old folks are gone, so are their stories. Hell, write down your own stories too, because one day your descendants will want to know about you.

ETA: I've been thinking about this all day, and I remembered some details about his funeral that I hadn't thought about in years. So I added one more paragraph near the end.

Talk Zone / Astros at Cubs – A Rookie and a Veteran
« on: May 30, 2011, 10:42:38 am »
I tried to bring the Cub-hate, but I started telling war stories and I must have gotten something in my eye, because it got all misty in here.

Series Preview, Memorial Day edition

Talk Zone / Re: Newest Astros Fan
« on: May 29, 2011, 12:08:13 pm »
That's awesome, congrats!

Talk Zone / Re: Rattlesnakes @ Astros Series Preview is now up
« on: May 27, 2011, 01:27:05 pm »
Wow, thanks for sharing that. I really needed something like this today, and I'm going to be thinking about it for a while.

Thanks again.

Talk Zone / Re: Dodgers at Astros Series Preview Posted
« on: May 24, 2011, 11:44:40 am »
"Is this heaven?"

"No.  It's Ray's backyard.  It's as close as you get."

"Well fuck. I followed the Rainbow Bridge and everything."

"No, you took the Rainbow Gut Bridge. Welcome to Purgatory."

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Cards Series Preview Posted!
« on: May 19, 2011, 02:47:29 pm »
Great job, GBB, and good luck with the house.

I sure wish I'd hired a better inspector when we bought this one; not that the seller would have fixed anything, but I would have a better idea about what was already wrong. Like all the siding being installed incorrectly.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Braves Series Preview Now Posted!
« on: May 16, 2011, 07:32:53 pm »
Solid as always. Thanks Mark!

Also, has anyone seen Kris Benson lately? This guy seems like he might just be Kris Benson with a cleverly altered last name.

BTW, that would also be pretty fucked up.

Talk Zone / Re: Mets at Astros – UnMet Expectations
« on: May 13, 2011, 09:45:15 pm »
Terrific preview, Craig. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

Are you implying someone madoff with the steM riches?


It's awesome that the Mets got in at the top level of a Ponzi scheme but still managed to fuck it up.

Beer and Queso / Re: interior "decorating"
« on: May 13, 2011, 04:40:07 pm »
Actually, if I really did it, he'd play it off as a tribute to Missisippi State, where his great-uncle went. Uncle Bill is actively recruiting my 13-year-old to move out to Starkville.

I have in-laws in Mississippi who have been Ole Miss students and alums for generations. This year at Thanksgiving, even though Ole Miss was long eliminated from a bowl game, the institutional hatred for "State" was running at a fever pitch. I had a 12-year-old girl thoroughly explain to me every scenario that would result in Mississippi State being eliminated from a good bowl game, right down to indirect consequences from LSU and Alabama and I don't know what else.

It's not on the same level as the UT/aTm rivalry in Texas, but it was kind of alarming watching a 12-year-old girl's eyes light up in glee as she explained every possible way that Mississippi State could shit the bed.

Beer and Queso / Re: interior "decorating"
« on: May 13, 2011, 04:04:13 pm »
So my older son is on a trip to San Antone with the school choir this weekend. I commented on my FB page that I thought I'd paint his room maroon over the weekend since it'd go great with his Longhorn posters and pennants. Coach seemed rather nonplussed at the idea. Just thought I might get a few second opinions, if you will...

Be careful what you wish for; the maroon might grow on him.

Talk Zone / Re: Mets at Astros – UnMet Expectations
« on: May 13, 2011, 11:47:50 am »
Full of vile hatred for an unworthy club. Love it. One nit: Inglett will be toiling against the thin pitching of the PCL this week.

Thanks, I knew Inglett had been up and down but thought he was still up with the Astros.

Talk Zone / Re: Mets at Astros – UnMet Expectations
« on: May 13, 2011, 09:48:57 am »
The Pence bobblehead is genius. But you need to make sure that the ball bounces off his noggin once.

Oh yeah, you're right, it has to bounce off his dome. It should be a bobblehead where the figure is all laid out in a collapsing dive (you know how Hunter does it), and then the ball could bounce off his gloved left hand, off his coconut, off his right hand, off his right arm, off his right foot, to his left foot, off his ass, and finally off his glove again before it rolls slowly to the wall.

Man they should put you and me in charge of this shit.

Talk Zone / Mets at Astros – UnMet Expectations
« on: May 13, 2011, 01:22:30 am »
Yeah, fuck the Mets.

Talk Zone / Re: SP5: Aneury Rodriguez in, Figueroa out
« on: May 02, 2011, 11:54:27 pm »
Right, well I figured they'd do Future Astros Hall of Famer Jordan Lyles Bobble-head Doll Nights in between each of his starts.

When they have a giveaway for Aneurysm it'll have to be Bubble-Head Night.

Talk Zone / Re: For your Tanked Commander insulting pleasure:
« on: April 29, 2011, 07:27:52 pm »
I'm not keen on your schweatty ball sack.

If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that ...

Talk Zone / Another dead redbird
« on: April 29, 2011, 04:48:05 pm »
In my Opening Day series preview, I told about catching a stupid cardinal in a rat trap under my house. And I also mentioned the dead redbird on my profile; that one dropped out of the sky and landed on my back porch while I was watching baseball.

Today I went to the gym and when I finished and walked out to my pickup, look what was in the bed:

Another dead cardinal. This one's female, but it's still just as dead. No idea where it came from; maybe Hunter Pence was trying to hit a cutoff man and instead threw the ball to Arkansas and killed a redbird.

We have a ton of fucking redbirds around here; I just don't know why they all come to my house when they die.

Talk Zone / Re: For your Tanked Commander insulting pleasure:
« on: April 28, 2011, 09:16:20 pm »
Hair scrunchies kept disappearing from my dorm room that semester. Now I know why.


I would have brought them back, but they were so stretched out I didn't think you'd want them.

Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 09:01:42 pm »
Brings back fond memories of my colonoscopy.

You'll be due for another before this inning ends.

Beer and Queso / Re: Game of Thrones
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:09:24 pm »
I love Game of Thrones so far. The casting and portrayals of the characters match the books really well, though of course they had to make Daenarys older since she has her tits out so much.

Speaking of tits, I'm disappointed that we haven't had a good thread about Spartacus: Blood and Sand. I tried to hijack a thread a while back and talk about Lucy Lawless's tits, but no one seemed interested.


Talk Zone / Re: Cards at Astros Preview Now Posted
« on: April 26, 2011, 09:45:06 pm »
Man, that's what I'm talking about. Thanks Mark.

And fuck the Cardinals in their fucking ears, especially the ones I never heard of, which is most of them.

Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Brewers, 4/22/11
« on: April 22, 2011, 10:06:49 pm »
Windows blown out at the St. Louis airport.

I didn't do it.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Brewers – What a Pain in the Ass
« on: April 22, 2011, 05:54:52 pm »
Thanks everyone. I'm really glad they got my internet connection fixed, because my fallback position was to retype the whole thing on my iPhone and post it that way. If I'd had to do that it probably would have been a lot more colorful.

By the way, I nominate "Hee Haw" as a nickname for Casey McGeeHee.

Talk Zone / Astros at Brewers – What a Pain in the Ass
« on: April 22, 2011, 05:14:35 pm »
I apologize for the brevity and lateness of this preview. My internet connection went out Wednesday night and didn't come back until a few minutes ago. It was a big pain in the ass but I'm back online now, so here's your...

Brewers Series Preview

Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/14/2011: Astros vs. Padres
« on: April 14, 2011, 07:50:19 pm »
Milo just had a blue star orgasm. DoRay trying to calm him down a bit.

That was one sweet play by Sanchez.

Beer and Queso / Re: Darrent Williams
« on: April 14, 2011, 06:45:20 pm »
Thanks for both of those links. Those were interesting stories.

Talk Zone / Re: PSA: 1986 Game 6 on MLB Network this Sunday
« on: April 13, 2011, 12:53:01 am »
There is one team, regardless of sport, which I despise above all others.  Fuck the steM.

Yeah, what he said.

Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:55:00 pm »
George Will is way, way to snobbish to be a Cub fan.  He's a Jake fan if there ever was one.

A few years ago when I went to a game at Wrigley, George Will was the guest singer for the seventh inning stretch. I missed it because I was peeing in a trough.

Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 07:01:13 pm »
I don't think I'm getting tonight's game on Dish Network, though there are four different slots for the Rockets and Mavericks.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs @ Astros Series Preview Posted
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:37:15 am »
Thanks JD, great job! I think a series with the dumbass Cubs is just what the Astros need. Well, it's one of the things they need, so Fuck the Cubs.

Patty had a one-in-a-million chance to give her home run call, but she froze!

Talk Zone / Re: Opening Day 2011
« on: April 06, 2011, 05:10:04 pm »
and schedule magnets!!!!

Yeah, half of my refrigerator is covered up.

The inside refrigerator, not the one on the back porch.

Talk Zone / Re: Weekday Day Game Radio
« on: April 06, 2011, 04:35:35 pm »
For some reason last night on Dish I couldn't get the Astros feed but I was watching the Fox Sports Ohio feed. Sean Casey was on so it was like listening to Lance Berkman for hours.

Yeah, I had to use the FS Ohio feed too; I didn't hear Casey because I'd muted the audio earlier. The video quality was even worse than my20pixels, which is saying a lot.

Talk Zone / Re: Opening Day 2011
« on: April 06, 2011, 03:38:48 pm »
I'm your favorite though, right?

Well of course! You're the only one who sends me Christmas cards.

Talk Zone / Re: Opening Day 2011
« on: April 06, 2011, 03:11:37 pm »
And Craig, jaklewein, etc, etc, that put a lot of work into the site. 

And then there's Alkie. 

I withdraw the challenge.

I was at Opening Day 2006; I introduced myself and you called me a bastard. I sat beside Andyzipp and right behind the Raups, and there was much hilarity.

There was some grumbling behind the scenes here after I put together this season's schedule for series previews. Someone noticed that I wasn't scheduled to write any previews for the Cardinals, and thought I wouldn't be able to heap the usual amount of shit on the Jakes.

So let's put that fear to rest with the Season Opener!

Astros at Phillies – Spring has Sprung, so Fuck the Cardinals

Talk Zone / Re: Race For The Lid XII
« on: March 31, 2011, 10:53:58 am »

Beer and Queso / Re: Wish Granted: Mets FUCKED
« on: March 21, 2011, 09:12:39 pm »
Madoff trustee seeks $1 billion from Mets owners

Look forward to several years of fire sales and ownership changes

I think I'm going to start referring to the Mets as the New York Ponzis.

I mean the goddamn fucking Ponzies.

Talk Zone / Re: SN: NL Central
« on: March 01, 2011, 01:25:34 pm »

Talk Zone / Re: The Mole Moving to RF
« on: February 28, 2011, 10:41:07 am »
Fuck the Mets and their Ponzi-scheming, bailout-needing owners.

This Beltran move to RF is just another failed attempt at Mole-ti Level Marketing.

Beer and Queso / Re: Who's in for Sonic on Monday?
« on: February 25, 2011, 02:15:11 pm »
Holee Shite Muslim!!!

My traditional footlong chili cheese, tater tots (with cheese) and Route 44 Lemon Berry Slush is a whopping 1890 calories, with 85 g of fat and 252 carbs.  That is like 3 or 4 days for me, thank goodness Spring Training only happens once a year.


Maybe you should leave the cheese off the tots. That's what I'm going to do.

Beer and Queso / Re: Who's in for Sonic on Monday?
« on: February 25, 2011, 01:34:51 pm »
Nope.  This fulfills my one coney per year limit.

I hope Sonic still carries those big-ass quarter-pound chili dogs, because if they do that's what I'm getting.

Beer and Queso / Re: Your new messiah has risen
« on: January 27, 2011, 04:05:42 pm »
Woot, congrats!

Beer and Queso / Re: Grandfatherhood
« on: January 10, 2011, 02:57:06 pm »
Congrats, VB!

Beer and Queso / Re: The 50 best Mexican restaurants in Texas
« on: January 03, 2011, 02:02:29 pm »
You want to know what vessel they elected in which to make the sauce? My wok. I passed through the kitchen one day and discovered them abusing my wok in said manner.

Well there is a historical precedent. In the 1930s the Germans proved that, without stern opposition, they'll always annex the Sauteein' Pan.

Beer and Queso / Re: i just had...
« on: December 26, 2010, 08:36:49 pm »
...a single-single Animal style. It was delicious.

Son #1 had the same with Animal style fries. The fries weren't bad, but I preferred the burger.

Viva Las Vegas. Hooray for In-n-Out's impending arrival in DFW.

If you're in Vegas try a Fatburger too. I always liked them better than In-n-Out, but they're both great.

Beer and Queso / Re: now i have seen it all in CHRISTMAS GIFTS
« on: December 23, 2010, 11:25:52 pm »
Bobbleheads are old and busted as baseball giveaways. They should do Chias. I could see the Chia Brad Mills, the Chia Wandy, the Chia Bourn, and of course the throwback Bagwell Chia-Chin.

Game Zone 2010 Playoffs / Re: ALCS Game 6
« on: October 22, 2010, 10:08:32 pm »
Those dumbasses behind homeplate are holding the Texas flag upside-down.

Beer and Queso / Re: Dead Rising 2
« on: October 04, 2010, 04:21:43 pm »
Have you played it? Everyone I know who has bought it has been disappointed.  I'm resisting the urge for now.

I've been playing Civ 5 quite a bit. It's every bit as addictive as the earlier versions, but there are quite a few changes that you have to learn. You can't approach it like an older Civ game because they've tinkered with the mechanics quite a bit. For example, they've gone from squares to hexes, and there is no unit stacking, so you can only have one unit per hex. Also, units and buildings take a lot longer to build, so you have to be more careful in choosing them and fighting with them.

From reading some of the Civ fansites, the biggest complaint is in the balance of the game. Some countries and their military units are vastly overpowered compared to others. Also, I've seen complaints that multiplayer is buggy to the point of being unplayable, but I don't play multiplayer anyway.

I think the consensus of the community is that Civ 4, after its two expansions, was the cream of the crop for the series. They also expect Civ 5 to get there eventually after it's patched and balanced, but for now it's pretty unbalanced. If you're going to play it, be sure to visit a fansite like CivFanatics or one of the others to learn some of the strategies, because strategies from the older games don't work. Also, the fucking manual is a 200-plus page .pdf that's buried deep in the Steam folder on your hard drive.

I'm enjoying it a lot, but you really need to learn what they've changed and how to adjust to it.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs @ Astros Preview Posted
« on: October 02, 2010, 11:25:35 am »
Thanks for a good wrap-up to the season and for all your hard work again this year, JD. And thanks to all the other writers as well; it takes a lot of time, effort, and talent to make this the best Astros site around, and it's truly appreciated.

Thanks again everyone, and Fuck the Cubs.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros in non-HD
« on: October 02, 2010, 11:18:05 am »
Fox has pulled all their regional sports channels off Dish Network now.

On the Fox Sports Southwest channel where I always watch the Astros, (and all the other regional channels as well) it now says:

"FOX has pulled this channel after demanding an outrageous rate increase from DISH Network. Call FOX and ask for your channel back! 310-369-1000."

I'll be calling both Fox and Dish, because I'm paying for this service and instead I get a pissing match.

I guess I'm done watching the Astros this season. Fuck the Cubs and fuck Fox.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros in non-HD
« on: September 30, 2010, 03:56:26 pm »
Any reason why the last 10 games or so have not been in HD?

I've had really spotty HD coverage all year, even on home games, from FSSW and Dish Network. I also saw a report yesterday where Dish Network and Fox are in a pissing match over a new contract, and Dish may lose all the Fox regional sports affiliates.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Nationals – Washington’s House is not in Order
« on: September 20, 2010, 08:33:10 pm »
That is the single best one sentence description of the Obama presidency I've ever read.

Thanks again for another outstanding season of previews.  I always enjoy them, and it's the first encroachment of The Void that this was the last one of the year.

I typically try to stay out of politics when I'm posting here, but I figured since the Astros were playing in Washington I'd take a couple of easy shots.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for the kind words.

Talk Zone / Re: That is some scary stuff right there
« on: September 19, 2010, 11:13:55 pm »
Cubs' Tyler Colvin hospitalized after broken bat punctures chest. LINK

UPDATE: Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune tweets that Colvin will remain in the hospital for a few days, with a "chest tube inserted to allow air in, prevent lung from collapsing." His season, apparently, is over.

I saw another report that said the puncture was deep, and came close to his heart. Damn that's scary; I hope he has a quick recovery.

Nevertheless ... Stuck the Cubs.

Talk Zone / Astros at Nationals – Washington’s House is not in Order
« on: September 19, 2010, 07:00:53 pm »
I reserve the right to revise and extend my remarks.

Nationals Series Preview

Talk Zone / Re: keep a light burning for me
« on: September 09, 2010, 07:30:07 pm »
Sounds like an awesome trip. Have a great time!

Beer and Queso / Re: What a way to go!
« on: September 07, 2010, 04:14:33 pm »
I'm not an ELO fan, but caught this on Yahoo News.  WTF!!!

Hay there, Mr. Blue Sky!

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Cubs Series Preview Posted
« on: September 06, 2010, 02:08:20 pm »
Thanks Limey! Fuck the Cubs!

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros at Cubs, Sept 6
« on: September 06, 2010, 01:42:05 pm »
There were so few Bleacher Bums in the leftfield stands, Johnson's homer had to throw itself back onto the field.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros host Cards, 8/30
« on: August 30, 2010, 09:06:51 pm »
Beautiful game by Happ! Shuttin' out the Shitbirds.

Last time the Astros face the Co-Ards this season, so just in case I forget to mention it:

Fuck the Redbirds

Beer and Queso / Re: Hiring Again
« on: August 21, 2010, 12:47:25 pm »
Yeah, no, trust me.   I had this discussion with my #2 this morning.

We're quickly finding the exact same thing.   It's clear we're going to have to start offering a higher salary (significantly) because the people out there at $60,000 and below are clearly chimpanzees, for some reason.

What kind of writing is it that you need done? There are thousands of laid-off journalists out there who would probably work for peanuts.

Beer and Queso / Re: Hiring Again
« on: August 20, 2010, 06:34:32 pm »
So if it's a writing job can it be done off-site? Because I'll write anything you want for $20 an hour.

Beer and Queso / Re: Prayers Needed
« on: August 19, 2010, 07:22:09 pm »
I'm really sorry for everyone, but especially the family. What a terrible thing for her husband and kids.

Talk Zone / Re: The news you have all been waiting for
« on: August 18, 2010, 12:08:17 pm »
Wow, that reminds me why Halloween is my favorite holiday.

I'm starting to wonder if the sequined bikini is part of her work clothes instead of a Halloween outfit.

Talk Zone / Re: The news you have all been waiting for
« on: August 16, 2010, 07:02:07 pm »
Out of "Bo" short for something or a nickname all on it's "Bud"...or "Biff"...or "Skip"....or "Corky"?


Talk Zone / Re: Mets vs. Astros: I See Your Schwartz is as Big as Mine
« on: August 16, 2010, 05:16:20 pm »
Thanks Limey!

And fuck the goddamn Mets.

Talk Zone / Pirates @ Astros -- A Ratings Nightmare
« on: August 12, 2010, 05:46:56 pm »
Pirates series preview, contributed by Ebby Calvin. Come for the Pirates preview, but be sure to hang around afterward for the motorcycle races.

Thanks for pinch-hitting, Ebby Calvin!

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Native Pagans @ Astros, 8/9/10
« on: August 09, 2010, 08:21:31 pm »
Patty should make that blonde chick the Fan of the Game, and then let JD have a few words with Lippy.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Native Pagans @ Astros, 8/9/10
« on: August 09, 2010, 08:18:36 pm »
Epic fail by the dude bailing on the foul ball.

JD's on it and calling him out!

And wow, Wallace is strong.

Hah.  Nice job as always, Craig.  BTW, did you ever play Red Dead Redemption and if so, what did you think?

I played the RDR single-player campaign but not multiplayer. I liked it well enough, but probably not as much as the GTA4 games. I'm trying to finish Bad Company 2 right now, or I will be as soon as my Xbox comes home. It red-ringed last weekend, but I got an email today saying it's on its way back. I shipped it to Microsoft support (in Mesquite) last Monday, so that's a pretty good turnaround.

Awesome.  Throw in some random jumps and crouches, too, as you hit the wrong buttons for the first time.

Oh you're totally right. I still do random jumps and crouches, so maybe I could make it in the big leagues.

ETA: I added a crouching reference, because I still do that so often. Or I'll do the opposite -- I'll be crouching behind a wall, then mash too hard on the joystick, accidentally stand straight up, and get my head shot off.

Good news, I've finally figured out Hunter Pence's route to fly balls.

Braves Series Preview

Beer and Queso / Re: Tubular Titillation
« on: August 08, 2010, 11:54:28 am »
I forgot to add the homemade deer sausage my family makes.  It is usually smoked.  I prefer that sausage boiled though.

We never have large family gatherings without sausage.  Must be a polish thing.  I wish I had some now. 

There's a butcher/wild game processor right around the corner from my house who makes awesome venison summer sausage with jalapenos, cheese, and god knows what else inside. He also makes great venison breakfast sausage. You have to drop off the deer in the fall and he usually doesn't get around to making sausage until spring, but it's worth the wait.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Brewers Series Preview is now up
« on: August 05, 2010, 02:25:36 pm »
Thanks, strosrays. This one's going to make me think a while.

Beer and Queso / Re: Just call me....
« on: August 04, 2010, 11:24:12 am »
Congrats, ETA!

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Stros @ Turds - 8/3/10
« on: August 03, 2010, 08:59:14 pm »
Sanchez with a three-run triple! Holy shit he is on fire.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: 8/2/2010 - Astros at CoArds
« on: August 02, 2010, 10:05:56 pm »
Don't wanna get smited? (smote?)


Talk Zone / Re: Myers is only 29???
« on: August 01, 2010, 01:30:39 pm »
footer reports that the extension is done:

The Astros have signed Brett Myers to a contract extension through 2013. The contract is guaranteed for 2011 and 2012 & carries a 2013 club option that could become vested through Myers’ 2012 performance. The 2-yr guaranteed value, incl. buyout on option yr, guarantees $21 mill. If the contract carries through '13, it will guarantee $28 mill. The pact also contains additional performance bonus potential that could raise the total value to $29.5 million.

Well at least things didn't get dragged out.

Talk Zone / Re: Perfection
« on: August 01, 2010, 12:32:03 pm »
Upper deck, and directly to the Cub fan, who looked like he couldn't figure out what to do next. Perfect.

Hahaha, that's the best part, the two stupid Cubfans sitting there in their shitty blue shirts holding the ball, while everyone around them goes apeshit.

Fuck the Cubs.

Thighs that dwarf Earl Campbell's. JD said you could feed a family for a week on one of his legs.

I suggest "Drumstick" as an early nickname possibility.

Wallace's ass is as big as Richard Hidalgo's. That's the biggest backyard in town.

Talk Zone / Re: The Face of the Fanchise
« on: July 31, 2010, 11:28:36 am »
Is there anyone else active in MLB who played in the Dome as an Astro? Heck, how many active players played there as opponents?

Billy Wagner

he would make Bourn's great catches look easy. he is the smoothest, greatest OFer i have ever seen.

Holy shit.

Talk Zone / Re: Berkman's contract
« on: July 30, 2010, 08:58:22 pm »
You get that new Exile on Main Street reissue? If so, what the hell's the deal with it? Are there new tracks, remastered, remixed where they used the track where Keith enunciates, what the hell's the deal?

I don't have it yet but it's next on the list. It's remastered and has 10 new tracks.

Talk Zone / Re: Berkman's contract
« on: July 30, 2010, 08:37:58 pm »
I hope at least one of these new Astros can flash the leather. We Need a Glove To Keep J.A. Happ-y.

Either Lance Berkman or Brian Moehler now for Faith Night.

I'll bet Lance gets inserted as a pinch-hitter tonight and everyone cries like a baby.

Not that my palate is so refined. It's just my wife will be with me and I want to impress her and try to get in her pants.

Miss Manners says: On a romantic trip to Boston, even the most refined wives should expect to taste a little chowder.

Talk Zone / Re: Stark: Oswalt to Phillies?
« on: July 28, 2010, 06:19:44 pm »
Uncle D speaks: "I'd say it's about 60 percent that something could be done and 40 percent that Roy will be here next year."

Well if Roy stays in Houston I hope they give him and his wife ample time to discuss their future. He'll certainly need more than an hour's notice to unpack all the attitude and self-importance.

Talk Zone / Re: Stark: Oswalt to Phillies?
« on: July 26, 2010, 02:38:21 pm »
I predict everyone will talk in circles for most of the week, and Roy will get one more chance Thursday to tie the Astros' record for wins. Then a deal will get done Friday and he can go the fuck away.

Talk Zone / Re: Dodgers finding new ways to lose games
« on: July 21, 2010, 04:11:14 pm »
The bases were loaded.  After Dierker couldn't yank him, Holt threw a batting practice fastball right down the middle.  That was the moment Holt's career with the Astros officially ended.

I think that was also when Dierker destroyed the dugout telephone.

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy Birthday, JD!
« on: July 21, 2010, 04:06:04 pm »
Happy birthday!

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs preview slightly delayed
« on: July 19, 2010, 08:29:15 pm »
How did you like it?  My brother and wife keep trying to drag me to the theatre for that one.

Seriously, WTF did I buy a 55 inch LCD with full surround?  So I don't have to deal with fucking theatres.

I loved it. It's a complete mind-fuck but really well done. But if you take two minutes in the middle of the movie to run and pee, you'll probably be completely lost when you get back.

Sorry for the lateness; I went to a late viewing of Inception last night. On the plus side, I dreamt that a Big Freight Train leveled Wrigley Field!

Cubs Series Preview

ETA: Fuck the Cubs

Talk Zone / Cubs preview slightly delayed
« on: July 19, 2010, 11:36:34 am »
I got a chance to go see Inception late last night and it interrupted my Cubs preview writing. I'll have it done later this afternoon.


Excellent, Noe!

No wonder those fucking waiters always want to sit next to us.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT????
« on: July 13, 2010, 10:07:10 pm »
Damn, that singing chick in the cut-offs has some man-hands. She could play catcher without a mitt.

Talk Zone / Re: Little League again
« on: July 12, 2010, 09:17:31 pm »
When you have to pay the publishing costs yourself you can't also afford an editor.

Especially on an English teacher's salary.

Talk Zone / Re: Co-Ards @ Astros Series Preview Posted!
« on: July 10, 2010, 04:53:34 pm »
Someone tell them that if they need to sleep it off on the way home they are sure to be welcome at Craig's house.

Hell, they should have let me know ahead of time. I would have driven.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Pittsburghghg vs Houston 7/8/10
« on: July 08, 2010, 02:00:37 pm »
4th straight. Another one in the lf boxes

Berkman just put another one into the Crawford Boxes. 2-0 Astros.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Independence Day 2010--Astros @ Padres
« on: July 04, 2010, 03:29:54 pm »
Padres wearing camo today.

"Careful boys, don't hit 'em where it looks like they ain't!"

Beer and Queso / Re: The wildness continues at Texas Tech
« on: July 01, 2010, 02:29:34 pm »
Why would criminal charges even be mentioned?  If it's not child porn, who cares?

It's Lubbock; they'll find something to charge him with. This crisis will also require a stern, somber apology from Kent Hance, faith-based crisis counseling for every student in the distance learning program, and emergency committee meetings at every church in town. They may even need to fly in Lubbock's nutbar congressman for some serious institutional tut-tut-tutting.

He's the little kid in the Astros jersey who says "when I got my first Astros baseball" in the goofy redneck teeevee Astros commercial.

Oh, see that's cool. The kids are good in that commercial. I also like the little girl at the beginning who says she's been an Astros fan "Forever!" It's the old-timer and the endless repetition that get to me.

Talk Zone / Re: Best way to start the weekend....
« on: June 26, 2010, 01:59:37 pm »

That's awesome. Check out the animated graphic at the top of their Hawkisms page.

Talk Zone / Re: Best way to start the weekend....
« on: June 25, 2010, 04:45:22 pm »
Here's a video. They show highlights of the tantrum in-between pitches.

ETA quote: "Derrek Lee is a big guy, he's not Michael Barrett. He's not going to get sucker-punched in the locker room."

Talk Zone / Re: Something else for Mills to worry about
« on: June 25, 2010, 12:25:47 pm »
"Raising his hand in a gesture to stop them"?

Yeah, I noticed that too. I guess they ran through his "stop" sign.

And my son is in one of the commercials that you mute, but I don't blame you. I'd mute it too if he wasn't in it.

Seriously? Which commercial? I could probably make an exception if I knew there was a connection to someone here.

And we're off on another leg of the Roy Oswalt Farewell Tour. Unfortunately the first stop is in Arlington.

Rangers Series Preview

Beer and Queso / Re: info begging...
« on: June 23, 2010, 09:17:28 pm »
Can you appeal the decision of the health insurance company? Seems like your health insurance should pay for it, and then if they want to sue the deadbeat to get their costs back, it's up to them. Not that I'm an expert by any means.

Talk Zone / Re: Giants @ Astros Series Preview is now up
« on: June 23, 2010, 01:39:42 pm »
Thanks once again, strosrays. And thanks to Jim for your thoughtful post too.

Beer and Queso / Re: Wimbledon
« on: June 23, 2010, 01:35:06 pm »
I'm no tennis fan, but this is unbelievable.

Talk Zone / Re: Rangers @ Astros Preview Posted!
« on: June 18, 2010, 11:33:02 am »
I'm always up for some good Dallas Hate. Nice job, GBB.

Beer and Queso / Re: Happy 50th Mr. Happy!!
« on: June 16, 2010, 11:35:39 am »
Happy Birthday, Mr. Happy!

Beer and Queso / Re: Copa Mundial 2010
« on: June 12, 2010, 02:39:26 pm »
It would be legal to go deer hunting in that goalie's outfit.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Yankees - Series Preview Posted
« on: June 10, 2010, 06:57:31 pm »
Awesome! And I think "Frogger" is a great nickname for Moehler.

Beer and Queso / Re: NCAA Super Regional - UT vs TCU
« on: June 10, 2010, 06:03:27 pm »

Beer and Queso / Re: Conference Realignment
« on: June 10, 2010, 03:21:27 pm »
Absolutely, and honestly we win either way.  Academically though, the Pac10 opens huge doors for Tech.  But I think the state needs to invest more heavily in university research across the board (including schools like UH).  I think that goal is best served by binding the largest schools in a common interest as opposed to diverging their interests.

At the end of the day, what's best isn't really what will make the decision but what is in the perceived best interest of the decision makers.  I assume that perception is aligned with a united UT & TAMU.  I presume that UT still really wants Pac10 (and is using this SEC bid as leverage as much as anything), but juneberno.  TAMU really wants the SEC, more than UT wants the Pac10?

The nightmare scenario for me right now is a late move that takes UT, TAMU, OU,OSU into the SEC.  Tech left looking for a dancing partner with Bayler, KU, et al.

If Tech and AtM end up in different conferences, I wonder if Tech will re-orient the statue of Will Rogers so that the horse's ass points somewhere besides College Station.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Rockies Series Preview Now Posted!
« on: June 09, 2010, 02:43:14 pm »
Great job as always, Mark. Thanks!

I guess I'm gonna be able to smell my new place before I see it!

The billboard is the work of local firm ScentAir which provides custom scents for businesses including hotel lobbies, casino gambling and retail stores.

I wonder what it would cost to put up a scented billboard in St. Louis.

I'm eligible to upgrade with a new 2-year contract and an $18 fee. You going to do it, Limey?

Same for me. Since I've barely used any of the disk space in my 16GB 3G, I'll probably just go with the 16GB 4G.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs at Astros – Maybe Next Year
« on: June 04, 2010, 06:09:47 pm »
I always thought your specialty (that's pronounced speh shee AL it tee, mate) was the Co-ardinals and the BFiBs, but your FTCubs/FTCubfans rants are quite good, too.  They're right up there with Trum's; who, when he is inspired, can do a FTCubs rant with the best of 'em.  Like you.

Very nice work.

Thanks, I think this humdrum season has thrown me off my game a little. So the best remedy is always Fuck the Cubs.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs at Astros – Maybe Next Year
« on: June 04, 2010, 11:39:56 am »
Here you go.

Great preview!

Thanks, that did it. Fuck the goddamn Cubbies and their pussy "C" and their dumbshit goat-fucking loser fans.

What's really going to piss me off is hearing those dipshit Cubfans outcheering the anemic Astros crowd this weekend. Those red aluminum bottles they're giving away today would be good for throwing at Cubfans heads, but they probably wouldn't feel it anyway.

Fuck the stupid Cubs. I hope the Astros fuck them in the ears so hard, they'll still be swabbing with Q-Tips when they go back to Pittsburgh for their make-up game. And then I hope the Pirates fuck them too.

Talk Zone / Re: Cubs at Astros – Maybe Next Year
« on: June 04, 2010, 11:19:24 am »
Good job Craig, although it somehow lacks the vitriol to which I've associated with you, especially for Cubfan and the Cubs. Fuck the Cubs!

That kind of surprised me too, but I think the Cub Hate will come flowing back tonight. Man I was so exhausted yesterday. I mowed, and mowed, and mowed my yard (while wearing my SnS cap). By the time I wrote the preview, I think I had sweated out my reserve of Cub Hate. It'll come back tonight though, right about the first time I see a goddamn cap with a "C" on it.

Talk Zone / Cubs at Astros – Maybe Next Year
« on: June 04, 2010, 02:34:21 am »
Because fuck the Cubs.

Beer and Queso / Re: Lebowski Dissed
« on: June 02, 2010, 07:45:40 pm »
At a former employer, I would sometimes take a short cut through IT to get to the accounting arseholes dept.  Despite the whole company being under the watchful eye of a pretty heavy-handed fun filter, half of the tech guys would be alt-tabbing off games and/or porn.  I think half of them left to go and run the MMS.

I used to work at a videogame company where you could complain to IT if your computer didn't play games fast enough. They also had massive network drives with the installation files for any current game, and a physical library of pretty much any videogame ever.

It wasn't the most efficient place I ever worked.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Natinals, 6/1/10
« on: June 01, 2010, 10:05:06 pm »
Panamanian natinal pasttime or just a local custom?

That's how they take the census. Turn your head and vote.

Beer and Queso / Re: Oh Mr. das...
« on: June 01, 2010, 07:23:52 pm »
So close with "Colin".

"Colin Dumps Rain on South East."

"Winds from Colin stronger than expected."

"Colin cleanup ongoing."

"...and now, a look inside Colin."

If it stays a tropical storm, it'll just be Semi-Colin.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Nats @ Astros, Memorial Day 2010
« on: May 31, 2010, 01:57:25 pm »
Thanks.  I did not know that was a scoring rule.

I didn't either but that's the way JD explained it.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Nats @ Astros, Memorial Day 2010
« on: May 31, 2010, 01:49:50 pm »
How did Bourn get to third when he scored?

Walked, then went to second on a single by Kepp. Went to third on a double-steal, but Kepp was thrown out at second on the steal, so no SB for Bourn.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Reds Series Preview Posted!
« on: May 28, 2010, 05:22:51 pm »
Pasta-Chili-Fuckers has a nice ring to it.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Rays @ Astros May 23, 2010
« on: May 23, 2010, 03:55:24 pm »
Yeah, I remember it being a big story a few years ago.  He was on probation, and failed another drug test.  Oops...there goes his medical license.

Here it is.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Rays @ Astros May 23, 2010
« on: May 23, 2010, 03:52:08 pm »
Yep.  I think it was for failing a drug test.  Or two or three.

There was a huge story with domestic abuse and drugs and guns. We were talking about it earlier this season and someone linked to the old news stories.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Rays @ Astros May 23, 2010
« on: May 23, 2010, 02:52:27 pm »
I'm going to celebrate that Pence homer with some Blue Bell Summer Berries ice cream.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Rays @ Astros May 23, 2010
« on: May 23, 2010, 01:01:03 pm »
I'm wearing one of my Larry Dierker Hawaiian shirts today in honor of Jose Lima.

ETA: But it's not as awesome as JD's Hawaiian shirt

Talk Zone / Re: RIP Jose Lima
« on: May 23, 2010, 12:40:59 pm »
Oh man, that's awful news. Lima always brought a smile to the game. RIP Limatime.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Rays @ Astros: May 21
« on: May 21, 2010, 08:29:38 pm »
How many Little League teams can claim that they produced two major leaguers?

Derek Bell and Gary Sheffield were on the same team.

Talk Zone / Re: Rays @ Astros - Series Preview
« on: May 21, 2010, 02:23:36 pm »
Where the tranquility of the empty stands makes it easier to enjoy the silence of the bats.

That almost brought a tear to my eye.

Awesome, thanks guys! Two new bookmarks.

Made Harry Kalas cry! (Not a video link, just an interview/article)

That makes it even more awesome! It's my favorite Craig Biggio homer and now I can't even find the video.

I'm looking everywhere for the video of Biggio's homer off GasCan in 2005, but I can't find it anywhere. It used to be buried on the Astros' site, then it moved to an MLB site, and now I can't find it anywhere.

Talk Zone / Re: Astros at Dodgers – Nothing But Brown Sky
« on: May 17, 2010, 11:42:36 am »
Craig, I was a couple of years ahead of you, and in Beaumont, which has its own hazards for the asthmatically inlined, I'm sure, but I get your drift.  The Sniff 'n' the Tears reset was great.

Great story, I really enjoyed it.

Thanks Strosrays, and everyone else too. I actually lived in Port Arthur for a very brief time, and yeah, the air quality sucks there too. Different kind of pollution, but the result on my lungs was about the same.

And Driver's Seat has always been one of my favorite songs. It's a pretty simple song but it's still one of my top-played on iTunes. It's one of those songs that takes me back to a certain time I guess -- like getting the fuck out of Lubbock.

Talk Zone / Astros at Dodgers – Nothing But Brown Sky
« on: May 17, 2010, 02:49:58 am »
Read all about my brief but thrilling athletic career in today's Dodgers Series Preview. Remember to wear a cup.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: 5/15/10 Astros @ Giants
« on: May 15, 2010, 06:12:15 pm »
Anyone see Norm MacDonald live?  He's at Cap City tonight and we're looking for something to do. 

I saw him a few years ago in Vegas and he sucked. He didn't seem to even have an act; he just went onstage and rambled about whatever came to mind, and bantered with the drunks. Maybe he's better now.

Talk Zone / Re: stRangers- Blue Berries
« on: May 14, 2010, 07:50:48 pm »
200 pitches thrown through three innings

Talk Zone / Re: Giants Series Preview is now up
« on: May 14, 2010, 01:42:51 am »
Wow, that was great. Thanks strosrays.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros @ Jakes, 5/13/10 DAY GAME!
« on: May 13, 2010, 01:25:08 pm »
Can't tell from listening to Do-Ray.  What does Carpenter have his panties in a wad about?

After Lee popped out and yelled at himself in disgust, Carpenter walked toward the first base line and started jawing at Lee. Yadda Yadda Yadda got between them and Berkman, who was on base, walked over and gave everyone some sunflower seeds. Benches cleared but JD said "This is the mildest bench-clearing I've ever seen."

Then Pence came out and jacked a three-run homer, Carpenter walked the next batter on four pitches, and now he and LaGenius are bickering at each other in the dugout.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros @ Jakes, 5/12/2010
« on: May 12, 2010, 09:55:41 pm »
Ok, someone  ban body paint.  Please.

Oh god he had pierced nips. WHY DID I SEE THAT?

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros @ Jakes, 5/12/2010
« on: May 12, 2010, 09:33:57 pm »
if its a 4 way with you and 3 tvs, at least you don't have to worry about crossing swords.

Unless one of them is a Penisonic.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros @ Jakes, 5/12/2010
« on: May 12, 2010, 09:32:53 pm »
Impressive that you can type this while dry-humping your TV.

Damn, they're doing wonders with HDMI ports these days.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros @ Jakes, 5/12/2010
« on: May 12, 2010, 07:40:39 pm »
Yadda Yadda Yadier

Talk Zone / Re: Astros @ Co-Ards Preview Posted
« on: May 11, 2010, 04:47:56 pm »
Excellent, GBB! And fuck the Jakes.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Madres 5/9/10
« on: May 09, 2010, 02:38:39 pm »
Those are the worst looking fajitas I've ever seen, but the girl in green has some nice titties.

I didn't notice the fajitas, so I backed it up on the DVR. You're correct on both counts.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Madres 5/9/10
« on: May 09, 2010, 02:25:14 pm »
That lady in Dumbass Cove has caught two foul balls today. Nice move giving one of them to the kid in front of her.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Padres, 5/7/10
« on: May 07, 2010, 07:36:19 pm »
Who's in the booth with Brownie?

Footer says it's Steve Sparks. JD is at his daughter's graduation.

Talk Zone / Re: Oh 'dem lovable losers...
« on: May 07, 2010, 09:20:53 am »
That must have been a hell of a blast to cause blisters and second-degree burns. A real Cubflagration.

Beer and Queso / Re: Boner Pills
« on: May 07, 2010, 09:04:46 am »
Shut the fuck up.  I had to get bifocals last week.

Bifocals can kiss my ass. My first pair of bifocals were what convinced me to finally get laser surgery. I still have to use reading glasses, but I can just use the cheapo $20 ones from Wal-Mart.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astrolitos vs. Serpientes - 5/5
« on: May 05, 2010, 09:41:59 pm »
You mean you tased him... right?  Good call!

Yep, right after the waterboarding and not Mirandizing him.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astrolitos vs. Serpientes - 5/5
« on: May 05, 2010, 09:35:57 pm »
Good call.  It's in review now and.... it's fair!  Walk-off homerun!

Hahaha, I bribed the replay official.

Game Zone 2010 Archive / Re: Astrolitos vs. Serpientes - 5/5
« on: May 05, 2010, 09:14:53 pm »
So she's to blame for the Beltran negotiations?

Yeah. Patty insisted that Beltran accept a lump sum, and he took it personally.

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