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Messages - Alkie

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1
Talk Zone / Re: Trade Deadline(s) 2018
« on: July 31, 2018, 03:27:28 pm »
The Yankees rotation got worse.

Instead of getting two more Luis Severinos, they got two more Sonny Grays.

2
Talk Zone / Re: Keuchel vs McHugh
« on: June 11, 2018, 06:38:02 pm »
I'm not sure which thing about Dallas is more disappointing:

a) that his girlfriend/wife isn't named Deborah OR
b) his shit attitude.

3
Game Zone 2018 / Re: Astros at Rangers June 7, 2018
« on: June 07, 2018, 10:24:14 pm »
FACT:  Ken Giles is mostly rusty fishing lures and donkey shit.

4
Game Zone 2018 / Re: Red Sox @ Astros, June 2, 2018
« on: June 02, 2018, 10:59:25 pm »
15.00

That is Will Harris' ERA in his last 4 appearances.

5
Talk Zone / Re: Race for the Lid XX!!!
« on: March 29, 2018, 01:29:57 pm »
119

6
Talk Zone / Re: addiction
« on: August 23, 2017, 07:35:15 pm »
Pizza Hut. Was Chili's closed?

I was 12.  We were camping and didn't feel like cleaning up a fire cooked meal, so we went to the Pizza Hut on the edge of town.  As you're aware, it was the last time I've been inside a Pizza Hut. 

7
Talk Zone / Re: addiction
« on: August 23, 2017, 05:18:29 pm »
hey, Zach

hey, Jim

Were you ever able to hire a responsible millennial?

I honestly don't remember what this was in reference to, but I will assume the answer was "no."

Alkie!!
Many many moons ago you warned me not to move to Durango CO. You were SO DAMN RIGHT.

I honestly don't remember what this was in reference to, but I will assume I was so damn right.   My only memory of Durango, CO was some cunt in a Pizza Hut parking lot yelling at me and my dad because we had Texas license plates.  We walk in to get a table and guess who is putting on an apron and a name tag?  That's right, my dad.   Haven't spoken to him since that night.

Anyway, good luck everyone.  See you in 12-15 years.

8
Talk Zone / Re: addiction
« on: August 23, 2017, 04:06:22 pm »
And Alkie, it turns out, was a group of teenage Macedonians.

Тивок, ти.

9
Talk Zone / Re: 2017 HOF Class
« on: January 18, 2017, 06:33:03 pm »
About fucking time.

10
Talk Zone / Re: HOF Voting 2015 Class
« on: January 06, 2015, 01:01:56 pm »
About fucking time.

11
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 10:08:00 pm »
Four and a half years since his last post.  Lurch, you have a whole new population to monitor.

Tonight, while I'm pretending to pretend to have sex with my hand, I'm going to scream Nash's name.   That's how excited this makes me.

12
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 10:03:58 pm »
WFW.

You.   Are my motherfucking hero.

13
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 09:51:25 pm »
Fat, drunk and angry is no way to post through life, son.

It's hard to tell.  Was this aimed at me or at the lunatics in this thread that are taking shit a wee bit too seriously?

14
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 09:34:18 pm »
Also, I really enjoy that everyone assumed I meant I was booing him with my post and not just "thank god he can't play QB for my football team anymore."   You guys are fucking precious.  ESPECIALLY the ones that are ex-jocks.    Precious.

It must be killing you guys that you didn't make it either.   Think of all the things you could have done with your lives.   Shame really.

15
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 09:32:31 pm »
Can't we start booing now?

The second my kid is forced into having to demand attention and public adoration, you are free to boo all you want.   I don't expect you to care about my kid either.   

16
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 09:31:49 pm »
Don't worry, none of us thought you were classy. We just hoped that somewhere in that non-athletic body of yours, you'd have a bit of compassion for a youth player. Just wait. I hope and pray that you have to sit through your own child getting second-guessed or even booed on the field or court or rink. Then it'll all become clear to you.

Right, because the problem was I couldn't comprehend what you redneck fucktards were talking about otherwise.

I only hope my body is in as fantastic shape as yours, you beast, you.

17
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 08:11:10 pm »
Also, I'm really afraid someone might misunderstand me as "classy" or something, so let's get this out there.

I want Texas Football to win football games.  I can honestly, without hesitation, look any of you self-righteous bushnecks in the eye and tell you...I couldn't possibly care less about these "kids."    I ain't their fucking daddy. 

I don't care how they do in the watered down version of UT that I had to go through.   I don't care what jobs they get.  I don't care if they go pro.   I don't care if they learn something.   I want them to win football games for the University of Texas.   That's it.   If you want to pretend you watch college sports to watch young men blahblahblah something, keep kidding yourselves.   

It's ok, you'll get over it.   Or not.   You'll just get really angry at an anonymous bulletin board for some reason to validate your own beliefs.

Oh noes!   Did the bad QB have to go get an education at a school other than Big State U when the world found out he can't hack it at the next level?   My heart fills with blood.

And to the "it's the coaching" theorists -- the staff that coached GG through last season is the  same staff that managed to coach Colt McCoy and Vince Young to title games and NFL careers.    So give it a rest.

Like I said, you guys are so fucking cute.   


18
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 06, 2011, 08:00:29 pm »
Shit guys, I've been busy with work since I started this thread.

Did I miss anything?

You guys are so fucking cute.   Really.   

19
Beer and Queso / Re: GG Officially Cast Off
« on: October 05, 2011, 09:00:45 pm »
He'll go to OU.  Sit out a year.  And in 2013 lead them past Texas and win the Big 2 championship.

I'll bet you any amount of American Dollars you like.  Name it.

21
Talk Zone / Re: Schafer arrested
« on: October 05, 2011, 11:16:35 am »
My understanding of meth is that it gives you an incredible high at first, but quickly leaves you with no "benefit" and a crushing addiction.  A bit like following the Astros.

I'm missing something.   Where was the incredible high at first?

(I thought he was in CF).

22
Talk Zone / Re: Saws fire Tito
« on: October 02, 2011, 08:26:53 pm »
i cannot believe Francona got fired.

I cannot believe Garner got fired.

23
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 02, 2011, 07:42:22 pm »
I'll be shocked if you know how to turn it on.

I'll be damned.  We don't even have one.   Maybe I'll have our maid take us back to her apartment and I can put my head in her oven.

If you know what I mean.

24
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 02, 2011, 03:30:56 pm »
Well, this was back in 96 or 97. You were still in school, IIRC.

Hmm...probably wasn't me then.   I found the site in 1998 and didn't start posting until 1999.

Holy fucking shit.   I've been on this site for 1/3rd of my fucking life.   I'm going to go put my head in the oven.

25
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: October 02, 2011, 03:29:48 pm »
That was fucking incredible.

26
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:49:39 pm »
We lost to this team.  In Austin.

Wait; they got to count wins from last year in this year's total?

Can we use 2005 wins?

27
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:46:44 pm »
How is/was Iowa State 3-0?

28
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:46:10 pm »
Goddamn.

29
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:40:51 pm »
I sure hope the voters aren't watching and just see the score.

30
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:40:04 pm »
Hard to say a team should be up by 40 at the half... but they should be up by 40 at the half.

49.

31
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:39:10 pm »
Wow.

32
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:38:31 pm »
I liked his NFL work, but he's really off tonight

I didn't know he did NFL.   Maybe it's Davis that brings out this side of him.   It's almost like they're not even watching the game.

33
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:28:54 pm »
I seriously don't know what to make of this game.   This is the least satisfying 27 pt lead I can remember.

34
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:24:04 pm »
The management has the Florida - Alabama game on at your sports bar, yes? That was a fairly entertaining beginning.

No, we had the baseball games on.   What happened?

35
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:23:38 pm »
Gus tonight on FX.  Kick.  Ass.

Gus Johnson; good for college basketball, horrific for football.    This broadcasting team is terrible.

36
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:13:04 pm »
Offense looks as bad as the defense looks good.

Sure doesn't feel like a 20 point lead.

37
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: October 01, 2011, 06:41:47 pm »
Offense looks as bad as the defense looks good.

38
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 04:45:46 pm »
I remember an e-mail exchange with you when you were 18 or 19.

Was I dumb enough to believe you actually had candy?

Does it change things that I didn't join the site until I was 22?

39
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 03:26:51 pm »
got 5000

Cheater.

And you misspelled 12000.

40
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:38:39 pm »
And I guess that's after circumcision?

That has more of an effect on girth than length.

41
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:37:43 pm »
Because, in the early days, the fucker lived on here.

I actually was just thinking the other day how wildly different my life is since I started posting at AC.   To call that a lifetime ago is somewhat of an understatement.

I can't believe how much time and how little responsibility I had.

42
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:36:13 pm »
this.

43
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:36:01 pm »
like

44
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:35:55 pm »
posting

45
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:35:47 pm »
By

46
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:16:38 pm »
I've heard lots of complaints about the sightlines at Yankee Stadium. How do you spend a bill and fuck that up?

Horrible.   Oh, and while the padded seats for rich people is a nice touch, the not-enough-leg-room-for-a-5'9-Jew kills it.

47
Beer and Queso / Re: A&M to SEC?
« on: October 01, 2011, 02:15:43 pm »
Note to A&M:   There are 4 quarters in a college football game.

48
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: October 01, 2011, 01:29:24 pm »
Elaborate, please.

Surprisingly awful food (including literally the worst peanuts I've ever eaten in my life).   Wildly expensive beer (I get all parks are expensive, but we really did spend $80+ on 4 beers each last night; I mean, c'mon).   You can't see the fucking field when you're walking around the concourse; especially from level to level.   You can't see the field from the concessions.   The ticket prices (still) make it completely prohibitive for the actual pitch-by-pitch fans to attend more than a couple times a year.   Half the cup holders are already broken (how?).   The stadium feels oddly soulless for (a) a brand new stadium and (b) a stadium that houses the most storied team in the game.   There is literally nothing to eat before or after the game within a block of the stadium (oh, except the McDonalds).   

The only thing in its favor for me is convenience.   It's 15-30 minutes door to door and you don't have to find parking, so that's nice.   Otherwise, I'd much, MUCH rather go to a game in Newshea anyday.   

Yankee fans go gaga for the fucking stadium, but what did you expect?   They all think they fart gold and shit rainbows. 

49
Talk Zone / Re: 2011 Playoffs
« on: October 01, 2011, 01:22:08 pm »
One bad start against the Yankees. Don't know if I agree.

I didn't see the start before, but the 3 unearned runs aside, I heard from someone who saw the game and said Price didn't look good that game either.

50
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: October 01, 2011, 12:36:22 pm »
Of the "new" stadiums I've been to (Arlington, Houston, San Francisco, Seattle, NewShea, Yankee, Arizona, Colorado), New Yankee Stadium is easily, EASILY my least favorite.   

51
Talk Zone / Re: 2011 Playoffs
« on: October 01, 2011, 12:04:36 pm »
And in pushing all those chips to the table he gets Price and Shields set up to bring the hammer. Fantastic.

Price has looked like shit recently.

52
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: October 01, 2011, 11:59:08 am »
This is my first post ever.

Where the white women at?

53
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: October 01, 2011, 11:38:20 am »
So, those fuckers actually raised beer prices for the playoffs.  Did the Astros do that?   It's been so long, I honestly don't remember.

$9.50 for the cheap shit and $13 for imports.   

54
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: September 30, 2011, 10:52:20 pm »
Thereby guaranteeing a 14-6 ballgame where neither ace makes it out of the 2nd.  You're welcome.

Or I'll get to watch an inning and a half, drop $80 dollars on beer, and sit through a 2 hour rain delay to have them call it and kick us out of the stadium. 

Awesome.

55
Talk Zone / Re: positive things to take away from the season
« on: September 29, 2011, 09:32:53 pm »
I did very little to no yardwork this season.  Ying/Yang sort of thing.

Doing little to no yardwork makes you Chinese?

56
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: September 29, 2011, 09:29:51 pm »
So you have them on StubHub for how much?

Whatever I can gets.   Gotta get my fix.

57
Beer and Queso / Re: Art Howe and Moneyball
« on: September 29, 2011, 07:58:37 pm »
The league distributes a cheat sheet with the phonetic pronunciations of the names, or at least they used to. There's no excuse.

That's even worse.

I actually gained a lot of respect for Bob Sheppard (Yankees old PA) when I found out he used to make a huge point of meeting each player individually and learning how they wanted their name pronounced.   And this wasn't a few years ago, this was 50 years ago.    It just ain't that hard to do.

58
Beer and Queso / Re: Hot Damn
« on: September 29, 2011, 07:10:01 pm »
Nice. What are the scalpers/brokers getting for similar seats?

No idea, but the doorman at my office building was saying the BEST price he was hearing was $300 for OF seats.    There are little tiny pockets of 2-seats-together all over the stadium at face value left, so we grabbed some.   Couldn't believe it.

59
Beer and Queso / Hot Damn
« on: September 29, 2011, 06:25:22 pm »
I couldn't care less about the teams really, but we just scored face value tickets to the Sabathia/Verlander game tomorrow night.   You wouldn't believe what ticket prices I was hearing thrown around all day.

200 Level, behind the Tiger dugout, $100 each.   

Thereby guaranteeing a 14-6 ballgame where neither ace makes it out of the 2nd.  You're welcome.

60
Beer and Queso / Re: Art Howe and Moneyball
« on: September 29, 2011, 06:00:07 pm »
http://deadspin.com/5836048/astros-announcer-pauses-reflects-remains-completely-baffled-by-the-foreign-concept-of-reggaeton

"These three honkies..." wow, that is pretty seriously.... nice!

Very few things in sports bother me more than the announcers of major league sporting teams in 2011 incapable of pronouncing simple, popular names in Spanish.   Hell, even the tough ones.   If you were an announcer, and you saw Ubaldo Jimenez was starting tonight, wouldn't your first thought be "shit, I should probably go down and make sure I'm pronouncing this one right"?

The man almost won a CYA and there are multiple announcers in MLB that still pronounce it yoo-BALL-doh JIM-ih-nez.    How is this possible?

61
Talk Zone / Re: positive things to take away from the season
« on: September 29, 2011, 05:53:06 pm »
I made some reference jokes to popular '80s movies and stole some material from old posts.

Best.   Season.   Ever.

62
Talk Zone / Re: I miss the Clarks
« on: September 29, 2011, 05:50:58 pm »
A separate forum full of lice and Clarks (whichever comes first) so that there is an equal amount of fun and management to be done.  Both in terms of clarks and lice.

Y'all can have all the fun you want "graduatin'" folks over here once they are deloused.  A sort of Ellis Island for SnS if you will.

I don't know why, but I'm totally down with this.   

63
Beer and Queso / Re: Friday Beer Thread
« on: September 27, 2011, 05:38:53 pm »
There's a beer outfit in Oregon that will ship to you in Texas.   When we were still in Houston, we'd order about $600 at a time and have it shipped in in moving boxes for 6 months worth of fancy beer we most certainly couldn't get at Spec's.

I can look up the name if anyone gives a shit.

64
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 03:15:27 pm »
Why would I give a shit about either of them?

You should seriously consider a new team.  Following the Texans doesn't seem to agree with you much.

65
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 03:10:41 pm »
What time does the Bucs game start?

The Bills are beating the Pats, that should make you somewhat happier.

66
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 03:09:59 pm »
Not triple coverage.   Quintuple coverage.

67
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 03:00:35 pm »
Plenty of time.

68
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 02:52:24 pm »
I notice you only show up when they Texans step on their dicks.  NTTAWWT.

You should notice closer, then.   I been here the entire game.

If you think I care enough about hating the Texans, you're sorely, sorely mistaken.   Frankly, I don't care what they do.  Sort of like their owner.

69
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 02:49:12 pm »
So now you waste a timeout.  Kubiak is in prime form today.

Gotta stop the clock.

70
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 02:47:16 pm »
Oh now you run.  What a dumbfuck.

Gotta kill some clock.

71
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 25, 2011, 02:15:24 pm »
Wow.

72
Talk Zone / Re: Astros magic number
« on: September 25, 2011, 12:19:47 pm »
I don't know what you paid, but you STOLE the Slack Shack

You.  Have.  No.  Idea.

I have considered a few times what I could have sold that place for if I wasn't looking to just unload it instantly without having to find a place for all our old shit.  I imagine he saved $40k-$60k when all was said and done and I'm thrilled for him.   We got what we wanted, he got what he wanted.   Good trade.

And the clubs were my wife's, which is why they're that short.   I am pleased to say I've never owned a golf club in my life.

73
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Wandy notches K #1000!
« on: September 21, 2011, 09:01:57 pm »
Best.  GZ.  Ever.

74
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:40:00 pm »
It says "AL".

But only because he was trying to fit Alkie on there.

That's simply not true.   The artist ran out of ink before he could get "Walrus is" on there.

75
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:34:55 pm »
Alkie's mad that after all that, no one asked him what his cock tattoo says.

I'm pretty sure everyone posting tonight knows.

76
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:30:48 pm »
Way to kill a decent thread, guys.

77
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:19:39 pm »
Geez, how bad is it if you never GOT the degree?

Odds are you own the place.

78
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:17:47 pm »
There was still a little space on one of my shoulders so the other day I got NL-4-Ever in a really pretty curling script.

What's it say when you're fully erect?

79
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:17:19 pm »
Sonic? Are they hiring? Don't tease me.

You know I can't eat at Sonic anymore?   It's true.   After I heard the "sex" phrase - Manhattan Chili Dog.   You shit all over the woman's tits and then titty fuck her so it looks like a chili dog.   I don't get the Manhattan part.

Anyway, that and Sonic is horrible food.

80
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:09:10 pm »
I thought they blew transients for nickels and gave change.

Took the bait did you?   Point, Alkie.

81
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:05:55 pm »
All the administrative assistants in my office have college degrees like that.

Exactly.   The only people with degrees like that wear skirts, work up front, and suck dick for lunch money.

82
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:03:25 pm »
24/7 Fucking Off, I think.

They don't pay you for that, do they?

83
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:02:01 pm »
Actually, I'm just realizing/remembering I have a degree in Psychology and a minor in Sociology.  I'm pretty fucking sure I'm not in either of those fields.

84
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 09:01:06 pm »
I know. It is very sad. And I hate that it's happening to my friend.

I mean you see shit like Majored in RTF and Minored in Government.   Can you imagine?   What kind of fucking job does that prepare you for?

85
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:59:16 pm »
People who respond to job listings on craigslist actually have resumes?

WELL.

I'm using the term loosely.

86
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:58:30 pm »
Education is its own reward.

Pussy is its own reward.   Education is like a dragon tattoo with your high school sweetheart's name on it.

87
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:55:58 pm »
Why go 80k in hock for a degree you'll never use?

Do this for me.

Put a want ad on Craigslist right now.  Any job.  Any pay.   Tell me what you see on the first 120 resumes.

88
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:50:22 pm »
I was about ready for my own celebratory dragon until the third one.

CELEBRATION.  DRAGON.   MATT.   Get it right.

89
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:45:05 pm »
Damn. That's what's been holding me back.

Quiet, negrojew.

90
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:44:48 pm »
I have to say.  I'm a pretty liberal guy.  Really.   I find punk-dork chicks super hot. 

That being said, there's something automatically turny offy about a chick with a tat. 

It just says "short term decision maker" and "unclean" to me for some reason.

91
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:43:08 pm »

92
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:42:44 pm »
Christmas is just around the corner. Won't Mrs. Brand be surprised.

Yes.   Because "Christmas" will be different than every other day for Brandette.

93
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:42:18 pm »
That sounds like a euphemism for heroin.

Euphemism? 

94
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:41:51 pm »
He got a masters in religious studies, but won't teach. Good luck with that.

How does that make him any less qualified than all the kids with law degrees willing to take any job I'll hire them for?

Can he spell his own name?   Use Word?   Talk to clients without referring to them by ethnic slur?

95
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:39:29 pm »
Man, I can't wait for something good to happen to me so I can get a celebration dragon.

You may already be a winner.

96
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:38:02 pm »
Stop taking your employees' clothes off.

Better yet, stop taking your clothes off.

Trust me when I say I wish I had never known.   He comes in one day in a 3 piece suit with a white button down shirt.   He takes off his coat and his vest and Mike looks up and scream HOLY FUCKING SHIT, JEFF!

We all look up and you can pretty plainly see it all through his white button down.

Imagine Conan O'Brien with a full body Mars-scape with dragons.

97
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Reds 9/20/11
« on: September 20, 2011, 08:32:20 pm »
We hired an attorney about 4 months ago.

Good guy.  Seems real straight laced.   Kind of dorky if nothing else.

Come to find out two months into his employment he is COVERED in tats under his clothing.

"Oh yeah, crazy teen years, huh?   When's the last time you got one?" I ask him.

"Two months ago.  Gave myself a celebration dragon when you hired me."

I thought about firing him on the spot.

98
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 18, 2011, 07:04:24 pm »
Was at the Arizona game last year - 9:45CST start time, then had to drive back to Phoenix after the game. Long day.

Watch out now, one of the relatively anonymous posters who otherwise brings almost nothing to the site may call you a pussy.

99
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 18, 2011, 07:00:54 pm »
What does my age have to do with a football game ending at 1am for you and 2am for me?   

100
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 18, 2011, 06:58:46 pm »
That'll teach you to move east.

Still 9:45p for you guys.   That means the games end after 1am for you guys.   How is that a good thing?

101
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 18, 2011, 06:56:59 pm »
Maybe a few times a year. Don't be a pussy; you're an adult.

You know what, you useless twat, you really can feel absolutely free to eat my ass.   No one, and I mean no one, fucking asked you.

102
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 18, 2011, 06:28:59 pm »
Ugh.   10:45pm/9:45pm start times.   Goodie.

103
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 17, 2011, 04:20:33 pm »
"I don't even know if he was throwing it to the guy who caught it." Go FUCK yourself, Neuheisel.

Good to see some things never, ever change.

Stay classy, ya piece of shit.

104
Just pointing out that you've never passed up an opportunity to enlighten us all.

Yes.   All three times in 12 years.   Wowwee.   Does this keep you up at night?

105
Right on cue.

Let me guess.   You don't think he was on roids either?

106
Anyone that doesn't know Jeff Bagwell fucks around yet clearly hasn't been paying much attention.

107
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 13, 2011, 06:33:51 pm »
I read this as "his performance has warranted the depth charge."  Which seems extreme.

Only way to be sure.

108
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 12, 2011, 09:45:37 pm »
He would've, but he should've laid off huffing the paint, ese.

Why would that matter?  He was the best player I ever saw at a lower level than right now.   People don't change between Jr High and college.   Ever.   Fact.   Fuck you.

109
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 12, 2011, 09:42:28 pm »
Chuy Sanchez was the best QB I ever saw in Jr High and I went to two games.

I don't understand why he's not starting at UT this weekend.

Fuck you guys.

110
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans '11
« on: September 11, 2011, 02:12:54 pm »
Even in victory, Schaub looks shaky.

Silly Texan fan.  Game ain't over yit.

111
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 10, 2011, 09:05:45 pm »
He looked like Peyton Fucking Manning in high school, but something has happened.

Having not watched a second of him in HS, I can't tell you how impossible that is to believe considering his terrible mechanics, weak long tosses, and total inability to figure out which team to throw to.

112
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 10, 2011, 09:01:09 pm »
Gilbert looks like a first round draft pick.

Quoted.   

113
Beer and Queso / Re: UT football '11
« on: September 10, 2011, 08:55:50 pm »
I'm probably in the minority, but Gilbert is the only guy who looks like a real QB to me. I know he makes stupid throws, but he's got serious skills. You can't give up on him at the beginning of his second year as starter.

Can we give up on him after 15 games?  Yes?  Good.   Help him fill out the transfer paperwork.  Enjoy Northwestern State, GG.

114
Beer and Queso / Re: A&M to SEC?
« on: September 06, 2011, 08:08:44 pm »
girls who suck credit cards.

Baptist chicks.   I swear.

115
Beer and Queso / Re: So close....
« on: September 05, 2011, 06:45:21 pm »
Not too dramatic here but the smell is very strong

What, behind the rabbit?

116
Beer and Queso / Re: So close....
« on: September 05, 2011, 06:01:51 pm »
Can you get any pics?

117
Beer and Queso / Re: Tailgating Time
« on: September 05, 2011, 04:51:42 pm »
the LHN has never been about football. it is not going to carry more than 2-3 games/season.

Ok.   Not a joke or anything, but then what is the point?   I'm an Ex living out of the region that would have provided me all that stuff for free on FSSW anyway and I wouldn't pay forty cents a month extra for it either. 

Why would I need to see more propaganda-style interview shows with the coaches and third tier womens sporting events?   If it's not about football and basketball, who exactly did they think they'd get to pay for this?   

I'm not saying you're wrong (quite the opposite; I'd expect you to know more about this than anyone on here), but if the point of this for-pay network wasn't football, it makes even less sense than it did before.    What the hell was ESPN thinking?

118
Beer and Queso / Re: Tailgating Time
« on: September 03, 2011, 09:45:00 pm »
Craig or Rice?

119
Beer and Queso / Re: Tailgating Time
« on: September 03, 2011, 08:44:50 pm »
Greg Davis had been laterally transferred

<insert obvious punchline here>

120
Beer and Queso / Re: Tailgating Time
« on: September 03, 2011, 06:49:18 pm »
I shelled out $7 for a month of access to audio streams. Instead of the pre-game (which they're broadcasting on the Spanish stream) I'm currently enjoying Eminem. No joke. This athletic department is fucking retarded in terms of technology. Fucking idiots.

I did the exact same thing you did before I realized it just links to the RICE broadcast (not Craig), which of course is not a proper link.

Well.  Oiled.  Machine.

121
Beer and Queso / Re: Tailgating Time
« on: September 03, 2011, 06:25:50 pm »
If any kind soul should happen upon on online stream of LHN fro the Texas game tonight and feel like PM'ing me the info, I am willing to provide photoshop services and/or beer. Thank you for your consideration.

Me too.   All the NYC Exes viewing parties were cancelled since none of the 3 Horn bars could guarantee the game.

I will also trade you JackAstro's shoppin' skills and beer.

Oh, and to the greedy fucks at my alma mater in charge of this joke of a fucking idea...fuck you for holding me hostage.  You're a public university, not a pro sports team.   This is bullshit.

122
Talk Zone / Re: First an earthquake, now a hurricane
« on: August 27, 2011, 12:51:21 pm »
Every place we've tried here (NY state)

I wouldn't go to NJ for any reason either.

123
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Giants @ astros, Sunday rendition
« on: August 21, 2011, 03:37:34 pm »
The Belt family women seem to all suffer from Lufkinass.

124
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Giants @ astros, Sunday rendition
« on: August 21, 2011, 02:28:25 pm »
That reminds me, do you have a kayak or a flat bottom boat or anything to get out on the river?

He does unless he ate the one that came with the house.

125
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Giants @ astros, Sunday rendition
« on: August 21, 2011, 01:47:10 pm »
Had Corporan ever played baseball at any level prior to winning the Play Catcher For Your Astros scratch game in January?

126
Beer and Queso / Re: Texans Preseason 2011
« on: August 20, 2011, 08:10:23 pm »
I see the secondary has been fixed.

127
Talk Zone / Re: Rainbow Unis at auction
« on: August 17, 2011, 08:58:09 am »
Chris Sampson

Oh reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally.....

128
Beer and Queso / Re: Marfa Road Trip
« on: August 15, 2011, 03:45:39 pm »
Take a swim at Balmorhea. Pretty cool.

Feed a penny to the giant motherfucking catfish at the bottom.   Totally worth the $0.01.

129
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 13, 2011, 09:32:49 pm »
They didn't have desert?

Apparently not.   From what I've heard from reliable sources, if you get the proper tasting menu with pairings, it's a solid $800/person deal.

For what it's worth, we haven't even tried to make a reservation there yet.  Not because we aren't sure it's phenomenal, which I'm sure it is, but because $1,600 for a meal better be the best fucking thing I've ever eaten and I've never heard a single person say Masa is the best thing they've ever eaten.

130
Beer and Queso / Re: Marfa Road Trip
« on: August 13, 2011, 09:29:47 pm »
Do they do delivery to the UWS?

This is unfair.  I'm happy to travel to anywhere in Manhattan to eat good food.   Below 135th Street.

131
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 12, 2011, 05:36:24 am »
He doesn't go to Brooklyn.

Why would I go to Brooklyn?

I lose my magic superpowers if I cross over or under a body of water.

132
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:58:00 pm »
Appreciate it - have been heavily slanted to Chicago lately (Alinea and Next) and then going out to California a bunch when football starts. Need to figure out how to squeeze NYC in (preferably sans boy once he stops nursing)

Take the boy to Robert's Steakhouse.    It's the only NYC place on the list I ain't been to.   Go on.  Google it.

133
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:53:05 pm »
If I didn't live in Dallas and have a 9 month old, I'd be there tomorrow.

You couldn't get a res with that little notice anyway.

Next time you're up here, I highly recommend it.   In fact, if you're ever up here again and want some recs on fine dining places, lemme know.

134
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:49:12 pm »
Haven't been to EMP since re-concepted - I'd put that high on list too.


Not even similar.  Forget what you knew.  That place is dead to you now.  Go there now; it's spectacular and the entire Danny Meyer flagship experience is awesome.   The GM, the tour, the free drinks, the booze parlour after dinner.   I moved to NYC for two reasons: to get away from rednecks and to eat.   We eat pretty fucking well.   Eleven is my wife's favorite place so far and one of the few Michelin Stars we've eaten at multiple times.   

135
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:47:07 pm »
Eric Ripert seemed like such a nice guy in Treme that I would feel obligated.

No, no, you have to go.   It's the cathedral of seafo...blahblahblah.   It's also rushed service, no matter how busy they are, multiple courses that lack pop, and say!  Is that sea bass?   How original, Eric.  How.  Original.

136
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:33:22 pm »
Either one. But we've missed you here as usual when you take a break from us. You've missed a lot of changes and pissing and moaning, although our new kids have pumped some enthusiasm back into the place.

I've been here the entire time.   I read the site a few times a day and follow the GZ during games.  I just stopped posting.

From the list: 
Per Se
Mina
Daniel
Bernardin
Moto
Corton (horrible, worst 2 star on Earth)
La Grenouille
Del Posto
Eleven MadPark (if you haven't been, you must go)

137
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:30:55 pm »
1,4,13,24,25

Highest on the list to hit (but not necessarily in order): 2, 14, 22

Per Se is worth it.   Bernadin is not, but you have to go.   Del Posto has no business having a Star; someone will have to explain the fascination with Batali to me some day.   I've yet to eat in one of his places I liked (in fairness, haven't eaten at Babbo yet).   The food was definitely good at Del Posto, but not Star-quality and certainly not better than any of a few hundred other places in this city.

138
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:28:17 pm »
Where the fuck you been?

On the list or in general?

139
Beer and Queso / Re: Road Trip!
« on: August 11, 2011, 08:17:19 pm »
Hey BzDz, how many of these restaurants have you been to?

Holy shit, I have work to do.

And yeah, I don't know what they're thinking on Masa.  I know 4 people that have eaten there, all in a party of 2, none of them for less than $1500.

140
Beer and Queso / Re: Houston Restaurant Weeks
« on: August 09, 2011, 07:52:55 am »
I was going to ask why the bacon was forsaken.  But at the time I didn't want to rhyme. 

You are a poet who was not previously aware.

141
Beer and Queso / Re: Houston Restaurant Weeks
« on: August 08, 2011, 08:33:43 pm »
Was at Max's Wine Dive on Saturday.  Took your suggestion to request the foie gras in lieu of bacon on the fried egg sandwich.

The server brought it to my table, said "Who added the foie gras?" followed by "You're a badass."

Quote
FTR, that was Alkie's suggestion, not mine.

FTR, I said I added foie gras on top of the bacon, I didn't say anything about "substituting."    Go back and try it again with a glass of champagne as the pairing.   

142
Talk Zone / Re: Wednesday Tickets
« on: July 19, 2011, 08:20:59 pm »
Dammit.  I stopped posting 3 months ago.

143
Beer and Queso / Re: Bin Laden Dead
« on: May 02, 2011, 06:57:10 am »
I would have preferred to have his corpse stuck on a post and left to rot next to ground zero. He deserved no better treatment, who gives a flying fuck about some Islamic practice when it comes to burying a murdering terrorist. I honor those that killed him as I honor those he had killed.

Yes, by all means, let's give people more reasons to retaliate.   

144
Beer and Queso / Re: Bin Laden Dead
« on: May 02, 2011, 06:55:38 am »
I do not want America to be embarrassed on a global stage.......again......

Ah.

I think you can rest assured that will happen at some point.

145
Beer and Queso / Re: Bin Laden Dead
« on: May 01, 2011, 10:46:40 pm »
All I have to say is they better be fuckin' sure...

Or....?

146
Talk Zone / Re: April
« on: May 01, 2011, 04:18:17 pm »
Corner turned

We got this in writing, right?

147
Talk Zone / Re: April
« on: May 01, 2011, 01:19:25 pm »
Are we talking about the Twins or the White Sox?

Twins

148
Talk Zone / Re: April
« on: May 01, 2011, 11:23:28 am »
I only saw one, and I never would have guessed that one. There was another one that I did guess, but they have the same record.

I see two, but whatever.   The worst team in the majors?   Really?   Did anyone see that coming?

149
Talk Zone / Re: April
« on: May 01, 2011, 11:10:40 am »
Without looking at the standings, can you guess which two teams came out of April with worse records than us? 

150
Beer and Queso / Re: Enn Eff Ell Draft
« on: May 01, 2011, 08:28:54 am »
Fox Sports just declared the Texans as having the best draft.

I guess if you need to fill a spot at 19 positions, it's easy to draft well.

151
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Brewers @ Astros 4/30/11
« on: April 30, 2011, 08:34:51 pm »
At dinner.  Checked in to make sure we held it down.

Fuck you, Lyon.

152
Beer and Queso / Re: Enn Eff Ell Draft
« on: April 30, 2011, 12:29:13 pm »
If you've watched the Texans

Won't do it; you can't make me.

153
Beer and Queso / Re: Tim Duncan
« on: April 30, 2011, 01:21:56 am »
The official end of my earlier life.   The Biggio Astros and Duncan Spurs are done.   Bummer.

154
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Brew Crew @ Astros 4/29/11
« on: April 29, 2011, 09:17:52 pm »
piss off, wallace out now

We have the sound off; what's the verdict?

155
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Brew Crew @ Astros 4/29/11
« on: April 29, 2011, 07:13:26 pm »
Good start.

156
Beer and Queso / Re: Enn Eff Ell Draft
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:52:17 pm »
The Titans just ran off VY only to draft a less accurate, less mobile version of VY.

I'm really glad that my fanship was tied only to VY and that I don't/won't root for that team anymore.  I hated Jake Locker in college.   What a silly fucking pick.

Quote
And yet they still look smart compared to the Texans.

Well.   Yes.

157
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:50:43 pm »
Why the fuck is this guy still pitching?

I don't know what you guys are bitching about.  Most of those runs weren't his.  His ERA is still ok.

158
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:36:10 pm »
For all the bitching, Abad has a 2.89.   

159
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:22:27 pm »
Lucky.  Fucking.  Retard.

160
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:13:13 pm »
Bill Hall is the Nureyev of the keystone.

Lookie here, boys, I think we figured out which one 'a the posters is a sissyboy.

161
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:10:22 pm »

162
Beer and Queso / Re: Enn Eff Ell Draft
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:09:46 pm »
The Texans, in desperate need of help in the secondary, select a DE.

Awesome.

163
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:09:10 pm »
Jesus Christ. It's Gary Busey with tits.

So....Gary Busey.

164
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:08:11 pm »
Maybe he'll fuck up his knee diving back to the bag on one of Q's throws.

I don't hope he hurts himself, but I do hope his career ends in Houston.

Tonight.

As a Cardinal.

Fucker.

165
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:06:31 pm »
You know who can fuck himself?   Lance Berkman.

166
Beer and Queso / Re: Enn Eff Ell Draft
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:03:13 pm »
I just want to be the eleven thousandth person to go on record as saying Cam Newton and Jesus Locker as the first two QBs in a draft might go down as the bustiest ever.

167
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 08:01:47 pm »
I am lamenting the lack of Goodson Honda commercials this young season.

The old ones with the animated cricket or the newer ones with the bitches that dropped out of my jr high?

168
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 07:57:57 pm »
Well done.  Just like we drew it up.

169
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Turds @ Astros 4/28/11
« on: April 28, 2011, 07:53:52 pm »
Look, it's DoucheDad™!

Teach your kids young to sport a faux hawk and sport Ed Hardy tattoo shirts.

Cool, I made it on tv?

170
Talk Zone / Re: The Hand of God - A Sign
« on: April 28, 2011, 10:17:53 am »
Did you tell him about this awesome guy named JackAstro?

I did.   Steve said he knows all about him and keeps a photoshopped picture of JackAstro's face wearing a Three Men and a Baby ballcap on his cellphone as his avatar.  Weird, right?

171
Talk Zone / The Hand of God - A Sign
« on: April 28, 2011, 09:13:22 am »
For those of you that have been orbiting one of our outer planets for the past couple years, I live in NYC.   Celebrity sightings are pretty common and just as boring as you might expect.   Most celebrities are hideous social retards with bad teeth and ugly dogs.   Why people are fascinated with them is beyond me.  But that's not what I came to tell you.

I get my hair cut at the same Italian barber shop in midtown (real off-the-boat Italians) and usually see commercial actors, wannabe mobsters, possible real mobsters, local celebrities (like newspeople), and your occasional real-deal A lister.   Whatever.   We're all in the same gang here.

But today was different.   I'm sitting in the same chair as usual, Angelo cutting my hair and telling me Jew jokes, Italian jokes, old people jokes as usual.   Only this time, the guy in the chair right next to me is being overly talkative.  Not like in a drugged out way, just a happy cheerful fellow.   He's a tallish gangly Jew, late 50s maybe, and he's talking to EVERYone.    What part of town they live in, where their favorite restaurant is, isn't NY fantastic, what street they live on, don't you just love this barber shop, etc.   

After a good 15-20 minutes of this, and to be clear -- he's not being a pain in the ass, he's a super nice guy and everyone is having a good time talking to him -- he goes to the back to get his hair rinsed.

Angelo leans in to my ear and says "you know who that is right?"  Which is odd because he NEVER stops to point out the other celebrities/former famous people. 

"Nope."

"You never saw Police Academy?"

"Of course."

"That's Steve Guttenberg.   He comes in every 3 weeks and sits here for 5 hours talking to everyone that comes in.   What a nice guy."

The Astros will not lose another game.    Mark it down.   I expect to see Scott Baio at lunch.

172
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 28, 2011, 06:37:35 am »
I'm a spurs fan by birth, and I love Sean Elliot, but how is he allowed to announce Spurs games on national TV?  He doesn't even pretend at objectivity.

Wait a second; you guys got the SA broadcasters on NBAtv last night?   We got the Memphis broadcasters here.   I thought I knew what homerism was.   

173
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 09:05:48 pm »
4 games out.

Season over. 


174
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 09:02:40 pm »
I thought they only had donkey hookers.

Donkeys get play for free; they don't need hookers.   

175
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 09:00:54 pm »
This got me thinking - in what way can tranny hooker advise go wrong?

"Look, she's got a dick.  That's what you're paying for."

I can see you've never been in the military or to Mexico.

176
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:54:38 pm »
Was that the time you bet $10,000 on a game of HORSE with Moses Malone?

Easy money.   If a glass eater challenges you to HORSE, you take the money.

177
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:54:01 pm »
Now wait just a damn minute. I have NEVER issued any advice regarding audit readiness.

Me either.  I was wondering who he was talking abou...oh right, Fredia.  Nevermind.

178
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:46:52 pm »
I think, according to Raup the Younger, ANY time in Richmond, Va is insignificant.

You know, the wife and I spent a week there in 2005 and had a better time than I would have thought we would have.

I do remember there being a crazy number of smokers.   I get it, tobacco comes from there.   Still. 

179
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:43:09 pm »
Does anyone else think it's fucking weird that there are multiple posters here who have spent not-insignificant time in Richmond, Virginia?

How odd.

180
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:33:40 pm »
Some runs would be nice.

181
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:31:43 pm »
Sucking his own cock counts.

A-Rod doesn't have a cock.   Or maybe I just didn't have enough cash that night.

182
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:14:16 pm »
This is the same franchise that has been happy to let Milo totter off into the sunset, brought to you by Metal Sawing Technology!

Sure, and I'm the last to defend Milo, but at least he's a genuine legend PBP guy.   I mean, you know his voice instantly.   He's in the parking lot of the Hall of Fame.

183
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:10:19 pm »
I can't fucking listen anymore. They're making me sick.

They must cost absolutely nothing.   Why else would we keep them around?   They're terrible at what they do, they have no name recognition, they've got such distinctive voices that 15 years later we still can't tell them apart and, oh yeah, they're not Astros fans.

184
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:06:45 pm »
DoRay said that the Jakes hadn't had a runner get to second just before that HR.

Doesn't count.   You can only jinx the team you're rooting for.

185
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 08:00:11 pm »
Happ looks great.   Nice to see him get a W tonight.

Good job, asshole.

186
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:56:23 pm »
Happ looks great.   Nice to see him get a W tonight.

187
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:53:04 pm »
And yet he returns with that same shit. 

Astros 6, Cards 5

188
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:51:58 pm »

189
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:51:34 pm »
I called him a no-good New York cocksucker last night. 

LET'S
go
YANK
ees

190
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:50:44 pm »
You called him A-Rod? That's a low blow, even to Alkie...

A-Rod it turns out is not a cocksucker.   Or maybe I just didn't have enough cash on me.

191
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros v. Jakes, 04/27/2011
« on: April 27, 2011, 07:32:19 pm »
Holy shit!  We're going to be 2.5 games out in a few hours.   

192
BBGs can eat the shit from my peanuts as usual.

193
See, this is the insight we needed earlier.

Done and done.

194
Well fuck me sideways. 

Done and done.

195
Of course.

OF COURSE.

Lance Berkman GWRBI.


196
You know, Bourgeois getting picked off there doesn't bother me.  Shit happens.  If you never get picked off or thrown out, you're not aggressive enough.  What kills me about that inning is the two Kc's immediately following. 

I'll just stop posting now.   I was mother-fuckering because he was called out despite being safe.   

197
Q dinger.  I'm calling it. 

Good call.

198
Mother.
Fucker.

199
Dear Brown Hand Center,

You are allowed to use a spokesperson who does not creep me out.

Thank you,

Limey

This is a massive, massive upgrade over their old campaign.

200
I wonder is he puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars.

Hey man, lay off...he's ok.

201
Talk Zone / Re: Footer on "Skinny" Puma
« on: April 26, 2011, 09:56:38 pm »
Not all players with a who-cares attitude bat .297/.409/.548 over a dozen seasons.

Think how good Babe Ruth could have been if he had gotten in shape and stopped drinking and chasing women.

Fuck Babe Ruth, too.   Also not an Astro.

202
And...I want to be abundantly clear that I never once tonight thought the Astros would hang on and win this game.

203
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that excuse...

I was responding to MM's post about how shitty the division was.   

I wasn't even remotely commenting on the game we're currently witnessing beyond the fact that a win by the Astros and loss by the Cardinals tonight would mean the Astros would be 3 out in the NLC.   Which is pathetic.   This division is caca.

204
Thanks a lot, you sorry-ass New York City bitch!  This is all your fucking fault.

I wasn't kidding.  My post had nothing to do with fingers-crossed-holy-fucking-shit-lookee-here-boys-we're-gonna-win.  It was 100% "wow this division sucks a fat donkey cock; were the Astros to win tonight, they'd only be 3 games out."


205
How are you going to make up the 90 runs Wade expects him to drive in?

Lance Berkman?

206
Goddammit.

207
Shut the fuck up with this "we" and "win".  Goddamn I hate you.

It was more about how shitty the division is and really had nothing to do with us or winning.

208
I've seen enough to know that the NL Central is a collection of bad, bad baseball teams.

If we win tonight, we're 3 games out.   Wow.

209
Talk Zone / Re: For your Tanked Commander insulting pleasure:
« on: April 26, 2011, 09:36:34 am »
Hold up just a second.  What does LaRussa's wife look like?

He struck me as a lot of things, pornotrash was not one of them.

210
Talk Zone / Re: Sat Night Game
« on: April 25, 2011, 08:55:24 pm »
Freddie the Painter.

Get the fuck out.  You know F the P?

211
Talk Zone / Re: Chris Sampson
« on: April 25, 2011, 08:53:46 pm »
Marlins, eh?

I can root for the Marlins.

No one else is.

212
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 25, 2011, 08:50:16 pm »
You are now, officially, big time!

I'd assume you were being sarcastic, but you live here too, so I know you know what I'm talking about.

213
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 24, 2011, 08:53:04 pm »
I thought we had a discussion about your shitty TV service when you moved there and you told us you couldn't have DTV or something? What changed?

We got a new super.   Within a month of him starting, we got approved for a washer/dryer (which changed my wife's view of the apartment entirely), a new a/c unit in our living room, and DirecTV.   Now I'm trying to sign a 5 year extension on the lease.

214
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 23, 2011, 10:52:43 pm »
So now we know officially, the answer to the question "How long do you have to live in Manhattan before you turn into pinko commie scum?" is "About three years"

I just want the record to show that I was pinko commie scum before and leading directly into becoming a citizen of Manhattan.

I can't imagine why anyone would live here if they weren't.

215
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 23, 2011, 10:46:30 pm »
They own the boxes and you are leasing them.  Why shouldn't they keep charging you until you returned their property?

You fucking Nazi, I expect more from this site.  Especially from you.

You think I should be charged $10/day to keep their leased piece of shit $.05 Atlanta Scientific boxes on my floor?  Give me a fucking break.  I'm only leasing their equipment because they require me to.

ETA:  My apologies, Waldo.  This doesn't make you a Nazi; it makes you a Republican.   

216
Talk Zone / Re: Sat Night Game
« on: April 23, 2011, 09:19:34 pm »
GAME'S OVAH, KNICKS WON!

Good lord, man, how old are you?

217
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 23, 2011, 03:01:27 pm »
I love directv, but hate my att dsl - I think I am going to go back to cable internet with time warner against all my better instincts.

Don't do it holmes.

I was terrified that the DSL from Verizon that was bundled with DirecTV would be a billionth as fast as my TWC cable modem....nope, it turns out it was just another service TWC did poorly.   The DSL is somehow faster (at 1/4 the price).

218
Talk Zone / Re: Sat Night Game
« on: April 23, 2011, 03:00:07 pm »
Too fancy. Know any slimy places in Jersey?

That will be showing the Spurs game?  I doubt it.   

219
Talk Zone / Re: Sat Night Game
« on: April 23, 2011, 02:13:02 pm »
Sure.   Volare on W 4th?

220
Beer and Queso / Re: Bragging
« on: April 23, 2011, 12:52:44 pm »
Yeah, they just told me they'd keep charging me until I returned their boxes even though the service had been cut from my apt 3 days ago.

I said "I'm not receiving any service from you and if you want your equipment back so badly, have someone come pick it up."   After 20 minutes of yelling, he agreed to stop charging me today, even though my service actually ended 3 days ago.   Which beat paying for two more weeks.

221
Beer and Queso / Bragging
« on: April 23, 2011, 12:11:05 pm »
I just wanted to shout from the motherfucking mountaintop that I couldn't be more pleased to announce...

I finally cancelled my Time Warner services this morning and returned to DirecTV after two years.   

Worst company in America - Time Warner or AT&T?   You decide.   

I can't believe I went two years without HD non-local sports.

222
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 4/19/2011: Astros at Mets
« on: April 19, 2011, 08:46:20 pm »
Its the best burger for order in madison sq park.

Not correct.   Pick up any pile of homeless man dookie and put it in your mouth.   

Ah, to order, you said.  So put a pickle on it.

223
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 4/19/2011: Astros at Mets
« on: April 19, 2011, 08:20:30 pm »
I sure hope Alkie is in Flushing for a mercy hit. DoRay just said the best hamburger in the Universe is at Shake Shack.

Hells no.   I ain't going out to East Jesus to sit in the rain.

Anyone that thinks Shake Shack is the best burger on anything is clearly functionally retarded.

224
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 4/19/2011: Astros at Mets
« on: April 19, 2011, 08:17:55 pm »
Alright. Now to our bully. We're 4-3 when leading after 7 innings. Just sayin'.

We've been up after 7 in seven games already?

225
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Fathers @ Astronauts 4/17/11
« on: April 17, 2011, 01:44:43 pm »
Can you tell on TV where they have the dogs?

Next to their fat husbands?

226
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Fathers @ Astronauts 4/17/11
« on: April 17, 2011, 01:40:10 pm »
They both mostly sleep, eat and poop so I understand the confusion

My goodness, sir; that is one ugly dog.

227
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Fathers @ Astronauts 4/17/11
« on: April 17, 2011, 01:34:19 pm »
Amazing.  The single smartest human being to ever sit down the line is an 8 year old boy.

228
Wow.

A series we didn't lose.

229
I thought it was KOOK-uhl. Bet you can't guess my nickname for him.

Kike?

230
Brandy, bait the hydraulic press with Lyony.

231
Yas suh, Mistah Benny. Does you want me to burn th' haid?

Worst Irish accent I've ever heard.   Ever.

232
Brandy, release Carly.  Trade Pency to the AL.   Trick Pamster into a hydraulic press (it's the only way to kill those things).

233
Text Baggy and tell him to knock it off.

Ladies and gentlemen, your number three hitter.

Wait a fucking second.  This IS my Astros, isn't it?   Which one of you wants to be my GM?

234
It takes a special kind of asshole to hit .250 career with bases loaded.

235
It's ok if they buy from the company store. You know, like Apple.

You're for giving womens money?

236
Thisy really must be stoppied.

237
They're not; Pam is, erm, grandfathered in.

It never occurred to me she had girlparts.

Quote
You really have to appreciate the cold logic that Craney employs, don't you? I can't hire blacks because all of my management are racists.

Like I said, I'm for it.   First you give those people jobs, soon they'll be demanding other shit like "food" and "water."

238
Great.  Only Astropipes hitting well and now Downsy is hurty.

239
Email?

240
I think you're confused. One of the team's sponsors in 1999 was Wild Irish Rose, sure, but the team slogan that year was, We're outta this shithole!

It turns out I was confused.   It was the 2001 slogan.

Also, for the record, I agree with the new policy.   What I don't get is why women are allowed.

242
You jest but just wait until Crane buys the team and that may very well become the official team slogan.

You think they'd bring back the 1999 slogan so soon?

243
Weren't expecting that, were you.

244
I guess I'll have to give in to that and join everyone else, Alkiey.

Alks.   Amateur.  

Also...Alkpipes.

245
Very nifty play by Wallace!

"Wally," Brandy.

246
If the season ended right now:

Royals at Rangers
Yankees at Indians

Fish at Rox
Reds at Phils

I just looked at the standings for the first time in a week.  How the fuck are the Rox the best team in baseball?

247
Hell yes.

248
Coaching high school baseball is pretty busy year round these days.

Alrightee then.

249
IIRC, Biggio is coaching his son right now.

Right, I knew that.  I just didn't think that was a real full-time job, right?

250
Does Biggio not have any desire to work for the club?  Perhaps as a coach or a broadcaster or a second baseman?

251
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/14/2011: Astros vs. Padres
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:47:14 pm »
Outstanding work by Melancon.  Good money says he's the closer by year end.

Year end?

252
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/14/2011: Astros vs. Padres
« on: April 14, 2011, 09:16:05 pm »
Matt Downs wants to stay in the lineup.

Alkie wants Matt Downs to stay in the lineup.

253
1.) Hockey is WAY more exciting than soccer.

Yeah, I'll actually agree with that.   There's a lot more actual action.

254
why watch it if you don't like it?

I'm trying to like it.

255
why would you go to something you don't like?

It's on TV.   

256
I'm trying really hard to get into playoff hockey because I'm supposed to be a Rangers fan or something now.

It's like soccer on ice.   God this sport sucks.

257
Good, good... let the hate flow through you...

Only his hatred can destroy us.

258
FUCK.   If only Clark wasn't so Clark or we hadn't given up the bomb to Z.

259
Anyone know how many hr z has hit against us?

24.

260
People picked this team to win the division.  Really.

People find Charlie Sheen interesting.   People are morons.

261
I did.  It's a picture of Hunter Pence's girlfriend in a pink bikini.

Yeah, that's what I get when I click on it too.

262
Fuckingcubs.

263
Wallace is a ray of light in this crapfest.

A glacial paced 1B with two extra base hits and a .703 OPS is the ray of light.

This team is beyond fucked.

264
I hear she's quite the bartender.

I believe that.

If I was having sex with Hunter Pence for money, I'd wish I knew how to mix a good drink too.

266
Finally.  The break we've been waiting for.

267
Whatever he's doing, it's allowing him to bang some seriously hot chicks. 

Pictures.

268
Rainforest Cafe and spends the whole night talking about baseball

"....so like this one time?  I got FOUR of them in my mouth at once."

269
Pshaw...Alkie makes that a month


I took a pay cut?

Quote
and he's ugly as fuck.

Yes, but I'll let you rub your clit on my bald spot.

270
If he no-hits the Astros today, I'll ......

Hey, I hear there's a new Cubs bar downtown.  Y'all with me?

271
Oh. Happy birthday to Michael Bourn.

You know he's black, right?  Pam does.

272
.......NEXT.

273
Hit the fucking cutoff man, FOTF!!!!!

+∞

274
You're at home, Wandrew.

275
I've got to endure CubFan announcers tonight on WGN.

Us too.   Good fucking thing NYC finally got WGN 2 weeks ago.

276
Beer and Queso / Re: People Magazine Names J-Lo "Most Beautiful Woman"
« on: April 13, 2011, 06:55:08 pm »
Come on guys, OP started this thread 13 years ago.   Why are you replying to it?

277
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 08:00:05 pm »
Samardzija sounds like something penicillin might cure.

Something you catch from Dallasites.

278
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:55:01 pm »
Pence's second RBI single chases the pitcher. Ha!

And you thought your day sucked.

279
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:50:24 pm »
Michael Bourn with a Maury Wills Triple.

280
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:48:19 pm »
He doesn't swing like a pitcher.

Stance, timing mechanism, steps into it, balances his weight, doesn't look like he's waving at a hornet's nest with a broom.

281
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:45:53 pm »
Did Myers used to be a position player?

282
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:44:09 pm »
Of all the goddamn stats to be the best in MLB.

283
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:39:02 pm »
Say boys, I hear there's a new Cubs bar next to the stadium.  Y'all wanna come with me or what?

284
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: FTC @ Good Guys 4/12/11
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:31:04 pm »
Teeheehee.  Fucking Cubs.

285
Talk Zone / Re: PSA: 1986 Game 6 on MLB Network this Sunday
« on: April 12, 2011, 04:46:57 pm »
I don't know what the hell everyone is talking about.   There were no playoffs in 1986.

286
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 12, 2011, 07:58:37 am »
3rd smallest crowd in MMP history.

And that's only because of the Cubs fans.

287
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 10:01:00 pm »
I find it hilariously sad that George Will is what passes for an intellectual in modern US America.

Only for 46% of America.

288
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:53:27 pm »
It's how we got a lot of nitwit Braves fans, too.

Lo mismo.

289
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:47:40 pm »
Everybody has one.  They are like pets

Exactly.

Some friend that was born and/or grew up in a place with no tie to a real team and who had cable.

And no balls.

290
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:36:18 pm »
Please, for the love of all that is holy, get a basehit so I can email my Cub friend.

291
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:35:26 pm »
U walk Pence.

U foo.

292
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:30:43 pm »
Fuck you Jobu.

293
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:29:45 pm »
HA.

294
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/11/2011: Astros vs. FTC
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:27:41 pm »
You know who can slurp my cum?   The Cubs announcers.

295
Talk Zone / Re: Is it just me, or
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:23:08 pm »
As Orwell wrote, "Fake boobs good, real boobs better!!"

Pablo Orwell, one of the worst porno writers out there today.

296
Beer and Queso / Re: Something something something Dark Side
« on: April 10, 2011, 06:03:11 pm »
Ditto.

297
Talk Zone / Re: Countdown to History
« on: April 10, 2011, 09:16:58 am »
The small victories are the ones we're going to have to celebrate, and build from that.

None of us have actually gotten Astro cancer yet this year.   VICTORY!
 
Quote
The little stuff. It's baseball. Enjoy it while it's here, because in a few months it won't be and we'll be wishing it was.

Bah, by July, we'll all be dying for college football.

298
Beer and Queso / Re: Something something something Dark Side
« on: April 10, 2011, 07:20:29 am »
I don't have what the rest of you would call "a boss," no, but neither do you.

You'll be happy to learn that last week I used my MacBook Air to write a couple of "contracts" and convert them to PDFs before sending them along to "clients."

Not possible on a Mac.   Macs are only good for taking useless photos, video, and audio and then manipulating them further to love one's self in ways most psychologists didn't think possible.   You can't use Mac to conduct business in the Western sense.

299
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 10, 2011, 07:17:51 am »
Chuck, this may be the booze talking, but next time that you find yourself in the hellhole that is Dallas, I'd love to buy you a drink.

You've just hit on both footer and chuck.   It may be time to go to bed.

300
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 09:08:14 pm »
I don't know if anyone else here is watching the fights, but Austinite James Kirkland just got upset in a massive, like other-worldly upset.

301
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:23:47 pm »
That 2000 staff was pretty special.

Elarton, Reynolds, Miller, Dotel, Wagner.

This is much much worse.

302
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:19:58 pm »
Man, the pitching on this team is a shitty as I ever remember.

I was seriously trying to remember a worse staff.   I think it was before I was watching Astros baseball.

303
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:18:41 pm »
Well, at least the fights are starting.   

304
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:17:58 pm »
TEH suck.

305
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:07:10 pm »
I hope you're not talking about JR Towles.

I wasn't, but put him on the list.

306
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:02:46 pm »
Things were going too well so he had to do something about that.

I honestly can't believe how every single one of our hot-ish prospects of the last 3 years fizzled into average-at-best.

307
Beer and Queso / Re: Something something something Dark Side
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:01:59 pm »
Remember that chuck doesn't have what the rest of us would call "a job" and that he only uses his computer to take upskirt photos at the Mercado.

308
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 07:59:53 pm »
Good job, Bud.

It would actually kill this guy to hold a lead.

309
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 07:42:59 pm »
In a sense, hearing Baggy tonight almost makes this season worse.

I'm not sure I needed to be reminded of how awesome a franchise this was just a few years ago and that Baggy could still be used as the hitting coach but turned it down.

310
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 07:21:59 pm »
This is KIND of like taking my aunt and uncle to a French restaurant.

311
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: 04/09/2011: Astros vs. Fish
« on: April 09, 2011, 07:19:33 pm »
Outstanding.

Now I have to listen to Brownie and JD talk "food" with a CIA graduate.

This won't be painful and embarrassing.

312
Awesome.

313
So you prefer a spoon or shotglass?

I do.

314
I'm really sick, actually.  And they gave me the real cough syrup.

share.

315
It ain't over yet, you negative debbies!

I'm buoyed with confidence.

You're buoyed with rum.

316
Motherfucker.

I'm really pissed about this.

I followed the entire goddamn game on my blackberry through dinner.   We're up, we're up, we're up.   I get in the elevator, we're up.

I turn on the TV, now we're going to lose again.

Fuck.

317
You live on the 1875th floor?

No, like I said, we got upstairs, we changed our clothes, got comfy, sit down for the night......2-1 was now 3-2.

318
Motherfucker.  It was 2-1 us when we got in the elevator.   We got upstairs, changed our clothes, turned on the game and.......what the mother fuck?   Why the hell are we now losing?

319
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 09:26:57 pm »
I didn't expect it to be good but I never expected the pitching to be such a shit storm.

We could seriously lose 100 games.

320
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 09:22:02 pm »
Thought I heard them chatting about Nash and some others (ignored the AAA talk...).

Holy fuck.  Michael Nash is our best AAA player?   We're fucked.

321
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 09:09:52 pm »
Good.  Sweet.  Jesus.

322
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 09:05:28 pm »
Out.

323
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:57:55 pm »
Archangel Gabriel is mocking Jose Lima for donning a rally cap.

Killing him at 32 wasn't enough?

324
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:55:04 pm »
If we're going to rest the "regulars" in every blowout, we're going to need more bench players.

You don't look busy.

325
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:51:09 pm »
Bourgeois in for Bourn.  Is Bourn hurt, or is Mills blatantly throwing in the towel?

Say, dude, I love you and all.   It's 10 to 4.  We have two at-bats left.   In Cinci.   It's ovah.

326
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:49:47 pm »
Only in that either of them could take 6 of 7 from the Astros.

Ridiculous.

We couldn't beat either of those teams once in a seven game series.

327
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:47:35 pm »
That NL side could easily hold true.

No love for the Royals/O's series?

328
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:45:01 pm »
If the season ended right now:

Jays at Rangers
Royals at Orioles

Padres at Cincinnati
Rockies at Phillies

329
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:42:43 pm »
Brewers win.   We're the last 0-fer team in the NL.

330
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:36:16 pm »
Because the fucking SS was playing too far back. It's not like the Astros are snakebit, they just suck.

No.  You're still arguing fundamentals as if I honestly don't get why it was a poor decision. 

I get all that.  Really.

I'm saying, as the ball was approaching home, it looked like he would actually get the gambled out.   And he still didn't. 

331
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:32:43 pm »
Just because we've blown 2 four-run leads in the first 5 games?

Silver lining:  we had 2 four-run leads in the first 5 games.

332
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:32:21 pm »
It is 9:35 a.m. out here.

Like when I was still in El Paso and had to get up the morning after Thanksgiving at 8a to watch the Horns/Ags game.   Brutal.

333
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:29:48 pm »
So it saves a run in a five run versus six run lead? Sanchez was playing too deep and Phillips got too good of a jump. It would have taken a miracle to stop that run. So get the out.

I'm not arguing that for a second.  I'm not.

I'm just saying, it was a play that (right or wrong) appeared to be worth an out at home and it still wasn't.   

334
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:27:40 pm »
Wait.  Tomorrow's game starts at 10:35a Central?   Is that a joke?

ETA:  Nevermind, 11:35a Central.    Still.

335
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:25:31 pm »
Why go home in that situation? Get a fucking out.

No, of course.  I'm just saying, even with what should have been a run saving out....isn't for this team.

336
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:24:25 pm »
Christ.

Even decent defensive plays go unrewarded.

337
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:22:04 pm »
Nice job, Fatass.

Credit where credit is due.  He lurched as fast as he could toward the ball.

338
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:21:42 pm »
Fi-fi-no-field-a-five.

339
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:20:12 pm »
At least you didn't grow up in Zwolle.

Netherlands or Louisiana?

I imagine if I had grown up in the former, I'd be using 32% of my brain or something and sprouting wings.   And granting wishes.

340
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:17:10 pm »
Holy Jumped-up Jesus Palomino!

When did you learn to count, Alkie?

Texas Public Education system.  You're lucky I can make good sentence?

341
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:16:34 pm »
I've seen enough of Senor Figueroa tonight.

Amazingly, so has Mills.   Finally.

342
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:15:23 pm »
Leave him in, Brad.  He's settlin' down.

343
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:15:05 pm »
4.

344
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:14:12 pm »
3.

345
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:14:02 pm »
Doesn't feel like we're only down 2.

346
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:11:54 pm »
It's like not even watching a major league team.

347
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 08:06:31 pm »
Well, there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that there is some talent. Not much, but some. The bad news is that it is in the low levels. Low as in Apple Bottom Jeans low low low low low low low. Por ejemplo, Ariel Ovando. He's 17. So we can look forward to having him in the jardin derecho in 2019 or so, about the time Michael Bourn makes the transition to first base coach.

So we're quite seriously looking at possibly the worst 10 year stretch in team history?

348
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:54:19 pm »
So, seriously, how are our bus teams doing?   Are we getting any more talent in the low levels yet?

349
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:47:35 pm »
Seriously here - does any time in the league have a worse three hitter?  The only possibility I can think of is the mariners

Some publication (I honestly don't remember who) declared that the '11 Astros have the worst team MVP (Pence) in memory.

350
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:44:23 pm »
Leave em in!   He's settling down.

351
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:41:35 pm »
All breaking balls to Pence. Fuck.u

U'd throw Penis fastbl?  LOL!ELEVEN!  U foo.

352
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:38:16 pm »
Anyone else remember when it was Grande and Welsh doing Reds games and it was one of the more enjoyable broadcasting teams in MLB?

Thems were the days, eh?

353
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:32:32 pm »
CAsey pointed out why Mills let Figueroa pitch to Janish with Volquez on deck. Good point.

Casey also called Dusty Baker one of the "greatest managers of....of....all time."

354
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:29:56 pm »
Do we have anyone up?

Up?

Anyone? 

Have?

355
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:29:33 pm »
This is a disaster in ways previously unimaginable.

This game is going to contend with the basketball game the other night.

356
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:28:42 pm »
I'm in Austin. Can somebody provide a clue?

Double steal.  Towles managed to throw the ball into the perfectly still bat a foot from his face.

357
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:26:02 pm »
Really?   Jesus, Towles.

358
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:23:29 pm »
God.  Fucking.   Dammit.

359
Beer and Queso / Re: Shiner Ruby Redbird
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:10:41 pm »
Mmm...Shiner SharkJump

360
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:07:37 pm »
Sean Casey needs to cut back on the Red Bull a lot.

Dude.  Whoa.  AAAGH!   Whoa.   Dude.   AAGH!   BATS!

361
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 07:06:29 pm »
That, kids, is how not to drag a bunt.

362
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 06:29:15 pm »
3-0 Astros.

363
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 06:27:45 pm »
If you walk home an Astros run, you have serious command issues.

364
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 06:16:26 pm »
Bourn and Sanchez reach.

2 on, no outs.

365
Game Zone 2011 Archive / April 6, 2011 - Tortuga's Revenge
« on: April 06, 2011, 06:12:17 pm »
Everyone else has already lost interest this season?

366
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities, 4/5/2011
« on: April 05, 2011, 08:18:25 pm »
Whenever they schedule France.

You want me to believe this team could stop France right now?

367
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities, 4/5/2011
« on: April 05, 2011, 08:18:00 pm »

368
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities, 4/5/2011
« on: April 05, 2011, 08:10:09 pm »
So our first win comes.....when exactly?

369
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros at Dickities, 4/5/2011
« on: April 05, 2011, 07:39:47 pm »
Ok, I'm finally home.

We winning?

370
Beer and Queso / Re: March Madness
« on: April 05, 2011, 06:32:51 am »
They didn't televise Figueroa's last exhibition start up in Bloomburg?

I stand by it.

371
Beer and Queso / Re: March Madness
« on: April 04, 2011, 10:08:32 pm »
Possibly the worst sporting event I've ever watched.

372
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman
« on: April 04, 2011, 08:32:17 pm »
Get your hate on while you can because he'll be hurt before you know it.

I don't know, man, he looks like he's in the best shape in a decade.

373
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman
« on: April 04, 2011, 07:38:17 pm »
And then watched him score.   And play slappypants with the Co-ards.

Fuck that guy. 

374
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman
« on: April 04, 2011, 07:36:45 pm »
I just watched my first AB for Lance Berkman, Co-ard.

He's clearly lost a lot of weight.  Just flew from 1st to 3rd on a solid single to right.

You know what?  Fuck that guy.

375
Beer and Queso / HR Leaders By Decade
« on: April 04, 2011, 07:09:54 pm »

376
Beer and Queso / WordPress
« on: April 03, 2011, 06:17:23 pm »
Anyone here consider themselves an expert on WordPress?

377
And you expected what? 

Honestly, not this bad.  You look at the lineup and it's not a bunch of nobodies.   I'm not saying it's a good-to-great lineup, but it's not horrific (on paper).  Then you look at the rotation, Myers is a legit #2, Happ and Wandy are legit #3s; it's not like we're trotting out rookies.   Then the bullpen looks above average; the name-guys have a decent track record and the no-name guys have either above average stuff or really good numbers in the minors or ST.

I don't know, I'm not saying I expected the team to make the postseason or anything, but I didn't think they'd look as clueless as they did this series with the exception of Myers.

378
Sweet Jesus we're bad.

379
The CIA has decided we're too bad to watch.

380
I hope Drayton sells soon.  I'm not blaming him for this (entirely), but if the team won't be actively improving until he sells, let's get on with it.

381
Can you guys start a UT football thread?


What would you rather we be talking about?

382
He throws a good ball, which will take you far in high school.  My completely uneducated opinion is that he can't read a defense for shit.

Ok, but shouldn't the "world class" coaches at UT have known that?  Or, god forbid, be able to fix it?

383
Also, Case McCoy hasn't thrown off his front foot yet.

Because he doesn't know how or because his line is crumbling before he can get set?

384
Beats me.  But GG just stared down a receiver in double coverage and threw the pick anyways.  Same. Old. Shit.

I honestly don't get how he went from such a bad motherfucker in HS to such a useless fuck in D1.

385
In unrelated news, Garrett Gilbert has not improved.

They give the job to Wood?

386
5-1 Phillies, middle 5. I'm gonna take a quick vomit break.

To or from?

387
Who's the blonde in the corner down the 1st base line?

388
Fuckhouse just accepted my friend request.

Don't get her pregnant.

389
Astros still without a walk (other than intentional to Bourn) this season.

Fire Sean Berry.

390
CHARGE THE MOUND, YOU PUSSY.

391
I did not think he was going to get out of that inning alive. One run is a triumph in those circumstances.

We are now collectively excited to only be down 5 after 3.   Gonna be a good year.

392
We're one of NINE teams going in to play today without a win yet.

393
And some smarmy fat fuck with crumbs on his face is smirking at you.

Sorry.  Turned the webcam off.

394
The games during the ads are grating on mine.

395
This is just sad. Imagine how bad it would be if the Phillies had Utley and Victorino in the lineup.

Or if Myers hadn't thrown a gem.

396
That's some shitty pitching right there.

It's ok, Bud Norris is at the Kenny Chesney concert.

397
Just got back from the park with my daughter. I take it things aren't going well.

Well, I doubt we can credit this entire suckfest to you taking your daughter to the park, but no.

Our #2 and #4 starters look not-so-good.

Let's hope Happ is healthy.

398
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:49:35 pm »
The Astros would be OK if they could keep their opponents generally in the area of single digits.

If you had told me this lineup would get 4 runs in both Halladay and Lee's starts, I'd have been feelin' pretty good.

Dammit.

I hope we fucking pound Oswalt.

399
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:45:54 pm »
Nice stop a ball with your nuts, then turn around and strike out Howard

Is god, not man.

401
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:39:36 pm »
Say, gents...

I'm looking at the roster for the first time this year and, uh, a certain pitcher is missing.

What gives?

402
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:35:43 pm »
Hey Allie - "better ingredients, better pizza, Papa John's."

Ah hahahahahahahahaha...

Say, pizza sounds good.  I may order a Papa Johns right now.

403
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:35:09 pm »
Double shy.

404
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 08:17:41 pm »
Think I'm gonna walk down to the river for the sunset.

Give it a year; you'll end up in NYC.

405
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:53:01 pm »
About time you showed up, you fairy.

Me or Lee?

406
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:51:22 pm »
Lee is fat and sucks.

Seriously.  Did you see how slowly he tossed the bat and barely trotted after that shot?

Hippie.

407
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:49:24 pm »
Single/double shy.

408
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:44:51 pm »
I hope we aren't sitting around talking about soccer or rugby or some shit like that next Friday.

Learn how to hit and close out a game and we won't have to.

Hippie.

409
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:44:12 pm »
Sure, but they don't dominate the elite 8 and final four like they used to. Just look at the last several years. It's not just Butler.

I'll be damned, I looked it up to try to sort-of prove you wrong and this was the first time since 1979 that two non-BCS schools made the Final Four.

Good.  I hope this happens every year.

410
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:36:32 pm »
not hard to see this as a permanent shift in college basketball. the early entries to the nba mean the big schools aren't good enough anymore to dominate in a tournament format.

I wish that were true.

Still been 20 years since a mid major won the thing.

411
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros @ Phillies 4/2/11
« on: April 02, 2011, 07:32:41 pm »
Myers can make 81 starts this season, yes?

412
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Opening Day!!!
« on: April 01, 2011, 04:12:36 pm »
The game is, indeed, over.

I have to say, even with the expectations for this season, I still can't believe it.

When my wife said "hey, we're up 4, late" I started following the box score updates and it honestly didn't occur to me that we'd blow this one.   I thought we had a decent bullpen this year?

413
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Opening Day!!!
« on: April 01, 2011, 04:01:58 pm »
Wait.

You're kidding.

True story:  I am following the 8th and 9th innings and get busy right after the first two batters in the bottom of the 9th.  Thinking the game is over, I forget about it until just now and go back to check the final.

What the fuck?

414
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Opening Day!!!
« on: April 01, 2011, 01:54:55 pm »
4-0 Astros.

Shit, now BudGirl is broken too.

Can someone tell me the REAL score of TODAY'S Astros/Phillies game?  The one that Roy Halladay started for the 162-0 World Champeen Phillies?

415
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Opening Day!!!
« on: April 01, 2011, 01:51:33 pm »
I just got my first chance to take a breath and look at the score.

ESPN.com and MLB.com are both broken and are showing an Astros-Phillies score from 1999.  Someone let me know what the real score is please.

416
Talk Zone / Re: Race For The Lid XII
« on: March 31, 2011, 08:45:44 pm »
70.5

You'll see.

417
Talk Zone / Re: Season opener plans?
« on: March 31, 2011, 08:44:48 pm »
Opening Day in Philly when you have a perfectly good MMPUS is just fucking stupid.

Well, fuck me in the ear.

I find 3 perfectly good 1st row tickets on stubhub, the Amtrak goes from Penn Station to 30th Street in Philly with 50 minutes to get to the stadium, I'm just about to purchase both when......I should probably check the weather....FUCK.

Yeah, nevermind, I'll watch it on tv.   I don't care enough to watch the no-hitter to sit in snow for 3 hours. 

418
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman
« on: March 31, 2011, 08:42:00 pm »
The Hillsborough County jail would be my guess.

'em boys in Illsbro doan know what theys dillin with.   At thar in that cell is a basset hound with a moostash and a party hat.   Mah giss is D Bell been sprung years ago and done made it to the borader bah now.

419
Talk Zone / Re: Berkman
« on: March 31, 2011, 08:16:27 pm »
Any day that those fuckers lose is a great day! And in extras and the home opener to boot!

Remember today.  It'll be the last time we look down at the Cards in the standings.

420
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:46:57 pm »
Pence has his uses

Window cleaner and dessert topping?

421
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:45:47 pm »
Ron Brand owes me $10.   As usual.

422
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:41:35 pm »
Nice:

Announcer describing FotF:
"Had a chance for a double play but couldn't stop rolling around out there"

Correct.  Not that he DIDN'T stop but that he COULDN'T.   Like a dog circling in his bed for 20 seconds before being able to lie down, Pence has to make his sleep-nest in the outfield grass before he can get up and throw the ball back in.

423
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:34:49 pm »
So is Wade actually revamping the minors like he was hired to do?   I was promised we'd be the Phillies in 10 years or something.

424
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:31:52 pm »
Shit. Any pitcher you care to name. Bo Belinsky's mummified junk. Whatever.

Roy Oswalt in the same series?

425
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:31:31 pm »
You're welcome.
 - Pam Gardner. 

Noe, will the new owner set Pam Gardner on fire?

426
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:27:03 pm »
What's the over on no-hitters thrown at the Astros this year? I'll take two.

Halladay on Opening Day and who else?

427
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:26:41 pm »
I'm not sure how, but this team may even be worse than what I was reading.   

I admit, I haven't followed a pitch of this ST, but wow.   How did the franchise get this bad so fast?

428
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:08:43 pm »
Remdawg just, in about the nicest way possible, told us what a retard Pence is in the outfield.

429
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:33:27 pm »
Good job, tubby.  It's like Lance never left.

430
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:31:52 pm »
Is he insured?

Drayton doesn't believe in that.

431
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:29:59 pm »
Didn't want him to dive.  Just wanted him to get there a bit faster

I'd like him to buy me a helicopter.

432
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:27:30 pm »
Carlos Lee in midseason fatass form. 

You'd rather he dive into a wall in an exh game?

433
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:23:14 pm »
Good call, blue.  Not even fucking close.

434
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros vs. Red Sox, March 30
« on: March 30, 2011, 07:20:42 pm »
For those that don't get this on TV, it's on free on MLB.TV right now.

435
Talk Zone / Re: RFTL
« on: March 30, 2011, 10:42:02 am »
when are we picking?

Right now!

Oh.  For the thing.  With the thing.

Yeah, nevermind.

436
Talk Zone / Re: The new banners are here!
« on: March 26, 2011, 09:10:39 pm »
He'll probably only hit 25 home runs, drive in 83, and bat .278 this year. If, we're lucky. Meanwhile, he'll make millions.

MVP. 
MVP.
MVP.

437
Talk Zone / Re: Hampton to Retire
« on: March 26, 2011, 09:09:55 pm »
Hampton and Sampson. You win some, you lose some.

Hampton and Kile.

I said money, not sweet, sweet love.

438
Talk Zone / Re: Hampton to Retire
« on: March 26, 2011, 07:50:06 pm »
One of only two starters I ever put money on.

439
Talk Zone / Re: DoRay plugging Barzilla's new book on air
« on: March 26, 2011, 10:32:17 am »
If Alkie wrote a book on "Pulling for the Team"

Wait, you think it would sell?

440
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: March 07, 2011, 09:11:48 pm »
I was devistated when Herb left and the Brown album was a completely different style of drumming, but I got over it.  Saw them at La Zona Rosa touring that album and it was much better live than the way that album was produced.

So we have, in fact, been in the same room at the same time.

So much for that theory.

441
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: March 07, 2011, 08:16:10 pm »
Yes.

Yes they do

Man, I totally gave up Primus after Punch Bowl.   One of the coolest live shows I saw in college and, like anyone who picked up a bass between 1988-1997, Les was a god.

Not sure I'd listen to their new stuff.

442
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: March 07, 2011, 07:42:39 pm »
If any other Primus fans in here, presale is open for their tour in May.  Playing Stubbs 5/24

The presale password is salmonman and tickets are available here:
primustickets.musictoday.com


Jesucristo, Les and Larr are still making albums?

Primus Sucks.

443
Talk Zone / Re: Keep the Worrell button ready
« on: March 07, 2011, 07:40:17 pm »
In that picture he looks somewhat like Alkie.

Waist down?

444
Beer and Queso / Re: Kosher food in Houston
« on: March 07, 2011, 09:04:55 am »
Anyone else remember Alfred's? I used to go to the one on Stella Link back in the 60s. Long time gone.

Kahn's in the Village is his son.   We ate there, but it's not really all that amazing.  It's really just a sandwich shop (not a real deli) and it's ok, but not great.   I heard Alfred's was quite a bit better.

It's not kosher, but Kenny and Ziggy's near the Galleria is a pretty fucking solid Jewish deli.

445
Beer and Queso / Re: For the SnS Ladies:
« on: March 05, 2011, 11:00:24 am »
Homo.

446
Beer and Queso / Re: For the SnS Ladies:
« on: March 04, 2011, 10:51:14 pm »
I just came to this thread to get directions on getting away from here.

447
Beer and Queso / Re: Kosher food in Houston
« on: March 04, 2011, 10:49:49 pm »
Madras Pavillion is actually pretty good.  Not change-your-life good, but I like that a free dosa comes with the buffet.   Totally worth it.

I recommend.   Again, not Star-quality, but for an Indian lunch buffet, its nice to have a South Indian choice and I know some Kosher friends that appreciated it being there.

448
Talk Zone / Re: It's that time again...
« on: March 01, 2011, 10:12:07 pm »
When did chuck get his ear pierced?   And why a ruby?

449
Beer and Queso / Re: Tacis El Guero - Opening Soon
« on: February 28, 2011, 06:40:35 pm »
FUCKER!

Where was this 2 years ago?

450
Game Zone 2011 Archive / Re: Astros at Braves, 2/28/11
« on: February 28, 2011, 06:39:47 pm »
Season's over.   What FAs are available for 2012?

451
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 20, 2011, 04:09:27 pm »
I take this as a positive review, no?  Too short?

Yeah, I've listened to it 5 times now.

Favorite tracks don't follow most of the reviews I've read.   I like Bloom, Separator, Little By Little, Morning Mr Magpie.

I don't see the fascination with Lotus Flower at all.  It has no hook, isn't the least bit catchy, and if I hadn't read how much I "should love it" I'd have thought it could have been left off the album all together. 

It's a nice little acid jazz fucks trip hop EP.   I like it, but I don't think I'd go to the other room to pull it out of the jewel case on its own.

452
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 20, 2011, 02:36:29 pm »
My brother is convinced they purposefully made a less radio friendly album to weed out some of the casual fans they made with In Rainbows.  I've only heard bits and pieces, but I like what I hear.

I've heard this too and it's this sort of foolishness that makes me want to hate musicians.  Look, I've known music people my whole life and this one drives me insane.

If you don't want people listening to your music...no problem, stop laying it down on anything that can be shared, sit on your couch, and play guitar to yourself.   Getting people to stop listening to your music is ridiculously easy.

453
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 20, 2011, 02:34:34 pm »
My apologies to the loyalists but they lost me with Kid A.

Me too, actually.   I couldn't have possibly cared less about electronica (which is still the case today).   When Kid A came out, I heard it once and quit entirely on the band for about 5 years, including OK Computer (which remains one of my favorite albums to this day).   In the mid 2000s, a friend at a poker game put on Kid A while we played and I realized that I dismissed it too early.   

No, it's not rock and never will be.   But it's damn good.   

In Rainbows was a lot less electronica and this album is kind of in the middle.   

454
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 19, 2011, 08:36:36 pm »
OK Computer




In Rainbows
Kid A/The Bends  (Interchangeable based on whether I'm more in a GuitarRadiohead or ElectronicaRadiohead mood)
King of Limbs (closer to Amnesiac than Kid A/The Bends)
Amnesiac
Pablo Honey
Hail to the Thief

455
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 19, 2011, 06:17:16 pm »
OK Computer




In Rainbows
Kid A/The Bends  (Interchangeable based on whether I'm more in a GuitarRadiohead or ElectronicaRadiohead mood)
Amnesiac
Pablo Honey
Hail to the Thief

I'll let you know where I rank King of Limbs in about 6 hours.

456
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 19, 2011, 05:15:35 pm »
On a whole it may not rank with OK Computer or Kid A or even The Bends (for me), but few albums can. 

I've read every review online today and the general consensus is that it's somewhere between their 4th and 6th best album.

NO one had it above Kid A, OKC, or In Rainbows, but no one had it below Amnesiac or Hail to the Thief either.

Downloaded it this morning, we'll be listening to it 3-4 times tonight during the UTEP/UH game.

457
Beer and Queso / Wow.
« on: February 19, 2011, 03:01:54 pm »
Didn't think UT would go undefeated through the conference, but NEBRASKA?   c'mon.

458
Talk Zone / Re: Mixed feelings for Keith Moreland
« on: February 17, 2011, 05:45:30 am »
Thank you.

459
Talk Zone / Re: Mixed feelings for Keith Moreland
« on: February 16, 2011, 08:51:49 pm »
Who was the guy that used to do the games with Craig before Keith, like 15 years ago?

460
Talk Zone / Re: Mixed feelings for Keith Moreland
« on: February 16, 2011, 08:51:22 pm »
I like Bill Little WAY better.

Me too.

461
Beer and Queso / Re: 2011 Music Thread
« on: February 14, 2011, 08:12:51 pm »
LOL IVE NEVER HEARD OF HER EITHER? WTF LADY GAGA SHOULD OF WON BEST EVRYTHING!!!!

fanned and friended

462
Talk Zone / Re: It's Official: FoTF
« on: February 13, 2011, 01:25:02 pm »
"Right now, Hunter's the biggest dog."

This team is fucked.

463
Talk Zone / Re: It's Official: FoTF
« on: February 13, 2011, 10:49:01 am »
Here's why I don't buy any of the quotes.

I know leaders.  I know people who aren't leaders who are in leadership positions.   

The leaders generally have a look in their eyes that says something to the effect of "I know what's going on, I have a plan, we're going to accomplish our goal; follow me."     The people who aren't leaders have a look in their eyes that says "I ran through a glass door once and god fucking knows, those things could..... HEY A DIME!"

I'll let you guess which one is Pence.

464
Talk Zone / Re: It's Official: FoTF
« on: February 13, 2011, 10:23:07 am »
It's Official:  TTiF

I know Jeff Bagwell, and you sir....

465
Beer and Queso / Re: Baylor @ UT
« on: February 12, 2011, 06:05:03 pm »
Assclowns on ESPN are saying they'll still vote Ohio State #1.

Here's a fun rule I like to live by (that I just made up):  if you go into a game as the underdog and you do, in fact, lose that game....you are not the #1 team in America.

466
Talk Zone / Re: Moving day is upon us!
« on: February 10, 2011, 08:24:01 pm »
Well, I'm partial to my girls and Mrs. Brand, but I can see where that might not be universal.

Nope; that's pretty much how my list shook out.

1) Brand's kids
2) Brand's wife
3) Baseball

467
I saw that thing a few years ago and every time someone reposts it, I laugh.

468
Talk Zone / Re: The horse goes out to pasture
« on: February 07, 2011, 05:41:49 pm »
oh? what kind of food is in there for the turtle?

None -- the turtle is still waiting for you pigfuckers to tell its new owner what the fuck to feed it.

469
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 07, 2011, 12:09:06 pm »
14 pages through, and I still can't figure something out:

There are people that consider Fergie "hot"?!?!?

She's far too gross to be "hot."

470
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 09:05:14 pm »
GB wins, GB covers, Rofelsomething is still a rapist.

471
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 09:03:39 pm »
No, he just dances like a spastic retard.

You forgot "tone deaf."

472
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:49:49 pm »
Sean P. Diddy Puff Daddy Combs in a Mercedes commercial. Ooh, I want one of those.

He's just...like...me.   

473
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:40:46 pm »
Well for it's time it was awesome.  A tremendous waste of money since they only showed it once, but awesome.

No, I meant the 1984 commercial tonight.

474
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:37:28 pm »
I'm somewhat disappointed in the commercials this year.  Haven't really seen that one "1984" quality commercial.

Including the 1984 commercial?

475
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:31:33 pm »
The Jews

Not true.   Todd said start it late, but I said noon.   So technically, it was The JEW.

476
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:25:53 pm »
I saw a lot of shows, but I didn't see South Park.  Family Guy was the only animated show I remember.

It was after the logo, just as the ad was ending.

477
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:23:25 pm »
South Park is selling NFL Football now?


478
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:21:21 pm »
I assume there is no one there who has the skill.  Right?

I've been there.   Very cool place to see a football game.   Otherwise, it's the upper midwest shithole you'd expect.   I remember everything smelling like a cheap casino.

479
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:19:20 pm »
I'm gonna open up a barber shop in Green Bay.  I'll a billionaire, I tells ya.

How will you convince those slobs to start cutting their hair?

480
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:16:36 pm »
Long time head of officials

Doing his best to reinforce stereotypes.

481
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:09:41 pm »
Well, so after a pretty uneventful, not terribly interesting first half, looks like we've got ourselves a tight game in the 4th.   Thankfully.

482
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:07:42 pm »
I've been to Cleveland too.

Cleveland's actually not as bad as everyone says it is.   

I wouldn't move or travel there, but it's not Detroit.

483
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:05:30 pm »
Because we don't need any more metropolitan areas crumbling into unredeemable shitholes.

Oh you mean the actual city; not the auto industry.

484
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:03:25 pm »
I really wish Detroit would come back from the ashes.

Just curious...why?

485
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 08:02:26 pm »
I am clearly out of touch.

I wouldn't have used Eminem to sell any products in 2011, but apparently two companies disagree with me.

Carry on with the Ozzy-is-old jokes.  My bad.

486
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:56:49 pm »
Is Stella the Bud for hipster doofi?

No.

I think this is a really bad idea.   They were exactly what they were and now they're going to try to be the next Heineken.    They may pull it off.   God knows Americans need a new, totally undrinkable, European non-ale to pretend is interesting.

Stella really is awful.   

487
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:47:06 pm »
The classics never go out of style.

Sock it to me.

488
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:44:35 pm »
Yesterday at the Lady Longhorn game the Longhorn Band played Crazy Train.

I'm ok with that.   Playing a classic rock song at a sporting event...eh, what are you going to do?

But making a "look how disoriented and drugged out Ozzy is" joke is kind of 1999, isn't it?

NOT!

489
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:42:26 pm »
I linked to Beavis and Butthead earlier.

Out of respect, I totally was willing to ignore that for you.

490
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:42:08 pm »
And we got us a game.

491
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:40:37 pm »
Ozzie confused in the background was gold

Yes.

12 years ago.

492
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:38:13 pm »
Ha ha!  Justin Beiber making fun of himself.

493
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:37:20 pm »
Ha ha!   Immigrants are so stupid.

494
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:32:40 pm »
Is Aikman even there?  And awake?  It seems like Buck is doing all the talking and just nudges Troy awake once in a while to verbally reenact exactly what we just saw.

Not that you're complaining.

495
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:31:38 pm »
Ha.  When I was 12 I told my mom I had 4 goals in life:

1. Grow to be 6'4".
2. Play for the Dallas Cowboys.
3. Attend Harvard.
4. Teach college.

Thank goodness I didn't stop at three.

Who let you out of the kitchen?

496
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:29:55 pm »
Hey you guys, let me know when it's safe to go back in the living room. I don't want to miss any of the game.

Well, the game is about to start, but Buck Jr and Aikman are still mic'd up for some reason, so it's hard to say.

497
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:27:16 pm »
Little Ava wants to be the first woman kicker in the NFL.

That's nice, Ava.   Welcome to America.  You're lucky you can vote and/or own land (assuming your husband gives you some money).   I hope you make good use of the next 8 years; you need to learn how to cook.

498
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:25:51 pm »
Taco party outside Noe's office.

Didn't you think that's the sort of thing I'd like to know?   

499
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:24:08 pm »

500
Beer and Queso / Re: Super Bowl Predictions
« on: February 06, 2011, 07:23:25 pm »
Daddy....what's an erection?

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