Your 2008 Astros are pretty much doneski at this point. A late July/early August surge got everyone’s hopes up for a 2005esque run. A quick revert back to bad baseball nipped that plan in the bud. Now we’re back to a Cublike “We’ll get ’em next year!”. Yee-fuckin-haw.
Astros (63-61) at Brewers (71-54)
Monday, Aug 18, 7:05pm CDT, FSN & ESPN2
Tuesday, Aug 19, 7:05pm CDT, FSN
Wednesday, Aug 20, 1:05pm CDT, FSN
Se7en
It was a pretty cool moment. Or, at least, it should’ve been. I’m not sure what was skipped at the end there in the rush to get the game started, but after spending hours building up the tension over the unveiling of what was clearly a riding mower (WTF?), they whipped that pillow case off the #7 banner like they were tearing off a band aid. There were some pretty cool moments in the speeches, and I saw Milo wipe the tears from his eyes as Baggy added his words to the ceremonies. Drayton rattled off a bunch of nonsensical numbers like he was a bingo caller, and they misspelled “Appearances” in the tribute video. All-in-all, a solid C- for the Astros’ PR Dept.
The good news was that the wait didn’t seem to bother Roy much, while the Unit came out without Mr. Snappy and was tagged for the only runs of the game in the bottom of the first. Wiggy got ’em in by taking one of the many un-breaking sliders into the Crawford Boxes for a three-run shibby. Roy took that to the bank by allowing only one hit in 8 innings before yielding to Papa Grande who nailed it down. It was a relief that the team got its act together for the big Sunday celebration because, had they shit the bed like they did on the previous two nights, the #7 banner may have hurled itself from the rafters in a fit of abject despair. Read More
The Astros are coming off a four game sweep of the Giants, and await the much anticipated insertion of Dunn into the lineup. What? The Diamondbacks got him? Read More
MMPUS
Monday, August 11, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Tuesday, August 12, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Wednesday, August 13, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Thursday, August 14, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Despite an up and down start the Astros are 14-8 since the All-Star break including sweeps of the New York Abortions and the Stinkcinasty Shitstains. Besides making the TZ and GZ happy places that also means the Astros are just 1, count ’em, 1 game under .500. There is of course one problem. Yeah I know there’s more than one problem with this team but you know what I’m going to say. Lee is gone thanks to the Goulanalsh’s. There’s been talk of Wiggy playing some left as well as Erstad being the everyday guy there so you know the defensive effort will be set to maximum. Berkman and Miggy have to step up big now. So now in come the Giants. They have won 2 of 3 in their three series this month including most recently 2 of 3 from the Manny’s.
Read More
The Astros swept the dicknose Mets, then won that crazy tornado and lightning game before dropping two more to the dumbshit Cubs. Now they’ve got a four-game set with the Dickities before returning home. Lance Berkman hasn’t hit a homer since the Derby, though non-All Star Carlos Lee is ripping one every day.
The Reds have plummeted completely past the underwhelming Astros and Pirates to take sole possession of the NL Central basement. They’ve lost 8 of 10 games and their last four series, including sweeps by Colorado and Washington. Pee-yew. That shit stinks worse than a week-old plate of Skyline Chili served with a frosty mug of Ohio River sewage. The Reds also just dumped the Messiah, and while Adam Dunn is leading the majors with 32 homers he also has 112 strikeouts.
Well, last weekend couldn’t have been much sweeter. The Astros peckerslapped the hated Stem in a 3 game set. Late game heroics won two of the three, and the Good Guy pitching staff, including Randy Wolf and a bevy of relievers, threw a combined shutout in the third. Now its on to Shitsville to play my least favorite team in all of baseball…
Crumbling Piece of Shit Ballpark That Should Be Condemned Then Demolished Wrigley Field
Monday August 4th, 6:05 pm FSN (HD)/ESPN
Tuesday August 5th, 1:20 pm FSN
Wednesday August 6th, 1:20 pm FSN
