Your 2008 Astros are pretty much doneski at this point. A late July/early August surge got everyone’s hopes up for a 2005esque run. A quick revert back to bad baseball nipped that plan in the bud. Now we’re back to a Cublike “We’ll get ’em next year!”. Yee-fuckin-haw.
Another Crumbling Piece of Shit Ballpark That is About to Be Condemned Then DemolishedShea Stadium
Friday August 22, 6:10 pm FSN
Saturday August 23, 6:10 pm FSN
Sunday August 24, 12:10 pm myPOS
Monday August 25, 6:10 FSN
Friday
Roy Oswalt (11-8, 4.28) vs. Johan Santana (11-7, 2.75)
Oswalt’s last start was of the Old School Roy variety. He pitched 8 innings of 1 hit baseball, and gave way to Papa Grande for the save in a 3-0 win to salvage the Good Guys one win in the three series against the Diamondbacks. The game was also Craig Biggio’s number retirement day, so it isn’t too surprising Roy has a little something extra behind his throws. In the month of August, Roy’s ERA has come down half a point (4.74 to 4.28 and dropping).
Against the Mets, Roy has been so-so. Brian Schneider (5-9), Carlos Beltran (8-17), Carlos Delgado (5-11), Damion Easley (3-8, 2 dongs), Marlon Anderson (3-9), and Jose Reyes (7-24) all have good numbers against him. All other Mets hit under .250 against him.
Johan Santana is the great Met Hype. After dominating the “better” league for most of his career, he was supposed to come to the NL and just destroy all. His ERA says yes, but his record says, “Hey, whaddaya lookin at, fuckah?” At this point it’s best to back away slowly, all the while saying “A-Rod is a tool, I agree.”
Few Astros have many meaningful ABs against The Great Met Hype. Ty Wigginton flat ass mashes him (5-11), Miggy (10-30), and (sigh) El Kabong (10-32, 3 dingers). Everyone else pretty much sucks on ice.
Saturday
Brandon Backe (7-12, 5.62) vs. John Maine (10-7, 3.82)
Backe has been nothing short of awful lately. He’s given up 26 runs in 4 starts in August, and his month ERA is a horrendous 10.64. The funny part is, Brandon has given up 11 runs in two of his last four outings, and in the other two he’s given up four total runs. Wow. Confidence is no doubt high for this one. If you’re attending, or if you’ll be anywhere within a 5 mile radius of Shea, you might want to wear a helmet and carry your glove as to keep from being nailed by the monster home runs Backe will probably be giving up.
The Puerto Rican Whore (and anyone that says that booing him is in bad taste can kiss my ass) is 5 of 12, Carlos Delgado is 3 of 10, and the rest of the Mets with signifigant numbers suck against him.
John Maine has a sore shoulder, and the Mets are speculating that it will affect his arm for the rest of the year, but they’re going to let him pitch anyway. He’ll be on a strict pitch count, 100 pitches is the best guess anyone can make. Doesn’t sound like much of a pitch count to me. Maine spent some time on the DL at the beginning of August, and since has pitched twice. Both games he only went 5 innings, but didn’t give up any runs in either appearance. He did walk 4 guys in both of them though.
I’m not even going to tell you about the Astro’s numbers against Maine. I’ll just leave it at this: As a team, the Good Guys are hitting .237 against Maine in 42 total at bats. One home run has been hit, thank you Twinkie (2-11).
Sunday
Randy Wolf (8-11, 4.81) vs. Oliver Perez (9-7, 3.93)
The Randy Wolf experiment has had it’s ups and downs so far. In his five games as an Astro, he’s given up 3, 0, 4, 2, and 6 runs respectively in 26.1 total innings. Basically, his ERA has gone up 3/100ths of a point since joining the Astros in five starts. At least he’s consistant?
Randy has pretty decent numbers against the Mets, and he’s seen them enough for the numbers to actually mean something. In 254 at bats, the Mets have a team average of .264 against him, hitting 8 home runs and ponching 51 times. The guys with big numbers against Wolf are: Luis Castillo (18-44), Carlos Beltran (9-27), and Jose Reyes (9-31). I guess Carlos Delgado didn’t get the memo that he is supposed to crush EVERY Astros pitcher, since he sports a pedestrian 5 for 26. Everyone else is either pretty lackluster or hasn’t seen the Wolf enough for it to count.
Oliver Perez got dinged up pretty good last time he faced the Good guys, four earnies in six innings while facing his mound opponent this game (who went five shutout himself). Since then, he’s given up six runs in his last twenty and the Mets have won all of his three starts (and he’s gotten two wins himself).
The Astros have had some success against Oliver, but not in large amounts. Hunter Pence (2-3), Ty Wigginton (3-8, 2 HR), Darren Erstad (2-4), and Mark Loretta (3-5) have done some damage. The rest of the team is pretty awful against him in limited at bats.
Monday
Brian Moehler (9-4, 3.87) vs. Mike Pelfrey (12-8, 3.86)
Every preview I write, I expect to see Moehler’s numbers have gone up. The only one that seems to go up are the number of wins he’s got. Guy has been solid, which in and of itself is amazing. My hat’s off to you Brian, you’re the best decision made for the starting rotation this year.
Now on to the bad news. The Mets knock Brian around pretty good. Like .328 in 119 at bats good. Beltran, David Wright, Mo Alou, and Carlos Delgao all hit above a .350 clip against Moehler. This could be ugly.
Who the hell is Mike Pelfrey? Well, apparently he is pretty damn good. He’s had one bad outing in August, giving up 6 runs in a loss to the Marlins in his second start of the month. He’s given up five total runs in his other three starts in August, and been pretty good overall this season.
On to the good news though. The Good Guys have clobbered this guy in the past in limited chances. Thunderpants (4-7), The Big Puma (4-7, 2 HR), and Mark Loretta (2-6) all have knocked him around pretty good. The Astros sport a team .421 batting average against him in 38 at bats. Go get ’em, guys!
Friday Night is “Fiesta Latina” night. I don’t speak Spanish, but I’m pretty sure that translates out to “Heckle Carlos Beltra because he’s a whiny woman” Night. Sounds like a winner to me.
Saturday they’re giving away a Sports Bag. There’s a link to a video for the giveaway on the Mets site, but I’m not watching it. Fuck the Mets Promotional Department for posting video instead of pictures.
Sunday is T-Shirt giveaway. Yippie!
Injury Report
El Kabong remains El Kasidelined after shattering his El Kapinky Finger. He’s done for the year barring the entire NL deciding to strike except the Astros.
Kaz Matsui has a sore back, which translates to “Anal Fissures” in Japanese, and resides on the 15 Day DL.
Felipe Paulino made a few pitches in a rehab start before he started feeling shoulder discomfort. Hey Felipe, we’re all feeling a lot of discomfort right now. Have you watched this fucking team play at all? Suck it up man, we’re still tuning in.
New York
>takes a deep breath<
Mo Alou has been moved to the 60 day DL after straining his calf a long fucking time ago.
Billy Wagner is on the DL with a strained big fucking mouth left forearm.
Tony Armas is on the 60 day DL with a strained oblique.
Angel Pagan is on the 60 day DL with a really awesome name, and still trying to recover from being a Cub.
Luis Castillo is listed as being on the 15 Day DL with a strained hip flexor, but that was a long damn time ago, so I’m doubting its true. I’m mailing it in at this point though, so I won’t waste time looking it up.
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Thank you for your time.
Please direct your hatred toward the STEM to the GameZone, where you’ll definitely be seeing some of me assuming AT&T ever shows up to connect the internet to my new house. Cocksuckers.