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  • Series Previews (Page 58)

Cincinnati @ Houston W-the-KRP?

Posted on April 17, 2009 by JaneDoe in Series Previews

It is the lifeblood of talk radio.  A dismal 1-16-4 start to Spring Training followed by an 11-2 finish, giving rise to hope that this team will not have a season with a win total in the 70s or 80s, but grandiose predictions of 90 wins.  Then the season started.  And the W-the-KRaP? calls poured in to the stations.  

Minute Maid Park

Friday        April 17   7:o5 p.m.   FSH-HD/Dish 445
Saturday   April 18   6:05 p.m.   FSH-HD/Dish 448
Sunday     April 19   1:05 p.m.    FSH-HD/Dish 446
Monday   April 20   7:o5 p.m.   FSH-HD

I have a few WtKRP questions about this team.  WtKRP is Bourn batting so far down in the lineup? WtKRP is up with a new lineup almost every night? WtKRP is Berkman hiding in his pockets to eat tonight? WtKRP does El Caballo run like a broken down El Camino?  WtKRP is Roy thinking? WtKRP does a grown man dress up like a Little Puma?

Well, enough crap, let’s talk baseball.

Probable Pitching Matchups

Friday April 17:Johnny Cueto, RHP (0-1, 6.00) vs Roy Oswalt, RHP (0-2, 6.23)

Cueto has been extended batting practice for the Astros. Last season in four starts vs. Houston, Cueto was 0-3 with a 7.84 ERA and 32 hits allowed in 20 2/3 innings.  Berkman, Matsui, Lee, Bourn, along with pitchers Oswalt and Byrdak are all hitting above .500 against Johnny on the spot.  Tejada at .182 is the only Astro below the men-dozing line against Cueto.  In his last start, Cueto got into trouble throwing three-ball counts to six of his 26 batters resulting in a high pitch count (109) in only 6.0 innings.

Cincy has been Roy Oswalt’s bitch–facing them 28 times in his career with a record of 23-1, with a 2.47 ERA. Last year he allowed seven runs over 25 innings for a 2.52 ERA , posting a perfect 4-0  record.  Ex-Astro Willie Taveras leads the Reds with a .400 average against Oswalt.

Saturday, April 18:Aaron Harang, RHP (1-1, 0.64) vs  Wandy Rodriguez, LHP (0-1, 3.00)

The Harangotan’s last outing was a three hit shutout against the Bucs.  He consistently banged the strike zone, and limited his opponents to only one three-ball count.  That being said, Harang has been so-so against the Astros (8-7, 4.45 ERA) in his career, with last years result being two loses in two starts.  Blum (.583), Matsui (.333)  and Lee (.320) are the only Astros who have hit above .300 against Harang.

Wandy put up a good fight in his last outing, but got tagged with the loss against Kyle f’in Loshe.  Returning to the warm comfy confines of home usually bode well for W-F-Rod.  Watch out for Votto, he typically eats Wandy’s lunch.

Sunday April 19:Edinson Volquez, RHP (1-1, 9.64) vs TBA (expected to be Alberto Arias)  Felipe Paulino, RHP (0-0, -.–)

Edison has had a bit of a rough start this year.  His command of the fastball has been elusive, and opposing batters that have shown the patience to wait for a strike have been rewarded with some real meatballs.  Volquez has had some recent success against the Good Guys, posting a 2-0  record with a 1.32 ERA in two starts last season.  It is unfortunate that Matsui’s back will probably keep him out of this game, he sports a .500 average against Edison.  Micheals (.667), Pudge (.400) and Pence (.333) are the only Houston batters with a lifetime average above .250 versus Volquez.

Right-hander Alberto Arias was called up to take Moehler’s start after Brian was diagnosed with a Grade 1 sprain of the medial collateral ligament.  Arias has appeared in one game for Triple-A Round Rock, allowing four earned runs in 2 1/3 innings. In seven Spring Training appearances spanning 10 1/3 innings — all in relief — Arias didn’t allow an earned run, while yielding two walks and fanning nine.  Arias has primarily been a relief pitcher in his career, so this may be only a spot start for him. 

Update:  Paulino was called up for this start.  Sorry, as of posting time for the preview, Arias was listed on Astros.com

Paulino missed out on the fifth starter’s role for the Astros out of Spring Training where  he was 0-0 with a 12.60 ERA in 3 games (5 IP, 7 runs, 10 hits).  In his two outings for Triple-A Round Rock this season, he allowed one earned run over 12 innings, with five walks and 12 strikeouts.  Paulino has only faced 3 current Reds in his major league career, Encarnacion (0-3), Phillips (1-3) and Votto (1-3), however Votto’s only hit was a homerun.  Of Paulino’s two major league wins, one was against Cinncinnati on September 25, 2007.

Monday April 20:Bronson Arroyo, RHP (2-0, 4.38) vs. Mike Hampton, LHP (1-1, 2.45)

There are seven Astros that have plastered Arroyo with a batting average of over .300, including Berkman who has 4 HR in 38 AB.  Arroyo only gave up one earned run in his last start against the Brewers.  He has had some issues with carpal tunnel syndrome (before receiving a cortisone shot), but showed no effects throwing 105 pitches in 6.1 innings. 

Hampton ended Houston’s losing streak with a superb pitching performance against the Pirates–six shutout innings with 8 K’s.  The majority of the Red’s hitters have never faced Hampton.  In fact, Ramon Hernandez (2-5) and Alex Gonzales (8-42) are the only Reds who have gotten a hit off of him.

 

Promotions and Giveaways

Friday April 17–Big Puma Bobblehead, Coke Value Night and Friday Night Fireworks.  Watch out for those tan fur-garbed bipedal creatures.  You may think they are human, but they are not. Definitely not.

Saturday April 18–10th Season Stadum Blanket 

Sunday April 19–10th Season Wall Calendar  It’s April.  Didn’t the year start in January?

Going to the game Monday?  Well, you are SOL.

Injury Report and Roster Moves

Astros

Back to back to back to Backe–Matsui, Keppinger, and Valverde are listed as day-to-day with back soreness, Brocail and Moehler are strained, not stirred, Boone is recovering and Backe is well, Backe.

Reds

The Reds have no current injury news.  Jinx.

The March trade that sent infielder Jeff Keppinger to the Astros was completed on Thursday when the Reds received infielder Drew Sutton as the player to be named.

Come join the GameZone and add your own WtKRP questions. Unless you are Filo.  Or LoE. Or anyone that is gonna give the BBG’s a one-fingered salute. 

Special Education – Pittsburgh Edition

Posted on April 13, 2009 by GreatBagwellsBeard in Series Previews

Picking on the Pirates is a lot like farting in church: you know you shouldn’t do it, but it’s just too much fun to stop. The Buccos have been awful for so long that the last time they were any good, most of their current roster was watching Ninja Turtles. Thus, pointing out how bad they are is abusing a deceased equine in the worst way. But the fact is, they’re awful, and they’re not getting any better.

A series win over the Co-ards to start the season, and a split with the Reds make the Pirates a strong candidate for that one team each year that gets a special segment on SportsCenter about how they’re surprising everyone in April and “they may be frisky enough to make the playoff picture”. The next step of this process is the team falling apart like a Plymouth Reliant on May 1st, and the baseball world righting itself. This will mark the final time all season the SportsCenter acknowledges that Pittsburgh has a baseball team, unless Jack Wilson begins dating Alyssa Milano or gets traded to the Yankees. Or both. Bottom line: the Pirates have been in the cellar so long, they’re starting to resemble a Mason jar of pickled beets.

The Mud and Blood have struggled out of the gate against strong opponents (Chicago and St. Louie), and some Vitamin P might be just what the doctor ordered. However, the games still have to be played, and they’d be remiss to sleep on these Pirates, as bad as they might be. Coop has also promised to rotate in some of the reserves during this series, which might be just the shot in the arm that this lineup needs.  Then again, given Cooper’s lineup-making prowess, we could see Quintero leading off.

On the tee-vee:

Monday, April 13, 12:35pm – FSN

Wednesday, April 15, 6:05pm – my20

Thursday, April 16, 11:35am – FSN

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Monday

Brian Moehler (0-1, 37.80 (seriously)) v. Zach Duke (1-0, 1.42)

Moehler has a chance to rebound from a jinxed outing against the Scrubs that saw him lit up like a pinball machine. Unfortunately, he’s been hit well by the Pirates in past meetings: Nate McLouth is 6-11 against him, and Adam LaRoche has hit .364 with 6 RBI vs. Moehler.

Duke is one of the stronger arms (literally and figuratively) on the Bucs staff, but he’s had very little success against the Astros in the past. He’s 1-4 for his career against us, and has been hit well by the Puma (.300), El Caballo (.318) and Pence (.333), though he’s never given up a homer to a current Astro. I think it’s time to change that.

Tuesday

Everyone goes a little crazy while stuck in Pittsburgh on an off day.

Wednesday

Mike Hampton (0-1, 5.40) v. Ross Ohlendorf (0-1, 3.00)

Hampton’s Hams didn’t have much to oink about after the prodigal son’s return to Houston; three runs over five innings and an early exit were not what we were hoping for out of the former All-Star, but we’re taking an optimistic approach to this start, given that Hampton tends to beat the Bucs like a rented mule when they match up; he’s 10-3 for his career, and owns Jack Wilson (.111, some sobbing in the dugout) and Ramon Vasquez (.143 and rocking back and forth silently, staring at his bat).

Ohlendorf is a Princeton man, and you know what they say about Princeton men. (If you know what they say, please let us know. We only have Harvard and T-sip jokes here.) He’s a converted reliever, and while he had a strong showing in his first start against the Co-ards, there’s reason for hope. Namely, Miggy eats his lunch (.667), Bourn gets on base against him (.429) and of course Berkman, who puts up preposterous numbers against him, including a 1.600 slugging percentage (to go with .600 BA and 2.200 OPS). Time to remind Ohlendorf that the best college in New Jersey…is still in New Jersey.

Thursday

Russ Ortiz (no starts yet this year, 110-82 career) v. Jeff Karstens (0-0, 5-11 career)

Time for our first glimpse of Russ Ortiz during this series. As part of the continuing Let’s Put Together A Team That Looks Awesome on Paper (2001 Edition) plan, the ‘stros brought in Ortiz on a look-see deal before Spring Training, and he impressed sufficiently to be named the fifth starter. Ortiz is 8-1 for his career against the Bucs, with a respectable 3.21 ERA. He’s been hit well by Jack Wilson (.421), Nate McLouth (.667) and Ryan Doumit (.500); however, McLouth and Doumit were (scientifically speaking) fetuses the last time that Ortiz faced them, and the samples sizes are pretty small. Russ is strong against Chris Gomez (.100) and Freddy Sanchez (.200). He hasn’t faced much of the rest of the Pirates roster, owing to his 2008 absence and the fact that those players were all in high-A ball last year.

Red Raider Karstens is a ground ball pitcher who came up in the Yankees organization, and (much like Ortiz) is making his first start of the season this week. He’s coming off a weak spring, but you don’t exactly have to be the second coming of Cy Young to be the fifth starter for Pittsburgh. Hell, last year’s fifth starter was a fan who won a contest on opening day by sitting in the right section of PNC Park at the right time. Owing to his past stint in the Bronx, the only ‘stros to face him are former AL players, including Tejada, Keppinger, and Erstad. Erstad is perfect for his career against him, while the other two haven’t registered a hit yet.

Injuries

Good Guys – Aaron Boone is out for the season (shot through the heart, you’re to blame). Brandon Backe was joined on the 15-day DL by Doug Brocail, who’s been struggling with a sore shoulder. Much like most other 41 year olds, a little rest and some time in front of the tv should mend Brocail just fine. Everyone else is healthy, which takes away that excuse for the poor offensive performance at Shitty Beer Stadium this weekend.

Pirates – Phil Dumatrait (an actual, real baseball player) is pulling a Backe and taking an “extended spring training” on the DL to overcome some injuries. However, his injuries did not come at the loving hands of Galveston’s Finest.

Additional thoughts

– I didn’t get to see much of this weekend’s bloodbath in St. Louis because I was driving all over the Houston metroplex to see my in-laws. I guess the sensation was about the same, but the food here was better.

– One of the attractions of PNC Park in Pittsburgh is the ability to see across the river into downtown. Which is great, because that way you can see all the people headed to wor…HAHAHAHA, just kidding. Northern industrial cities are dying.

– Phil Dumatrait’s MLB headshot looks like he just got arrested for manufacturing methamphetamine. Seriously, that’s the look of the guy who goes to Walgreen’s and asks for ten boxes of Sudafed like it’s not a big deal.

Discuss the games in the Game Zone, and remember: it’s April, don’t feed the trolls. Oh yeah: fuck the Cubs.

astros, pirates, russ ortiz, series preview

Astros at Cardinals – Mark’s Cardinal Rule: Kyle Lohse Sucks

Posted on April 10, 2009 by MRaup in Series Previews


New Busch

Well, things are off to a fairly rocky start. A close loss, a really close win, and a drubbing with some longball scattered in it started this whole mess we all love called baseball season. Hopefully the good pitching from the first two games and the good hitting from the last one can be combined in to a successful first trip to New Busch.

Friday, April 10, 7:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, April 11, 3:10 p.m. CDT – FOX
Sunday, April 12, 1:15 p.m. CDT – My20

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday

Mike Hampton (No starts yet this year. Career 141-105, 4.01) v. Joel Pineiro (No starts yet this year. 76-67, 4.55)

It’s finally here: The return of Mike Hampton. I’ve been looking forward to this since hearing we’d resigned him. If he can stay healthy, I really think he might surprise some folks. The only guys with any sustained success against Hampy are Albert Pujols (7-21, 2 HR) and and Spicoli (3-7). All the other current Turdinals either have less than 5 at-bats or little success.

Pineiro bread is a chain of bakery-café restaurants in the United States and Canada which sells breads, sandwiches, soups, salads, bakery items, and organic foods; some locations offer dinner pizzas. Pineiro is considered a “fast casual” restaurant and offers catering as well. And now it’s time for some good news: The Good Guys beat Piniero like a rented donkey (Note: The Series Preview Staff does not condone the beating of donkeys or any other farm animal… Except alpacas, we HATE Alpacas). Current Astros hit him to the tune of .308, with rock star numbers coming from Miggy (12-34), Kabong (9-23, 2 homers), Pudge (6-14), and Twinkie (4-11, 2 homers). Not sure what the option will be at 3rd tonight though, since Blum (3-14) and Keppinger (1-5) haven’t had a lot of success against Joel.

Saturday

Roy Oswalt (0-1, 3.86) v. Adam Wainwright (0-0, 3.38)

RoyO didn’t exactly impress anyone with his first start. Giving up home runs to hated FTCs Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez is not a good way to start the season for anybody. Why the hell does anyone ever throw Soriano a fastball over the plate? I’ll never understand it. But, I digest. The Cardinals sport a team average of .239 against Roy. The only real bright spots for them are Albert Pooholes (22-70, 4 homers), Rick Ankiel (4-13, all singles), and Jason Larue (8-29, all singles). Everyone else pretty much sucks rocks against Roy, which isn’t too surprising.

Wainwright pitched ok in his first start of the year for the Redbirds. He struck out 7, but walked 5. He only gave up 2 runs, but he only lasted 5 1/3 innings. He left with the game tied, but the Card bullpen managed to piss the game away to the Pirates in the 9th. Oh, and his middle name is Parrish. The Astros have decent numbers against Adam: Puma (6-20, 2 HR), Pence (5-17 with a solo pokey), Kaz (4-12, also a solo tater), and Miggy (3-10, all singles). Today would probably be a good day to either sit Carlos Lee in reality or at least on your fantasy team, he sports an ugly .077 batting average against Wainwright, one hit in thirteen at bats. Woof. And Jason Michaels should probably pinch hit at some point in this game while Wainwright is in, since his only at bat against Wainwright is a grand slam.

Sunday

Wandy Rodriguez (0-0, 1.50) v. Kyle Loshe (1-0, 2.57)

Wandy picked up right where he left off last year, throwing 6 solid innings and wiggling out of trouble virtually unscathed every time things got ugly. The bullpen robbed him in of his W, but I for one thought he pitched great. Current Cardinals sport an even lower batting average against Wandy than to do against Roy at .234. Troy Glaus (4-13, but on the DL), Chris Duncan (2-6, home run), and Yadi Molina (6-21) are the only Cards with any real success against Wandy. The rest of the CoArds struggle pretty mightily against him: Pujols (3-18), Ryan Ludwick (3-13), Ankiel (0-9), and an assortment of ugly low numbers beyond that.

Kyle Lohse sucks.

The Good Guys hit Kyle pretty well: Carlos Lee (19-51, 4 home runs), Pudge (11-29), Miggy (8-24), Pence!!! (7-16), and Blum (5-15, with a homer). Twinkie struggles against Lohse (5-21, but 2 home runs), and Bourn (0-8) outright sucks against him. Erstad (4-22) hasn’t fared much better. Notable Giveaways This Series… Friday – Anheuser Busch Wall Calendars Saturday – Ice Mountain Kids Cap Day (Don’t ask me, I don’t have a fucking clue) Sunday – Rawlings Ryan Ludwick Bat Day. Sounds like another fun round of “throw your free shit on the field, Saint Louis” to me!

Injury Report

Combined Injury Reports –

So, in case you didn’t notice, MLB.com went to a new format for their injury report. The injury link takes you to a page with every team’s report on it. Pretty snazzy, until one notices that it says “Fantasy Baseball” at the top of it. Fuckers.

Houston – Aaron Boone is out for the year, recovering from a broken heart. Brandon Backe is on the 15 Day DL with a strained intercostal muscle. He’s due back (hopefully) in early May. I don’t know what the Astros are going to do with him once he gets back, but hey, I’m sure they’ll think of something nice. Maybe we can bring him on as interpreter for Roy O. I don’t know about y’all, but when they interview Roy I only understand about every third word he says. It’s like talking to Boomhauer.

STL – Chris Carpenter is listed as day to day with a mild calf strain. But really, aren’t we all day to day? Jaime Garcia is on the 15 Day DL after undergoing Tommy John surgery. They expect him back around mid-season. Troy Glaus is also on the 15 Day DL with some shoulder ligament damage. He isn’t expected back until “Possibly June”.

Our Interesting Things To Look For

  • Man I hate the fucking Cubs. Opening day was a blast, but it just made me want to puke every time I saw one of those slapdicks walking around in Cubs gear. I guess that’s neither here nor there, but I had to get it off my chest.
  • To be fair, I don’t like the Redbirds much either. Bunch of smug bastards, calling themselves the best fans in baseball and flapping their asses at anyone that doesn’t think Albert Pujols is the greatest baseball player to ever date his Coach.
  • And lastly, a headline that’s fun for the whole family from the Coards MLB page:

Discuss today’s game in the GameZone, but for Christ’s sake don’t make a Clark mistake and start pissing all over the BBG’s shoes right before the game.

Cubs at Astros – Zambr Alert!

Posted on April 5, 2009 by Craig in Series Previews

ZAMBR ALERT

Houston authorities have issued a Zambr Alert for the Chicago Cubs, who were scheduled to arrive in Houston in mid-September and still haven’t arrived. The Cubs are also wanted by the NLDS on two aggravated charges of Failure to Appear. They should be considered sore-armed and dangerous to each other.

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Series Preview 2009

Posted on March 14, 2009 by Noe in Austin in Series Previews

Once again this season, SpikesnStars will get you prepared for every Astros series with previews full of bullshit jokes insightful commentary and a prescient look ahead that was pulled out of our asses. We have a writing rotation packed with veteran hurlers MRaup, strosrays, Craig, JaneDoe, and Taras Bulba. Plus we’ll have rookie phenom GreatBagwellsBeard, who was guaranteed a spot in the rotation as part of his unheard-of signing bonus. And just in case, we have Limey waiting in the bullpen writing a socialist manifesto on his iPhone.

Be sure to check here prior to the start of every Astros series, unless it’s a holiday or something. We’ll let you know which Astros to watch closely in the upcoming series, which of the opposing team members need to get one in the ear, and whether or not the bobbleheads suck. Heck, we’ll even preview the interleague games that no ones cares about!

So check back on Opening Day for our lead-off series preview; first up – the Astros travel to Minute Maid Park for an away series against the Milwaukee Cubs!

3 Games to Rule Them All (OR) These Games Don’t Matter

Posted on September 26, 2008 by MRaup in Series Previews

So yeah. Here we are again. It’s the last series of the season barring some serious melt-downery by several teams, and things are looking pretty bleak. But you know what they say… When the going gets tough, swear a bunch and declare your hatred for your least favorite team. Everyone repeat after me. FUCK… THE… CUBS…

Good. Now on to your regularly scheduled preview:

Custer’s Last Stand Minute Maid Park

Friday September 26th, 7:05 FSN (HD)

Saturday September 27th, 6:05 FSN (HD)

Sunday September 28th, 1:05 myPOS (HD – hahahaha!)

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