Astros (63-61) at Brewers (71-54)
Monday, Aug 18, 7:05pm CDT, FSN & ESPN2
Tuesday, Aug 19, 7:05pm CDT, FSN
Wednesday, Aug 20, 1:05pm CDT, FSN
Se7en
It was a pretty cool moment. Or, at least, it should’ve been. I’m not sure what was skipped at the end there in the rush to get the game started, but after spending hours building up the tension over the unveiling of what was clearly a riding mower (WTF?), they whipped that pillow case off the #7 banner like they were tearing off a band aid. There were some pretty cool moments in the speeches, and I saw Milo wipe the tears from his eyes as Baggy added his words to the ceremonies. Drayton rattled off a bunch of nonsensical numbers like he was a bingo caller, and they misspelled “Appearances” in the tribute video. All-in-all, a solid C- for the Astros’ PR Dept.
The good news was that the wait didn’t seem to bother Roy much, while the Unit came out without Mr. Snappy and was tagged for the only runs of the game in the bottom of the first. Wiggy got ’em in by taking one of the many un-breaking sliders into the Crawford Boxes for a three-run shibby. Roy took that to the bank by allowing only one hit in 8 innings before yielding to Papa Grande who nailed it down. It was a relief that the team got its act together for the big Sunday celebration because, had they shit the bed like they did on the previous two nights, the #7 banner may have hurled itself from the rafters in a fit of abject despair.
Despite the horrors of Friday and Saturday nights, a 1-2 series doesn’t, in and of itself, derail the insane possibility of a run for the wild card. The Astros are 9-2 over their last 11 (.818). But it was a timely reminder that, to achieve the unthinkable, they will have to beat the good teams as well as the bad, and that may be problematic given randomness of the starting pitching. The randomness of the coach, in both word and deed, is another element to this indecypherable formula.
Road House
With that in mind, the Astros pack up and head off on a roadie that starts in Milwaukee. The Brewers matched Houston with an 8-game winning streak of their own, which was snapped by the Trolley Dodgers who took two out of three over the weekend. Still, the Brewers have a 9-3 record over their last few series, which means that at the current pace the Astros will catch them sometime in 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Clearly, to maintain any semblance of chance of running down the Wild Card, the Astros will have to sweep the teams ahead of them because splitting such series will not be enough. Coop realises this, and has guaranteed a sweep, although he has not yet explained how he will go about ensuring victory.
The Usual Suspects
Randy Wolf (8-10, 4.56) vs. CC Sabathia (13-8, 3.04)
Wolf is unbeaten as an Astro. In fact, the team is 4-0 in games he’s started, although not all of this is down to Randy. Last time out, though, he pitched 6 strong innings against the Giants, giving up only two runs while the home bats drank the blood of the Giants pitching staff. His first appearance as an Astros came against Milwaukee and it wasn’t exactly the stuff that dreams are made of. 4+ innings and 4 runs was all she wrote, but the team picked him up and got the W. Matteo, Miller and Kendall have all hit him well (I’m going to ignore Braun’s perfect record because it’s only 3 at-bats). Hall and Hardy have been pretty anaemic, hovering around the Mendoza line, while Counsell and Durham have split 20 at-bats and sport a full Blutarsky.
Opposing Wolf will be the Brewers’ mid-season pick-up, the curvaceous CC Sabathia. He’s listed (listing?) at 290lbs, which is about as accurate as the listing of Craig Biggio at 5′ 11″. He has other big fat numbers, the biggest and fattest being the zero in his loss column since joining the Brewers, and 10-0 stretching back to his time as an Indian before being traded to the Wisconsin pale faces. Erstad, Loretta and Tejada have seen him a lot and seen him well but, for much of the balance of the line-up, this will be their first taste of CC (assuming that Prince Fielder leaves anything for anyone else).
Brian Moehler (8-4, 3.97) vs. Ben Sheets (11-6, 3.00)
It looks like Brian drew the short straw this series. He has been a surprise to all (with the possible exception of his Mum) and has been consistently solid as a starter. He did stumble a little last time out, giving up 4 runs before being lifted in the 6th (the Astros went on to win it anyway), but he was on a roll up until then, only missing out on a complete game when, with 1 out left for Brian to get, Coop’s Magic 8-Ball came up “Outlook not so good”. Having said all that, the Brew Crew knocked him around to good effect last time they faced each other back in June at MMPUS. I’ll spare you those actual numbers because, like the stampede for the post-game buffet in the Brewers locker room, it ain’t pretty. On the subject of things which aren’t pretty, there’s a lot of bad news on the Pitcher vs. Batter front, including Fielder’s 3-6, 2HR, 3RBI effort, so the bats will need to be at their best against…
Ben Fucking Sheets. Crap! Despite numerous Astros with numerous… ahh… numbers, this guy continues to roll against the Astros. He’s 2-0 in 3 starts this year, including 2 gems within the space of a fortnight back in May/June. Lifetime against the Astros is something I refuse to look up, but it’s lots for little. The incongruity of it all is that Berkman has tagged him to the tune of a .328 average and .672 SLG%; Erstad is over .500; El Kabong makes Berkman look like Punch and/or Judy (1.191 OPS); and Wiggington is even better with an OPS of 1.229! How do we ever lose to this prick? Even Ausmus hits him at a .293 clip! Arrrrgh! I predict that this game will suck the sweat off a dead man’s balls. For those who have the chops, do like me, and finish your beer every time Sheets kills a rally with a strike out, pop up or double-play. See if you can make it to the 5th inning without passing out.
Wandy Rodriguez (7-5, 4.15) vs. Manny Parra (9-6, 4.12)
In the second all-lefty match-up of the series, the hapless Rodriguez gets the ball for some afternoon delight. The spectacular balls-up that was his last start against the light-hitting Snakes should have him well rested for this one. His last outing against the Brewers was a smooth 6 innings giving up only 1 run, so let’s hope that we see something more like that. When I say “see”, I mean “hear”, as many will be listening to Milo while they’re at work, who will of course be be relaying news of whatever images are dancing through his head. Corey “I Single-Handedly Gave the ASG to the AL” Hart loves him a bit of Wandy (NTTAWWT) while Bill Hall doesn’t.
Parra rattled off 8 straight wins earlier in the year but has since become discombobulated and is 1-4 in his last 9 starts. Maybe it’s just Manny being Manny. He beat Houston twice in that winning streak, but is 2-2 on the season with no NDs. He’s relatively new on the scene, so there’s not much depth to his history against the Astros, but BLT have worn him out and everyone else (save Loretta who’s 0-1) has chipped in.
The Gift
Today is “Empty-Handed Monday”, when the Brewers give away fuck all. Tuesday, the Brewers jump the shark as everyone gets a “Bronze Fonz” baseball card to commemorate the unveiling of a bronze statue of Arthur Fonzarelli. I’m not joking. Wednesday, the first 18,000 fans get a voucher for a free oil change and Barack Obama will be patrolling the parking lot with a tire pressure gauge and a foot pump.
Nurse Betty
Astros: Matsui is back on the DL with whatever malady they’re calling it to avoid having to say “anal fissures” any more; Lee’s pinky is all busted up and will keep him on the shelf (and hopefully on the treadmill) until late September; and Paulino suffered “unrelated” shoulder tightness in his first re-hab outing.
Brewers: Rickie Weeks (2B) sucked too hard on his thumb and is day-to-day; Russel Branyon (3B) strained an oblique and is on the 15-day from Aug 12; Yovani Gallardo (RHP) is spending the rest of the season at the Austin City Limits festival; and Tommy John ended Chris Capuano’s (LHP) season – someone should catch that guy…he’s dangerous.
The Others
If there are any former Astros on the Brewers club, I don’t see ’em.
Whereas Loretta is returning to his old stomping grounds, as would be Lee but for the busted finger on his eating hand.
As of close of business on Sunday, in the gold medal column:
Great Britain = USA – Michael Phelps
You obviously didn’t realise that Darts is now an Olympic sport.