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  • Series Previews (Page 74)

Astros @ Brewers – A Prince Fielder Isn’t an Adam Everett Crotch Piercing?

Posted on April 20, 2007 by MRaup in Series Previews

After a quick two game cornholing of the Reds bullpen, lets hope the momentum carries over to the Brew Crew.

Miller Park

Friday, April 20, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, April 21, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, April 22, 1:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday

Matt Albers (1-1, 6.23) in AAA Round Rock( No ML starts this year) v. Ben Sheets (1-2, 5.85)

The much anticipated return of Fat Albers, pitching against Astros nemesis and famed musician Ben “Folds” Sheets. This game is pretty much a dice roll. Albers has been all over the place in AAA, throwing great one start then melting down Carlos Zambrano style against (ironically) the Iowa Cubs. Albers has yet to face any Brewers, so lets all hope for an Astros-against-a-new-pitcher-like performance by the Brew Crew.
Sheets has thrown one beauty and a couple of clunkers. His first start was a complete game 2 hitter. Since then, Ben has given up 12 earned runs in his last 11 innings. Adam Everett (15-41 with 2 dingers), Fat Elvis (18-54 with 4 dingers) and Jason Lane (8-23) all rake against Benny, while Luuuuuuuke (2-13) and MoBerg (2-22) basically stink up the joint against him. I wouldn’t be shocked to see Mike Lamb (9-29) playing at 3rd tonight.
I fully expect him to get back to his Astrokillah ways for this game, so Albers better be ready to throw everything at the Brewers, including Luke Scott’s Ninja Outfit, as well as Ensberg’s Not-Sunglasses (no photo available).

Saturday
Wandy Rodriguez (0-1, 2.77) v. Chris Capuano (2-0, 2.81)

Alkie’s ranting aside, Wandy is off to a great start this year. Avoiding the implosion inning he was famous for last season has really helped him to become a stable and useful tool in the rotation. As long as he can keep the ball down and doesn’t struggle with his control and issue a bunch of untimely free passes, Wandy should continue to have success on the mound this season. Geoff Jenkins (5-13) and Corey Hart (8-13) both mash Wandy, but the rest of the Brew Crew’s numbers are decent at best.
Capuano had a breakout year in 2005, and his 2006 campaign mirrored the success numbers-wise, despite the dropoff in wins from 18 to 11. Chris brings a solid approach to the mound and has been an innings eater the last 2 years, averaging 220 innings and about 35 starts since his full-time job in the starting rotation began in 2005. From 2005 to 2006 he halved his walk-per-start numbers, and is off to a good start in 2007 walking 4 to his 15 ponches. Lance Berkman (9 for 20), Mark Loretta (4-9), Brad Ausmus (2-4 with 8 walks and a homer), Wandy (2-4), and Chris Burke (1-1 with a double) all have had success against Chris, while Biggio and Ensberg are both 2 of 14, and AE is a dismal 2-15. Maybe Loretta will be playing 2nd or short tonight.

Sunday
Roy Oswalt (3-0, 2.89) v. Dave Bush (1-1, 5.82)

Having Roy finishing a 3 game series is just about the best news ever, assuming that Fat Albers and Wandy can assure the Good Guys a win out of the 2 games they’re pitching. The only eye-popping numbers that jump out from the Brewer Roster against The Wizard are Bill Hall’s (17-42). Geoff Jenkins (14-50) sports a decent average, but its not quite as impressive when you notice that of his 36 non-hit at bats, he has ponched 20 freakin’ times!
Dave Bush is a middle to bottom of the rotation kind of guy. He hasn’t been around for very long, but had a decent year last year as an innings eater. Nothing ridiculously impressive or bad about this guy, just decent numbers across the board, but a nice walk/strikeout ratio at 38/166 in 2006. Lance Berkman (6-12) and OP (2-2 with a double) are the only guys with any serious success against Dave, but AE (2-11) and MoBerg (1-6) have not exactly shined in limited exposure.
Expect a fast-moving and tight game here. Roy should win this one, assuming the Good Guys can rally for some runs behind him. If Geoff Jenkins starts, Vegas odds have him going off at 15/1 that he’ll strike out in one of his first two at bats.

Mark’s Official Prediction
Friday – In a closely contested race, Chorizo will pull out the win, much to the delight of the 6 Latino citizens of Mikwakuee.
Saturday – Brat in a runaway.
Sunday – Hot Dog will win in a close race, but will promptly be disqualified when the costume is removed and Sammy Sosa is discovered inside, wrapped in cork.

Notable giveaways this series …

Friday – How cool is this?! Cecil Cooper Bobbleheads!
Saturday – The first 10,000 kids in the door get a set of Brewers Trading Cards.
Sunday – Well, this sounds… Interesting?
“The first 10,000 fans will receive the Brewers 1982 American League Champions Medallion Collection Album. The album will hold 23 spectacular medallions featuring coaches and players from the memorable 1982 team. From April 23rd to May 18th, a new medallion is released each day and available only with the coupon printed inside the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Fans simply take that day’s medallion coupon to a participating retailer to purchase their medallion.
first 10,000 fans”
Injury Report

Houston –

Only new addition to the Triage Unit is Jason Jennings, who is recovering from tendonitis in his throwing arm.
Brandon Backe still recovering from Tommy John surgery.
Giminez still recovering from labrum surgery.

Milwaukee –

The Brewers are completely injury free, except for Laynce Nix,* who is recovering from the stupid “y” in his first name as well as a strained oblique.

Our Interesting Things To Look For: Carlos Lee Edition!

[list]
[li] El Kabong’s return to Mikwaukee. Sure he spent a year at the Rangers, but honestly, does anyone acknowledge them as anything but another also-ran in the Who Gives A Shit League? [/li]

[li] Carlos averages more than 10 stolen bases a year, with a career total of 97 to only 33 caught stealing. He also has never struck out more than 94 times in a season, and less than 90 a season since 2004. [/li]
[li] Carlos Lee has kids. Yeah, I know, not that interesting. How about this though: He has two daughers, named Cassandra and Karla. And a son… named… Karlos. That is kind of interesting, no? Hey! Wait! Come back! The preview is almost over, I promise! [/li]

[/list]

On a somewhat personal note… I’m glad the Good Guys got out of town without having to face Matt Belisle. I’ve been an Astros fan all of my life, but I’m disgustingly torn when trying to decide what I want to happen when Matty-B is on the hill. Of course, with the way the Redleg Bullpen looks, it seems like a safe bet to hope Matt shuts down the ‘Stros for 7 and then we score 15 on Dave “Stormy” Weathers and his Get Shelled Posse.

And on a less personal note…
You ever wonder if Corey Hart ever hates his parents more than a little bit for not naming him Sam or Bob or Jason?

Discuss today’s game in the  GameZone.

* I couldn’t find any weird picture that showed how much I dislike Laynce Nix, so instead I decided that you’d enjoy a picture of Alex Rodriguez and Laynceyboy looking weird together.

Astros at Reds – The Dining Car is Closed

Posted on April 18, 2007 by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

The Astros have won six of their last eight, and have evened the record at 6-6. Not bad considering the team’s best hitter hasn’t accomplished much besides setting up a snack bar at first. He also tried to set up a hot dog stand, but Luke Scott kept kicking over the bun warmer with the flippers from his frogman suit.

Now the Astros get to visit four cities in a nine-day road trip, including a one-day stop in sunny Philadelphia. Throw in Cincinnati, Milwaukee, and Pittsburgh, and, well, that’s better than Spring Break, baby. The only thing missing is Foghat’s tour bus.

The Reds are leading the division and are a game ahead of the Astros. As usual, Adam Dunn is leading the team in homers (4) and strikeouts (16). Josh Hamilton also has three homers. Aaron Harang and Matt Belisle each have two wins. Edwin Encarnacion got benched recently for not running out a pop fly.

Read More

Marlins at Astros – Smells Like Fish Edition

Posted on April 16, 2007 by Foghorn in Series Previews

By Foghorn

Minute Maid Park

Monday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW

Notable giveaways

Nothing but the Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.
Heckuva promotion though.  You plan your trip just right, you can get in and out for under $10.  I’ll be there with my oldest daughter.  Look for the little girl asking: “Can I have a hot dog, can I have a hot dog, canihaveahotdog, canihaveahotdog…” or the father going “no, you just ate, no you just ate, noyoujustate, noyoujustate…”.

Read More

Beer and Self Loathing, or Springtime for Jimy in Philadelphia (sort of updated)

Posted on April 13, 2007 by Taras Bulba in Series Previews

By Taras Bulba

Well, that son of a bitchin’ strosrays went out and wrote a goddamn treatise on life last week, forcing everyone to buy thesauruses and slide rules and other smart ass shit.  He’s definitely the kind of guy that doesn’t give reach arounds.  Anyway, here’s the deal:

Astros (3-5) at Phillies (2-7)
At Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia
aka “The Bank, The Ballpark, The Vault”

Friday, April 13, 6:05 p.m. CDT-FSN
Saturday, April 14, 2:55 p.m. CDT-Fox, FOX!
Sunday, April 15, 12:35 p.m. CDT-FSN

For the coverage impaired, MLB.TV will also broadcast the games for a reasonable monthly rate, excluding carrying charges, transit and handling fees, and a bill of lading.  I have been anxious to write, “bill of lading” for a long time, so there you have it.  Otherwise, FSN will cover the Friday and Sunday games with our favorite standbys, Brownie and Jim, while Fox, FOX! will be there for the Saturday afternoon throw down.  Brit Hume will do the play by play for FOX! with his sidekicks, Geraldo and Billy O.   Tom Wolfe will stop by the booth to offer tips on finding hot coeds and to show off his natty new spring suit. Laurie Dhue (www.girlsoffoxnews.com) will appear from time to time to offer keen insight and to allow for male viewers to stare at her lips and think generally bad thoughts.  As the broadcast is on FOX!, spokespersons for all of the major Democratic presidential candidates have indicated that they will not  participate, so we won’t be able to see if Obama throws like a girl or if Hillary wears a cup.

Read More

Astros @ Cubs – Wrigley Field Is Decadent And Depraved (Apr 9-11, 2007)

Posted on April 8, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays 

Wrigley Field Is Decadent And Depraved 

Astros (1-5) at Cubs (3-3)
at Wrigley Field, Chicago, IL 
a/k/a The “Taj Mahal”

Monday, April 9, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, April 10, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, April 11, 1:20 p.m. CDT – FSN

For those of you with “coverage” issues, the Monday and Wednesday games are also scheduled to be carried by Superstation WGN. . . I am not sure who does the Cub games for WGN anymore – my ability to focus on their telecasts, even if what I was focusing was mostly bile, decreased significantly after “Chippy” Carey left.  The guys they have had the last year or two are basically generic, sorta like the non Milo-nese people who are in the Astros radio booth nowadays.  Whatever their names are.

At any rate, you should be able to get the WGN games, no matter where you live.  WGN is carried by every cable system from here to the Crab Nebula.Read More

Bagwell, Hunter Thompson, old girlfriends

Cardinals @ Astros – Pooholes in the 2 Hole? This Joke Writes Itself!

Posted on April 5, 2007 by MRaup in Series Previews

So, now that we’ve gotten a few practice games out of the way, its time to start the season, right? Wait, we started 3 days ago? Son of a bitch.  Well, the Good Guys have some work to do at this point. Getting pecker-slapped by perennial cellar dwellers in the Central is not exactly a good way to start the season. Scoring less than 3 runs a game against the Pirate pitching staff with our new and improved lineup also doesn’t bode particularly well. The only good thing about a slow start is the number of fair weather fans that fall off the bandwagon. The bad news is, the air waves will be even more filled with their cries for a new closer, Roger Clemens, and <insert real CF here> .
The Co-ards aren’t in much better shape. With a similarly dismal start against the goddamn fucking Mets, they also stand at 0-3, hanging out with the Astros at the bottom of the Central. As has been covered repeatedly in the TZ and everywhere the BfiB complain on a regular basis, Chris Carpenter is suffering from some elbow tenderness, and the Co-ard rotation is looking shakier than a late night CoRussa sobriety test.
Anyway, hopefully its time for the Astro bats to come out of their early season slumber and whip some Redbird ass.
Minute Maid Park

Friday, April 6, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, April 7, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, April 8, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday
Adam Wainwright (0-0, 0.00) vs Wandy Rodriguez (0-0, 0.00)
Last Season: Wainwright (2-1, 3.12, 5 saves) vs. Rodriguez (9-10, 5.64)

Saturday
Anthony Reyes (0-0, 0.00) vs. Roy Oswalt, (0-0, 1.17)
Last Season: Reyes (5-8, 5.06)

Sunday
Kip Wells, (0-1, 3.00) vs. Jason Jennings, (0-0, 1.50)
 
Notable giveaways this series include Jeff Bagwell figurines and posters on Friday, 2007 wall calendars on Saturday to the first 30,000 fans, and Junction Jack Plush Dolls on Sunday to the first 20,000 youngsters through the gates.
You didn’t hear it from me, but I think that Kip Wells would really appreciate being bombarded by 20k or so plush dolls around the start of the 3rd inning.
Injury Report

Cardinals – No listed injuries yet, but they are in the process of evaluating Carpenter’s elbow soreness. Preliminary reports say its nothing serious, but he is definitely missing his start this weekend..

Houston – Nothing new to report here. Backe and Giminez both on the DL, and Luke Scott spent a few days in a Bacta Tank healing up his dinged up elbow. He should be good to go Friday, according to the  Astro Training staff.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
·   Adam Wainwright, strictly as a reliever, has pretty much owned the Astros. Only Good Guys worth a damn against him are Bidge with a hit and two RBIs in two at bats and Mike Lamb, who is 2-3 against Adam. Moberg is 0-6 with 4 ponches.
·   Astros to watch against Anthony Reyes: Mike Lamb, 2-3 with a double. Bidge 2-4 with a double, a dinger, 2 walks, and 3 RBIs. Morgan Ensberg, 0-6 with 5 Ks.  I would venture to say we might see some Mike Lamb this weekend
·   .The Astros have faced Kip Wells a lot. A combined 256 at bats, with a batting average of .270 against him, but that number should be slightly higher since it includes some appearances by Woody Williams. RoyO is 0-3 against Kipper with 2 Ks, but I don’t know why you’d care about that at all, so just ignore it.
·   Wandy put up decent numbers against the Co-ards last year, holding them under .260 as a team. Jennings has held current Cards to a sparkling .227 average. Thank the BBGs that Mark Mulder isn’t around for the Cards still; he owned Jennings while at the plate, sporting a gaudy .400 average in 10 at bats.
·   Biggio Hit Watch: 2934 down, 66 to go!
Discuss today’s game in theGameZone, but for God’s sake, keep it upbeat. Alkie is on suicide watch already.

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