By MRaup
Pee And See Park
Friday, July 20, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, July 21, 6:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, July 22, 12:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
Astros at Nationals – Race to the Bottom
By Craig Elliott
RFK Stadium
Monday, July 16, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, July 17, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, July 18, 12:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
This series isn’t the ass-end of the National League, but you can smell it from here. Of the four worst teams in the NL, two are in this series. (The other two are the Giants and Reds.) The starters in this series have 71 appearances this season, but just 15 wins. And six of those came from Chris Sampson.
But this is no ordinary suck-fest we have scheduled. Oh no. Because look at what’s resurfacing from the Astros’ hazy past, like a lingering taste from a Juarez whorehouse … it’s that crazy-ass ex-girlfriend you thought you’d never have to face again … it’s … Tim Redding!
Alright, now that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what this shitty season needed … some Tim Redding, baby! Think of all the times we’ve seen Redding on the hill, and all the stress and gut-wrenching and throwing shit at the TV. But he’s never faced the Astros, as far as I can tell. Finally, we get to see that awful goatee from the other side …
Yeah, I have a real bad feeling about this. Read More
Metrosexuals Among Us — Hide the Brie
By Taras Bulba
Mets (46-37) at Astros (37-48)
Minute Maid Park
AKA “The Juice Box”
Thursday, July 5, 7:05pm-FSN
Friday, July 6, 7:05pm-FSN
Saturday, July 6, 6:05pm-FSN
Sunday, July 7, 1:05pm-FSN
The division leading Mets with three all star starters arrive in Necktown for a four game series with the Astros. Though still ahead of the Braves and Phils, the Mets are limping, having lost four in a row including being swept over the weekend by the Rockies. Beltran, Reyes, and Wright—all stars for the upcoming summer classic will be in town, along with Delgado and catcher Paul Lo Duca. Lo Duca, however, is sitting outside of Dean Wormer’s office along with Qualls, and may be suspended for part of the four game set. Just in case, the Mets called up 67 year old catcher Sandy Alomar, Jr. who has been hanging out in New Orleans lately trying to figure out what a “Zephyr” is supposed to be.
Lastings Milledge Update: nothing new here other than New Yorkers remain puzzled that flyover country has not appreciated his value in potential trade scenarios. He’s Lastings Milledge, people—c’mon.
Phillies @ Astros – Lively Up Yourself (July 2-4, 2007)
By ‘strosrays
Lively Up Yourself
(And Don’t Be No Drag)
Phillies (42-40) at Astros (34-48)
Minute Maid Park, 501 Crawford St., Houston, TX 77002
a/k/a “The Juice Box”
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▪Monday, July 2 (7:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
▪Tuesday, July 3 (7:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
▪Wednesday, July 4 (1:05 p.m. CDT) – FSN
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We’re Gonna Chase Those Crazy Baldheads Out Of Town
After a mostly disappointing first half, the Astros play seems to be picking up quite a bit lately. The hitters are mostly hitting now, and the team is getting pretty good starting pitching on a consistent basis. I don’t think they are going to be an easy mark for anyone any longer in 2007.
Ask the Rukkakes. They limped in here on a 6-game losing streak, looking to get well against the woebegone home team. Not quite, ehh fuckers? The Phillies, pretend contenders, are rolling in Monday having lost three of four against the steM, and looking to chew up the Lackey ‘Necks from Union Station. Not so fast, assholes. You Phillie-fucks look like meat to me. Then here come the steM, after that. Fuck them. We’ll kick their asses, too.
We’ve just made the turn, into the second half of the season. In the first half, the Astros probably dug themselves a hole even they can’t get out of, despite their recent history. But they are beginning to play well with some consistency now. It may be the best we have to look forward to for the rest of 2007 is to be a spoiler to contending teams the rest of the way. If that’s the way it has to be, so be it. Bring them fucking on.Read More
Looking up?, the future is unwritten, Watergate does not bother meRockies at Astros – Even a Rukkake Joke Won’t Save THIS Preview
By MRaup
Minute Maid Park
Thursday, June 28, 7:05. CDT – FSN
Friday, June 29,, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, June 30, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, July 1, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Astros at Brewers – We Now Return to Overhand Baseball
By Craig Elliott
Miller Park
The Astros somehow managed to pull out a win Sunday in Arlington, despite a monumental bullpen meltdown. The Rangers’ radio announcers helpfully pointed out that the Houston bullpen has now blown more games than it’s saved. Anyway, the Rangers still put the Silver Boot up the Astros’ ass to win the pretend rivalry for this year. I’m sure someone somewhere keeps up with how the “rivalry” stands overall, but fuck if I know. Or care. At least interleague play is done for another year and we can get back to real baseball.
The Brewers are turning the Central into a sausage-fest this year and will probably win the division. Not because they’re very good … they just aren’t bad. Which unfortunately makes them better than anyone else in the division. Exhibit A: the bumble-fuck Cubs are four games under .500 and are still in second place.
The Brewers have won 9 of their last 11, and Prince Fielder is leading the league in homers (26) and RBI (61). Ben Sheets and Jeff Suppan both have eight wins.
Monday, June 25, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Tuesday, June 26, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, June 27, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
So I’ve bitched and moaned about how I never get to see any Astros games because the fucking Rangers are always on Fox Sports. I figured at least I’d get to see a few games this series, but no, I only got the Friday ass-kicking. I’d have a better chance of seeing an Astro if he got demoted to the minors or joined the rodeo circuit.Read More