By MRaup
Minute Maid Park
Thursday, June 28, 7:05. CDT – FSN
Friday, June 29,, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, June 30, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, July 1, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Projected Matchups from Astros.com
Thursday
Aaron Cook (4-5, 4.93) v. Roy Oswalt (7-5, 3.55)
For Colorado…
The good news: Cook is 0-3 with a 6.75 ERA in his last 3 starts.
The bad news: Cook is 3-0 (6 starts) in his career against the Astros, with a 4.60 ERA.
Success stories: Mike Lamb is 3 for 4 with 2 doubles, Lance Berkman is 6 for 11, Mark Loretta is 11 for 23.
Jason Lane Impersonators: Moberg is 1 of 6, Ausmus is 1 of 14, El Kabong is 0 for 5, and Luuuuke is 0 for 3.
For Houston…
The good news: Roy Fucking Oswalt is on the mound.
The bad news: Roy hasn’t been himself this season. His night ended against the Rangers after he walked the bases loaded in the 6th, ultimately leading to his being the loser in that game.
Guys lucky enough to have some success against Roy: Ianneta and Tulowitzki are 2 for 3, Tavares is 2 for 4, Holliday is 3 of 7.
Twiddledicks in purple: Kaz Matsui is 3 of 11, Helton is 5 of 19, Hawpe is 3 of 12, Sullivan is 2 of 7.
Friday
Josh Fogg (3-6, 4.81) v. Chris Sampson (6-5, 3.71)
For the Rocks…
The good news: Josh Fogg sucks.
The bad news : The Astros bullpen sucks more.
Success stories: Lance is 11 of 28 with 5 dingers, Lamb is 9 of 22, OP is 3 of 8, Ausmus is 8 of 24, Moberg is 5 of 15, Luuuuuke and PENCE!!! Are 2 of 3,and Loretta is 4 of 12.
Guys Pupura should trade before this game: Biggio is 8 of 33, Carlos Lee is 2 of 8, Burke is 2 of 7, and SuperBrunt is 0 for 1.
For the ‘Stros:
The good news: If not for Thunderpants, Chris Sampson would be the biggest young talent on the field for the Astros.
The bad news: The paperwork for the restraining order on Alkie finally was processed.
This Space For Rent
Sampson has never faced the Rockies before.
Saturday
Jeff Francis (7-5, 3.80) v. Jason Jennings (1-2, 3.66)
For the Purple Vest Wearers…
The good news: I have no idea who Jeff Francis is.
The bad news: The Astros don’t look like they know who he is, either.
Pence Style: Carlos Lee (3-5), Moberg (1-2), Lance (1-3), and Steven “Gas Can” Randolph (2-2 with a double and 2 RBIs).
Burke Style: Bidge is only 1 of 4 against Jeff. Chris Burke has never gotten a hit against him… because he’s never faced Francis.
For the Blood N’ Mud Rockers:
The good news: Jason Jennings had a good outing his last time out, giving up 3 run on 5 hits over 7 innings.
The bad news: Alkie still hates him.
Former Teammates that have done well against Jason: Jamey Carroll is 2 for 5. That’s about it.
Guys Jennings will continue to induce double play balls off of: WillyT is only 4 for 15 and Yorvit Torrealba is 3 for 15.
Sunday
Rodrigo Lopez (4.10, 4.09) v. Wandy Rodriguez (4-7, 4.57)
For the Rukkakes…
The Good News: Dude has a 5.60 ERA in 3 starts on the road, and hasn’t won a road game. He also absolutely imploded at Wrigley earlier in the week, giving up 8 runs on 9 hits in 4 2/3 innings.
The Bad News: Rodrigo is from Tlalnepantla Mexico. I think the guy who named that town had the “L” key on their typewriter bound to a few other keys.
Feast: Loretta (8-17), OP (4-9).
Famine: El Kabong (1-11), Berkman (0-4), Lamb (0-3).
For the DisAstros…
The Good News: Its 2007. 2006 Wandy only comes out occasionally instead of every start. Wandy threw 5 great and 1 horrible inning in his last start, eventually taking the loss after walking 2 and giving up a bloop single in the 6th inning against the Rangers before exiting, stage left even.
The Bad News: Wandy only lasts 5 or 6 innings, so there will be a lot of bullpen to tolerate…
Notable giveaways this series …
Money Shots: Helton (5-10), Atkins (4-10), Kaz Matsui (1-3), WillyT (1-3), and Holliday (2-6).
Viagra on Back Order: Hawpe (2-10), Torrealba (0-1), Carroll (0-2), Tulowitzki (0-2).
Injury Report
Rockies –
Zack McClellan is on the 15 day DL with right shoulder inflammation. I have no idea who this guy is, so he must be a vital piece of the Rockie machine.
Houston –
The only guy that doesn’t have a permanent ass-groove on the DL couch is Brad Lidge, who is recovering from an oblique strain. He hopefully will be back within the month.
Backe is still chomping at the bit to get back.
Giminez is still there too, eating Cheetos and watching Oprah on Drayton’s dime.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
- I think the season is getting a bit too long in the tooth to hope for the Astros to explode out of this funk. Every time some problem starts to fix itself, something else goes bad. Hitting starts coming around, and the bullpen just slips in the tub and goes head first into the goddamn toilet.
- If we’re lucky, the March for 3000 ends within the next few games. Bidge himself is even ready to just get it over with and get back to playing ball. And God willing, he’ll just help the team.
- Berkman continues to show small flashes of brilliance at the plate, but also continues to roll over on balls at an alarming rate. Whatever snack regimen he is on right now, I think adding some Fun Dip to it might just be the right combo to break completely out of this funk he has been in.
- I think Yorvit Torrealba has the coolest non-hockey player name I’ve ever seen. He’d definitely make my All Awesome Name Team.
- LATE ADDITION! Did everyone know about this except for me?![/url]
- Rick White was released, Mark McLemore called up, Steven Randolph DFA, and Albers recalled as of Thursday afternoon according to Astros.com. I suppose this is the start of the changes TimmyP promised.
Discuss today’s game in the GameZone, but so help me God, if you start bitching about Woody Williams at any point, I’ll hunt you down and kill you with a melon baller!