By Craig Elliott

The Astros have won six of their last eight, and have evened the record at 6-6. Not bad considering the team’s best hitter hasn’t accomplished much besides setting up a snack bar at first. He also tried to set up a hot dog stand, but Luke Scott kept kicking over the bun warmer with the flippers from his frogman suit.

Now the Astros get to visit four cities in a nine-day road trip, including a one-day stop in sunny Philadelphia. Throw in Cincinnati, Milwaukee, and Pittsburgh, and, well, that’s better than Spring Break, baby. The only thing missing is Foghat’s tour bus.

The Reds are leading the division and are a game ahead of the Astros. As usual, Adam Dunn is leading the team in homers (4) and strikeouts (16). Josh Hamilton also has three homers. Aaron Harang and Matt Belisle each have two wins. Edwin Encarnacion got benched recently for not running out a pop fly.

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By Foghorn

Minute Maid Park

Monday, 7:05 PM on KNWS
Tuesday, 7:05 PM on FSSW

Notable giveaways

Nothing but the Double Play Tuesday, where you get 2 cheap seats for $2 by bringing in a neck ring from a 32oz bottle of PowerAde.  Gotta buy your tickets at the box office though.
Heckuva promotion though.  You plan your trip just right, you can get in and out for under $10.  I’ll be there with my oldest daughter.  Look for the little girl asking: “Can I have a hot dog, can I have a hot dog, canihaveahotdog, canihaveahotdog…” or the father going “no, you just ate, no you just ate, noyoujustate, noyoujustate…”.

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By Taras Bulba

Well, that son of a bitchin’ strosrays went out and wrote a goddamn treatise on life last week, forcing everyone to buy thesauruses and slide rules and other smart ass shit.  He’s definitely the kind of guy that doesn’t give reach arounds.  Anyway, here’s the deal:

Astros (3-5) at Phillies (2-7)
At Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia
aka “The Bank, The Ballpark, The Vault”

Friday, April 13, 6:05 p.m. CDT-FSN
Saturday, April 14, 2:55 p.m. CDT-Fox, FOX!
Sunday, April 15, 12:35 p.m. CDT-FSN

For the coverage impaired, MLB.TV will also broadcast the games for a reasonable monthly rate, excluding carrying charges, transit and handling fees, and a bill of lading.  I have been anxious to write, “bill of lading” for a long time, so there you have it.  Otherwise, FSN will cover the Friday and Sunday games with our favorite standbys, Brownie and Jim, while Fox, FOX! will be there for the Saturday afternoon throw down.  Brit Hume will do the play by play for FOX! with his sidekicks, Geraldo and Billy O.   Tom Wolfe will stop by the booth to offer tips on finding hot coeds and to show off his natty new spring suit. Laurie Dhue (www.girlsoffoxnews.com) will appear from time to time to offer keen insight and to allow for male viewers to stare at her lips and think generally bad thoughts.  As the broadcast is on FOX!, spokespersons for all of the major Democratic presidential candidates have indicated that they will not  participate, so we won’t be able to see if Obama throws like a girl or if Hillary wears a cup.

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