So, now that we’ve gotten a few practice games out of the way, its time to start the season, right? Wait, we started 3 days ago? Son of a bitch.  Well, the Good Guys have some work to do at this point. Getting pecker-slapped by perennial cellar dwellers in the Central is not exactly a good way to start the season. Scoring less than 3 runs a game against the Pirate pitching staff with our new and improved lineup also doesn’t bode particularly well. The only good thing about a slow start is the number of fair weather fans that fall off the bandwagon. The bad news is, the air waves will be even more filled with their cries for a new closer, Roger Clemens, and <insert real CF here> .
The Co-ards aren’t in much better shape. With a similarly dismal start against the goddamn fucking Mets, they also stand at 0-3, hanging out with the Astros at the bottom of the Central. As has been covered repeatedly in the TZ and everywhere the BfiB complain on a regular basis, Chris Carpenter is suffering from some elbow tenderness, and the Co-ard rotation is looking shakier than a late night CoRussa sobriety test.
Anyway, hopefully its time for the Astro bats to come out of their early season slumber and whip some Redbird ass.
Minute Maid Park

Friday, April 6, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, April 7, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, April 8, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Friday
Adam Wainwright (0-0, 0.00) vs Wandy Rodriguez (0-0, 0.00)
Last Season: Wainwright (2-1, 3.12, 5 saves) vs. Rodriguez (9-10, 5.64)

Saturday
Anthony Reyes (0-0, 0.00) vs. Roy Oswalt, (0-0, 1.17)
Last Season: Reyes (5-8, 5.06)

Sunday
Kip Wells, (0-1, 3.00) vs. Jason Jennings, (0-0, 1.50)
 
Notable giveaways this series include Jeff Bagwell figurines and posters on Friday, 2007 wall calendars on Saturday to the first 30,000 fans, and Junction Jack Plush Dolls on Sunday to the first 20,000 youngsters through the gates.
You didn’t hear it from me, but I think that Kip Wells would really appreciate being bombarded by 20k or so plush dolls around the start of the 3rd inning.
Injury Report

Cardinals – No listed injuries yet, but they are in the process of evaluating Carpenter’s elbow soreness. Preliminary reports say its nothing serious, but he is definitely missing his start this weekend..

Houston – Nothing new to report here. Backe and Giminez both on the DL, and Luke Scott spent a few days in a Bacta Tank healing up his dinged up elbow. He should be good to go Friday, according to the  Astro Training staff.
Our Interesting Things To Look For
·   Adam Wainwright, strictly as a reliever, has pretty much owned the Astros. Only Good Guys worth a damn against him are Bidge with a hit and two RBIs in two at bats and Mike Lamb, who is 2-3 against Adam. Moberg is 0-6 with 4 ponches.
·   Astros to watch against Anthony Reyes: Mike Lamb, 2-3 with a double. Bidge 2-4 with a double, a dinger, 2 walks, and 3 RBIs. Morgan Ensberg, 0-6 with 5 Ks.  I would venture to say we might see some Mike Lamb this weekend
·   .The Astros have faced Kip Wells a lot. A combined 256 at bats, with a batting average of .270 against him, but that number should be slightly higher since it includes some appearances by Woody Williams. RoyO is 0-3 against Kipper with 2 Ks, but I don’t know why you’d care about that at all, so just ignore it.
·   Wandy put up decent numbers against the Co-ards last year, holding them under .260 as a team. Jennings has held current Cards to a sparkling .227 average. Thank the BBGs that Mark Mulder isn’t around for the Cards still; he owned Jennings while at the plate, sporting a gaudy .400 average in 10 at bats.
·   Biggio Hit Watch: 2934 down, 66 to go!
Discuss today’s game in theGameZone, but for God’s sake, keep it upbeat. Alkie is on suicide watch already.

By Craig Elliott

Oh yeah, Opening Day. Finally! This winter has been longer than a Morgan Ensberg home run drought. All I could do was sit and stare while the days crawled by.

We’re going to pump some new blood into the Series Previews this year, since I was getting kind of worn out and flaccid. In lieu of purchasing a cock-ring and several eightballs*, we’ve enlisted a full rotation of writers this year. We have a rotation of Taras Bulba, MRaup, and strosrays, with me and Foghorn in relief. So get ready for some book-larnin’.

Anyway … baseball!

The Astros had an eventful offseason. They’re so happy about Jennings and Lee that the Grocer is sporting a new Woody. Starin’ Andy went back to the Yankees, because they were stupid enough to think he can put in two more full seasons. In the annual Spring Rogerpalooza Tour, Clemens is waiting to see who among the Astros, Red Sox, and Yanquis sucks less balls at the end of May. So who the fuck knows. Go ask Alice.

As for the Pirates … well, you know. They picked up that LeRoach guy from the Braves. Dirty Freddy Sanchez won the batting title last year, but he’s starting the season on the DL. And they still have Jason Bay. To sum it up, here’s the sunny outlook from the Pirates’ own website: “ … the Pirates are looking hard at finishing the season above .500 for the first time since 1992.”

Good luck with that.

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