Tuesday, June 17, 6:05 p.m. FSN
Wednesday, June 18, 6:05 p.m. FSN
Thursday, June 19, 6:05 p.m. FSN-HD
Listless. Uninspired. Mailing it in. Dare I say, jaking it? After watching this team give one crappy performance after another, one wonders exactly what will get them out of the funk they are in. Read More
So the Great American Fairweather Merchandising Tour finally barnstorms its way into Houston. Pardon me while I scratch my balls and look unimpressed. Maybe the Yankees were a great franchise at one time, but now they’re just a bunch of overpaid hucksters selling ugly shirts and caps. Yeah I know, they have so much history, so many titles, and all that New York mystique or whatever the hell. That and $50 will get you a rhinestoned pink “NY” cap from the Debbie Clemens Collection.
And of course all weekend we’ll have to see and hear insufferable NY fans at Minute Maid cheering their softball players who finally deigned to grace the hinterlands with their traveling merchandise operation. Meanwhile, all that payroll and hype has gotten them a .500 record this season and they’re only a game out of the AL East cellar.
Not that the Astros are playing any better right now. They’ve lost five straight series, all of which were against the NL Central. Now they have to try to break the string of bad luck – on Friday the 13th. They could try a knock on wood, but the maple bat would probably shatter and lead to a double play.
Minute Maid Park
Well, things have certainly taken a turn for the worse since my last preview. Talk about a big ol’ stinky shitburger the last few weeks. Whew.
There’s still time to turn this home-stand around though, and it all starts with RoyO remembering how to pitch. Someone convince Roy to lick the top of a 9 volt battery, that should get the Good Guys going in the right direction.
Game 1: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
Game 2: Wednesday, June 11, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
Game 3: Thursday, June 12, 2008 – 1:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
THE JAKES AND THE FAT MAN
Retardinals (36-26) at Astros (31-30)
Minute Maid Park
501 Crawford St.
Houston, TX 77002
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After a 17-11 record in the month of May, to the Astros June looks like it is shaping up to be a bigger sinkhole than the one swallowing up Daisetta, as the team has floundered so far to a 1-3 record this month. Maybe some home games, a rarity this season, will help.
The fucking Cardinals roll in sporting a 10-games-above-.500 record, despite having a pretty unimpressive lineup, a patched together rotation, and – after closer Jason Isringhausen essentially collapsed in upon himself last month – a bullpen in disarray. They still scare me though – I fucking despise them.
They can come in here this weekend and do whatever, just don’t bring that dancing faggot along with them. When I saw that guy, my first thought was, Jim Edmonds! But, oh yeah, Anaheim Jimmy now sashays around in centerfield in Chicago, not St. Louis.Read More
The space travelers visit the seafarers for the first time this season. Much has been discussed about the fact that the Astros ain’t never been to Pittsburgh, while the Cubs have had an inordinate number of games against them, winning 9 of 12. After going 3-7 in their last ten games, the Good Guys need to win more than one night in Pittsburgh, and avoid a repeat last year’s 0-6 start against the Bucs. Read More
Miller Park
Friday, May 30, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, May 31, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN-HD
Sunday, June 1, 1:05 p.m. CDT – my20watts
Well the Astros just pissed away a series in New Jake City but sit just 3.5 games back of the division leading Scrubs. The Brewers meanwhile are mired in mediocrity, two games below .500, but just took 2 of 3 from the Braves. I’m neck deep in the upcoming draft mania and actually like the Brewers so no grandness (right) and vitriol this time out. However, after looking over a few pictures I am moved to haiku.
I invite you to write your own.
