Minute Maid Park
Well, things have certainly taken a turn for the worse since my last preview. Talk about a big ol’ stinky shitburger the last few weeks. Whew.
There’s still time to turn this home-stand around though, and it all starts with RoyO remembering how to pitch. Someone convince Roy to lick the top of a 9 volt battery, that should get the Good Guys going in the right direction.
Game 1: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
Game 2: Wednesday, June 11, 2008 – 7:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
Game 3: Thursday, June 12, 2008 – 1:05 p.m. CDT (FSN – HD)
Pitching Matchups from Astros.com
Seth McClung (3-2, 4.25) vs. Woody Williams Roy Oswalt (4-6, 5.38)
I always wondered what happened to Ralph Malph from Happy Days, and now I know. He’s rotation filler for the Brew Crew.
Current Astros are 7-22 against Ralph, with a home run and 5 RBIs. Torpedo Boat leads the charge with 4 hits in 10 at bats, and Lo is right behind him, with the other 3 hits in 6 attempts.
RoyO continues to struggle, managing a decent start every few times around, but mostly giving up a ton of home runs and generally having one or two horrible Oswalt Innings per game.
The Brewers are feast or famine against Roy. The guys to watch out for are: Corey Hart (5-10), Bill Hall (13-38, 5 extra base hits), Jason Kendall (15-38, 14 singles and a triple), and Ryan Brawn (2-6, 1HR).
Roy shows up today. If not, this one could be over fast…
Manny Parra (4-2, 4.33) vs. Brandon Backe (4-7, 4.66)
Manny has been dominant his last two starts, giving up 1 run in both of his last starts, a total of 13 innings. One of those starts was against the Astros, too. In fact, be beat Backe in that start, a 5-1 drubbing.
The Astros, despite being dominated in his last start, have decent numbers against Parra in very limited appearances. They are batting a combined .324 (12-37), with Miggy (2-6) and Fat Elvis (3-6) leading the charge. Bourn (1-6) has 4 K’s against him, but his one hit is a home run. Also, Backe (1-3) has also taken him deep.
Brandon has scuffled in his last two starts, giving up nine runs in eleven innings and taking two losses, bringing his ERA up almost half a run.
Against Milwaukee, Brandon has had pretty good success, with only a few guys doing the damage: Corey Hart (5-12), Mike Cameron (5-15), and Ryan Brawn (4-8, 2 HR).
I think Manny is overdue a whupping. This one could get to football-esque scores.
Ben Sheets (6-1, 2.62) vs. Brian Moehler (3-2, 3.67)
What else can I say about Ben Sheets? When healthy, he’s a beast. Problem is, he’s hurt a lot. I can’t help but remember this awesome thread whenever I write about Ben. If you haven’t read it yet, do it and thank me later.
I’m always surprised to see the Astros numbers against Sheets. They’re surprisingly good. As a team, the Good Guys are batting .295 against Sheets. Ty Wigginton (12-26), Darren Erstad (4-7), Kaz Matsui (4-12, with 3 doubles!), Big Puma (22-63 with 5 bombs) of course, and super surprisingly Brad Ausmus (12-41).
Moehler has been the ridiculously good in the 5th starter spot. 5ish strong innings and leaving with the Good Guys in a position to win has been his job, and he’s been pretty damn good at it.
Now the bad news… The Brewers have battered Moehler pretty good in his career. They sport a total batting average of .306 (33-108) against him. Rickie Weeks (4-8, 2 HR), Jason Kendall (7-10!!!), Corey Hart (3-9), Russell Branyan (3-10, HR), etc. You get the idea.
On paper, this one could get ugly.
Tuesday is some random T-shirt. It must suck pretty bad, since they don’t even have a picture of it on Astros.com.
Wednesday is dollar hot dog day. I’m starting to suspect that Sheriff Blaylock is a major player in the Greater Houston Antacid scene. I suspect that the small price hit he takes in dollar hotdogs he more than makes up for in the Tums sales spiking.
Thursday has both retro T shirts and Reckless Kelly playing after the game. As Bill Brown said during Sunday’s telecast, “Take a long lunch and then…… don’t go back to work, I guess.”
Injury Report
Brewers -Good Lord… Rickie Weeks (sprained knee), Eric Gagne (rotator cuff tendonitis), David Riske (hyper-extended elbow), Yovani Gallardo (torn ACL), Chris Capuano (sprained/torn elbow ligament), and Randy Choate (broken left hand).
Astros – No injuries to report.
Without Further Ado:
Animal House Recast With Astros!!!
John ‘Bluto’ Blutarsky – Lance Berkman, without a question of a doubt. “Have some seeds… Don’t cost nothin'”.
Eric ‘Otter’ Stratton – Miguel Tejada
Miggy: But you can’t hold a whole baseball team responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole MLB? And if the whole MLB is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our sports institutions in general? I put it to you, Michael – isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Astros out of the hearing, all humming the Tejada Tejano Music]
Dean Vernon Wormer – Bud Selig
The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me!
Marion Wormer – Tony LaRussa
You can take your thumb out of my ass at any time, Albert!
Larry ‘Pinto’ Kroger -Michael Bourn
MB: I won’t go schizo, will I?
Coop: It’s a distinct possibility.
Mayor Carmine DePasto – Albert Pujols
“Look, these parades you throw are very expensive. You using my police, my sanitation people, and my Oldsmobiles free of charge. So, if you mention extortion again, I’ll have your catcher’s legs broken. ”
Kent ‘Flounder’ Dorfman – JR Towles
Flounder: I can’t believe I threw up in front of Bud Selig.
Hunter: Face it, Michael. You threw up *on* Bug Selig.
Donald ‘Boon’ Schoenstein – Hunter Pence
Hunter: I want you to fix Pinto up, but it’s got to be a very special girl.
MB: Look, you don’t have to…
Hunter: Now, she should be good-looking, but we’re willing to trade looks for a certain… morally casual attitude.
Terrie: You mean you want someone who’ll screw on the first date.
Hunter: Well put. You see, Pinto’s never been laid.
MB: Hey!
Hunter: What’d I say?
Greg Marmalard – Michael Barrett
Carlos Zambrano : Michael, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
Daniel Simpson ‘D-Day’ Day – Brandon Backe
Hey, quit your blubberin’. When I get through with this baby you won’t even recognize it.
Doug Neidermeyer – Jose de Jesus Ortiz
“You’re all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!”
Robert Hoover – Brad Ausmus
Brad Ausmus: Uhhh. JR Towles? All in favor?
Astros: Who cares? Yeah! We need another catcher.
Brad Ausmus: Good. JR Towles is now a Houston Astro.
Chip Diller – Richard Justice
“Thank you sir! May I have another?!”
Prof. Dave Jennings – Cecil Cooper
Coop: Don’t write this down, but I find Interleague play probably as boring as you find Interleague play. AL teams find it boring too. The games are too long, they doesn’t translate very well into our generation, and the umpires are terrible.
[Bell rings, students rise to leave]
Coop: But that doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility for this material. Now I’m waiting for at bats from some of you… Listen, I’m not joking. This is my job!
Stork – Roy Oswalt
“During his first year, everyone thought the Oz was brain damaged”
Clorette De Pasto – Wesley Wright
“That’s okay, Michael. Neither have I. And besides, I lied to you, too.
…
Wesley: I’m only 13.
Talk about the games in the Gamezone.
If we win… we celebrate! If we lose… well… Sorry.