Astros at Cubs – That Old Familiar Feeling, Creeping Back Up On Me

Posted on June 21, 2013 by MRaup in Series Previews

I hate the Rangers. A lot. But there is nothing that compares to the boiling, deep seated, straight up angry hate that the Piece of Shit Chicago Cubs inspire from me. Buckle up, this one is going to be a bumpy ass ride.

The Astros are, believe it or not, actually riding a little mini hot streak currently. After salvaging one win the series against the Mariners, the Astros proceeded to kick the shit out of the White Sox, taking three out of four from them. Next up was a quick two out of three from the Brewers that could’ve easily been a sweep if it weren’t for the Good Guys terrible, terrible fucking bullpen. The pitching has been getting better, and the bats have been more awake than asleep in the last few weeks. Surprisingly, if you take good pitching and combine it with good hitting, you win some ballgames!

That Fucking Dump They Call The Friendly Confines A.K.A. Wrigley Field

Friday, June 21st. 1:20, CSN or MLB.tv

Saturday June, 22nd. 3:05 CSN or MLB.tv (this one is also on WGN, but if you can tolerate THAT bullshit, you’re a better man/woman/Fredia than I)

Sunday June 23rd. 1:20 CSN or MLB.tv

Good Pitching Gone Bad

Posted on June 20, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros lose to some team from Milwaukee 3-1

WP: J. Axford (3-3)
LP: H. Ambriz (1-4)
SV: F. Rodriguez (5)

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

A week or so I was thinking, the only good thing about playing in the AL is that the Astros won’t have to play the Enablers anymore. Not that the Milwaukee team is some evil rotten troll imposing its will on the downtrodden and disadvantaged. No, that would be its former owner and all around bastard, Bud Selig.

Wait, I temporarily forgot, that same miscreant that used to own the Enablers, the very stupid man, the most hated man, the least sympathetic, the most smelly and most ugly, is now King of baseball, and he started all that inter-league bullshit. We still got to play the chumps.

Eric Bedard deserved better than a no decision but Hector Ambriz didn’t see it that way. Bedard pitched a fine game, striking out seven, while walking two and allowing four hits before leaving in the eighth leading 1-0 with one out and one on. Instead of coaxing a double play, Ambriz, who obviously forgot to look at a calendar, coaxed a two run homer out of Richie Weeks. And permitted the “inducers of alcoholism” to lead the game by a score of 2-1.

The Astros were unable to mount any kind of meaningful offensive threat. They were full of meaningless threats having out hit the “Alcoholic Anonymous membership growers” 10 hits to 6. Jose Altuve may be finding his hitting groove again, going three for four and raising his average up to .295.

Aramis Ramirez did what he does against the Astros and hit another home run in the top of the ninth to give the Intoxicators a two run lead for Francisco Rodriguez who came in and picked up the save for the Inebriators.

The Astros look for a series win in a Thursday Businessman’s Special with Harrell (5-7) going against Gallardo (6-6). and then they travel to Chicago to face the Cubs on Friday.

Attendance – 15866
Game Time – 3:07
Temperature – 73

Ten Run Field

Posted on June 19, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 10, Boozy Seligs 1

W: Lyles (4-1)
L: Figaro (1-1)

Contributed by Reuben

Everyone should be particularly thankful that the Astros won tonight, because not only does it save you all from another rambling, whiny, angry recap of a Tuesday loss, it also probably saved you, and me, from another embarrassing, cringe-worthy headline like “Mirage of Figaro”.

This was a great game for the Astros. One that just leaves you with a nice, peppy feeling all around. They trounced their hated division rivals, er, interleague strangers, the Brewers. Carlos Pena hit a moonshot 3-run HR. Marwin laid down a sweet squeeze bunt. Paul Clemens pitched two whole innings without giving up a homer. But tonight was all about…

Unable to complete the sweep

Posted on June 18, 2013 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

White Sox 4, Astros 2
W:Jones (3-4) L: Norris (5-7) SV: Reed (20)
recap
gamezone

Well, one bad inning and Bud takes the loss. But, I still think the Astros had a great series against the White Sox. I didn’t see any of it since I was not at home, yep, the Comcast Sports Network got me since I was at my parents in San Antonio.

Three out of four is still pretty damn good.

Last week I recommended that to get the best information check out the Bus Ride. OSF has a great list to track signings. I totally recommend you check both out often.

Good Stuff
Sunday night I went to a NBA Finals game. OMG it was so much fun. I am finally getting my voice back. Spurs fans are very loyal. I knew I didn’t like LeBron James prior to this series, but geez, he is a whiner. And the Heat dives more than Greg Louganis at the Olympics.

The Proteus

Posted on June 18, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Series Previews

When you take this stuff day by day, you live and die with it in the beginning. After a while the ups and downs get smoothed out a little, even if there are more of one than the other. As long as expectations are not shattered, things don’t stray too far out of whack, well then the little anomalies are more like gravel in the road than speed bumps that you notice and slow down for.

Then one day you wake up and you find out that a scientist in Eastern Europe has perfected a way to shrink individual atoms on a permanent basis. In a coma as a result of an assassination attempt while being spirited away to the West, it’s has fallen to the CMDF (Combined Miniaturized Deterrent Forces) to remove the clot on Dr. Benes’ brain so the Forces of Truth and Liberty may profit from his discovery.

In much the same way that you might feel about the concept of Raquel Welch as a scientist with a certain amount of ability, you might be surprised to learn that since May 15, the Astros are 16-15. It is true. Welcome…to the Fantastic Voyage.

I’m not suggesting that this team is really a better-than-losing-half-its-games team, no. It’s just that some things are beyond completely unexpected, and even though there’s no way that reality applies here, when the girl smiles at you, even for an instant, you do feel like things are better than they really are.

They sure as hell aren’t doing it with the bats. Over the last month that .233/.285/.380 is below this season’s average by a shade. No, it’s the pitching. Over the last week, team ERA is 2.25; over the last two weeks, 3.23 and over the last month, 3.43. In June, opposing batters have a .665 OPS against the Astro staff.

Of course, most of this is really just the result of a couple of win streaks. From May 27-June 3, the Astros went 7-1 against Colorado and the Angels. June 12-16 they were 4-0 against Seattle and the White Sox. These two streaks bookended an 0-6 stretch against Baltimore, Kansas City and Seattle. There was one 7-2 run through the entirety of 2012 and it was in mid-May, so that year-long stretch of badness shows this latest example of success as the Colossus of Speed Bumps that it is.

I know this isn’t sustainable. Not many of their pitching numbers are, especially among the starters, so no one should misinterpret this as anything more than it is, a manifestation of luck. All I’m saying is that she smiled at you and didn’t look away when you noticed. Go over to her table. Buy her a drink. Right now, in this moment, you’re Superman. Enjoy it while you can.

***

It says a lot, too much really, that year in and year out when we think of the Brewers we think of pure, unbridled hatred for that steaming pile of shit who used to own that team. The shambling, mumblemouthed heyboy who cheerfully takes every single arrow he can get in front of while he searches for more ways to debase himself in service to the Dollar and the rich men who jerk his strings. High atop his shine box, he is proud to take a public teabagging if it means that his masters enjoy even a slight increase to their control over revenue streams. Frankly, I’m surprised he’s shown the restraint he has in not pursuing even stronger methods of Almighty Buck Enhancement for the Lords of Baseball. Why pace this march? There’s money left in wallets all across America, and no end to the suckers who’ll gladly give it over!

No, it’s time to look forward. The past is over. No reason to let bad feelings fester.

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Houston Astros
Tuesday, June 18, 7:10 PM, Minute Maid Park
Alfredo Figaro, 1-0, 3.47 vs. Jordan Lyles, 3-1, 3.48
Promotion: Coca-Cola Value Days

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Houston Astros
Wednesday, June 19, 7:10 PM, Minute Maid Park
Kyle Lohse, 2-6, 3.84 vs. Erik Bedard, 2-3, 4.82
Promotion: Coca-Cola Value Days

Milwaukee Brewers vs. Houston Astros
Thursday, June 20, 1:10 PM CDT, Minute Maid Park
Yovani Gallardo, 6-6, 4.41 vs. Lucas Harrell, 5-7, 4.48
Promotion: Drawstring Bag Presented By MLB Network

Hot damn, a drawstring bag. Perfect for slipping over our tormentor’s head before he’s knocked unconscious with a hammer and thrown in the trunk. You don’t have to drive far in this town to find an overgrown, swampy area thick with mosquitoes and growth that hides the abandoned cinderblock storage units. He won’t miss the lack of air conditioning or light, because there’s a gap in one of the boards that covers a sliver of the ceiling that pulled away when the soft ground settled. Those rats? They’re his friends. They give him little kisses at night, on his toes, his thighs, his fingers, his ears. The kisses stung in the beginning but not so much anymore, not when his stomach has distended from the meager scoop of cold, maggoty cereal that is dropped into his dark little domain from time to time. Not like time means anything any more – it’s been more than weeks, but there’s really no way to know how long he’s been here.

Too weak to try to make any noise, he sometimes thinks of when his arms will be able to slip out of the zip ties that are laced through the metal cables that hold him in the box. By then he’ll probably be too weak to stand though, and that sliver of daylight was already out of reach when he could stand upright. And it’s so hot in here.

The first few times they slid the locks and came inside to piss in his mouth it stung so badly he convulsed across the floor and sobbed until the pain from where they had cut out his tongue had subsided. Watching the rats nibble bit by bit on the lump of flesh in front of him left him strangely detached. After the full day of throaty noise he’d managed to howl through the swelling and agony, of course. Now he welcomes their visits to give him water, because it’s so hot, so hot in here and his throat hurts so much…

Sometimes it’s not nice when my mind wanders.

Astros Wipe It On The Sox

Posted on June 16, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 5, White Sox 4

W: Keuchel (4-3)
L: Santiago (2-5)

I was going to write something about fathers, and kids, and how good they can make you feel, especially when you’ve had to give over control and trust that they’ll use what they’ve learned from being around you to be good people.

I’ve written about generations of baseball fans, passing down the game and its enjoyment. I’ve written about fathers who were terrible people, visiting all kinds of torment and horror on their children. But as I sit here in the evening, after relaxing and hanging out with my kids all day, I don’t think anyone wants to hear any more of my skewed angles or bullshit. Some of us had good days today, some of us had different kinds. I miss my dad, but I’m good at burying things so I work harder at making my kids happy. I hope most of you had good days today, and that the ones who didn’t can get past them well enough.

So today’s focus will be that the Astros won, again, over a White Sox team that you might expect would’ve beaten the crap out of our lowly nine. Except looking at the W/L records you’ll see they’re only two wins better, at 28-38. Certainly in the neighborhood of 26-44, but farther away from the vacant convenience store and what’s left of the chicken place that burned down.

Houston took a three run lead in the second on a whistling double in the corner by Dominguez, clearing loaded bases. The Sox scraped together two runs in the sixth and seventh, both on leadoff triples, but otherwise their bats were quiet, with eight baserunners through seven innings.

Keuchel is either enjoying the same success that Jeriome Robertson had in 2003, or he’s found some magical way to make every metric shut up. He’s not beating himself with walks, and he’s getting batters to hit his pitches. Luck, voodoo, small sample size – whatever it is, we’re in the middle of that bubble right now so look around and enjoy it while it lasts.

In the bottom of the seventh, Castro raked a two-run job off of Thornton for a 5-2 lead. This became necessary insurance when Veras was touched for a two-run reply by De Aza in the ninth, but Veras was able to hold on otherwise for his 14th save.

The Astros go for the sweep tomorrow night.

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