If the sun ever set, the dust clouds could settle and the hordes could rest. But the sun doesn’t set. It might disappear from time to time, to blink perhaps, but soon enough it shimmers upon its glacial waters once more.

Darkness does not fall in the summer months on the Kenai Peninsula. Its residents grow weary.

***

Marlins @ Astros Series Preview

Projected Starters/Promotions

Friday, 7pm, MMPUS: Hand (1-2) vs Keuchel (9-6)
Beach Towel to 10,000; Fireworks

Saturday, 6pm, MMPUS: Koehler (6-7) vs Cosart (9-6)
Nolan Ryan Beef Sunglasses to 10,000; Jason Derulo (who?) Postgame Concert

Sunday, 1pm, MMPUS: Turner (3-6) vs TBD
Nothing. Like it.

***

You can’t swim in Skilak Lake. You can float, I guess, in the same way an ice cube floats near the top of unsweet tea, but then you’d be dead and, again, not swimming. The glacial runoff that feeds a large portion of the 15-mile mirror in the mountains supports little vegetation, cleansing the incoming streams into a milky turquoise that runs 500 feet to the rocky bottom. If you visit Alaska and want to see a clear blue sky, look down, not up.

This is the finish line. A big middle finger pointed straight at every bear, rock, twig, tree, net, hook, line and sinker that litters the defiant trek inland. 32 miles of twists and turns and bends and breaks – upstream. Eggs are laid here. Lives begin and end. It is survival of the fittest is stripped to its core.

But nature’s laws must be obeyed and these (cold) bloodlines are worth the fight. Truman Capote once wrote: “It’s the Circle of Life, and it moves us all. Through despair and hope, through faith and love, til we find our place on the path, unwinding. In the circle, the Circle of Life.”

***

Injuries

Miami
Capps: Scurvy
Dietrich: Motion Sickness
Fernandez: Mercury Poisoning
Furcal: Balantidiasis
Gregg: Hymenolepiasis

Astros
Albers: Right shoulder tendinitis; TBD
Cisnero: TJS; 2015
Crain: Biceps surgery; TBD
Fowler: Right intercostal strain; August
McHugh: Right middle fingernail avulsion (ew); late July
Presley: Strained right oblique; late July
Springer: Right quad strain; August

***

This is the start line. The Kenai River empties from the western shore of Cook Inlet, just south of Anchorage, and in July its banks swell as the salmon surge. Dip netters from Soldotna, Homer, Sterling and the like crowd the sandy beach; hundreds of power forwards competing for a loose rebound. They elbow, push and pull for position, each vying for the great carom of summer as the sockeye swim back home. It’s windy and it’s cold and it’s strewn with coolers and stoves and tents.

The nets, great contraptions of mangled metal and twine, extend twelve feet from the shoreline and pierce the water at (hopefully) just the right spot. If they’re lucky, they snag a fish and walk it up to camp. Small clubs the size of a child’s souvenir baseball bat strike just above the eyes with a dull thwack. Family members deftly filet each fish with broad strokes and intricate slices and, depending on how many you’ve caught so far, place the limp red meat either on a stove or in a Ziploc bag. Then it’s time to get your shore position back.

It’s a harried process. Take a family, outfit them with a net and a club, remove all sleep and promise them of weeks of food – if they’re lucky. Then place them next to hundreds of other families in the same situation and say “Go!” Crime is mostly limited to petty theft and game regulation violations, but the urgency to fill the freezer within a three-week window is real and tempers often flare.

Sand sifts salty, water blends bloody, light darkens spirits. Days run into weeks and coolers overflow. And Alaskans retire to a weary bed in the sun.

Astros @ White Sox Series Preview

Because I’m not feeling very funny these days (BudGirl called me out), I figured I’d consolidate duties and let you fuckers see how funny you’ve been over the last year.  There are 98 entries.  Click ‘em all  if you want, but if you’re being lazy (BudGirl), I’ve sorted the Multiple Vote Winners at the top.

Post(s) of the Week(s)

Multiple Vote Winners

1. homer (7/11/13) – 4 votes
2. geezerdonk (7/11/13) – 2 votes
3. MusicMan (7/23/13) – 2 votes
4. craig (7/23/13) – 2 votes
5. MusicMan (7/31/13) – 2 votes
6. Ebby Calvin (7/31/13) – 2 votes
7. JackAstro (7/31/13) – 4 votes
8. Jose Cruz III (9/11/13) – 2 votes
9. hostros7 (9/13/13) – 4 votes
10. MRaup (9/13/13) – 2 votes
11. Clark in Denver (10/08/13) – 2 votes
12. MRaup (7/10/14) – 2 votes

Single Vote Winners

1. das 6/22/13
2. NeilT 6/25/13
3. MusicMan 6/25/13
4. NeilT 6/25/13
5. Limey 6/26/13
6. chuck 6/28/13
7. Ron Brand 6/28/13
8. Fredia 7/02/13
9. MusicMan 7/03/13
10. Reuben 7/03/13
11. Sphinx Drummond 7/06/13
12. GreatBagwellsBeard 7/08/13
13. Jose Cruz III (7/08/13)
14. Clark in Denver 7/10/13
15. pots (7/10/13)
16. JimR (7/10/13)
17. Fredia (7/12/13)
18. OregonStrosFan (7/12/13)
19. NeilT (7/13/13)
20. NeilT (7/13/13)
21. NeilT (7/15/13)
22. JimR (7/17/13)
23. Bench (7/17/13)
24. Lefty (7/19/13)
25. MusicMan (7/19/13)
26. Ron Brand (7/21/13)
27. Fredia (7/31/13)
28. Limey (7/31/13)
29. VirtualBob (7/31/13)
30. 94CougarGrad (8/01/13)
31. NeilT (8/04/13)
32. Dark Star (8/04/13)
33. chuck (8/05/13)
34. Ebby Calvin (8/06/13)
35. Bench (8/08/13)
36. NeilT (8/12/13)
37. MusicMan (8/12/13)
38. MusicMan (8/12/13)
39. MikeyBoy (8/12/13)
40. NeilT (8/13/14)
41. Houston (8/13/13)
42. MusicMan (8/19/13)
43. JimR (8/19/13)
44. Reuben (8/21/13)
45. JimR (9/04/13)
46. Jacksonian (9/05/13)
47. Dark Star (9/07/13)
48. Ron Brand (9/11/13)
49. subnuclear (9/12/13)
50. MusicMan (9/13/13)
51. NeilT (9/17/13)
52. Ty in Tampa (9/25/13)
53. Lefty (9/30/13)
54. Sphinx Drummond (10/01/13)
55. Ebby Calvin (10/04/13)
56. JimR (10/07/13)
57. remy (10/09/13)
58. MusicMan (10/11/13)
59. MusicMan (10/24/13)
60. Ron Brand (10/30/13)
61. MusicMan (11/04/13)
62. Duke (11/13/14)
63. HudsonHawk (12/01/13)
64. MikeyBoy (12/03/13)
65. moriartp (12/16/13)
66. Jose Cruz III (12/14/13)
67. Sphinx Drummond (1/11/14)
68. HudsonHawk (2/03/14)
69. Sphinx Drummond (2/11/14)
70. Lefty (2/12/14)
71. Lefty (2/13/14)
72. jbm (1/02/14)
73. chuck (2/16/14)
74. BudGirl (3/12/14)
75. Bench (3/26/14)
76. austro (4/11/14)
77. GreatBagwellsBeard (4/16/14)
78. NeilT (4/16/14)
79. Lefty (4/22/14)
80. Bench (4/22/14)
81. NeilT (4/22/14)
82. JimR (4/24/14)
83. Jose Cruz III (5/08/14)
84. jbm (6/12/14)
85. Ebby Calvin (6/26/14)
86. MRaup (7/08/14)

So there you have it. Congrats to all.

I’ll try to be more diligent with POTW duties in the future.

STARTERS

Friday, 7/18/14

Feldman (4-6) vs Quintana (5-7)

Saturday, 7/19/14

Keuchel (9-5) vs TBD

Sunday, 7/20/14

Cosart (0-6) vs TBD

PROMOTIONS

Friday – Fireworks, Italian Heritage Night

Saturday – Fireworks

Sunday – Retro White Sox Pennant to first 10,000 kids

INJURIES

White Sox

Scott Carroll – Hypothermia

Adam Eaton – Montezuma’s Revenge

Avisail Garcia – Hangnail

Nate Jones – Poked finger with pencil

Matt Lindstrom – Make a funny face until it stuck

Felipe Paulino – Penguin Flu

Alexei Ramirez – Transposed E and I

Astros

Albers – Shoulder tendinitis (August)

Cisnero – TJS

Crain – TJS

Fowler – Right intercostal strain (should be back this series)

McHugh – Right middle finger avulsion (next week)

Presley – Strained right oblique (late July)

submitted by GreatBagwell’sBeard

Like a pitcher for the Cardinals, I missed my turn in the rotation last time I was supposed to write a preview. I’ll pin it primarily on my wife having gotten in a car wreck that totaled her car on the same day that the series started. She was completely fine, though I found myself buying a new car a couple years sooner than I’d expected.

I like cars. A lot. But buying them is the worst thing in human existence. I’d rather have consecutive colonoscopies than talk to a car salesman. At least the colonoscopy technician has the common courtesy to use lube. We found a car that we liked two weeks ago, and I’m still getting phone calls and emails from these assholes. It’s like a population of A.J. Pierzynskis unleashed on me.

At the halfway point in the season, the Astros roster feels kinda like a new car. The fun new features (Springer, Singleton, Hernandez) make you grin every time you encounter their charms, but the reality that you’re still driving around the same hunk of metal and rubber as before (the bullpen, the strikeouts) but with a better smell can’t be ignored.

Meanwhile, the BoSox are like a used exotic car. When it was new, you got the front row valet spot and the chicks and the gawkers and the new friends who wanted a ride. But now you’re neck-deep in $5000 oil changes, and the 15,000 mile tune-up is going to require removing the engine and 10 hours of labor that is apparently performed by lawyers based on the hourly rate. So now you’re very seriously thinking about driving it into a tree for the insurance money. I love it. Douches gonna douche.

Probable Pitchers
Friday, July 11th
7:10 CT, MMPUS
John Lackey (9-6, 3.84) v. Scott Feldman (4-5, 3.86)
Lackey has been beaten up in his last several starts, but I’m sure that was all A.J.’s fault. No Astro has faced him more than 6 times. Castro and Hoes have had the most success against him.
Feldman has performed exactly like a #4 starter should, and given that Keuchel and probably Cosart have eclipsed him in the rotational hierarchy, that’s probably about right. Napoli and Pedroia have hit him really well.

Saturday, July 12th
3:10 CT, MMPUS
Jake Peavy (1-7, 4.64) v. TBD
Peavy is healthy this year, but still hasn’t quite returned to the ace level of his San Diego days. You just know one of these days he’ll end up on the Braves or Cards and totally rejuvenate, right? He literally has not faced a single current Astro. So he’s basically like a rookie.
This is probably McHugh’s start, who could stand to bounce back after his rough outing against the Halos.

Sunday, July 13th
Clay Buchholz (3-5, 6.11) v. TBD
Remember when Buchholz was the prospect the BoSox would never ever trade? Remember when he had a sub-2.00 ERA (!) last year? Yeah, neither do Sox fans. Carter has one hit (a double) against him, and Altuve has struck out twice in four AB’s against him. But that was last year’s mortal Altuve.
Cosart probably gets the ball here. And then we get a few days off to watch other teams’ Altuves slug it out in Minnesota.

Prrrrromotions
Friday: Sports Clips haircuts in Home Run Alley. Turns out that the guy with the gigantic vaquero mustache just picks up all the clippings and glues them to his face.

What to Watch For
– A bloodbath against the Most Hateable Team (Non-Texas, Non-Yankees Division) in Baseball.
– The outside chance that Milo makes an appearance in the booth, and is given the opportunity to say “Kike”
– MORE DINGERS OF SPRINGER

Talk about it in the Game Zone!

When all you can say is, “At least they aren’t The Mighty Ducks,” well, that’s too damn close to being grateful for Mississippi. What a stupid, stupid name. The amount of stupid that people will put up with is staggering.

Houston sets up shop in Anaheim for a long weekend series with Big Money. They’ll face a couple of really good pitchers and some really good hitters and a whole lot of empty money bags blowing around the diamond. It’s been a long time since you could look at pitching matchups involving the Astros and not feel only shame and embarrassment.

Thursday, July 3, 9:05 PM CST, Angel Stadium of Anaheim (it’s LA, man – get a sponsor)

Brett Oberholtzer, LHP 2-6, 4.40
Nice start for Obie last time out against the Tigers, but it’s been a yo-yo ride and gravity generally wins those.

Matt Shoemaker, RHP 5-2, 4.50
First start against Houston for the New Toy, who got dinged up good in his last start against Kansas City.

Friday, July 4, 8:05 PM CST

PROMO: 4th of July Fireworks

Dallas Keuchel, LHP 8-5, 2.78
Our ace.

C.J. Wilson, LHP 8-6, 3.90
Was their ace. 5.97 ERA in six starts last month and has given up 10 runs in his last two starts over 8 2/3 innings.

Saturday, July 5, 9:05 PM CST

PROMO: Patriotic Hat and Post-Game Fireworks

Scott Feldman, RHP 4-5, 3.92

Hector Santiago, LHP 0-7, 4.08

Sunday, July 6, 2:35 PM CST

PROMO: Family Sunday and Kids Run the Bases

Collin McHugh, RHP 4-7, 3.22

Garrett Richards, RHP 9-2, 2.81
Over his last six starts, Richards has a 1.49 ERA.

***

It’s been almost a year and a half since the break. You can look at it either way, I guess – a break from something and a break into something, that bit about a door closing while another one opens. The inability to watch the Astros on TV was dealt with in the usual way, finding pirate broadcasts to watch while cobbling together viewings of their games against the Rangers. That worked for a little while, but eventually the sites got shut down and the growing chasm of difficulty in watching games made traversing it less worthwhile. The lack of radio presence chipped in too. Soon I, like many others, had time on my hands that used to be filled watching the Astros.

You can see it on this site. The people who are engaged, who talk about the games are the ones who can see them. Either they live in areas outside the blackout or they live in Houston and actually go to the games. For the rest of us, within the blackout zone but not close enough to go to games frequently, well – we’re dying on the vine.

I’m sure I’ve seen less than twenty games in the last two seasons, and maybe two this year. In the past, I’d watch easily more than a hundred a season. It may well be that Jim Crane believes that the returning success of the team will fill the void with new fans and he’s expecting to lose a massive percentage of the previous fan base in the interim, perhaps forever. The new fans will grow to love what he brings to the experience and the rest of us will have learned the harsh truth that we can actually fill that space in our lives with something else. Some will stay with baseball but move to different teams. Some will find other things to do.

To the Astros, I’m rapidly becoming a ghost, after more than 45 years of being a fan. I’m fading away, moving on to a different journey. The view from the transition is as new and bewildering as it was when I sat in the Astrodome in 1965 to see my first game.

Without going into too much detail, I was lucky enough to make a connection with a band I’d loved since the mid-80s, as they were planning a temporary reunion. I went from fanboy to being on the inside, accompanying them on the short tour they did in 2013 and from there to working with three members in their solo careers after they put the reunion on hiatus. Rock and roll has replaced the Astros.

I’ve met so many people, made so many new friends, famous and struggling alike. I’m working on projects that will be dreams coming true, dreams of what I wanted to do with my life from as far back as early high school. Dreams I’d strangled and buried long ago have somehow taken form, a passerby on a street who stopped to talk, with nothing but shiny promise and boundless joy to share.

My active involvement with the Astros gets weaker every day. I don’t know where this is going or where it will end up. For now, I feel like David Bowman peering beyond the infinite, watching the kaleidoscope in wonder.

***

I’ve…seen things you people wouldn’t believe… Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those…moments…will be lost in time, like tears…in…rain.

Time…to die.

Enjoy every sandwich.

Sea Shits v. Astros June 30-July 2, 2014

contributed by Mr. Happy

Do you smell what I smell (all the way from Toledo)? Yep, that is the unmistakable smell of the hated, detestable, smelly cock-sucking Sea Turds, who have invaded the Juice Box for a three game set against the Good Guys, who presently sit at 36-47, currently 16 games off the pace in the AL West but fresh off of a series upset of the first place Detroit Tigers.

It’s a damn shame that we came a Bo Porter brain fart away from sweeping the Tigers. Forgive me, but there’s no explicable way you can manage a nine inning game with a lead so that the pinball machine Jerome Williams is your only ninth inning option. You just can’t do that, yet it happened last saturday. Williams is now 0-3 in save opportunities this season, and how he got three chances to close out a game is beyond me. That’s three more than he should have gotten. That’s just piss poor bully management. But I digress…the Sea Fucks are today’s news.

We luckily avoid King Felix, who tortured the Tribe on Sunday, tossing eight frames of one hit shutout baseball. However, we’re facing three pretty good right-handed pitchers in young Taijuan Walker (who will be making his season debut after having been on the shelf until now), 33 year old Hisashi Iwakuma (5-4 3.48) and 35 year old crafty veteran Chris Young (7-4 3.15). The Astros will counter with a trio of righties too, including 27 year old Collin McHugh (4-6 2.76), 24 year old Jarred Cosart (8-5 3.60) and 26 year old Brad Peacock (2-4 4.21).

Feces de la Mar v. Astros June 30, 2014-Taijuan Walker v. Collin McHugh

Believe it or not, some of the current Astros have seen Walker. However, the current Astros are hitting .174 (4-23) against him with six Ks. As expected, All-Star Jose Altuve leads the charge at 2-5, and L.J. Hoes is 1-2. Jonathan Villar is 1-5 against Walker. Everyone else is ofer. Current Sea Turds fare a bit better against Collin McHugh, coming in at a .290 (9-31) clip, but McHugh has 12 strikeouts against them. Mistake hitter and former Astros farm hand John Buck is 2-2, pain in the ass utility man Willie Bloomquist is 3-6, the irrepressible Robinson Cano is only 2-6 while Michael Saunders is 2-5 against McHugh.

McHugh has been better on the road, but this game is a wildcard because I don’t know what to expect out of Walker, who will probably be a limited pitch count. Therefore, I expect that we’ll be into their bullpen by fifth or sixth frame. I think that it is imperative that we jump on Walker early, but make him run up a pitch count. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that the Astros lose a heartbreaker by one run in this one.

Water Manure v. Good Guys July 1, 2014-Hisashi Iwakuma v. Jarred Cosart

The current Astros have had some success against Iwakuma, hitting .277 (28-101), but with 23 strikeouts against the split-throwing Iwakuma. Super utility man Marwin Gonzalez leads the way at 6-10 with a jack. Jose Altuve (6-16) and Matt Dominguez (5-16) also see Iwakuma pretty well. Springer is 1-3 with a tater in limited ABs against the veteran right hander. As might be expected, Chris Carter is 3-15 with a home run and a predictable six punch outs in 15 ABs. Jason Castro the Astro is 3-17 against Iwakuma. Current Sea Defecation hitters are hitting .167 (5-30) against Cosart with four strikeouts, but Kyle Seager has a home run off of him. This one could very well be a low scoring affair and come down to who gets the starter out of the game first, although their bully has been better than ours over the course of the season. Cosart has been on a roll lately, pitching to a 2.60 ERA in June, so I like our chances in this one.

Sea Stool v. Astros July 2, 2014-Chris Young v. Brad Peacock

This is the game that scares me. Current members of the Ocean Excrement are hitting at a healthy .326 (15-46) clip against Peacock, with two home runs, seven Ks and two free passes. Brad Miller (4-9) and the pain-in-the-ass Kyle Seager (5-14 with a dinger) lead the way for the Sea Dung. In fact, the only regular who doesn’t have a hit against Peacock inexplicably is Robinson Cano, who checks in at -0-2.

On the other hand, the current Good Guys are hitting .241 (7-29) against the wily veteran Young. The currently injured Dexter Fowler leads the charge of the Good Guys at 4-10. The only other Astros who have hits against Young, which, appropriately given his present team, rhymes with dung, Chris Carter (whose only hit is a home run), Jason Castro and Jonathan Villar. The good news is that Young is susceptible to the long ball, having surrendered 12 in 91.1 frames. I still like our chances in this one, which I think could be an exciting high scoring game.

Promotions

Not much. Two Coca Cola Value Days is all that I could find.

Injuries

Ocean Crap

The Marinturds have four players on the DL right now; two (Corey Hart and Justin Smoak, each on the 15-day DL) are first basemen and who both are out on rehab assignments right now, and two (Blake Beavan-60 day DL and James Paxton-60-day DL) are pitchers.

Astros

The usual suspects (Matt Albers, Jose Cisnero and Jesse Crain) are on the Astros injured list. Anthony Bass could be activated during this series. Josh Fields (15-day DL) is expected to be out until early July. The current more pressing injury problem is that we have a starting pitcher, Dallas Keuchel, and CF Dexter Fowler, who are day-to-day with different ailments. Fowler is dealing with a tight back, and Keuchel is dealing with what sounds like wrist tendinitis, which I’ve had and had to have minor surgery to fix. It hurts if he’s got what I had, which was De Quervains Tenosynovitis. The good news is that the surgical solution is quick and easy and, if that’s what he has, won’t keep him out past a 15-day DL.

Prediction

Astros take a close and hard fought series 2-1.