submitted by GreatBagwell’sBeard
Like a pitcher for the Cardinals, I missed my turn in the rotation last time I was supposed to write a preview. I’ll pin it primarily on my wife having gotten in a car wreck that totaled her car on the same day that the series started. She was completely fine, though I found myself buying a new car a couple years sooner than I’d expected.
I like cars. A lot. But buying them is the worst thing in human existence. I’d rather have consecutive colonoscopies than talk to a car salesman. At least the colonoscopy technician has the common courtesy to use lube. We found a car that we liked two weeks ago, and I’m still getting phone calls and emails from these assholes. It’s like a population of A.J. Pierzynskis unleashed on me.
At the halfway point in the season, the Astros roster feels kinda like a new car. The fun new features (Springer, Singleton, Hernandez) make you grin every time you encounter their charms, but the reality that you’re still driving around the same hunk of metal and rubber as before (the bullpen, the strikeouts) but with a better smell can’t be ignored.
Meanwhile, the BoSox are like a used exotic car. When it was new, you got the front row valet spot and the chicks and the gawkers and the new friends who wanted a ride. But now you’re neck-deep in $5000 oil changes, and the 15,000 mile tune-up is going to require removing the engine and 10 hours of labor that is apparently performed by lawyers based on the hourly rate. So now you’re very seriously thinking about driving it into a tree for the insurance money. I love it. Douches gonna douche.
Probable Pitchers
Friday, July 11th
7:10 CT, MMPUS
John Lackey (9-6, 3.84) v. Scott Feldman (4-5, 3.86)
Lackey has been beaten up in his last several starts, but I’m sure that was all A.J.’s fault. No Astro has faced him more than 6 times. Castro and Hoes have had the most success against him.
Feldman has performed exactly like a #4 starter should, and given that Keuchel and probably Cosart have eclipsed him in the rotational hierarchy, that’s probably about right. Napoli and Pedroia have hit him really well.
Saturday, July 12th
3:10 CT, MMPUS
Jake Peavy (1-7, 4.64) v. TBD
Peavy is healthy this year, but still hasn’t quite returned to the ace level of his San Diego days. You just know one of these days he’ll end up on the Braves or Cards and totally rejuvenate, right? He literally has not faced a single current Astro. So he’s basically like a rookie.
This is probably McHugh’s start, who could stand to bounce back after his rough outing against the Halos.
Sunday, July 13th
Clay Buchholz (3-5, 6.11) v. TBD
Remember when Buchholz was the prospect the BoSox would never ever trade? Remember when he had a sub-2.00 ERA (!) last year? Yeah, neither do Sox fans. Carter has one hit (a double) against him, and Altuve has struck out twice in four AB’s against him. But that was last year’s mortal Altuve.
Cosart probably gets the ball here. And then we get a few days off to watch other teams’ Altuves slug it out in Minnesota.
Prrrrromotions
Friday: Sports Clips haircuts in Home Run Alley. Turns out that the guy with the gigantic vaquero mustache just picks up all the clippings and glues them to his face.
What to Watch For
– A bloodbath against the Most Hateable Team (Non-Texas, Non-Yankees Division) in Baseball.
– The outside chance that Milo makes an appearance in the booth, and is given the opportunity to say “Kike”
– MORE DINGERS OF SPRINGER
Talk about it in the Game Zone!