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  • Featured (Page 80)

Oh, Come On. Don’t Just Give It Away.

Posted on April 29, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Reds 6, Astros 5

W: Ondrusek
L: F. Rodriguez

Jordan Lyles returned to the bigs Sunday, at least for one game. This was a fairly important one to the Astros, since it represented not only a chance to even the road trip, to take a series from Cincinnati at home for the first time in years, and also to see just how well young Lyles would perform against a tough hitting club.

Lyles pitched six strong innings. He had good command and worked the corners and down in the zone well except for the fourth inning, when he gave up a double to Cozart and a bomb to Votto on two mistake pitches. Other than that he was terrific, even dropping down a suicide squeeze to score CJ in the third.

Offensively, the team had some bright spots. Altuve had three hits, Lowrie and CJ two each, with homers for Lowrie and Downs. They only worked one walk off of Latos, but they got ten hits off of him and never looked bad at the plate.

The wheels fell off of this one in the seventh. Lopez came in and gave up two quick hits, then Carpenter was brought in and he got two outs before Mills decided to throw the book out the window. Sure, there’s not much in the way of lefthanded relivers on this squad and yes, it would’ve meant putting the tying run on second and the lead run on if Votto was walked, but Votto had been spoiling pitches the entire series and hitting what he wanted to. Carpenter came in with a slider, in and down and Votto slapped it into right to tie the game. Walking Votto would’ve preserved the righty-righty matchup against Phillips, who was 0 for 4 today and looked overmatched.

In the eighth, FeRod’s first pitch was grooved right down the middle of the plate for the go-ahead run by Bruce. No lengthy parables tonight, no weird storytime that dares you to connect the dots for some Greater Truth. Questionable decisions by Mills and a mistake pitch by FeRod are what this one boils down to, and if Mills doesn’t get his head right he’ll never take this team to the next level. I don’t know what the hell is going on in that dugout, but we’ve seen this sort of tactical strangeness too many times and on a team with zero margin for error, it’s even more costly.

Giggle along with us in the GameZone. Tomorrow it’s the hated steM, and Surfer Bud looks to find the cool breeze.

Get the Hell Out of Texas, You Scum

Posted on April 22, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Houston 12, Hollywood Nancy Boys Nada

WP – Wandy
LP – June Cleaver’s Brother

Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle – who ARE these guys? Kicking it around and waving feebly the rest of the week, but on getaway day these new Astros are deadly. Don’t pack those bags early or you’ll get caught napping at the station, pal.

To be fair, these Astros who have had silent bats for the most of the last week, were facing some of the best pitching in The World, so it can be excused that they didn’t hit much. This 2012 model is doing a lot better at staying close, being in the game, and even though their margin for error is smaller than what they normally can deal with this team does appear to be making progress from 2011.

Kicking those godless bastards from Angeleno out of Texas was a fine way to spend a Sunday. The rivalry – that’s what a real rivalry was like – has waned since moving from the NL West but those bastards can never be forgiven for the past.

Is this the best damn 6-10 team in America? They’re even ahead of a few teams, and it has been a long time since we’ve been able to say that.

Fuck the Cubs.

Wandy was dominant today, only allowing three hits and three walks while striking out six in his seven innings. A laugher since going up 9-0 in the 4th, the relief crew of FeRod and Lyon closed out the already-surrendered visitors and Houston had it’s highest output of runs on the season and the largest margin of victory in almost five years.

Schafer had the big blow, a grand slam he golfed out in the second off of a wild and befuddled Billingsley, who was torched for nine overall in 3.1 innings of work.

Carlos drove in two, CJ had a pair of hits and Castro the Astro added a triple and single. All in all, a fine effort and a nice way to end a very tough week. Tomorrow they travel to the Malebolge to confront the thieves of fraudulence, malice and hypocrisy in their pit of despair. Read Dark Star’s fine preview and prepare yourself, then go to the Game Zone to giggle at the lamentations.

Tip the cap!

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Game Recaps

Sometimes, heck, even a fair amount of the time it is not how good or bad you play, it’s how good your opposition is playing. That’s when you know you just have to tip the cap and go get’em tomorrow. Of course, tonight was free replica jersey giveaway, so I don’t think doing a raising the shirt is in any way similar. Interesting, but not the same.

Tonight the local nine, wearing the sweet Colt 45 gear ran into one of the better teams in the league. The final score of 3-1 may seem like it was a close game and in many ways it was, but truth be told it really wasn’t. Not with the pitching the Dojers feature. I know that the just completed series with the Nats featured a good opponent, but there is just something different about this LA team. We will see where the Nats and Dojers will be come September, but if I were a betting man, I’d go with the Trolley Men right now. Call it a hunch.

Here is the bottomline: LA just has damn good pitching. ‘Nuff said, game over once you fall behind the team that features Matt Kemp, who is now making himself known around the league as perhaps the best player in the NL. Of course Joey Votto may have something to say about that, but yeah, Kemp is good. So good he wasted no time depositing a fastball by JA Happ in the Hunter’s Lodge area (or thereabouts) in the very first inning. Two runs up early, pitching and defense, and an add-on run a couple innings later. It was not going to be easy for the local kids and well, turned out to be just that way. Compete they did, but the cap tipping was warming up as early as the sixth inning on this one once the bullpen started to stretch their legs out in LF.

Let’s see what happens tomorrow against the ACE of the Trolley Dojer staff. Wow!

LA Dojers 3 | Pony Boy Colts 1
W: Lilly | L: Happ (who pitched well enough in other days to get a win, but not today)

Dodgers @ Astros Series Preview

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Ebby Calvin in Featured, Series Previews

I’m put together beautifully

Big wet bottle in my fist, big red rose in my teeth

I’m perfect piece of ass

Like every Californian

So tall I take over the street, with high-beams shining on my back

A wingspan unbelievable

I’m a festival, I’m a parade

The 10-3 Dodgers mosey into town after squeaking out a 4-3 win in Milwaukee and avoiding a sweep.  That record is good for 1st in the NL and 2nd in MLB.  They have the reigning NL Cy Young winner, the best OFer in MLB and a stable of young studs to back them up.

And all the whine is all for me.

I’m the King of Whine.  The Prince of Pout.  The Wizard of the Whimper.  The motherfucking Grandmaster of Gripe.  When you have two kids under the age of three, you’re around it a lot.  And like a two-year-old who just shit his underoos, I can find something to bitch about in almost anything.  But I don’t, or at least try not to.  Because of Ted Knight.

There’s a movie quote that has followed me around for the majority of my life.  At first, I thought it was funny – I even liked the attention it brought me.  It was an easy ice-breaker for awkward introductions, kinda like – “Hey, I like that movie too!”  But high school hit and it got old quick.  “Ha ha, very clever.  Never heard that before.”  And college made it fucking unbearable.  Seemed like every dude I met was a comedian.  I even swore off the classic film for a few years.

But I couldn’t shake it.  It was embedded in my soul.  Six ordinary words tattooed across my face, staring back at me in all the world’s mirrors.  Flipping channels at night – that scene was on.  Reading RB’s Nationals Preview this week – it’s there.

Because when your last name is Spalding, “You’ll get nothing and like it!” is inevitable.  Death, taxes and Judge Smails.  But Caddyshack taught me well – I like this Astros team, and they haven’t given me shit.

And I’m not whining.

Friday, 4/20

Lilly (1-0, 0.00) vs J.A. Happ (1-0, 3.75)

Lilly started the season on the DL and went seven scoreless in his return.  He’s 7-3 with a 2.64 era in 15 career starts vs. Houston.

Happ has been better than expected so far this year, with a 13:5 K/BB ratio and two quality starts under his belt.  Should’ve won his last game.

Saturday, 4/21

Kershaw (0-0, 2.35) vs Weiland (0-2, 8.44)

The reigning NL Cy Young winner has allowed just four earned runs in his three starts this year – three of them in his last game.

Weiland follows up his Strasburg start with another stud opponent, and will still be looking for his first MLB win after this game.

Sunday 4/22

TBD (0-0, 0.00) vs Wandy (0-2, 1.96)

On paper, TBD is every bit as good as Ted Lilly this year, but with less run support.  I still think he’s a cocksucker.

Wandy hopes 6 unearned runs will be good enough for the win this go-around.

Promotions

Friday 4/20

First 10,000 fans get to play “I Spy a Bloodshot Eye” and beat up hippies.  They also get replica Colt .45s jerseys, but the hippie bashing is the real draw.  Also, fireworks.

Saturday 4/21

First 10,000 fans get a green Astros hat to remind them that our colors are Red & Black and used to be Navy & Orange.  I don’t really understand it, but maybe GBB has an explanation.

Sunday 4/22

First 10,000 fans get a Methodist Hospital grocery bag for some reason.  Next week is H-E-B Catheters.  Also, $1 Ice Cream Cones for any leftover hippies.

Injuries

Dodgers:

Todd Coffey wasn’t held enough as a child.

Ivan De Jesus was held too much.

Rubby De La Rosa’s parents gave him a funny name.

Blake Hawksworth was raised by predatory birds.

Juan Uribe has a sore wrist from the obligatory masturbation joke.

Astros:

Sergio Escalona is Alberto Arias.

What to Watch For

Friday’s sixth-inning Hippie Race, in which three contestants chase a turtle coated in Cheetos crumbs.  I’m betting on the turtle.

Brad Mills and I got together yesterday to come up with a motivation strategy – something to lighten the mood after tough losses.  Something that will draw the team together and give them a common enemy.  He’s presenting this to the team before Friday’s game in the clubhouse, but I thought I’d give you guys a sneak preview.

For every Astros loss, a piece gets peeled away.  I’ll update the picture when the season ends.

Finally, if you were hoping for something – anything – baseball related from this Preview, you clearly skipped the part at the top that says “Posted by Ebby Calvin.”

Follow the action in the GameZone.

Growing Up In Public; Astros @ Nats Series Preview

Posted on April 16, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Series Previews

Man, talk about your two trains running, or ships in the night. This is two clubs more or less headed in the same direction, but one of them is farther along in the trip and is going a lot faster than the other.

I’ve got two daughters. In my house, the doorway to the kitchen has pencil marks on each side from about three feet off the ground all the way to a few inches under six feet, all with dates scrawled next to them. Maybe you have something similar, if you’ve got kids.

Sometimes I’ll take a few minutes and look at those marks, compare them, try to draw some kind of math while the emotional side of me remembers what they were like when those individual marks were made. It’s a tangible path to an intangible journey, one with an infinite number of side trips along the way that expose the dimensions of life spent together and, inevitably, less together.

The Astros draw Washington’s #1-4 pitchers for their four game funfest. This week is the beginning of the real measure of this team. It may well resemble one of those high school Driver’s Ed movies by midweek, but the point, just like in those flicks, is that you gotta keep moving.

Monday, April 16
6:05 CT, Nationals Park

Kyle Weiland (0-1, 7.20) v. Stephen Strasburg (1-0, 0.69)

Weiland had a rough start against Atlanta his first time out, on 50th Anniversary Night. Good fastball, no command, iffy control and The Return of Larry Wayne did him in.

Strasburg, well, he’s The Second Coming and He’s Invincible and We Have The Technology and all that. I’m surprised they’re even playing this one, but I guess those people buying tickets want to actually see this one play out. Downs and Lee are 1 for 1 against Strasburg, and Lee has 1 RBI.

Tuesday, April 17
6:05 CT, Nationals Park

Wandy Rodriguez (0-1, 2.38 ) v. Gio Gonzalez (0-0, 3.38)

Wandy hasn’t been all that great early on, but neither has his team since they’ve choked up four errors in each of his two starts. Mark DeRosa has 2 HRs, 7 RBI and hits .360 vs. him. LaRoche hits .350 and Zimmerman hits .400 as well.

Gio is the real deal, a solid #2 in the making. Lowrie is 3 for 8 with one dinger against him.

Wednesday, April 18
6:05 CT, Nationals Park

Lucas Harrell (1-0, 3.27) v. Jordan Zimmermann (0-1, 1.29)

Harrell was inconsistent in his second start and got slapped around by the Marlins. If he can find some consistency he’s got the stuff but isn’t that the case with the Astros staff? Welcome to the meat grinder, boys.

Damn, the Nats have a strong staff. Lee is 3 for 6 against Zimmy.

Thursday, April 19
6:05 CT, Nationals Park

Bud Norris (0-0, 4.15) v. Edwin Jackson (1-0, 2.57)

Bud’s 1-0 with a 2.63 ERA in two career starts against Washington. Werth is 2 for 11, but Zimmerman hits .429 with 1 HR against Norris.

Jackson is a quality starter, and he’s the #4 guy for Washington. Lee is 3 for 8, Lowrie 2 for 4 against him.

Promotions

Nothing. Nothing at all. You’ll get nothing and you’ll like it.

Injuries

Astros:
Sergio Escalona is out for the season. Schreefer had some dizziness and is day to day, man.

Nats:
Wang strained his hamstring, he’ll be back later this month.

Storen’s out after surgery to remove bone chips. He’s due back around July.

Morse is out until June or July with an aggravated lat strain.

Marrero is on the 60-day list with a torn hammy and might be back in July.

Kimball had right shoulder surgery and might be back in July.

What To Watch For

Can the Astros scratch out a hit? Will any of these games be competitive? How deflating would it be to go 0-4? More importantly, what will this team learn that they can use going forward?

Talk about it in the Game Zone!

You Train By Shadow Boxing

Posted on April 15, 2012 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Marlins 5, Astros 4 (11)
WP: Gaudin
LP: Carpenter

I know it’s early, I know, and early or not these games count. It’s tough to lose one when you’ve battled back to take a lead late, but as frustrating as this is, the 2012 Astros are a lot more interesting to watch than the 2011 vintage was.

Blue skies above
and sun on your arms
strength in your stride
And hope in those squeaky clean eyes

Maybe this is a mirage; maybe it’ll all come crashing down to sub-mediocrity soon and casual fans will drift away to other things. Perhaps. I want to view this as something else though, as real growth for a team that was so shitty last year that getting close to the pack of all the other teams feels like progress.

They battled hard the whole series and had numerous chances to win every game. Miami isn’t going to win any championships this year, but they’re decent and the Astros were right there with them the whole way, taking it to them when last year’s club would’ve folded the tent early.

Happ pitched well, going six innings while scattering five hits and giving up two runs. Martinez had two doubles, Bogusevic finally got a couple of hits, as did CJ and The Altuve, who drove in a pair.

The word is that the hunted one is out there on his own
You’re alone for maybe the last time
And you breathe for a long time
Then you howl like a wolf in a trap
And you daren’t look behind

The 4-2 Good Guy lead was erased in the eighth, when Wright, who was brought in to turn Bonifacio around, walked him instead. The mighty blast off of Ramirez’ bat to deepest center field tied it up. In the 11th, Carpenter gave up a single to Buck. After a sac bunt Reyes was walked and a wild pitch moved both runners into scoring position with one out. Bonifacio was walked to load them up, and Ramirez hit the game-winner past the drawn-in outfielders in right.

The yang of today’s performance was a mixture of coltish stumbling and rolls of the dice. A missed called strike three that led to a run and some undeniable hitting by the Marlins combined with a brutal 0 for 9 with runners in scoring position and some weak defense from barely-not-a-rookie Castro, who is not having the early season he’d like to have. I still think they’re going to grow out of most of this and I’m looking forward to watching that. Looking forward to watching them learn how to fight once they’re in the pack, and not trying to catch up to it.

You fall to the ground
like a leaf from a tree
And look up one time
at that vast blue sky
Scream out aloud as they shoot you down

We’re midwives to history. Put on your bloody robes.

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