Astros at Brewers – “Heeeeeeeeeeyyy!”

Posted on August 18, 2008 by Limey in Series Previews

Astros (63-61) at Brewers (71-54)

Monday, Aug 18, 7:05pm CDT, FSN & ESPN2
Tuesday, Aug 19, 7:05pm CDT, FSN
Wednesday, Aug 20, 1:05pm CDT, FSN

Se7en

It was a pretty cool moment. Or, at least, it should’ve been. I’m not sure what was skipped at the end there in the rush to get the game started, but after spending hours building up the tension over the unveiling of what was clearly a riding mower (WTF?), they whipped that pillow case off the #7 banner like they were tearing off a band aid. There were some pretty cool moments in the speeches, and I saw Milo wipe the tears from his eyes as Baggy added his words to the ceremonies. Drayton rattled off a bunch of nonsensical numbers like he was a bingo caller, and they misspelled “Appearances” in the tribute video. All-in-all, a solid C- for the Astros’ PR Dept.

The good news was that the wait didn’t seem to bother Roy much, while the Unit came out without Mr. Snappy and was tagged for the only runs of the game in the bottom of the first. Wiggy got ’em in by taking one of the many un-breaking sliders into the Crawford Boxes for a three-run shibby. Roy took that to the bank by allowing only one hit in 8 innings before yielding to Papa Grande who nailed it down. It was a relief that the team got its act together for the big Sunday celebration because, had they shit the bed like they did on the previous two nights, the #7 banner may have hurled itself from the rafters in a fit of abject despair. Read More

Mets @ Astros – “Hate the Mets”

Posted on July 31, 2008 by Limey in Series Previews

Mets (58-50) at Astros (50-57)

Minute Maid Park

Friday, August 1, 7:05pm CDT. FSN & FSN-HD
Saturday, August 2, 6:05pm CDT. FSN & FSN-HD
Sunday, August 3, 1:05pm CDT. my20 & my20-HD (yeah, I don’t believe it either)

Hate the Mets, Hate the Mets,
Step right up and berate the Mets.
Don’t bring the kiddies, don’t bring your wife,
MetFan may force you to run for your life.
Because the Mets are really suckin’ on balls,
Watchin’ our home runs over the walls.
East side, West side, everybody’s coming down,
To HATE the M-E-T-S Mets, of New York town.Read More

Astros @ Tampa Bay “Pulp Friction”

Posted on June 20, 2008 by Limey in Series Previews

Astros (33-40) at Tampa Bay (43-29)

Tropicana Field

Friday, June 20, 6:10pm CDT. FSN
Saturday, June 21, 5:10pm CDT. No TV (makes Homer something something)
Sunday, June 22, 12:40pm CDT. My20 (watt Meccano TV station)

No, your eyes do not deceive you. Only one side of the Astros’ W-L record moved since the last Series Preview, and Tampa Bay’s record is not transposed. The Astros are on a run that has seen them lose 8 in a row, 10 of their last 11 and post a June record of 3-13. You almost have to be trying to lose, to lose that much. I only list those dreadful stats because you may not have been fully aware of it if, like me, you’d been watching them with your hands over your eyes.

Such is the Astros’ luck that they get to limp into Tampa Bay, then get back on the bus and go to St. Petersburg where the Field of Inferior Quality Juice resides, to play the Devil Rays only after Hunsicker has had a chance to make them good. By “good”, I mean 5.5 games better than the Orioles that just swept us, 3.5 games better than the Yankees who swept us last week, better than everyone in the Softball League save the Red Sox and better than everyone on the Senior Circuit save the Cubs (although the Cubs are working on that). Yep, that good.

This Club Needs an Enema!

Posted on May 22, 2007 by Limey in Limey Time

We’ve endured years of this shit. Most of the oughts, in fact, have been plagued with an offense so anemic that it makes Powder look like George Hamilton. I understand that there was a need to make over the pitching staff after The Debacle of 2000, and I applaud the club’s efforts in that vein. Pitching and defense wins championships, they say, and the Astros made their only World Series appearance behind some tremendous pitching.

Pitching…Pitching…isn’t there another part to that? Oh yeah, defense. WTF? The Astros have staffed themselves with an infield, outfield and bench that can either hit a ball, or catch a ball, but not both. So when you put a “hands team” out there you lose a squeaker and when you put the “stick team” out there you lose a laugher. By “laugher”, I mean a Shakespearean tragedy where the Fates are all PMSing simultaneously and the poor sod on the mound hesitated when they asked him if they looked fat.

Currently, and obviously, Biggio is the everyday starter at 2B and will be until he gets #3,000. This is a fact of life, as is his statuesque defense and noodle arm. But consider the options: Burke is a solid glove man (at this position) but is currently lighting up AAA pitching to the tune of .170, and he is in no way, shape or form a leadoff hitter (he may also have an small desert in his vagina). Loretta can hit and defend, and maybe even lead off, but then who bridges the enormous gap between hitting and fielding exhibited by the other candidates for 3B?Read More

Astros at Phillies – And We’ll All Float On Okay

Posted on April 23, 2007 by Limey in Series Previews

by Limey

Citizen’s Bank Park

Monday, April 23, 6:05 p.m. CDT – TV unknown at this point, but FSN is showing the Rockets, so expect this one to be on KNWS.

Projected Matchups from Astros.com

Chris Sampson (2-0, 1.20) v. Adam Eaton (1-1, 6.62)

Sampson has been solid as a rock so far this year, as those fine stats affirm. He gave up two solo dingers in Cincinnati last time out to end a streak of 9 shut-out innings to open the season. Of course, solo dingers is about the only thing the Reds do right, and so they were of little consequence as Sampson won the game quite comfortably once the offense woke up and unloaded on the God-awful Reds bully. Lane’s 3-run, pinch-shibby was the ESPN highlight there.

Eaton, however, has had a very different start to his 2007 campaign. He has sammidged one good outing – a 7-inning, 2-run effort at Shea – between two starts that could be described as “poor” (although, I’m sure PhilliFan would describe his 4.2-inning, 8-run jobbie at home to the Hated ATL as “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”). Regardless, in 4 starts vs. Houston he’s 2-1 with a 4ish ERA, so we will have to see which Eaton shows up tonight: good, bad or mediocre.

Notable giveaways this series …

As this is a make-up game, I doubt there are any. Other than seats, for anyone who had tickets for the original deluge.

Injury Report

Houston – Jennings (elbow-knack) is on the 15-day list and expected back sometime this year. That is only half-true for Backe (elbow-knack) and Gimenez (labia-knack).

Philadelphia – Starting pitcher Mathieson is recovering from surgery on his elbow-knack. Catchers Coste and Budde have hamstring-knack and oblique-knack respectively.

Other Interesting Things To Look For
•   The Yahoo! Sports previewist and apparent delivery pizza Nazi, Antony Giornalista, cautions the Astros about facing a healthy and “suddenly dangerous” Ryan Howard. Not that I’m suggesting we should ignore the threat of this baby rhino, but I’m not sure that 2 for 13 in his last 4 games is either “sudden” or “dangerous” when you’re already flirting with Mendozity. He did hit a dinger in his last at-bat, though, so as long as you have the brain of a goldfish you should keep an eye out for Howard, who is batting 1.000 on the season – all homers.
•   Only four Astros have a double-digit number of at-bats against Eaton: Biggio (6-13), Jennings (2-11), Hidalgo (2-11) and Bagwell (5-13). I didn’t say current Astros. Berkman is 3-9 (only 1 extra base) but he does have 3 walks. FWIW, Lee is 0-2 and Ensberg 1-2. If anyone can make any sense out of that, be sure to let me know.
•   Sanjaya will sing the national anthem and Alberto Gonzales will throw out the first pitch…if he recalls this particular diary entry.

Discuss today’s game in the GameZone.

Astros at Cardinals – Birds on a Wire

Posted on September 11, 2006 by Limey in Series Previews

By Limey

2 out of 3 from the Brewers was the bare minimum. If you think the bare minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to do more and we encourage that, ok? Now the Astros roll into New Jake City to see if they can make a charge for the division title as well as keeping up with the wild card race. A bad week, and both will be lost causes.

The 3rds are in the process of backing in to the playoffs. Losers of 6 of their last 10, 4 of their last 5, and 3 of their last 3. They just dropped 3 of 4 to the Snakes; a series that included a 13-run mauling when Wandony Reyes gave up 7 runs in 2.1 innings, and a 1-hit, CG shut out spun by Webb. That’s a whole lot of poop; they’re down and now would be a bad time to let these guys pick themselves up.

When:
Monday, September 11, 7:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD
Tuesday, September 12, 7:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD
Wednesday, September 13, 1:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD

MLB Extra Innings – Hopefully some concerned and helpful TZer will fill this part in for me.

Where: New Busch

As any red-blooded male will tell you, new busch is better than old busch.

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