By Limey
2 out of 3 from the Brewers was the bare minimum. If you think the bare minimum is enough, then ok. But some people choose to do more and we encourage that, ok? Now the Astros roll into New Jake City to see if they can make a charge for the division title as well as keeping up with the wild card race. A bad week, and both will be lost causes.
The 3rds are in the process of backing in to the playoffs. Losers of 6 of their last 10, 4 of their last 5, and 3 of their last 3. They just dropped 3 of 4 to the Snakes; a series that included a 13-run mauling when Wandony Reyes gave up 7 runs in 2.1 innings, and a 1-hit, CG shut out spun by Webb. That’s a whole lot of poop; they’re down and now would be a bad time to let these guys pick themselves up.
When:
Monday, September 11, 7:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD
Tuesday, September 12, 7:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD
Wednesday, September 13, 1:10 p.m. CDT – FSN & FSN HD
MLB Extra Innings – Hopefully some concerned and helpful TZer will fill this part in for me.
Where: New Busch
As any red-blooded male will tell you, new busch is better than old busch.
Projected Matchups
Andy Pettitte (13-13, 4.34) v. Chris Carpenter (13-6, 2.97)
Andy pitched a decent 6.1 innings against the Phillies last time out, giving up only 1 earnie, but got no decision as that one wasn’t decided until Lance “The Decider” Berkman cleared the previously loaded bases with a double in the 9th. Andy’s worked hard to square his record after a poor start and hasn’t lost a game for nearly a month. He is the owner of the manhoods of some of the more annoying Jakes, including Shitstein (.256OBP), Comonds (.139BA), Pooholes (.200BA, .200SLG). However, a number of others all hit Andy at a near or above .300 clip, these being Rolen (with the homies), Agent Wilson, Scott Spiggio and Re-Encarnacion.
The non-musical/anorexic member of The Carpenters has faced Houston twice this year, giving up 9 runs in 14 innings, good enough for a loss and an ND. And that was back in the part of the year that didn’t matter and when the Astros were playing like dog shit. Carp has a strange relationship with Berkman, in that he has him down at 5-21 (.238) but 4 of the 5 are homers giving Lance an incredible .857SLG%. Bizarre or what! Could be a day in the outfield for Lance as Lamb slaughters (get it?) Carpenter (1.219OPS) and MoBerg (6-21) is marginally better than Lane (3-12), but then who isn’t? Biggio is 9-25 but with 7 Ks and only one extra base hit, so I’m guessing that Craig manages to slap a low-and-away slider between 1st and 2nd every once in a while and one of ’em rolled to the wall.
Chris Sampson (1-0, 3.44) v. Jeff Weaver (6-14, 5.85)
I’m reluctant to use the words “scratch” and “Clemens’ groin” in the same sentence, so I’ll leave it up to you to figure out why Sampson is starting this game. On a personal note, I saw Sampson’s debut for the Astros: a very credible 3 earnies in 5.1 innings against a high-scoring Reds offense. Of course, that was a relief (in more ways than one) effort that followed Wandy laying the World’s Largest Turd on the mound at MMPUS. Sampson’s only previous start was a win, very well earned with a 3-hit shut-out of the ridiculous Cubs in 7 innings. He’s never seen the Jakes, so it’ll be an adventure for us all.
Weaver is annoying enough to make even reasonable people want to smack him. He’s been pitching better of late and has got his ERA down to (yes, I said “down to”) 5.85. He got his first win for a month last time out (ironically the only victory in the 4-gamer vs. the Snakes). We haven’t seen him against the Astros this year, but he’s 2-3 for his career in other colours. Ausmus, Biggio, Lamb and Huff all hit him well – Brad at .429! Berkman is only 3-14 (1 HR), Everett is .167 and Wile E. Taveras is 0-7.
Roy Oswalt (12-8, 3.15) v. Jason Marquis (14-14, 5.66)
Roy’s last outing against the Jakes was a loss, coming out of the pen to pitch the 10th following a Lidge up that spoiled an Astro comeback sparked by Bidge’s 3-run shibby and Berkman’s 2-run single. There’s not much else to say about Roy that wouldn’t be redundant. He’s 6-5 in his career against the 3rds (should be 6-4). He’s got a bit of Pooholes’ stink on him (.333BA, 3 strutters) and Speckstein has a .375BA. Encarnacion is another worry as is Spiggio.
Anthony Reyes, who dropped that huge bollock in Arizona, has been scratched because his arm is tired. No shit. So La Genius is trotting out a pitcher with a worse ERA, on short rest. You can hear the gears churning in his head from here. Marquis is one of those pitchers who you think is getting slammed, then you look up and he’s got a quality start on the board. 7-3 with a near-5 ERA vs. Houston is that feeling expressed in numbers. Having said that, we’ve seen him twice this year, and he’s given up only 3 runs in 14.2 innings. Berkman and Ensberg destroy Marquis, with 1.465 and 1.261 OPSs respectively. Lane is 6-18 (.333) too. Lamb is a disaster at 1-16 (.083).
Key injuries:
Houston – Roger is still “nursing” his crotchetorial regions; Backe’s elbow-knack has been cut upon; and Bagwell’s shoulder-knack is like the crease in his pants and the scowl on his visage: permanent.
Jeez Louise – Mulder is spending the rest of the season out “there” looking for the truth and Gitstein, mercifully, is DL’d with a torn oblique (probably a scrap-related injury). Anaheim Jimmy isn’t on the DL, but hasn’t played since August 26, a trend I’d like to see continue. His head is now so swollen that it is causing him physical problems.
Other shit
* This series is there for the taking. The pitching match-ups seem to be marginally in the Astros’ favour. The Jakes will also be without Comonds (probably) and Fuckstein (for sure), have two weak links in their rotation going and a closer even more untrusting than Houston’s. A sweep would throw this thing open wider than Paris Hilton’s legs in front of a video camera.
* Co Russa got ejected from the last game against the D-Backs for arguing balls and strikes. Then watched from the dressing room as his team blew the 7-4 lead they had in the 7th, to lose 9-7. Sounds like a perfect day!