The Racket. Rahjah. Team Bastard. All were intentionally derogative terms hurled at Roger Clemens and his agents. Having tickled our collective scrotum last time Clemens was a free agent, these twin (triple?) pillars deception kicked us squarely in the bollocks by signing with the Evil Empire. History shows that Clemens got what he wanted, a World Series ring, but it also shows that he received some shabby treatment from Herr Steinbrenner and also engaged in a curious, one-sided feud with Mike Piazza. (I agree with David Wells, if that’d been me, that shard of bat would still be jammed up Clemens’ arse).

As a result, Clemens became something of a pariah around these parts.

But then an odd thing happened. He retired, in all likelihood to allow the opportunity to compete in this year’s Olympic Games in Athens. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. The US Olympic team was dumped unceremoniously out of the qualifying stages and The Racket found himself without a gig for the coming summer. Then Andy Pettitte signed with Houston. Then a radio station gave him a Hummer (NTTAWWT). Then the town many called his own, finally embraced it’s wayward…umm…neighbour from 50 miles west.Read More

What the hell? The Astros sign Andy Pettitte, the Coalition scoops up Saddam and the Dow takes up permanent residence above 10,000 (you heard it here first, folks). The Holidays have come early to the good folks of Astrodom, and there may yet be more…

But first things first: this week, I shall be mostly wearing Coco Chanel.

Team Bastard

Now back to the insults. The brothers Hendricks, those arrogant shysters who rubbed our noses in dog shit last time they were hawking a name arm in these parts, seemingly enjoyed a change of heart more pronounced and unlikely than that of James Caan in “Elf”. Suddenly, the Astros were not a stick with which to whack the Yacht Captain and McLane’s offer was not simply bum-fodder. With his home town beckoning and the warmest of welcomes from an owner who was not behaving like John Lithgow obsessing about an over-thruster, Pettitte took time out from his son’s recital to call Santa’s Little Helpers and tell them to make a deal with our ‘Stros. The deal was struck, and the Hendricks’ heart (they have one between them which they keep in a vault) grew three times that day.Read More