What the hell? The Astros sign Andy Pettitte, the Coalition scoops up Saddam and the Dow takes up permanent residence above 10,000 (you heard it here first, folks). The Holidays have come early to the good folks of Astrodom, and there may yet be more…
But first things first: this week, I shall be mostly wearing Coco Chanel.
Team Bastard
Now back to the insults. The brothers Hendricks, those arrogant shysters who rubbed our noses in dog shit last time they were hawking a name arm in these parts, seemingly enjoyed a change of heart more pronounced and unlikely than that of James Caan in “Elf”. Suddenly, the Astros were not a stick with which to whack the Yacht Captain and McLane’s offer was not simply bum-fodder. With his home town beckoning and the warmest of welcomes from an owner who was not behaving like John Lithgow obsessing about an over-thruster, Pettitte took time out from his son’s recital to call Santa’s Little Helpers and tell them to make a deal with our ‘Stros. The deal was struck, and the Hendricks’ heart (they have one between them which they keep in a vault) grew three times that day.
I’m sure that I am only echoing the sentiments of you, good readers, when I say that I truly cannot express how chuffed I am about this signing. If you had to set about designing the perfect character to play in Houston, Pettitte would be pretty close to being it: a solid citizen, family man, a local who seems to have allowed his twang to resurface, a proven competitor with the work ethic of a winner and a lefty. Oh, and he’s a ground ball pitcher who gets his fair share of strike-outs (suck my dick, Rob Neyer). Pettitte will make the Astros better and he will sell tickets. What more does anyone want?
Adios Amigo
Part of the machinations that allowed the Astros to make this dramatic signing, was the off-loading of Billy Wagner, his power arm, his big contract and his bigger mouth. Yes, this does diminish the bullpen going forward; as nervous as Wags made us all feel, he was still a very effective closer. However, he had a very limited role and was wholly awful when taken out of his comfort zone; that being the last inning with the bases empty during regular season games. He was a very expensive luxury and, as predicted in my very first column nearly two years ago, he was dispatched to a would-be contender.
But this trade was not just about dumping salary, it had a ripple effect throughout the club:
- Obviously, the much-vaunted payroll flexibility achieved allowed McLane to make a serious run at Pettitte;
- It returned an ok major league pitcher with some potential upside in Duckworth, who can start or (more likely) relieve;
- It returned a bona fide prospect in Buchholtz, who has garnered favourable comparisons with Oswalt and who will be bubbling under the big club in AAA this year;
- It promotes Dotel to closer, so the Astros get a good look at him before they cement him in that role;
- It makes room in the pen for those pitchers capable of starting but do not make the rotation: the Astros now have an embarrassment of riches in that department; and
- It allows Hunsicker to dangle a starting pitcher to nab some talent and shore up other areas of the team.
Go Left, Go Left, Go Left, Right, Left
Three, count ’em, THREE lefties could be in the starting rotation come April: Pettitte, Hernandez and Robertson. As referenced above, the Astros have a wealth of starters from which to choose. I count nine in all who have major league starts under their belts: Oswalt, Miller, Pettitte, Redding, Hernandez, Robertson, Duckworth, Fernandez and Saarloos. Word has it that Robertson, Redding and even Miller have been mooted as tradable, but I hope / suspect that my first 5 in this list will be the starting 5 in April ’04.
Speaking of left-right switching (nice segue) the All-Geoff infield is no more as Blum has been deposited in MLB’s drip tray in Tampa Bay. In return was yet more bullpen help, so the Astros are looking to stay close to the outstanding performance of the 2003 relief corps. If Dotel, Lidge and Duckworth can do as well as Wagner, Dotel and Lidge did last year, such additions will present the league with some serious issues when it comes to scoring on this team.
Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Is there yet one more surprise in our stockings this year? Is Clemens seriously contemplating pitching for the Astros or is he just twisting Steinbrenner’s nipples? Only time will tell; but from some of the quotes coming out of the Racket’s mouth, he hasn’t changed his spots. He has magnanimously offered to defer salary, should he decide to un-retire. That’s nice, but just how much money do you think you’ll get Rajah? Come on, man! If the Astros need to defer your salary, you won’t be getting any, know what I mean? Come and pitch or don’t, I will be happy either way, just don’t yank our chains just for a laugh or just to stroke your blood-engorged ego one last time.
Sayonara Payroll Flexibility
Nobody wants Richard Hidalgo’s ridiculous contract, it seems. And who can blame them? Supremely talented as he may be, Doggie has been plagued by offensive inconsistency and conditioning problems. With Pettitte sucking up all the space that was made following the Wagner trade, the Astros have some very hefty paychecks to write in 2004. What they need is for those checks to be earned.
Bagwell had a down year for him in 2003, and needs to come back to something more akin to his career averages. Biggio needs to be consistent and not succumb to protracted periods of suck. Doggie needs a repeat a good year’s performance for the first time ever at the major league level. Kent can do better too, although he was going very well last year until he was hampered by a bad wrist. And somebody wake up Berkman.
On the other side of the ball, the one-two-three punch at the top of the rotation, coupled with the continued progress of Redding and a pick ’em to round it out looks to be very good on paper. It certainly matches up with the Cubbies who start to fall of dramatically after #3 (a near vertical drop to Estes via Clement) and it pulls down the pants of the Co-Ard rotation as it currently sits. A consistent offense and an effective bullpen should see the Astros competing for the spoils behind the starters, and anything other than a post-season appearance would be a major disappointment.
How Long ‘Till Pitchers and Catchers Report?
It’s already been a busy and, IMHO, productive off-season for the home team. I am busy corralling a season ticket pool and looking forward to the coming campaign (as well as drinking too much). The holidays are almost past us, and that brings us ever closer to the point where tools of ignorance are donned and baseball’s are hurled with purpose.
Happy Holidays to all and GO ASTROS!