By Gizzmonic

Reds (73-83) at Astros (82-73)

Minute Maid Park at Union Station • Houston, TX

Greetings, Earth people.  It is I, Gizzmonic, late September callup from the depths of space! What’s that you say?  The Reds are coming off a narrow victory in a makeup game against Florida?  And they trashed the Brew Crew before that? But how did they get there?  Let’s start with a little history…

A long time ago, in the days of the Roman Republic, there was a noble Roman named Lucius Quinticius Cincinnatus.  After a distinguished career as a stateman, he retired to the countryside and became a farmer.  Yet every time Rome faced a threat, the Senate voted him dictator of Rome. He reluctantly took the reins of power and stopped Rome’s enemies each time.  With his overwhelming popularity and military might, he could have installed himself as emperor.  But Cincinnatus only wanted to return his simple life as a farmer.  Humble during his own lifetime, he is now enshrined as a model of civic virtue.  Historical records are unclear as to whether he enjoyed chili tarted up with chocolate and cinnamon and dumped onto spaghetti.

A shorter time ago, the futile, flailing franchise calling themselves the Cincinnati Reds unceremoniously dumped their two biggest stars, Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr., then took out a full page ad in the Cincinnati paper apologizing for their superhypermegasuckage.  We all know how well those full page ad apologies work out, don’t we?  However, since trading Dunn on August 12, these young Reds are a respectable 20-16 and no longer share the NL Central cellar with the bilge-ridden Pirates.

Read More