Shake Your Groove Thing

Posted on May 25, 2014 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 9, Mariners 4

W: Oberholtzer (1-6)
L: Maurer (1-3)

The Mariners decided to celebrate 1979 on Saturday, so the Visiting Nine broke out the Rainbow Gut jerseys before administering a first-class Village People-style ass-whipping right out of the 70s. Careful not to stain the polyester, the Astros Got To Be Real with a pair of two-run bombs from Le Freak George Springer, who wouldn’t even be born until ten years after the year being celebrated. For Houston, Every 1 Was A Winner yesterday because Seattle couldn’t Hold The Line during this Boogie Wonderland.

No Cedeno or Cruz, no J. R. Richard or Joe Niekro necessary, as the Team That Made Mario Mendoza Famous staggered and bumbled like baseball’s Chuck Wepner, unable to slip even the wildest of punches. Altuve, discoing the league in hits, didn’t stop ’til he got enough to lead Houston in tying its season high with 11 on the day. Heaven Knows, Obie Oberholzer had a bad case of loving the feeble Mariners, giving them the Sad Eyes by challenging them in the strike zone and setting them down after a two-run first. These were Good Times, not a Tragedy. Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.

Iwakuma takes on Keuchel today in a Slopmaster’s Special. Maybe you can catch it on the radio, because those of us in Texas sure as hell won’t see it on TV.

Astros 1, marONRs 6‏

Posted on May 24, 2014 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

submitted by Neil T

I came home last night and went to sleep at 6, and just woke up at 12. I think the same thing must have happened in Seattle. Anyway, I thought this would be an excellent chance to review the Astros-Salt Scab’s history, particularly since not much happened in the game.

We all know why Bud Selig moved the Astros to the American League. He caved to the demands of all fandom to let the greatest natural rivals in baseball, the Astros and the Mariners, face each other across a division.

Dodgers-Giants, nothing. Yankees-Red Sox, who cares? Cubs-Cubs? ‘Nuff said. Astros-Mariners? That’s the Beatles and the Rolling Stones.

Just recall for a moment their early World Series history.

1903. The first modern Series. The Boston Americans of the American League faced off against the Pittsburgh Pirates of the National League. For once the Seattle media got it right: “If it’s not the Astros and the Mariners, why bother?” As Honus Wagoner said: “We was too bum last year. We was the joke in that Boston-Pittsburgh Series. What does it profit a team to hammer along and take a few wins when everybody knows the wrong teams are playing? I am ashamed we was even there.”

Boston took the series, 5-3 (it was a nine game series). The Astros would have whipped the Mariners’ butts in 5.

The first World Series generally recognized as “great”—recognizing that no World Series could be great without the Mariners facing the Astros—was the 1912 Series between Boston and the New York Giants. This was the series when Fred Snodgrass dropped a catchable fly ball to allow two Red Sox runs in a 3-2 Sox win. The Sox went on to take the 8-game Series 4-3-1. Interestingly, it was scheduled as an 8-game series, but one game was declared a tie when they ran out of daylight in extra innings. That wouldn’t have happened at MMPUS. Christy Mathewson pitched for the Giants, and Smoky Joe Wood for the Sox.

Mathewson, always the gentleman, let it be known that while he gave it his best, this should have been an Astros-Mariners series. Which team would have taken the Series? I have to give this one to the Mariners. In 1912 they were as good as they ever were.

1919. This quote from Eddie Ciccotte says it all. “Ah hell, of course we threw the Series. Why wouldn’t we? It wasn’t like nobody cared about the Black Sox and the Reds. All we heard night and day was Astros-Mariners.” The Mariners were the better team that year, but they had no compass. They took the gamblers’ money and the Astros took the Series.

1924, the Senators and the Giants, with four games decided by one run. This was Walter Johnson’s series. In game 7, with the Series tied and the Senators behind 3-1 in the eighth, a routine ground ball took a bad hop and allowed two runs to score. The 36-year old Big Train held on in relief through extra innings until another ground ball bounce gave the Senators the Series.

“I just wish I’d done it for the Astros against the Mariners,” the Big Train was quoted, “they’ve got a train and I am a Train. This should have been the Astros, with me taking that final win under that locomotive’s wail.”

History. It’s what makes this historic rivalry so historic. Next time we’ll talk about the 30s and the 40s.

***
But tonight the Astros lost 6-1, which was the ‘Stros 4th loss on a rough West Coast swing. Brad Peacock, who had just put his 30-win season on track, was out with a sore forearm. Rudy Owens, a AAA lefthander who sports either a 1.13 or a 10.05 ERA was brought in from OKC for the start. Interestingly, Rudy Owens has never been mentioned in the Bus Ride. Not once. He’s pitched 140.1 innings for OKC in May.

Jose Altuve had 3 hits with one double off of King Felix, and now leads the major leagues with 66 hits. Who’d’ve thunk? He had the single RBI, driving in Marwin Gonzalez playing 3rd. Dominguez DHd, which is the worst verb ever. King Felix had 10 K, and 4 LOB.

The Bilious Salt-Scummed Barnacle Lickers had 11 hits, 2bb, and 2Ks. Owens pitched 5.2 innings giving up 5 ER. Downs—who the hell is Downs? Has he been in the bullpen all season and I just haven’t noticed?—went 1.1 with 1 ER on 2 hits. Qualls pitched the final frame with one K.

Origin of the Species

Posted on May 23, 2014 by BudGirl in Featured, Series Previews

submitted by the GreatBagwellsBeard

At some point during the Opening Day festivities, another poster asked for the origin of my screen name. I demurred at the time because this is a story silly enough to merit everyone’s laughter, rather than just the polite chuckle of a single person.

I signed up for this site in 2007, more than half a decade and two careers ago. I was the sports editor at the dearly departed Houstonist.com back then, and needed some more in depth analysis of the team that wasn’t purely sabermetric (like Crawfish Boxes) or full of redneck bullshit (like the Chron), so that I could steal paraphrase back on Houstonist. OWA looked like the perfect place.

The “select screen name” screen at any site is a pain in the ass. If it’s for something related to personal finances or e-commerce, I suspect that most people tend to gravitate toward something very basic, and very close to your real name. Firstname.Lastname and all that. But if it’s a forum or comments section or whatever, you get to be “creative”. Your name represents how you want to be perceived. Do you want the veil of anonymity or do you want to create a character, a persona to hide behind?

Since 2007, I’ve become a stronger proponent of using my real name online because 1) a future employer who googles my name will mostly get the actor from Airplane and 2) I think it’s largely a chickenshit move to hide behind a screen name, particularly if you’re going to be critical of another person. But in 2007, I was a different person who valued perceived cleverness over honesty, so I watched the cursor blink in the registration screen and tried to come up with something good.

If you’ll forgive another digression, I think we can all agree that quotable movies have a life cycle, with regard to quotability. Austin Powers quotes, circa 1997, were pretty funny. Austin Powers quotes, circa 2003, were the sole domain of morning drive time radio dipshits and cool dads. But now, almost 15 years after the fact, a well-timed Austin Powers quote can actually be funny again, since it’s tinged with a pleasant nostalgia, and the over-use has petered out. And so it goes with the big comedies since then: Anchorman, Borat and the like. I think “niiiiiiice!” will be funny again in 2020.

Though there isn’t a timer that regulates how long you have to decide on a screen name, I was starting to feel the pressure. It’s 2007. Anchorman hasn’t quite worn out its welcome, right? All those Burgundian exclamations. Astros. Hmm.

…

Great Bagwell’s Beard!

So that’s how that happened.

Probable Pitchers

Friday, May 23rd
9:10 CT, Safeco Field
Rudy Owens (0-0, 0.00) v. Felix Hernandez (5-1, 2.94)

This was going to be Brad Peacock, but thankfully it ain’t. Rudy Owens sounds like a brand of breakfast sausage, not a lefty starter. He’s been 2-3 with a 6.05 ERA at OKC, and averages almost 7 K’s per nine. Ironic that he’s called up the day the guy he was traded for got DFA’d.
The ‘stros have handed Felix his only loss on the year, so there’s that. Altuve is hitting .417/.462/1.045 lifetime against him, and Dominguez has homered off him and sports a hilarious 2.100 OPS against one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Saturday, May 24th
9:10 CT, Safeco Field
Dallas Keuchel (5-2, 2.92) v. Brandon Maurer (1-2, 6.00)

Keuchel has been a great surprise this year. At this rate, he might end up as our All Star. Only Stefan Romero, Michael Saunders and Willie Bloomquist are hitting over .300 against him, and Romero is a soccer player. The whole team is .218/.290/.599 against him. So basically they hit like Astros.
Maurer has given up homers to Presley and Villar, and Dominguez has hit him well, too. His name makes him sound like Minnesota’s catcher with a speech impediment.

Sunday, May 25th
3:10 CT, Safeco Field
Scott Feldman (2-2, 3.02) v. Hisashi Iwakuma (3-0, 1.76)

Feldman hasn’t quite been an ace, but he’s been the #3 starter he’d be on any other team. Smoak has hit him well, with a couple dingers. If only we’d drafted him instead of that All Star catcher.
Iwakuma started the season hurt, but has come on strong since returning from the DL. He’s struck out Carter a lot, but then again, who hasn’t? Marwin is crushing him, to the tune of .714/1.286/2.000. Really.

Promotions
C’mon, only OSF has a snowball’s chance of making any of these games.

What to Watch For
– Bouncing back from the sweep.
– Facing two of the best starters in the AL West.
– Scratch #1 up there.
– Fuck the scurvy knaves right in their bilge pump.

Talk about it in the Game Zone!

Astros Sipp-y Fielding Boo Boo Costs a Game!

Posted on May 23, 2014 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Seaturds 3 Astros 1

Mr. Happy</strong>

The Astros combined poor hitting (save The Altuve) and a mental lapse in fielding by Tony Sipp, who failed to get over to 1B in time to get an out when the bases were loaded, which allowed two runners to score on the play, to lose to our most hated rivals. The Good Guys could scratch out but four measly hits, although one of Altuve’s two hits left the yard-a first pitch leadoff home run in the first frame. The only other Astros to get off of the hit schneid were Matt Dominguez and Jesus Guzman, who each singled.

As is too often the case, the K was too prevalent among the Astros hitters, notching another double digit game with 11 strikeouts. Karter and Castro combined for six of those Ks. Also continuing to perplex and confound the Astros was their disturbing lack of ability to hit with runners in scoring position, going 0-7 w/ RISP. This lackluster effort spoiled an otherwise fine pitching performance by starter Jarred Cosart and the bully. We go at it again tonight with the sea urchins. Come check us out in the Game Zone.

Weaver Looms Over Astros Defeat

Posted on May 22, 2014 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Springer gets hurt and Astros manage only 2 hits, lose pitching duel 2-1

Weaver: (5-3)
McHugh: (2-3)

submitted by Sphinx Drummond

I’m starting to believe that Wotan is just an odd number year Baseball God. It makes sense. I reckon he’s an Opera God on even number years. I’m too depressed to look up the Astros Wednesday record for this year. I have a sick cat and George Springer got hurt in the ninth inning diving into first trying to avoid a pick-off.

Springer did manage to hit his fourth home run of the season and made a fantastic catch in the outfield before injuring himself. He will be re-evaluated on Thursday, might need a MRI. Porter described the injury as “a right quad” or “hip flexor.”

McHugh wasn’t bad, allowing only four hits and two runs, while striking out seven in seven innings. Farnsworth pitched the eighth, allowing no hits or walks, and striking out one. Jason Castro got the only other Astro hit of the night. Pooholes hit a home run, his thirteenth, and is still a dick.

Thursday the Astros travel to the moldy germ infested northwest to face the soggy scallywags and something called, Roenis Elias (hope it’s not contagious). The Astros will counter with Jared Cosart, who hopefully, along with the rest of the team, has his vaccinations up to date.

Weather: 68 degrees, partly cloudy.
Wind: 8 mph, Out to CF.
T: 2:26.
Att: 40,112 (20,000 no shows).

It’s All Keuchel’s Fault

Posted on May 20, 2014 by BudGirl in Featured, Game Recaps

Astros 5, Angels 2
W: Keuchel, L: Richards
recap and box score
GameZone

Yep, this was one all about Dallas Keuchel. He went 8.2 innings before giving up 2 singles and leaving runners on the corners when Porter yanked him from the game. Of course, everyone knew what was going to happen next, Zied gave up a triple to Kendricks and a shut out was gone. Keuchel was great on the night and has been for his last couple of starts. He was mixing his pitches, pitching in a great rhythm and just getting batters out. He had 8 strikeouts on the night. He’s just been very good lately. Who’d a thunk it?

Now, in regard to the offense, the bats got to early start, which is good because they did nothing late in the game. They got all 5 runs in the top three innings. Only struck out twice.

Did you know that Mark Trout has more strikeouts that Khris Carter?? Well, Ashby and Blum made sure any one watching the game last night knew. But, it is still surprising that Trout is a league leader in strikeouts.

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