By Foghorn

The Basics

What:        Astros/Dodgers 3-Game series

When:      Monday, April 24th at 7:05, KNWS-51
Tuesday, April 25th at 7:05, FSSW
Wednesday, April 26th at 7:05, FSSW

Where:      MMPUS, where I’ll be attending my first game of the year on Monday night.  My 4 year old daughter will be making her first trip of the year as well.  Over/under on how many innings we?ll stay before she starts getting cranky because she’s tired = 6.  We’ll have our normal ballpark dinner – a footlong dog cut in half, she gets ketchup while I get mustard, onions, relish and jalapenos.  A large Coke and we’ll get a frozen lemonade around the third inning.  About $15 for all that.

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By Craig Elliott

The Astros took two of three from the Brewers, thanks in large part to Morgan Ensberg’s HUGE FUCKING STICK. Adam Everett has turned into an RBI machine, which is not to be confused with the vending machine at first.

And the Astros will need all those bats if the goddamn bullpen keeps imitating Yvette on “Take Your Base Night.”That’s where the first 10,000 opposing players get their choice of four free sacks.

Meanwhile, the Pirates just lost a series to the Co-Ards and are already six games back in the division. However, the Wilson Sisters have been a couple of bright spots for the Roots this month. Nancy has moved to first to replace Sean Casey and got Player of the Week honors. Still has that mangy-ass beard, though. Ann already has four errors at shortstop, but four homers as well. Apparently she’s not as nimble as she once was, but still has the pop.

When:
Friday, April 21, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, April 22, 6:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, April 23, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

MLB Extra Innings – Friday’s and Sunday’s games will be on the Fox Southwest feed. Pierogies for everyone on the Pittsburgh broadcast Saturday.

Where: MMPUS

Saturday’s giveaway is a nice mousepad with the schedule on it. John “Say My Name, Bitch” Lopez can use it to stay awake while he’s surfing that other Astros site. You know, the one where you wouldn’t be allowed to say “fuckwit Chronicle inbreeders.” For example.

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By Craig Elliott

The Astros took two of three from the Snakes, thanks to some eye-popping offense and nice pitching from Wandy and Citgo. And while Ensberg and Berkman are totally on fire, I think some of the credit may also go to my secret-weapon Adam Everett T-shirt that I bought on Opening Day. Saturday night I just thought about wearing it, and Dude had a double and a homer. And on Sunday the Astros were behind 2-1 when I put on the shirt and went outside to work in the yard. Came back inside half an hour later and it was 8-3.

So now the Astros are on top of the division, but everyone else except Pittsburgh is within a game. And it’s April so the standings don’t matter yet anyway. Milwaukee started the season hot, but they’ve lost their last two series (to the Jakes and the fucking Mets). The Brewers just got Ben Sheets back from the DL, but he got knocked around Sunday and won’t be pitching in this series anyway.

When:
Monday, April 17, 7:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Tuesday, April 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, April 19, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

MLB Extra Innings – Monday’s game will be on the Milwaukee feed, and Wednesday’s will be on Fox Southwest. Nothing Tuesday.

Where: MMPUS

Yvette must have gotten a sweet deal on magnetic schedules, because they’re the promo giveaway for the first two games of this series. Those things are massively useful, so if anyone scores an extra schedule, please hook me up. Otherwise I might miss a Pittsburgh series in the middle of the season, when they all start to run together.

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