By Foghorn
The Basics
What: Astros/Dodgers 3-Game series
When: Monday, April 24th at 7:05, KNWS-51
Tuesday, April 25th at 7:05, FSSW
Wednesday, April 26th at 7:05, FSSW
Where: MMPUS, where I’ll be attending my first game of the year on Monday night. My 4 year old daughter will be making her first trip of the year as well. Over/under on how many innings we?ll stay before she starts getting cranky because she’s tired = 6. We’ll have our normal ballpark dinner – a footlong dog cut in half, she gets ketchup while I get mustard, onions, relish and jalapenos. A large Coke and we’ll get a frozen lemonade around the third inning. About $15 for all that.
The Pitching Matchups
Game 1 Andy Pettitte versus Derek Lowe
Game 2 Fernando Nieve versus Brad Penny
Game 3 Wandy Rodriguez versus Odalis Perez
Dodgers Update (key players and injuries)
Dodgers just got won their first series of the year, taking 2 of 3 from the D-Backs and come into play with a 9-10 record. The Dodgers made a host of changes in the off season – both in the front office (new manager, new GM) and on the field (say hello to new Dodgers Rafael Furcal, Nose-mar Garciaparra, Kenny Lofton and Bill Mueller). Injuries have kept the Dodgers from putting out what you would call their “base” line up – Nose-mar has played in just one game, Bluebonnet got beaned and was groggy for awhile, and you never know when JD Drew’s vaginosis will kick in. A brief run down:
Rafael Furcal, SS – his AVG (.225-ish) is slightly behind his BAL, so be careful driving around downtown these next few days. Still has that cannon for an arm though.
Bill Mueller, 3B – here’s a shock – Mueller is hitting over .300. This guy always seems to have great ABs. Fouls off borderline pitches, goes the other way with the pitch on the outer half of the plate. A rarity – a Dodger I don’t automatically hate on sheer principle.
Jeff Kent, 2B – probably still gets a nice round of applause. Here’s one for you – rank the top 5 Astros HRs of all time. Kent, Burke, Ausmus, Hatcher immediately come to mind. Perhaps Berkman’s Grand Slam? Glen Davis to dead center off Doc Gooden in Game 1 of 1986 NLCS. Surely there’s gotta be room for one of Bagwell or Wynn’s HRs in there. Anyway, feel free to discuss.
Nose-mar Garciaparra, 1B/DL – when all is said and done about the steroid era, lets not forget to add Mr. Hamm to the list of roid abusers.
James Loney, 1B – I’m sure the local kid will have quite a few family members in attendance. I seem to recall Nash, I think it was Nash, pretty high on him coming out of high school.
Jose Cruz Jr, OF – another local kid, though slightly more well known. Playing most everyday but to be honest the Dodgers OF is a crowded mess with Repko, Lofton, Cruz and Drew. Lots of OK players there, with only Drew being a real plus, and that pussy is always hurt.
JD Drew, OF/DL – leads the Dodgers with 3 HRs. Dodgers aren’t clicking yet, and Drew’s heath will be a major factor determining if it ever does start to click. Breathtaking talent, giant ego, fragile. Interesting mix.
Derek Lowe, SP – should combine with Pettitte for a ton of ground balls. Not sure that a defense of Mueller-Furcal-Kent-Saenz/Garciaparra really benefits Lowe. A decent enough starter.
Brad Penny, SP – having a fantastic year – 25/2 K/BB ratio. ERA under 2.00. Maddux, Pedro, Carpenter, Oswalt, Penny – there’s your top 5 of the Cy Young voting about six months ahead of schedule.
Odalis Perez, SP – slapped around hard his first outing of the year, but has pitched pretty well his last couple of times out. A lot of visting team lefties get scared shitless from the Crawford Boxes so lets see if Perez has the nads to pitch inside to righties.
Eric Gagne, RP – out for at least another month. Danys Baez will assume the closer duties.
Astros Update
Where’s Cam Bonifay when you need him?
After sweeping the Pirates, the Astros are an NL best 13-5. True, we haven’t played the real tough teams yet, but who exactly qualifies as a “real tough team?” Cards and Mets? Braves, Cubs, Phillies? Surely not the fucking Reds. Regardless, the Astros are doing what good teams do – pound the little guys and hopefully go .500 versus the big dogs.
The kids are alright – Buchholz (which my daughter has glossed “Belt” since she thinks his name is “Buckles”), Wandy, Nieve have looked pretty damn good so far. Six innings and three runs or less is what I hope for. Anything beyond that, like say 8.2 of one-hit ball, is gravy.
Biggio has been the proverbial depot stove. Three hits or more in about four of his last six games. Ensberg and Berkman are combining for a potent 3-4 combination which is about as good as it gets without having someone name Poo-holes involved.
Interesting subplot as Preston Wilson continues to air condition MMPUS with all his swinging and missing. How much time will he lose to Burke? How many times will Penny ring him up? I?ll set the line at 2.5.
What’s on Foggy’s mind?
I’ll be out of action this weekend. Don’t want to say too much but later this week I’ll be buying a jock strap, some tighty whiteys and 3 or 4 bags of frozen peas. Anyone got any words of advice?
1 Topic for TZ Discussion
Power Ratings. Tired of Dayn Perry and his worthless power ratings? Tired of ESPN’s worthless power ratings? Tired of hearing that a 13-5 team needs to “get back in the race?” Well, feast on this, baby!!!!
But first, some advice:
NOTICE
PERSONS attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
1. White Sox – defending WS Champs are co-owners of the best record in baseball. How can you not have them #1? In the same vein?
2. Astros – how can you have the defending NL Champs, co-owners of the best record in baseball, anything less than #2?
3. Mets – What is up with Glavine thinking he’s worth a shit again? Mets also haven’t played anyone worth a shit, but you don’t really hear that.
4. Cards – Poo Holes, Carpenter and a bunch of above average guys like Edmonds, Rolen, Mulder, Izzy. Better regular season team than post-season team. This team is built for 162 games, not a best of seven series.
5. Red Sux – Schilling looks 100% healthy, and you know these guys can hit, but after Schilling/Beckett there ain’t much there in the rotation.
6. Tigers – they ain’t shit, but you gotta give credit where credit is due. 12-7 is 12-7. Especially with most of their games away from Detroit.
7. Cubs – look for these turds to sink to the bottom of the toilet bowl soon. Maddux won’t keep this up and without Lee for two months the offense will sputter.
8. Yankees – what a mess. You gotta love the Yankees, who can take about $15M, flush it down the toilet (or give it to Jaret Wright and Carl Pavano, same thing really), and not miss a beat. These losers need a third starter to slot behind Unit and Moose.
9. Angels – defending AL West champs get the nod.
10. Orioles – whats that putrid smell coming from the Inner Harbor? Oh, wait, Anna Benson just walked by. Nevermind.
11. Indians – Travis Hafner is a beast. If they get some pitching they could be dangerous.
12. Giants – best team in a shitty NL West.
13. Braves – last night, they had no Chipper, no Giles, no Renteria AND they still won. I just can’t see these douchebags winning it again.
14. A’s – great young pitching, but the offense is a struggle. How in the world can these guys have a 1B hitting less than .050?
15. Rangers – see A’s comment and reverse pitching and hitting.
16. Phillies – lots of talent on this team (Abreu, Utley, Rollins, Myers, Howard, Rowand, Burrell) but they are struggling putting W’s on the board. I still think they win 85 games.
17. Blue Jays – gee, AJ Burnett is visiting Birmingham in the springtime. Shocking!!!
18. Dodgers – my preseason pick to win the West, they’ve been struggling so far this year. Let’s hope in continues through May 11th.
19. Reds – See the Rangers but with greater injury concerns (Griffey, Kearns) and a worse (if possible) bullpen.
20. Rockies – look for the slide to start now that Helton ate some bad seafood and has to get a new stomach. We should miss Helton when we are in Denver in early May. He should be OK when they return to Houston the following week.
21. Brewers – weren’t these assholes a trendy pick to win the wild card and/or division? They ain’t shit other than Sheets.
22. Twins – Johan Santana is killing several fantasy teams right now. Mauer kid looks to be the real deal.
23. Nationals – not a bad team. Several good hitters (Soriano, Vidro, Johnson), a couple good starters (Livan, Patterson) and a nice closer (Cordero).
24. Padres – watch teams run on Piazza like crazy. He needs to quit playing catcher – in more ways than one!!! Bwahahahaha hahahahahaha.
25. Mariners – biggest free agent bust, Adrian Beltre? Discuss.
26. D-Backs – Brandon Webb and a bunch of nobodies.
27. Marlins – I like the Fish. Got a good group of young players. Problem is by the time they are ready, Willis and Cabrera will make a combined $25M.
28. D-Rays – sweet!!! They aren’t last or second to last.
29. Pirates – Jason Bay is going to waste away in Shittsburgh.
30. Royals – Could lose 110 games this year.