Braves at Astros – It’s the End of the World As We Know It… And I Feel Fine

Posted on September 28, 2007 by MRaup in Series Previews

By MRaup

Minute Maid Park

Friday, September 28, 7:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, September 29, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, September 30, 1:05 p.m. CDT – FSN

Well, here it is. The moment we’ve been dreading. Craig Biggio is riding off into the hustle-colored sunset. Apparently hustle and the constant smog over Houston look a lot alike. Drawing the last preview of the year is both a blessing and a curse. This will be the preview you remember going in to the void.

Or it will be the preview you wish you could forget about all off-season… No pressure or anything.

Perfectly swept

Posted on September 27, 2007 by Ty in Tampa in Game Recaps

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

Astros 4
Dickities 3

W: Borkowski | L: Majewski | S: Lidge

Lidge had ’em gripping in the Game Zone
Cable, dish or fiber in the Talk Zone

Other coverage:
Alyson knows the score
AP via Yahoo!

As the shit snowball that is 2007 slows to just a steaming pile, from any Astros fan’s perspective – anyone not named Raup – getting perfected by a young Reds pitcher would be a dubious, yet somewhat appropriate exclamation point to this “lost season.” Yet there I was, watching it all. What am I feeling? Have Jim and Mark given me pause to consider this lad who they know so well, as he lays zeros upon my favorite team? Am I actually rooting for him to do it??
Read More

Maybelline donkey-punches Dickities again; also: Thanks, bye

Posted on September 26, 2007 by JackAstro in Game Recaps

September 26, 2007
Astros 7, Redlegs 6
W: Sarfate (1-0) | L: Burton (4-2) | S: Qualls (5)
The Footer Recap
AP Recap! via Yahoo!

Talk Zone, teetering on the brink of The Void
Brief, poignant Game Zone thread

The Game

Last night’s game featured everything you would expect from 2 long-since-out-of-contention teams in the last week of the season, if what you expect is a plethora of home runs, mediocre starting pitching, and a tight back-and-forth bullpen war culminating in a one run squeaker decided in the late innings. Twinkie was huge – both in physical size and on-field performance – driving in 4 to reach the 100 RBI plateau for the 5th time in his career.Read More

The battle for 4th place

Posted on September 26, 2007 by mihoba in Game Recaps

Astros 8, Reds 5
W: Paulino (1-1) | L: Coutlangus (4-2) | S: Lidge (17)
HRs: Pence (16) Votto (3)

AP recap from that ya-hoo site
Alyson’s wrap

Time is running out on Craig Biggio’s career, but he drove in the go-ahead run in game one of his final road trip as the Astros rallied from a four-run deficit to beat the Reds 8-5 Tuesday night at the rainy Great American Empty Ball Park.Read More

Astros at Reds – Roadkill on a Bed of Noodles

Posted on September 24, 2007 by Craig in Series Previews

By Craig Elliott

Great American Ball Park

Tuesday, September 25, 6:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Wednesday, September 26, 6:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Thursday, September 27, 6:15 p.m. CDT – FSN

This series will wrap up the Astros’ road schedule for the year. Their record away from home is 28-50, which is the worst in the National League. The Astros could conceivably pass the Reds for fourth place in the Central standings before the end of the year; not that it really matters, but at least we wouldn’t have to stand downwind of them all winter.

Also, here’s my Public Service Announcement for Astros rookies, since this is their first visit to Cincinnati:

* If someone offers you a Three-Way, DO NOT take it. They aren’t offering you a half-hour with the Brady girls. No, a Cincinnati Three-Way is a bowl of noodles with a pile of shit on top. With chocolate and cinnamon garnish. An hour after eating this, your ass will start wafting “Cincinnati Air Fresheners.”

* If you’re in bar and a guy says, “Hey, let’s grab our sacks and play some Cornhole,” it’s OK. But this offer is only good in Cincinnati, and never, ever in San Francisco.

No decent giveaways this series, though fans who run onto the field can go to jail and play in a free cornhole tournament with the Bengals.Read More

Astros @ Cardinals – A Beautiful Fucking Day In The Neighborhood (Sep 20-23, 2007)

Posted on September 21, 2007 by Dark Star in Series Previews

By ‘strosrays

The Most Fucked-Up Fucking Series Preview in the Fucking History of Western Fucking Civilization

Astros (66-86) at Retardinals (71-80)

Fuckin’ Busch Stadium (III)
700 fuckin’ Clark Avenue
St. Louis, fuckin’ MO 63102

*********

▪Thursday, September 20 (7:10 p.m. CDT) – FSN (Fucking bullshit Sports Network)

▪Friday, September 21 (7:10 p.m. CDT) – FSN

▪Saturday, September 22 (6:15 p.m. CDT) – KNWS

▪Sunday, September 23 (7:05 p.m. CDT) – ESPN (Especially Suck-ass fucking Penile Network)

**********

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck” – Noe

There apparently isn’t going to be an official, sanctioned Series Preview posted for this series. That isn’t really any big deal, it has happened before. Sometimes life and the resulting responsibilities (or the utter lack of any creative ideas, which is even scarier) intrude into the Preview writing process, and you, gentle readers, will just have to fucking excuse us for it. We got lives, too, motherfuckers! Well, at least some of us.

Anyway, I believe this particular Preview was assigned to Foghorn. I’m not really surprised at his no-show, he has been kind of scarce around here lately. That is nothing against Foggy at all who, aside from being one of my favorite people on the planet and a constant inspirational beacon of utter vulgarity, is also involved in work much more important than my own, I believe. If a Series Preview isn’t written because Foghorn is helping save someone’s fucking life or sumpin’, who the fuck am I to complain? Plus, there are some rumors out there (admittedly started by me, mostly) that Foghorn has recently been engaged in serious medical research with a 17-year-old female Swedish exchange student he is hosting in his home this semester. Now, I ask you. . . Series Preview? Or Swedish exchange student? I’ll let you decide.

I read somewhere recently that the movie The Usual Suspects contained 98 instances of the word “fuck” or one of it’s forms or derivatives in it. I always liked that movie, now I know why. Anyway, 98 fucks is impressive, and may even be a record, unless there is some Joe Pesci-Harvey Keitel movie out there somewhere I’ve forgot. So impressive that I am using those 98 fucks as a goal and the perpetually profane Foghorn as an inspiration here. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Special Encore BONUS Series Preview, Astros at Co-ardinals, the uncut Fuck-all Version. Read it and fucking weep.Read More

Screw-all

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