Astros 3 Athletics 2

contributed by Mr. Happy

Brad Peacock clearly pitched his finest game of the year, pitching into the eighth frame for the first time in his big league career. Peacock outdueled a tough Sonny Gray 3-2 at the Shittyseum before a lackluster crowd of only 11,569 on an absolutely perfect night for baseball in the Bay Area. The young Astros starter surrendered five hits and two earnies in his seven-plus innings of work, fanning nine and walking but one. He had a very sharp breaking yellow hammer tonight and worked ahead in the count most of the night.

The Good Guys scored all of their runs in the first two frames. The Astros got a gift run that turned out to be important when Athletics OF Yoenis Cespedes failed to cleanly field a ball in LF, allowing Pagnozzi, who had singled, to score all the way from 1B. That’s some error, allowing a dump truck moving catcher to score from the first sack!

Bo Porter was run for vigorously protesting a safe call at the plate that scored an A’s run. I can’t figure Porter out: at times when I’d be out there defending my team, he’s sitting on his hands in the dugout, and then there are bang-bang plays like this when he decides to bitch enough to get run. Go figure. I’m unsure about Porter as a manager, but I’m not willing to give up on him yet. Like his players, Porter is the youngest skipper in MLB.

FIELDS!!! was spectacular in a four out perfect save, his third of the season. All in all, it was an excellent effort as the club improves to 47-93. Tonight, portsider Dallas Keuchel faces off against A.J. Griffin, who’s a pretty tough hombre, at the crappiest yard in the show at 10:05 EDT.

The NFL kicked off tonight with the Super Bowl champeens getting throttled by Denver 49-27. I didn’t watch as I wasn’t interested. I’m not yet ready for football, but, alas, it’s here and not going away. LSU is at home entertaining UAB. Our Toledo Rockets play their second consecutive SEC road game this weekend, travelling to Mizzou. Florida didn’t embarrass Toledo in their 24-6 win over the Rockets.

Twins 9, Astros 6

W: Thielbar (3-2)
L: Chapman (0-1)

Contributed by Reuben

Let’s just appreciate how awesome it was that Brandon Barnes hit a game-tying, 3-run homer with 2 outs, on an 0-2 count in the bottom of the 9th. That just doesn’t happen very often, yet it will get very much overlooked and soon forgotten because the Astros ultimately lost the game. In fact, Barnes had a fantastic night overall, going 3-for-4 with a walk and 5 RBI. For the year, he’s hitting about .300 vs. lefty pitchers, and heading into this game had a very nice .362 OBP and .435 SLG% against them. Barnes probably does not have a future as a full-time player, but that’s a very valuable 4th outfielder right there, particularly when you factor in his superb CF defense.

The rest of the story of this game was basically this: the Astros made several mistakes, and the no-name Twins hitters were really annoying and kept getting hits in key situations.

Villar was thrown out in a silly attempt at stretching a single into a double. Like Biggio’s 3,000th hit silly. In this case, the Astros were down 4-1, which made it bad baseball. Porter removed Villar from the game immediately.

Cosart walked too many guys, and got behind the ones he didn’t walk, allowing 2 homers and 4 runs in just 4 innings. Altuve twice grounded into double plays on 0-0 counts. Marwin got caught in a rundown with the tying run on 3rd and 2 outs.

Astonishingly enough, Lucas Harrell tossed 3 scoreless innings in relief of Cosart, despite giving up 4 hits and 2 walks.

The Astros pulled within 1 in the 7th, but unfortunately Porter chose the flappable Jorge De Leon to pitch the 8th, and he gave those 2 runs right back. After Barnes’ homer, Josh Zeid remained in the game and provided 3 very solid scoreless innings himself, notably with a simplified stretch setup. Let’s hope this is the beginning of a turnaround for him.

Finally, in the 12th, Kevin Chapman’s luck ran out, and so did the Astros’.

About the author: The author has not had running water at his house for over two days now. Please send good water vibes his way, so that the plumber coming in the morning can figure out what the hell is wrong with his well or pump, and that it won’t cost thousands of dollars to fix. The author is poor and he badly needs a shower.

Astros 2, Mariners 0

W: Oberholtzer (4-1)
L: Furbush (2-5)

In an unexpected turn of events Sunday at MMPUS, Warren Spahn was resurrected and snuck onto the mound to stymie the befuddled Mariners. Wearing Brett Oberholtzer’s uni, the Hall of Famer attacked the strike zone early and displayed great command, especially for a pitcher ten years in the grave.

“I’ll never forgive them for WWII,” Spahn said of Hisashi Iwakuma, who held the Astros scoreless through seven. “I’d have beaned the little bastard, but they don’t let the pitchers hit in this sissy league.”

Furbush came in to the deadlocked tilt and quickly surrendered back-to-back doubles to Altuve and Castro, all the runs Houston would need to secure the win. Barnes followed with the rare double squeeze play, fouling off the first attempt and succeeding on the second to drive in Castro.

“Their guy was really good today,” Seattle manager Eric Wedge said. “He looked really old and frail, not much more than bones and a uniform but he was a strike thrower, he had good stuff, used all of his pitches. I felt like he could throw anything at any time. I was impressed.”

“With his fastball at 90 mph, it’s not the typical 90,” said Mariners second baseman Nick Franklin. “It’s a little sneaky, with all that boney clacking going on to distract you.”

Clemens will be suiting up for today’s holiday opener against the Twinkies. Not yet dead, the Rajah should provide a good test for the fellow cellar-dwellers. Follow along in the Game Zone.

Seafarers 3 Astros 1

contributed by Mr. Happy

I have to admit that I didn’t watch this whole game, but I did hang in there long enough to see all four runs score before switching over to ESPN for the LSU-TCU game. Keuchel was victimized in the first frame by a very tight strike zone, three seeing-eye singles and an atrocious throw by Marwin Gonzalez on a ball that should have been an inning ending twin killing. Unbelievably, that throw was not called an error, as the official scorer obviously was watching something else at the time. All three of the Mariners’ runs scored in that frame.

The Astros had lots of traffic off of classic soft-tossing Joe Saunders but were zippo-for-eight with RISP. The Home Nine plated their only run in the fourth inning, ironically on an errant catch of an attempted caught stealing that scored Brandon Barnes from 3B. Keuchel shut the hated fucking Mariners down on one hit over his final six frames, but our bats were moribund after the fourth inning.

The Mariners’ bully shut the Astros down on two hits in its 3.2 innings of work. Since the ball game was not on the line, Erik Bedard tossed two scoreless innings in relief of Keuchel.

College football started in earnest this weekend, and I have to admit that I wasn’t ready for it. LSU overcame some errors to dominate a scrappy and opportunistic TCU Hornfrogs ball club. Most teams had a traditional hope opening spanking of a patsy in town for a big payday, but not my Tigers, who travelled to Jerry World to play its opener.

We had our SNS fantasy football draft this week too, and I caught shit for drafting Colin Kapernick with my first pick. I also got Drew Brees in the second round just in case Kapernick was just a flash in the pan. However, if I am right about him, he’ll big a big double scoring threat and could be a real sleeper. We could only find eight guys to play this season; I guess that everyone else has busy lives this year.

It was really gratifying to read OSF’s personal account of his struggles with depression and to see that others here on SnS were helpful to him as he got back on his feet. He seems to be doing great, and I’m really glad about that. It takes a brave soul to step up and expose a part of himself like he did. However, what I know and what he probably knows too is that we are not alone and that there are others here who may be suffering too.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back in 2005, which probably explains a lifetime of erratic behavior and drug use, as bipolar patients are far more likely to try to self-medicate. Heavily medicated for your protection as I am wont to say, I am one of the lucky ones whose medicines work and keep me feeling “normal,” or how I perceive normal to be since I’m not really sure about what feeling normal actually is, since I’ve never been normal.

When I would go into a depression, it was like I was walking in quicksand; everything, and I mean everything, was a struggle. Little things would go undone as I simply lacked the will or ability to do them. For a while, the big things still got done, but in the end, those things got put off too by the darkness, and that’s when the Louisiana Supreme Court saw fit to suspend me from the bar, which actually saved my life.

Depression sucks. However, I don’t know what’s worse: depression or a manic episode, of which I had plenty. That explained my racing thoughts, uncontrolled chasing after highs, fits of rage and acting out on the road, at work and in ball parks and gymnasiums. I used to explain it by saying that I was “high strung.” Yeah, right. It also explained my penchant for spending money that I didn’t have at the time—have credit card-will travel. In a manic phase, I remember feeling a burning sensation in my chest as the anger roared to the surface and simply seemed to just took over. Finally, once properly medicated and coming to the realization that anger, like every other emotion, is a choice, my anger problems disappeared overnight and haven’t returned.

My tether to a normal existence is fragile and tenuous and depends upon my medications, so I take them religiously. Many bipolar patients stop taking them when they start feeling normal, but this is a huge mistake. When I volunteer with fellow bipolar patients who aren’t as fortunate as I’ve been to get my meds right, I always tell them that they’re feeling good because of the medications. Sometimes they believe me; sometimes they don’t.

Astros 1
Our Natural Rivals 7

contributed by NeilT

As Bench has pointed out, this is the series of the season, the series when Our Natural Rivals, the hated Mariners, are on home-ground for four games. There are so many names on the Mariners that I loathe: Miller, Franklin, Seager, Ibanez, Smoak . . . Smoak!!! I hate fucking Smoak!!!

Meanwhile, I am in Nantucket. You may not know Nantucket, but it is full of rich people, all of whom got rich in the limerick trade. It’s actually the limerick harvest season here, and as you drive around the island, you constantly see roadside stalls where limerick fishers are selling limericks fresh from the sea. I couldn’t afford any of the expensive limericks from the downtown shops, but in honor of the Mariners’ series, I stopped at a roadside stall and bought a half-dozen cheap limericks about the Astros. I was surprised they had any at all, but they were actually pretty well stocked. There was one about the ‘Stros general condition:

There once was a fan in Nantucket,
Whose team kept its wins in a bucket,
A girl name of Nan
Said just use a small pan
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

There was one about current events:

The Astros are richer than Croesus,
Says Forbes, and now no one believes us,
When we say they are poor
Perched on poverty’s door
‘Cause they spent all their money to please us.

Like I said, they weren’t the highest quality limericks. I did get this one about the Mariners, and I thought it was pretty good:

When the ‘Stros play Our Natural Rivals,
My gorge burns with vomity bile.
There’s nothing I hate
More than scurvy fishbait
And the gobs who define all that’s vile.

Unfortunately, it was not a good night for the ‘Stros.

There once was a pitcher named Brad,
Whose night was incredibly bad,
He gave up five runs
By the fifth he was done
For the Swabs he was there to be had.

But not every problem was starting pitching, there were problems hitting too. The Mariners pitched Taijuan Walker, who made his major league debut, and next year will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Walker allowed two hits and one unearned run in five innings.

There once was an offense from Houston
Who would swing with the greatest of gusto.
With one walk and four clouts
The rest were all outs
When asked to sit down they would do so.

If there was a bright spot last night, it was the bullpen. Humber came in for the last out of the fifth, and pitched three more innings of two-hit, one-earned run innings. Zeid pitched the ninth, giving up one more earned run.

There once was a bullpen from Houston
From which Porter was pickin’ and choosin’.
Regardless of names
The relievers lost games
They were less good at winnin’ than losin’.

So I guess the good news was that they didn’t blow the save, but I liked that Humber went long innings.

The guy at the limerick stand was really nice. “Call me Ishmael,” he said. He felt pretty bad for me after last night’s game, and as I was leaving he threw one more limerick into the bag. “I know how it feels to float around in a coffin. And don’t worry,” he said, “this limerick isn’t finished.”

There once was a fan in Nantucket
Whose team’s win-loss record sure sucked it.
He longed for a win
But they lost once again
And the fan was left crying “well. . .”

Sorry. Like I said, these were cheap limericks, and this one wasn’t finished. I couldn’t come up with an end rhyme. I thought of a bunch: Muck it, truck it, duck it, luck it . . . None of them seemed to be quite the thing. If you’ve read this far, you probably know how to end it anyway.