Why Can’t They Do This All The Time?

Astros 2, Mariners 0

W: Oberholtzer (4-1)
L: Furbush (2-5)

In an unexpected turn of events Sunday at MMPUS, Warren Spahn was resurrected and snuck onto the mound to stymie the befuddled Mariners. Wearing Brett Oberholtzer’s uni, the Hall of Famer attacked the strike zone early and displayed great command, especially for a pitcher ten years in the grave.

“I’ll never forgive them for WWII,” Spahn said of Hisashi Iwakuma, who held the Astros scoreless through seven. “I’d have beaned the little bastard, but they don’t let the pitchers hit in this sissy league.”

Furbush came in to the deadlocked tilt and quickly surrendered back-to-back doubles to Altuve and Castro, all the runs Houston would need to secure the win. Barnes followed with the rare double squeeze play, fouling off the first attempt and succeeding on the second to drive in Castro.

“Their guy was really good today,” Seattle manager Eric Wedge said. “He looked really old and frail, not much more than bones and a uniform but he was a strike thrower, he had good stuff, used all of his pitches. I felt like he could throw anything at any time. I was impressed.”

“With his fastball at 90 mph, it’s not the typical 90,” said Mariners second baseman Nick Franklin. “It’s a little sneaky, with all that boney clacking going on to distract you.”

Clemens will be suiting up for today’s holiday opener against the Twinkies. Not yet dead, the Rajah should provide a good test for the fellow cellar-dwellers. Follow along in the Game Zone.