Franchise achieves record 108 losses, more to come.

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

What can be said about how shitty this team is that hasn’t already been said? Probably nothing. I just don’t feel like complaining about Crane and company anymore. I can’t muster the energy to bitch about lack of television coverage. I kind of thought that this year would be better than last. Now one can only hope the trend of losing is reversed next year.

It’s hard as a fan to follow a team that has a plan to lose for an undetermined amount of time. As last year wound down, there was the sentiment of the last NL campaign. This year there is nothing but futility and losing.

On the positive side of things the Astros did have a lead for half an inning. Chris Carter got 2 hits and only struck out once in four at bats. Mark Reynolds’ record is probably safe. The Astros also outhit the Rangers 8 to 7. And the Rangers could only keep pace with the competition for the AL Wild Card, as the teams they’re chasing also won their games. Woo hoo!

Thursday is a travel day. Friday the Yankees come to town and Andy Pettitte, in his last career start, faces off against Brett Oberholtzer.

Attendance – 43207
Game Time – 2:42
Temperature – 89

Astros lose final Tuesday game of season, 3-2

Contributed by Reuben

Well, they gave it a good try, but the Astros lost another close one, bringing their record on Tuesdays to 8-16, by my unofficial count. If only we could all just recap the Wednesday games. Perhaps just as importantly, it dropped their overall record for the year to a ridiculous 51-107. Only a 4-game winning streak can save them from setting a new club record for losses.

Peacock pitched a pretty nice game; along with Cosart and Oberholtzer he has certainly been one of the bright spots of the 2nd half, and he looks poised to firm up a rotation spot next year. A couple of dinks and a HR by Beltre were the only blemishes on his night.

Matty D hit another homer, which at the time tied the game at 2. Dominguez seems to homer often on Tuesdays, but I can’t confirm that at this time.

The Astros had some chances to at least tie the game up at 3, getting men to 2nd or 3rd in the 6th, 7th, and 8th innings, but that elusive big hit never came.

Let’s Go Wodan! Fuck the Rangers.

Astrals 1
Subcontinentals 2

contributed by NeilT

People ask me, what was it like? Growing up in Cleveland? Cleveland, land of mystery, exotic, extravagant, elegant, eclectic, it is the city of a billion faces and experiences, Cleveland! And of course there are the Subcontinentals, the baseball representatives of our City, with the stylized picture of the Father of our City, Gandhi, on their caps.

It is also a City of great spirituality, home to all the major religions of the world, a place where individual and community harmony with the great mysteries is intrinsic. And now as a guru I have been sought out by my Houston sishya and asked a very different question: how does your season die in Cleveland?

“Is your season Sikh, Muslim, Hindu, or Christian?” I asked.

“None, I think,” my student from Houston replied. “I don’t think it was religious at all. I think it was just bad. Really bad.”

“Ah then, I will tell you: death of a season is a release, but also a continuation. Death and life are all one, all one. And for both the newly dead and its reincarnation you must use the proper rituals to speed your season into the great cycle. Unless of course your season was Parsi…Is it possible that your season was Parsi?”

“I don’t think it was Parsi. What happens if it was Parsi?”

“Ah then I will tell you. If it was Parsi, then the body is unclean, nasu, and a potential pollutant for future seasons. As quickly as possible you must lay it out on the great Dakhma, the Cheel Ghar–the tower of silence I think you call it–on the Western wall. It is an act of charity for the vultures which roost in the Crawford Boxes. The vultures will devour the corpse in five or six minutes. Nothing will be left but the bones.

My sishya was troubled but answered wisely for one so young. “Most Parsis seem like nice people to me. Like I said, I don’t think this season was religious, and I’m pretty sure it was too bad to have been Parsi.”

So I told my sishya of our secular rituals, the antyeshti, for a Subcontinental season, whether the season was a very good season or a very bad season.

The end of a season is not a sad occasion, for the life of a season ends in death, and the death of a season begins new life, and all is governed by karma linking life to death to life. Only in the very best seasons, the seasons when the World Series is won, will the season escape desire and samsāra and attain moksha becoming all one forever. You do not need to worry about this thing.

As death approaches, you must look to the season’s friends and fans, who must prepare for death by joining with the dying season by chanting the mantras, the win-loss record and team OPS and ERAs. After death, the Astrals corpse must be washed in very expensive beer and wrapped in an orange shroud–I believe it is orange that your Astrals should use? Do not under any circumstances use pinstripes. Pinstripes lead to sorrow.

To further prepare the body the shroud is rubbed with melted cheese product, chopped onions, chili, and fritos. This will help it burn. In Cleveland the corpse is carried in a procession of fans to the banks of the holy Cuyahoga and placed on its back on a great pyre, or just thrown in the river if the river is burning. Do not use mesquite, for the wood is bitter, but hickory and oak are popular, and fruitwood will add sweetness. I believe your holy river is the Buffalo Bayou? The fans and friends must carry the body of the season to the ghat on the River Buffalo.

The oldest fan must bring fire from the Minute Maid temple down to the river. He must chant the wāfakinwā. He must wear only an orange loincloth, and an Astrals cap. You have someone of great antiquity to do this thing? It should be the eldest among you, who has seen this ritual many times and can add perspective, or if he has no perspective he can impose certainty. This elder lights the pyre beneath the corpse, and keeps the flame stoked with unsold tickets. The fire will frighten away evil spirits, and will release the soul of the season to be reborn. If the skull fails to crack, someone must use a bat to break the skull and release the spirit. Do not let Chris Carter do this, for he will surely whiff.

It will take many hours to burn the corpse, and during these many hours the fans chant the holy words, “let’s go Astrals” and “when is the winter meeting?” and “when do pitchers and catchers report?” In the end, there should be nothing left but ash and bones. These are placed into the holy bayou to be carried to the sea. Life will begin anew, and soon the fans will be discussing the 2014 draft and the fifth starter.

There is always hope with the death of a season that the reincarnated season will have a better life, but remember, as written in the Vedas, it is all good pitching, just enough hitting, proper execution of the fundamentals, and good karma.

Namaste.

Namaste.

***

With apologies to Mr. Happy, the Laird giveth, and the Laird taketh away. Laird homered in the top of the 2nd to give the Astrals an early lead, then gave up a boneheaded error in the bottom of the 2nd that ultimately allowed the Subcontinentals to tie the game. This was a game of errors, the error by Laird, then Carter and Krauss with the amazing double error, which allowed Raburn to score. Carter tripled in the 4th but nothing happened. Altuve was caught stealing in the 6th.

Then the rain came. Oberholtzer had pitched 6 innings with no earned runs and the Astrals were down 2-1. The game was called for rain, and the Subcontinentals, thanks to poor Astrals karma, were the winners.

contributed by Mr. Happy

It doesn’t get much better here in Toledo during baseball season, with the Happys here and the Good Guys squaring off against the Tribe down the Ohio Turnpike. What looked early like a Cleveland waltz quickly tightened up as Dallas Keuchel pitched one helluva ball game. He deserved a better fate tonight.

Unfortunately, Ubaldo Jimenez, who has enjoyed a resurgent season under Tito Francona, matched him pitch for pitch. Both starters departed after seven frames with the game knotted at 1. We would get free baseball tonight, as neither team could do anything against the respective bullpens. Unfortunately, one team had to lose, and it was the good guys, courtesy of some Rhiner Cruz generosity in the bottom of the 11th inning. Cleveland took game one of the Happy Series.

However, there’s always tonight’s game, which pits surprising young portsider Brett Oberholtzer against Zach McAllister. I hear that good seats (lots of them) are still available. The Tribe fans should be packing that joint for this overachieving team. It’s a crying, fucking shame.

Poor Poor Pitiful Astros Lose 6-5 in 13 Innings in front of 29,701?!?!?

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

The game was in Houston and the attendance was announced at 29,701. How could that be? On a Wednesday? Are there that many Reds fans in Houston?

The Astros fell behind early but used a two run sixth inning to tie the game up. The game remained tied throughout regulation and entered extra innings. The Astros’ record in extra inning games stood at 4 and 5, so it was somewhat encouraging in that the Astros have a much record in extra inning games than they do in regular nine inning games. And it was a Wednesday.

Wodan did his job, not allowing the Astros to lose on a Wednesday by keeping the Astros in the game right up until Thursday morning. Alas, as the five hour and fifteen minute game edged over into the next day the Reds proved to be too much for the hometown team, scoring two in the top of the thirteenth inning while the Astros could only score one run the the bottom half.

So the team is now 4 and 6 in extra inning games, which is still much better than their overall record but pales in comparison with the cumulative record of 14 and 10 for games that begin on Wednesdays.

Peacock didn’t have a good night but an unexpected good performance from the relief crew last night helped keep the Astros in the game ’til the end. But in the end it just wasn’t enough and the Reds garnered another victory and a series sweep of the youthful Astros.

In seven plate appearances Carter only struck out once while picking up two hits and two walks. I know he’s close to some record of failure, hope he doesn’t make it. Carter’s season sort of epitomizes the Astros season.

I love the Astros but right now, I can’t stand them.

Thursday the Astros travel to Cleveland. The Indians are fighting for a play-off spot and will start the underachieving but highly talented Ubaldo Jimenez, (one of the AL’s hottest pitchers since the All-Star break), and the Astros will counter with Dallas Keuchel. It could get ugly. Hey, speaking of Cleveland, whatever happened to Grady Sizemore?

Time: 5:18
Attendance: 29,701
Weather: Indoors