Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Astros 6
Dojers 5
W: Sampson (1-0) | L: Belisario (0-1) | S: Hawkins (1)
HR: Where to begin?…
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On a night where the lead went back and forth on some mammoth clouts from both sides, it was a really shitty pitchout and a grounder up the middle that put the Good Guys over the top in this one. [/clichedrecapintro] The ‘Stros overcame adversity throughout, battling hard on a night when they were hampered by having to play in caps made of hemp, recycled plastic bags, mulch and ground-up hippie innards (for coloring). It’s not easy to maintain focus when your sweat causes your lid to start composting in the third inning, but the team hung in there admirably.
In his return to MMPUS, Randy “Wolf” Wolf cruised through his first three innings of work, limiting Houston to a single with three Ks, and it looked like we were going to be settling in for another night of limited offense. That started to change in the bottom of the fourth, when Flapjack reached on a single, and Thunderpants followed with a huge shot over the hill in center for a 2-0 lead. Jason Michaels added a double before the inning fizzled out.
Whoever had “top of the sixth” in the Oswalt Inning™ pool, step up and claim your prize. After mowing LA down for five innings, Roy didn’t so much run of gas in the sixth – it’s more that he ran out of control. Alternating between painting the black and having no fucking idea where the ball was going, Sparky spent most of the inning flailing off the left side of the mound and generally displaying complete frustration with his pitches. The result was roughly what you’d expect: two ponches, a walk, and three taters of varying distances and degrees of impressiveness.
Manny lead off the procession of swats with a blast that still hasn’t landed, and was last seen heading northwest out of downtown, preparing to merge onto I-10 and head west for a day trip to San Antonio. Ethier followed with a tiny poke into the boxes, which initially looked like it may have been helped over by a fan spectator. Upon further review (by JD and Brownie, not the umpires), it turned out that not one, but two guys with extremely poor depth perception had leaned out over the field of play to haul in a souvenir at the expense of the Good Guys, with the ball splitting the dumbass uprights, landing behind both of them. After a walk to Martin, Blake capped off the inning with a blast that looked to be heading foul, but went so fucking far over the top of the sammich pole in left that only Google Earth and intel satellite analysts know for sure. It would probably be following Manny’s ball to the Riverwalk, but leaving an impact crater in the side of Union Station slowed it down considerably.
Down 4-2, the ‘Stros got back to work in the bottom half of the inning, with Twinkie working a leadoff walk and El Kabong following up with a flare single that should have been set to calliope music or Yackety Sax. Following a strikeout by Beaker, Michaels tied the game up with a double to the base of the wall in deep left center, but was erased trying to stretch it to a triple (leading the road broadcast to wonder if the second run scored before he was tagged out. It was the second out. FML). Watching Michaels play, you can’t help but feel that inside the body of the marginally effective journeyman role player, there is a Mike Lamb-grade journeyman slugger that just wants to get out. Let your inner slugger out, Jason (NTTAWWT). Let him mash and be free.
Look at him go, Coop! (Image: Ty in Tampa)
The Dojers took the lead again in the eighth, as Ethier opened Sampson’s second inning of relief work with a single, and scored on a Loney double to left. Sampson kept it at 5-4 by retiring the next three. The deficit was brief, as Fat Elvis blasted a one-out smokey over the train tracks off of Belisario to knot it back up at 5-5. With two outs, Gunther bounced one over the wall in left for a double, bringing up Blum to hit for Sampson. In trying to intentionally walk him, Belisario fired one wide right, which caromed off Martin, allowing Pence to move to third. Pudge slapped the first pitch he saw straight back through the box (SFW) for the lead, and eventual game-winner. Much rejoicing was had. For his part, Coop didn’t think the wild pitch was an issue. “Hunter is a very aggressive base runner and I think undoubtedly he would have scored there.” Undoubtedly. Yes. Very aggressive.
Hawkins set ’em down in order to nail down the win in the ninth, earning his first save while filling in for El Ponche Loco, who is day-to-day with a pair of oversized brass cajones. Best wishes on a speedy recovery. The Good Guys look to piss on the Dojers again tonight, with an interesting matchup of Home Wandy v. the torrid Chad Billingsley. For their part, LA looks to break up the ‘Stros momentum by distracting them with… whatever the hell this is:
The Aristocrats!
BONUS: For the reading-disinclined, you can make this even harder to understand by letting this handsome fellow do the heavy lifting for you (hat tip: Ebby Calvin)…
As far as Astros “hitting” goes, a run was scratched out on singles by Pence and Blum in the second. Berkman and Lee then won the “it’s about time” award by absolutely unloading on Arroyo for back-to-back homeruns, giving the Astros a 3-2 lead in the sixth. Following Lee’s trot, Pence slashed a single into CF. Unfortunately, the Franchise did not realize that he had hit a routine single into CF and blew right past first, resulting in the look on his face at left.