Thursday, April 16th, 2009

Astros 6
‘roots 3

W: Wright (1-0) | L: Burnett (0-1) | S: Hawkins (1)
HR: PENCE!!!, Puma

Mayo
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone

A strikingly similar lineup card to last night’s was turned in by Coop today and it may have been just what the offense needed as they helped pick up a shaky start by Ortiz and went on to take the rubber game in Pittsburgh 6-3.

A sphincter-tight strike zone took more out of Ortiz initially than Karstens. The Pirates roughed him up for 2 in the 1st and 1 in the 2nd. But Ortiz settled in and cruised through the rest of his 4+ innings scoreless and the pen gave the boys a chance.

Michael Bourn made the best of his second straight game leading off by getting on base 3 out of 5 times up and scoring twice. A PENCE!!! solo shot got the offense on the board in the 2nd and they added one in the 3rd. Then in the 4th, a Keppinger triple followed by a single by Ortiz tied it up at three. Two batters later, Puma strolled to the plate with the bases loaded and 2 outs against an increasingly rattled Karstens but he lifted the 3rd pitch softly to center and the spark was snuffed.

Still stinging from the missed opportunity, Lance got his redemption with 2 men on in the 6th, this time right-handed as he took lefty Sean Burnett deep to left to post the winning runs.

Wright, Sampson and Brydek locked things down in the middle innings including a dominant 3-pitch performance by Wright vs. McClouth in the 5th and a thrilling 17-pitch foul-a-thon by Sanchez vs. Sampson. Much speculation over what gives with Valverde as LaTroy came in for the 9th for the save. Stay tuned to the beagle for more information.

Back home tomorrow with 3 against the pimply, misshapen asses.

Talk Zone

Taxday, April 15, 2009

Astros 4
Pirates 1

W: Hampton (1-1) | L: R. Ohlendorf (0-2)
HR: One, but it was by the other team, so fuck it.

Footer Mayo Recap
MLB Video Recap
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone

No, not that hammy. The useful kind.

Mike Hampton recorded his first win in an Astros uni since the end of his incredible ’99 season, holding down the Bucs for six scoreless innings last night. Making full use of his still-functioning hamstrings (heaves salt shaker over shoulder [after checking to make sure Hampton isn’t in the line of fire]), he struck out eight while only allowing four hits and a walk. Please hammies, hang in there this season…

The offense got a little frisky in the early part of the game, hanging four on Ohlendorf in his five innings. Flapjack drove in three of them with a sac fly and a two-run double, with Thunderpants driving in the other run with another sac fly in the first. With Twinkie’s bat thawing a bit, we may well be on the verge of seeing the offense wake up to expected levels. Writers at the end of the year will no doubt look back on Monday April 13 as the bottoming of the Astros’ historic season, five games under .500 after getting their asses handed to them with a bow on it courtesy of the lowly Pirates. From there, it was all winning streaks, rubgirls and champagne celebrations, they’ll say. You heard it here first, folks.*

Notable in this was the return from 8-hole exile of Michael Bourn, leading off for the first time this season – a return to lineup sanity forced by Kazuo sitting out due to Chronically Fucked Back Syndrome. I’m not going to claim that Bourn in the leadoff role is the salvation of the ‘Stros offense, as that would be a bit like saying that Ringo Starr was the lynchpin of the Beatles. But you did bring him in to play drums, whether he excels at it or not. So either stick him behind the kit or get a better drummer, but don’t tell me that you’re going to outfit George Harrison with the one-man-band-kick-drum-on-the-back setup while Ringo learns to keep a beat by playing jazz flute off in the corner. It’s fucking stupid, and it makes for a confusing extended metaphor. [/endrant]

Limited OBP, but infectious enthusiasm and classically handsome features

* Not a guarantee of future performance. SnS and JackAstro not responsible for financial contracts placed with local independent bookmakers based on information provided herein. Please contact SnS for a full prospectus before investing.

W: Duke (2-0)
L: Moehler (0-2)

I will hereby put more effort into this recap than the Astros appeared to put into today’s game:

Moehler left with a sprained knee, Matsui left with a stiff back, the team’s best non-Oswalt pitcher was burned in mop-up duty, Cooper threw out a panic-induced lineup (again), Berkman struck out with aplomb, Pence was the most patient hitter on the team, Cooper completely mismanaged the only scoring opportunity in the game, and through 7 games, the Astros have been outscored 43-16.

Want a box score? Check mlb.com.

April 12, 2009
Astros 0
Cards 3

W: Lohse (2-0) | L: Rodriguez (0-1)

Footer
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone

Happy Easter ya’ll! A whole lot of decorated eggs in plain view on the field today, courtesy Kyle Lohse. He straitjacketed the lineup to the tune of 24 straight after Matsui’s leadoff single to start the proceedings. 2 ‘excuse me’ hits in the 9th as Loshe was wrapping it up made things unnecessarily interesting as Twinkie went up 3-0, watched strike 1, then lifted strike 2 lazily to center to complete the sweep.

Wandy pitched pretty damn well hisself, but ran into trouble in the 4th, giving up a leadoff single to Spicoli and walking Pooholes. Ryan Ludwick then singled toward Lee in left and by the time the throw made it in, Greene had scored, Pujols was standing at 3rd and Ludwick on 2nd. A ground out to Kaz scored Albert then Wandy settled and down and got the next 2 Shitbirds to end the 4th. They added 1 more in the 5th when Wandy walked the leadoff hitter Colby Rasmus who got moved over to 3rd after a sac bunt and a ground out. Then the Cards newest pissant, Greene singled him home. Byrdak and Valverde pitched well in relief after Wandy’s 6.

Lohse wasn’t really doing anything special but getting Astros out. He didn’t walk anybody and struck out 4 but weak swings and ground ball outs were the order of the day with Matsui, Pence and Bourn the lucky recipiants of hits.

On to Pittsburgh for three, with an odd off day after game one. Tax preparers get a break.

Kvetch in the Talk Zone

A frustrating day made infuriating by the groveling of the two slapdicks McCarver and Buck on the FOX broadcast.

Read More