Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Astros 6
Brewers 4

W: Wandy (5-2) | L: Gallardo (4-2) | S: Sampson (2)
HR: Tejada (3), Cameron (8)

Footer Grodsky Recap
MLB Video Recap
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone

Last night was Mrs. JackAstro’s birthday, which we celebrated in fine fashion by managing a gaggle of screaming children at Freddie’s Place, sipping Crutches and exchanging pleasantries with the assembled crowd. (There was even a gentleman in a Cards hat with my photo on his t-shirt for some reason.) A good time was had by all. I was able to join the game in the sixth inning, thus sparing myself from having to witness first-hand the point where Cooper went from being a managerial curiosity of poor decision-making (and even worse communication) to what I can only assume is high performance art, shades of Andy Kaufman in his prime.

Let’s get this out of the way

I don’t want to completely overshadow the continued excellent work of Wandy Rodriguez, so let’s give him his due now, before we fire up the calliope and bring in the clown car. Wandy picked up his fifth win, giving up just one run over seven strong innings. In the 4th, he allowed a solo shot to Mike Cameron, just to see what it felt like – it was his first home run allowed this season. In the 6th, he drove in a run to balance things out, because it felt like the right thing to do. It was. Once, he changed his name and age for a few years, simply because he felt like it. Eny Cabreja is… The Most Interesting Pitcher in the World. Stay healthy, my friend.

There was offense, too

The middle of the order was lively last night, with the three- through six-hole driving in the five runs that Wandy didn’t feel like driving in himself. Gunther and Tejada were flipped in the order (Why? Because fuck it, that’s why.), and each kept right on producing with two hits and two RBI apiece. The four hitters in the middle combined for three doubles, a triple and a tater off of Gallardo – the first time he’d been touched up significantly since early April.

OK, seriously

What. The. Fuck. Five days (ed. note: FIVE!!!) after announcing that he would not bat Bourn leadoff – because really, why tinker with it? – Beloved and Benevolent Leader Generalissimo Cecil C. Cooper decided to pinwheel, and moved Bourn into the leadoff spot after all.

IN HIS MIND.

In actual application, however, Cooper managed to pass this decision along to everyone but the FUCKING UMPIRES, who, it turns out, may have some sway in evaluating the results on the field vis-a-vis the players batting in their assigned order.

Cooper filled out the official lineup card with Kaz leading off as usual, put it in his pocket, and handed it over to the umpires – without even checking it (ed. note: !!?!?!!) – on a night when he had moved half of the position players from their regular spot in the order. After Bourn went out and singled from the wrong spot, Ken Macha brought the error to the crew’s attention, because he is apparently not inflicted with crippling ADHD and early-onset dementia. In fact, Macha somehow finds the time and attention span required to not only check his own lineup multiple times, but even – gasp! – his opponent’s lineup, complete with notes. I’m only speculating here, but last night’s notes probably had more than a few LOLs and WTFs mixed in.

The result was an out for Matsui, and Bourn returning to the plate for his actual at-bat. While the umps explained all of this, Cooper took control of the situation, owning up to the mistake and making sure that Bourn understood and was prepared for his next trip to the plate sat on his fucking ass in the dugout, pouting and allowing his centerfielder to become increasingly confused and agitated with no input whatsoever from the skipper. It was up to Blum to take the initiative to pull Bourn aside, explain to him that it was not his fault, and get him refocused on the task of getting on base to help the team. Obviously. Because Geoff Blum is paid to manage the fucking players. [/headexplodes]

I have, I think, run out of ways to express what a complete and total clusterfuck Cooper has been this season. The seeds were planted and well-fertilized last year, but we are really only now starting to reap this bountiful harvest of gross and comedic incompetence. I’d like to believe that there’s nowhere to go but up. When you consider that “up” doesn’t even require a rational lineup card – just an accurate one – it would seem that it’s within reach. But we all know better. Today, Cooper may accidentally burn the dugout to the ground while tying his shoes, or fill the bullpen with snakes, just to shake things up. Honest to God, the sky’s the limit here. We need this thing to stop, before someone gets killed.

If Coop can manage to write a few names down in order and hand them over without severely injuring anyone in the process, Bourn should be leading off tonight in the finale. (Fingers crossed.) Go get ’em…

Brewers 4, Astros 2
W: Dave Bush, L: Russ Ortiz

Astros Recap
Yahoo Recap
Boxscore

The day of appreciation for Raup did not go quite the way one might have wanted. The Astros sprinkled hits in the 1st, 4th, 5th, 6th and 8th innings but were only able to net 2 runs on the night. The first run was a “steal” of home by Kazuo Matsui, he benefitted from the caught stealing by Michael Bourn (who ended up safe at first). The second run was a homerun into the Crawford Boxes by Russ Ortiz. Otherwise the hits were like scattered showers in south Texas, nice when they came and left you wishing for more.

The Brewers did their damage in the 4th (walk, double, and a single) and 6th (2 walks and 2 singles) innings. Walks can kill you and so can Prince Fielder when sliding. That is one large man.

Personally, I do not think either team had that great of pitching on the night. Mike Hampton, who started the game for the Astros, probably would have had a good night, but the cut on the hand from the soap dispenser at Wrigley Field prevented that.

Bench Tidbits:

I thought guys used soap on a rope in showers.

No one that I wanted to or needed to win, won last night.

The Brewers started undressing after the game on the field last night. It left me wondering where they were going after the game. Seriously, close to half the team had pulled their shirts out their pants on the field. I have never noticed another team do that before. One other item we noted was there are a couple players they have that do a lot of grab-assing.

Hopefully the next Raup Appreciation Day will be better.

Check out Mark’s Series Preview for information regarding the rest of the series.

There was some commentary in the GameZone, so you can check that out also.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Astros 6
FTC 5

W: Moehler (1-2) | L: Harden (4-2) | S: Sampson (1)

Footer
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone

The Astros shook off a shitty Saturday loss, put some runs together and held the FTCs off just enough to get the fuck out of Chicago with a rain-shortened split. There were a few milestones on the day:

► Pudge hit his 300th home run of his career, a 2-run job into the pukebasket in left center. On cue, dumbass FTCfan tossed the ball back instead of holding out for a keg of Old Style.

► Brian Moehler got his first win of the season, tossing a gutty 5 innings. Coop somehow resisted the urge to pull him after giving up 2 runs with no out in the 3rd.

► Chris Sampson got the first save of his career, going 1.2 and taking about 6-8 months off my life in the process.

After giving up 2 in the bottom of the 3rd and with runners on 2nd and 3rd, Moehler got the next 3 FTCs out, helped immensely by PENCE!!! and a diving/sliding catch on a high Soto fly ball.

Prior to Pudge’s bomb in the 4th, doubles by Berkman and Miggy and a single by Blum had already plated 2 to knot things. #300 put the Good Guys up by 2.

In the bottom of the 5th, Derrick Lee got under a meaty Moehler change and hit a high fly to left, just fair and just into the drunk tank. 4-3 Astros.

Top 7 with the top of the order up, sweet Lou pulled Harden in favor of Jose Ascanio. 2 pitches, 2 plunks. 3 pitches later, Twinkie pokes a sharp single to right scoring Kaz. Next pitch, wild, scoring Bourn. 6 pitches, 2 runs, 6-3 Astros.

Byrdak, Arias and Sampson covered 6, 7 and 8 and with Hawk unavailable with a “hip problem”, Sampson entered the 9th to lock it down. After 1 quick out, Sampson challenged Soriano and the fucker blasted one into left to make it 6-4. Theriot lined the next pitch to Miggy’s right and he stabbed it for the 2nd out. 3 straight singles got the Cubs within 1 and left runners on 1st and 2nd for Soto, 4-10 with a HR against Sampson. He worked the count full, sending the runners, then lined a rocket shot right to the glove of Keppinger at 3rd, who came in on a double switch in the 8th. Do yourself a favor and watch the video link of Kepp’s catch on Alyson’s recap page to see the FTC’s TV guys go all limp.

Great game. Enjoyed the heck out of it. Fuck the Cubs!

Off day Monday then 3 vs. the Brewers. Bush @ Hampton on Tuesday.

Friday May 15, 2009

Astros 0, Cubs 0

W: No One L: FTCubs

 

CHICAGO (SnS) – The scheduled game was called this afternoon because a few raindrops were falling in Wrigleyville, and FTC management didn’t want to take a chance that female fans would get their hair messed up, or that the male fans might accidently get a bath.

They even heard there might be whitecaps out on the lake and everything.  You’d think it was a fucking hurricane.

The gaMe wIll be made up on JuLy 30 at 1:20 p.m.  Where will it be mAde Up?  OKay, the commissionEr’s office says at a site to be dEtermined.

eCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuck
TheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFu
ckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubs
FuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCu
bsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckThe
CubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckT
heCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuc
kTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsF
uckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCub
sFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheC
ubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTh
eCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuck
TheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFu
ckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubs
FuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCu
bsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckThe
CubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckT
heCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuc
kTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsF
uckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCub
sFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheC
ubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTh
eCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuck
TheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFu
ckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubs
FuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCu
bsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckThe
CubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckT
heCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuc
kTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsF
uckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCub
sFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheC
ubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTheCubsFuckTh
eCubs.  Yes.

**********

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Astros 5
Rockies 3

W: Wandy (4-2) | L: Hammel (0-2) | Hawkins (5)

Footer
AP via Yahoo!
Game Zone

There’s no more “Home Wandy” and “Road Wandy”, there’s just “Wandy”. He brought his sub-2.00 ERA into thin air today and confounded an offense that had put up 23 runs in the previous 2 games. Meanwhile, Michael Bourn has convinced at least some that he is a legit top-of-the-order threat with an electric performance at the plate, on the bases and in the field. Oh, yeah, the Astros won 5-3.

In a wild top of the 1st, Garett Atkins must have wondered why he got out of bed. 2 straight bunts his direction by Matsui and Bourn led to 1st and 3nd with no outs. Matsui’s was a tough play and Atkins threw wide of 1st to allow Kaz to reach 2nd. Bourn’s was nearly identical to Kaz and he reached easily. Twinkie up and JD suggested he lay down another one towards 3rd. Instead, he hit a sharp grounder to Atkins who bobbled, then threw too late to 1st to get Lance and Kaz scored. E5. Lee served up what looked like a double play ball to Barmes who got it to Stewart to get Lance but his throw to 1st pulled Helton off the bag and there’s 1st and 3rd with 1 out. With a full count on Miggy, he Kd swinging while Lee fired the afterburners towards 2nd. The throw was late and Stewart had no chance to get Bourn racing home on the double steal. 2-0 Astros. PENCE!!! then drilled a sharp single to center and Lee rounded 3rd and chugged home ahead of the throw while Hunter strolled into 2nd. The inning ended on Pudge’s bat-slinging K.

The Good Guys spotted Wandy 3 and he ran with it. He did a great job of spotting his pitches, including his bender and ended up striking out 11, the most in his career as Wandy. Michael Bourn went 4 for 5 with 2 steals and 2 runs scored, including a run on a Tejada sac fly in the 3rd to give the Astros a 4-0 lead. They almost added one more on a double to the wall by Beaker with Lee on 1st. Kabong! chugged and chugged and made it in time but a great job of blocking the plate by Torrealba got him. Tests showed that overall oxygen levels in the immediate area dropped 6.7% as Lee tried to catch his breath.

Wandy had his trouble, though. In the 4th, he fielded a bunt by Barmes and made a good throw to Berkman that skiped off his glove and rolled to the wall along the RF line. 3 base error. Seemingly rattled, Wandy gave up a double(?) to Helton to get the Rox on the board. Then after a visit to the mound by Dewey, Wandy got a K from Murton but then gave up an RBI double to Hawpe over the head of Bourn, 4-2 now with 1 on and 1 out. Next, and RBI single by Atkins scored Hawpe but Atkins got greedy and Pudge gunned him at 2nd. A Torrealba K stopped the bleeding with the score at a tight 4-3 Astros.

Wandy shook that off and cruised another 3 perfect, including a strikeout of the side in the 5th. Coop yanked him after 7 and 113 pitches. Lee gave the boys a bit of a cushion with a solo jack, first pitch crushed to left. 5-3 Astros. Sampson pitched a perfect 8th, then Hawk came in to finish it up. Despite a 2-out walk to bring up the tying run, LaTroy got the game-ending K from Hawpe and the Astros got the road series victory.

The fucking, fuckity-fuck, Fuck-The-Cubs are next with 3 straight day tests in front of the drunks. Fuck ’em!

Craig’s Series Preview
Talk Zone.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Astros 15
Rockies 11

W: Hampton (2-3) | L: Marquis (4-3)
HR: Not by Houston, amazingly.

Footer Recap
MLB Video Recap
AP! Recap! On Yahoo!
GameZone

The Good Guys hung three runs on the Rukkakes in four out of the first five innings en route to a complete mudholing that wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicated. Without the benefit of a deep ball, Houston plated their fifteen runs by spraying two dozen singles and doubles all over Coors field in a deluge of offensive output that ran from the top of the lineup all the way down to the bottom. Former FTCubs Jason Marquis and Glendon Rusch took it on the chin in this one, absorbing all fifteen runs and badly staining their ERAs in the process. 

All of the ‘Stros starters picked up at least two knocks in the game, including Hampton, who scored two runs. Standouts included Twinkie, who went four for four with a walk to raise his average 29 points (16 over the Mendoza Line!), and Blum, who picked up five RBI from the seven-hole. Jason Smith somehow managed to stay 0-for-the-season in pinch-hitting for a pitcher who’s hitting .357, and word is Cooper may be considering moving him to the bullpen.

Hampton put in an ‘eh’ [makes universal so-so gesture] performance, logging six innings and giving up five. It’s hard to judge, since he was out there hucking fastballs and trying to attack batters with the lead. Given that the game produced twenty-six runs in just 3:13, I guess it worked. With a 15-6 lead heading into the bottom of the ninth, Geary managed to almost generate a save situation for LaTroy, who had to secure the final out after Geoff gave up five runs on two walks and three hits, including a salami. Houston is officially one Hawkins tweak away from having an almost complete bullpen collapse, so do light a cnadle for him, won’t you? Good Guys go for the series win later today – see you in the GameZone.