Brewers 4, Astros Nada
W: Marcum (12-5)
L: Rodriguez (10-10)
Another Sunday with another nemesis, another day of the Astros not being carried on my cable system. We had plenty going on, what with the massive wild fires elbowing their way through our lives like Diana Ross shoving Mary and Cindy aside, but still we soldier on.
By some accounts a game was played today, or at least a score was tallied and adjustments were made to team records. Home Wandy did make an appearance and showed us a new version, First Two Outs Wandy and Shit, They Just Get Mad With Two Outs Wandy. First Two Outs Wandy kept the division-leading bullies scoreless through his six innings. Piss It All Away Wandy was touched for three runs on two homers however, and EDR gave up the other run in another two-out situation. Shawn Marcum continued Milwaukee’s spell over the Astro bats, clearly fashioned from wood felled in an uninhabited forest. Houston didn’t manage a hit until the sixth, and then only added two more over the final three frames. Although this game featured the return of Brett Wallace to the starting lineup, their filled chambers of runs to come have given way to little more than dusty farts, silent and powerless.
Now that they’ve rolled over to a 3-12 season record vs. Milwaukee, your Vichy Astros travel to Steeltown to inflate the egos of yet another team in need of a little tea and sympathy. Perhaps they’ll even show it to us on TV, like some kind of soft-core hotel porn channel. By now we’ve gotten used to the promise of the Sunny Leone / Tori Black thesp-off, only to settle in for another forty minutes of sweaty man ass bobbing across the frame, providing the interpretive hula to the repetitive MIDI riffs that serve as soundtrack for a little ‘solo time.’
Get comfortable with yourself in the Game Zone.