Not the Cubs 3
Astros 2

contributed by NeilT

I was going to write a recap today, but I guess you know by now what happened.  Orange Whoopass says that everything’s under our confidentiality agreement, but screw that.  I’ve kept the personal messages, and here’s exactly how it went:

RonBrand:  NeilT!  We here at Orange Whoopass are so excited that you are our number one first choice to recap the White Sox game on July 18.  We’ve been following your career for a while now, both with scouts and with our crack analytical team here in Houston, and we think you will make a tremendous addition to the organization.

Me:  Gee guys, I’m thrilled.  Being the number one pick to recap a game for OWA, I mean, that’s like the best.

RonBrand:  We’re excited that you are excited.  And of course there’s the perks of being a big time recapper for a big time organization.

Me:  Thanks guys.  Have you talked to my agent, HH?

HH:  The contract has to be in NY before 4:00 central time on the 18th.  My client will sign for one meelion samolians.

RonBrand:  As we’ve discussed, Mr. HH, that’s within our range.   We’ll get the paper work right out to you.

Me:  O man O man O man O man, one meelion samolians, and all I have to do is write a White Sox recap!  I mean there’s nothing harder than writing a White Sox recap, ‘cause they only exist as the Not-The-Cubs, but for one meelion samolians!  There’s got to be some stupid shit I can talk about.

HH:  No shit.  I don’t give a fuck what the mouth breathing internet bloggers think, as long as the Astros win.

RonBrand:  There is the matter of The Physical.

***
RonBrand:  NeilT, I’m sorry, there’s a problem with your physical.

Me:  But . . . but . . . but . . . look at my record.  I show up every Saturday.  I write stuff about games that may or may not have actually occurred.

HH:  Do you ever stop whining?

Me:  Some of the stuff I’ve written may actually be mildly amusing.

RonBrand:  That’s the problem NeilT, when we did your physical we discovered that you don’t have a funny bone in your writing arm.  You’re not funny.  You are so not funny that we thought we were seeing the MRI from Mr. Happy.  Sure, you’ve done ok at the levels where you’ve recapped, but son, this is big league recapping,

HH:  What on earth did you think we are going to say?

RonBrand:  We’ll give you some chewing  gum, two scrubbed and polished Indian head pennies, two soap figures representing you and HH, a tarnished spelling medal, and a pocket watch that doesn’t work with an aluminum knife.

Me:  I have to admit, that’s a pretty generous offer to a guy with no funny bone.

HH:  Time to just focus on Tracy McGrady’s retirement.

RonBrand:  Ok, we’ll give you what’s behind door number 3.

HH:  My client wants one meelion samoliens.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

RonBrand:  No

Me and HH:  Yes.

***
So I guess you know, we never reached agreement, no terms got sent to New York,  and I’m not recapping tonight’s game.  Screw those guys at OWA, I’ll go write for some junior college website.  You’ve got to have standards, and clearly my standards are very high.

Boston 11, Houston 0

W: Buchholz (4-5)
L: Peacock (3-6)

Submitted by Reuben

So I’m in Paris, and I go into a café Sunday evening, expecting to see the Astros game on the TVs in there. I mean, not only is it an Astros game, but they’re playing the Red Sox, AKA The Most Interesting Team In The World. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that they were playing the World Cup final between Germany and Argentina instead! Stupid Frenchies!

Ah well. I suppose it would’ve felt weird eating escargot while watching baseball, anyway.

This was one to forget for the Astros. 11 Runs, 16 Hits, and 8 Walks allowed; 3 errors committed, 12 Ks and 0 walks for Astro batters. Bizarrely, Bo Porter yanked Peacock 5 batters into the game. I understand he was a little wild, and had the bases loaded with a run in but…Bo does realize that his bullpen sucks, right? Just asking.

Amazing fact: Chris Carter was the only member of the starting lineup not to strike out in Sunday’s game. Give the guy credit, he’s been making a lot more contact lately, and most of it hard.

With the loss, the Astros remain tied with Arizona for 28th place in baseball. The Rangers are a game and a half back in 30th.

Ok, I’m off to go drown my baseball-related sorrows in wine and fromage. Happy Bastille Day, my fellow Americans.

Boston 8
Houston 3

contributed by NeilT

The first time I went to Boston, and the first time I went to Fenway, I came home with a Boston Red Sox cap. I don’t know why. I was old enough to know better, but I guess I needed a cap, and it was available. It was a nice khaki cap, with a Gothic red B, and it was good looking. I don’t know what happened to it. I didn’t wear it much once I got home and some time or other it got lost.

What I’ve realized though is that there is nothing better looking in baseball than a Boston Red Sox cap. L.A. is as good, with that beautiful blue, Detroit has class but isn’t better, and the Yankees’ NY may be more iconic, but nothing is more popular than Boston. In any crowd containing 100 males in any city not Boston or New York, at least two members of the crowd will be wearing Boston caps, with one of those bill-backwards. Who knew there were so many A.J. Pierzynski fans? In Boston, the ratio is reversed, with 98 males be-capped.

A few years ago I got really curious about why people outside of Boston were wearing Boston caps, so I decided to ask them. I didn’t think that there were that many Boston fans this far south, and inquiring minds want to know. It’s not easy walking up to total strangers and asking them about their cap, but then I can be obnoxiously friendly when I want. Here are some of my notes. Obviously, the descriptions of the hat wearers is pretty subjective.

UT Campus, Austin, 2011, white male, tall, overweight, 18.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?”

“It’s my roommate’s.”

“Do you know where he got it? I like it.”

“Naw, I just found it on the floor.”

“So what’s it stand for, that B?”

“Harvard I think. He wanted to go to Harvard.”

Common Bond Bakery, Houston, 2014, African American female, pretty, stylish, 25

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?

“ I bought it in the Boston airport. I was thinking about going to Harvard for med school but I came here.”

“So what’s it stand for, that B?”

“Harvard, right? Harvard Bulldogs?”

Love Field, Dallas, 2010, Asian male, casual business attire, 41.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it.”

“Fauk off.”

Note: I’m pretty sure this was a Red Sox fan, but it could have just been someone from Dallas.

Venice Canal Ferry, New Years Day, 2013, British male, late 20s.

“I like your cap, where’d you get it?”

“My mum brought it to me from the States. She was there a couple of years ago visiting her sister.”

“Do you know what it stands for, that B?”

“Britain I think. I’m British.”

Mexico City Zocalo, 2010, Hispanic male, mid-30s.

“Por favor, mi gusta el sombrero.”

“Gracias.”

“Que es el B?”

“Fauk off?”

***
As for last night’s game, it too was iconic. Sometimes with this team I think that if one little thing is off, if one piece is wrong, the whole thing will fall apart. Really, go read Yeats’ The Second Coming with this year’s Astros in mind, and it will work just as well for the baseball team as doomed civilization. Springer was out for a knee twinge, and, well, things fell apart.

I’m going to let Aussie Astro recap the game from the GameZone: “That was lame.”

***
Feldman pitched 5.1 innings, giving up 7 earned runs on 11 hits. He held up his end of the bargain, pitching like a number 4 pitcher on a bad night. Downs came in with 2 inherited runners who both scored, along with one earned run of his own. Martinez did a nice job mopping up, going 3 innings with no hits, one walk, and 2 SO. Lackey went 6 for Boston giving up 2 ER.

Altuve had one hit, and Castro had a double, but the real star of the night was Carter with 2 solo HR, one in the 6th off Lackey and one in the 8th off Breslow, which ties him with Springer at 19.  Castro was caught stealing third. The only other run was off a 2-out RBI single by Hernandez in the fifth driving in Singleton.

Hoes had a fielding error in the sixth, and there was an Astros 5-4-3 round-the-horn double play in the 2d.

Tri-City avenges parent club’s defeat with 11-3 beat-down

Submitted by Reuben

While the Astros were suffering their 7th loss in a row Sunday afternoon, the lady and I took in our first Valleycats game of the summer. On the mound for the home team was Luis Ordosgoitti, who looked quite sharp in holding the Lowell Spinners to a run on 4 hits and 0 walks over 5 innings. L.Ordos is a big fellow, 6-4 with broad shoulders, but he has a nice compact delivery with a little half-turn and pause just before his drop-and-drive toward the plate. His fastball consistently hit 89, but the stadium gun may be a bit slow. He mixed in plenty of off-speed stuff and controlled it all well, staying ahead of hitters regularly. While he’s had more downs than ups in his pro career, he may be starting to put it together – aside from one rough 2-inning game this year, he’s notched a 2.50 ERA with 14 H, 5 BB, 1 HR and 15 K in his other 18 innings.

Meanwhile, the hitters provided plenty of support. LF Ryan Bottger (12th-rounder this year out of UT-Arlington) had a great day, driving in the first run of the game with a double down the LF line to score Bobby Boyd from 1st base. Bottger later homered and, batting from the left side of the plate in the 7th, laced a double the opposite way, to virtually the same spot as his earlier double. He capped off his 4-for-4, BB effort with an outstanding diving catch in the 9th inning.

3B JD Davis (3rd-rounder this year out of Cal State-Fullerton) continued his fine season with a double, homer, 5 RBI day. His HR was absolutely crushed the other way to right-center, a few pitches after hitting one HR-distance that curled foul down the RF line. He’s a well-built kid and looks very at-ease in the box. Defensively, he made a nice scoop and running throw of a swinging bunt, albeit too late to nab the runner.

Tri-City’s other college masher, AJ Reed, didn’t quite look as comfortable, though he went 2-for-4. He was thrown out at the plate on an aggressive send to end the 1st. He’s not a fast man, but he’s not a fatty either. Reed was removed from the game in the top of the 7th after initially going out to his position. Hopefully it’s not a serious injury – he didn’t appear to be limping or anything.

Joe Musgrove pitched 2 innings and was impressive, despite allowing a run on 3 singles. His fastball was sitting 92-94, again on a possibly slow gun. He mixed in a good amount of off-speed stuff. Musgrove is even bigger and broader-shouldered than Ordosgoitti. I’m surprised he’s given up so many hits – 71 in about 53 IP between this year and his 2013 GCL season. A 42-7 K/BB ratio and only 1 HR allowed are good signs, though, for the former 46th-overall pick.

Speaking of prospects who’ve struggled to fulfill expectations, Ariel Ovando went 0-for-5. He did hit two balls extremely well. One was a liner to the RC gap, but right where the RF, curiously, was standing. He easily doubled off the puzzled runner who was on 2nd. The other was a shot to straightaway CF that looked like it might get out but died right at the warning track. Ovando looked every bit as dejected and defeated after those rips as he did after his two swinging strikeouts, shuffling back to the dugout with his helmet in hand. The numbers have been bad since a nice 2012 season, but he’s still very young (won’t turn 21 until September) and has time to put things together. A nice showing this summer would get him right back on track career-wise.

All in all, an impressive team showing. Bobby Boyd had some very nice Abs, showing patience but also an ability to foul off tough 2-strike pitches. He had 3 hits to up his average to .404, and would have had 2 SBs if not for a badly blown call at 2B. Mott Hyde showed a nice arm at SS, though perhaps should’ve charged a couple balls that he layed back on. 13th-round C Jamie Ritchie brought his AVG up to .462 and is very fast for a catcher.

At 15-8, the ‘Cats already have a 4-game lead in their division, and are about to be joined by 37th overall pick Derek Fisher in their quest for back-to-back NYPL Championships. Vamos Gatos, Vamos Gatos.