Astros 8, Blue Jays 2

W: Oberholtzer (4-7)
L: Dickey (9-11)

It was a highlight reel kind of night for the Home Nine, who may have moved up another rung on the ladder into the lower reaches of mediocrity. Houston is no longer Unable to Compete, now that they have credible starting pitching and can employ the AL Great Equalizer – the home run – to stay in games they couldn’t stay in before. They’re making the rough parts smooth. Can it last?

Three Astros had three hits last night – Carter (with a 2B and HR), Castro (HR) and Singleton (2B and inside-the-park HR) and they combined to drive in seven. Grossman leaped above the wall in right to rob a homer from Juan Francisco. Obie continued his run of strong starts with seven innings of two-run ball. Altuve scored after a wild pickoff attempt by Dickey. And this just in – Foltynewicz throws real hard.

It’s good to see – well, see isn’t the right word, because we sure can’t see this team without going to the ballpark – it’s good to read about this team and their recent fortune against some of the better teams in the league. Little steps. It’s a process. Not unlike a conk in many ways.

Astros 3
Canadians 1

contributed by NeilT

Ruggedly handsome Texas Ranger Captain Burk Lanceman stood at the helm of the 21 foot Austin Whaler as around it the drought-fed surge of the Red River flowed. The throbbing 75-horsepower Mercury outboard kept the sleek fiberglass hull steady against the powerful current as the CB radio crackled.

“10-4 good buddy, Captain Burk, Captain Burk, is that you?” From his observation post high on the Texas bank, General Greg Abbott scanned for movement on the opposite Oklahoma bank with powerful Zeiss binoculars. “I ain’t seen no movement over yonder. You sure that the wolverines were bringing them across at Oklaunion?”

“General, it rhymes with yokel, not okra, and we’re as sure as we can be. We lost two good men getting this information. One of them just sits and sings the chorus of “Wake Up”, and the other only recites “Green Eggs and Ham” in French. They have both been thoroughly drenched in maple syrup. We don’t know if they’ll ever recover.”

At the front of the powerful craft Governor Rick Perry adjusted his Kevlar battle gear and sighted along the mounted 50-caliber Browning M2. The air-cooled gun would lay down a cyclical rate of 700 rounds per minute. No French-speaking ten-year-old iceback from Quebec was coming across his stretch of the river.

State Senator Dan Patrick, soon to be Lite Governor Dan Patrick, yelled excitedly from his padded seat on the Yeti cooler in front of the center console. “Look! Look there, in that clump of salt cedar! I think I see something!” Governor Perry swung the M2 and laid down a quick 50-round burst, churning the earth and turning the salt cedar into flying matchsticks. A juvenile blue crane let out a harsh croak and rose from the bank. “Damn,” said Governor Perry, “I thought it was a coyote.”

Handsomely rugged Texas Ranger Captain Burk Lanceman adjusted his own aviators and stared at the northern bank. Hard-won information had told him that thousands of Canadian children would cross the border here, bringing with them their addictions to government-funded health care, poutine, down parkas, and Gordon Lightfoot records, but he knew instinctively that once again The Citizen was one step ahead of him. Somehow The Citizen had found out their plans to intercept the children at the river. Whoever he was, the high-ranking Texas official implanted as a child by the Royal Mounties to drive Texans to Canadian ideas by spouting absurdities, he made no mistakes. Captain Lanceman was no closer than he had ever been.

If only The Citizen would say something that sounded peculiar. But no, all high-ranking Texas officials sounded exactly the same. He would get him though. He would watch for the mistake that surely must come, identify The Citizen, and bring him to justice.

***
“Jean Jacques!” Senator Cruz, also known as The Citizen, called to his chief of staff. “Call off the crossing! The Blue Jays have allowed the Astros to win!”

After “O Canada” through three innings, Happ had been perfect, and the Blue Jays had held a 1-0 lead off a Navarro sac fly driving in Cabrera. McHugh had struggled, throwing ball after ball because of the carefully sabotaged mound. But in the 4th Carter reached first on a single, sacre bleu! And then Guzman drove Carter home on a soft single to center.

The Toronto team was throwing the game to let him know that Burk Lanceman had discovered his plot, and that the Canadian children would never make it across the Texas border where Burk Lanceman and Rick Perry patrolled. It was confirmed by the Blue Jays in the 8th, when Petit hit a Crawford Box home run that was only 89 mph off the bat. And what contortions the loyal Canadians had to go through to get Altuve home! The umpires would not cooperate with what should have been an in-the-park home run, they had to let him steal third, and then Bautista had to hold the ball in right to allow a sac fly. It was ugly for the Canadians, eh?

And when Downs, Veras, and Qualls allowed only one hit after the 7th, he knew. “Jean Jacques, we must try another day.” What else could be done, eh?

Dallas pitches a gem in Astros 8-1 victory

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

I like day games when I remember them. It gives me something different to listen to as I go about the work day. I remembered the Astros were playing around 2:30 or so Wednesday afternoon and tuned in to find that Jose Altuve made the first and last out of the first inning, but in between the Astros were busy putting up six runs…the Astros already had a 6 run lead over the A’s, and it was just the second inning.

I wasn’t sure what to make of this, so I thought to asked my imaginary friend but she was nowhere to be found, just an imaginary note saying she had gone to France and will be back in a week or so. So I asked the dog that was hanging around where I was working but dogs don’t talk. I would have called Jeff Luhnow but he isn’t answering my calls. The only thing I could figure was that it must be because of me, I started Jason Hammel.

In the Mihoba’s SnS War fantasy baseball league (the official league of Orange WhoopAss), I have Jason Hammel on my team. He was pretty good for the Cubs but since the trade to the Athletics, he has been awful. The A’s have lost all four games he has started. He ERA as a Cub was 2.98, as an A prior to Wednesday’s game it was 7.11.

Dallas Keuchel on the other hand, pitched brilliantly. He picked up his fourth complete game of the season, allowing only a solo homerun to Josh Donaldson in the second inning and scattered three more hits along the way. His ERA is now down to 2.97 and his record is at 10 wins and 7 losses.

The Astros scored 8 runs on 8 hits. Altuve eventually got a hit, all the Astros got one hit, except for Marc Krauss. And Krauss at least drove in a run with his ground out in the first inning. Jonathan Singleton and Robbie Grossman both hit home runs, Singleton’s 8th and Grossman’s 4th. However, both are still batting under .200 for the season.

Thursday the Astros welcome the hard hitting Toronto Blue Jays to Minute Maid Park with Jarred Cosart (9-7) looking for win number 10, matched up against Drew Hutchison (7-9) in a 7:10 pm CST start.

Game Time: 2:35.
Weather: INDOORS
Wind: 0 mph, .
Attendance: 17,637.

A’s 3, Astros more than 3
W: Oberholtzer, L: Chavez
recap

I must say Oberholtzer did not look happy pitching last night. I have no idea if that was just his game face or he was sad because he pitches for the AStros. I rather think most of the pitchers have the expectation that their teammates are not going to score more runs than the opposing team. But, luck was on Oberholtzer’s side last night. He pitched 6.2 (I think he should not have been pulled) innings of 8 hit, 3 run baseball. He only gave up 1 BB on the night. I thought he did a great job and deserved the chance to finish the 7th, but Porter thought differently.

The bats came out to play, with all runs scoring on 4 HRs. The boys scored 7 runs on the night. I really wish they could score more runs than by a HR. Altuve did his usual of getting a hit and scoring a run. I’m also really like Kike. Just something about that kid makes me think he could make it. I don’t necessarily put a lot of stock in my opinion, I liked Brett Wallace after all.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Luhnow and the Front Office. I decided to be a follower. I really have no choice. I want my team to succeed in the future and I have to believe the FO is doing all it can to make that happen. I think a kid set a line in the sad and was too proud to cross it. I think some players get moved up and down for reasons we don’t necessarily know. I think some players think they know the players in the minors better than the FO since they may be friends/colleagues. Regardless, I have to believe that Luhnow and the FO are making the right moves toward a winning team. Otherwise, I might as well follow another team.

On a personal note, I went to the beach on Sunday and while reading a book did not realize I should have reapplied the sunscreen more than I did. I have a pretty good sunburn on the back of my legs, the back of the knees and the hiney area. It freaking hurts to sit, lay, or walk. I know better and pretend I will do better next time. I usually get a good sunburn once a year, but man this one hurts to move.

Another funny thing going on in my little part of the big world is my home owners association. Goodness gracious, people are crazy. We have a faction of people trying to make changes without having any suggestions of what to do differently, they just want change. One way they tried to get change is to cause someone in our management office to commit a postal violation. (Accusation was she tried to prevent postal worker from delivering mail.) What a trip when her personal attorney handed out a cease and desist letter at the board meeting. I’m just going to stay on the Social Committee and plan parties and pass out donuts periodically.

Les Marlines 4, L’Astros 2

Submitted by Reuben

It was a crappy Sunday all around. For one thing, I returned from a wonderful trip to France only to discover that my brand-new car had died in long-term parking. (I’ll only say, for now, that it is a popular hybrid model. I’m going to wait and see how the company’s Warranty Service division handles this before I decide whether to use the power of my high-profile OWA Column to either sink the company or send hordes of new customers their way).

After about 2 hours’ worth of waiting and attempts by JFK Parking Services to jump-start the car, we finally resigned ourselves to needing to get it towed to a dealership. This decision was followed by another 2 hours of waiting for a tow truck that never came. By this point it was about 3am EST, or 9am France time, meaning we’d been more or less awake for 25 hours.

So after cabbing it to Brooklyn, I’m back at long-term parking, waiting for another tow company that was suppose to be here a half-hour ago. In case you didn’t know, you should never trust a tow company.

But you know who really had a rough day? Anonymous Astros Players. Those poor souls had to deal with a minor leaguer coming to their ballpark in the morning and actually throwing pitches in front of an actual pitching coach! How awful! How tough it must have been for them! And to think, most of them don’t get paid enough to put up with that kind of shit – as little as $4-or-500,000 a year in some cases! Can you believe it!?!

I’m sure this horrible, feel-bad-making event was the real reason that they got broomed by the Marlins that afternoon. How could they be expected to see a baseball through all those tears?!?