Astros beat Padres 7-2 to take second series sweep in a row.

WP: Keuchel (3 – 0)
LP: Cashner (1 – 4)

Submitted by Mr. Sphinx Drummond

BOX

San Diego, the saint the city was named for, is also know as Saint Didacus of Alcalá. He was canonized in 1588 a hundred and twenty-five years after his death. His death is pretty interesting. He died on 12 November 1463 due to an abscess. It was said that it amazed everyone that instead of a foul odor, fragrance emitted from his infection. His body was also rumored to have remained incorrupt, did not undergo rigor mortis and continued to emit a pleasant odor. Equally amazing are the miracles he preformed after his death.

Once on a hunting trip, Henry IV of Castile fell from his horse and injured his arm. In intense pain and with his doctors unable to relieve his agony, he went to Alcalá and prayed to Didacus for a cure. The saint’s body was removed from his casket and placed beside the king. Henry then kissed the body and placed the saint’s hand on his injured arm. The king felt the pain disappear and his arm immediately regained its former strength.

Another after death miracle involved Don Carlos, Prince of Asturias, son of King Philip II of Spain, who was of a difficult and rebellious character. On the night of April 19, 1562, he was groping around in the dark after a night spent with some ladies when he fell down a flight of stairs and landed on his head. There he was found the next morning, unconscious and partially paralyzed. He later became blind, developed a high fever and his head swelled to an enormous size. In a moment of lucidity, he asked that he wanted to make a personal petition to St. Didacus. The saint’s body was brought to his chambers. The prior of the convent placed one of Carlos’ hands upon the chest of St. Didacus, whereupon the prince fell into a deep and peaceful sleep. Six hours later, he awoke and related that in a dream, he saw the saint telling him that he would not die. The prince recovered from his brush with death.

Last year at the end of the Astros season Astros’ principal owner Jim Crane made a secret trip to Seville Spain and visited the location where St Didacus’ remains remain, a chapel, the Ermita de San Diego. What is not know for sure is how Mr. Crane physically interacted with the dessicated remains of Didacus’ corpse. But as with Henry IV and Don Carlos, it appears that the after-life miracles of St Didacus continue as the Astros are in first place after the first month of the season. And Milwaukee has the worst record in the majors. FYB.

Dallas Keuchel just continues to plug away pitching like a true ace. He picked up win number three, retired something like 21 of the last 22 batters he faced. He did allow one run which raised his ERA to 0.76. Colby “Pink Floyd” Rasmus hit his 4 homerun of the year. The Astros finished their west coast road trip with an 8-1 record. Altuve got another multi-hit game and is batting .355, which isn’t the best average among regulars–that belongs to Jake Marisnick at .389.

Thursday the Astros welcome Seattle to Houston for a 7:10 pm start with James Paxton (0-2 – 6.86 ERA) facing off against Scott Feldman (2-2 – 4.81 ERA).

Astros 9, Padres 4
W: Neshek L: Benoit

MLB recap
GameZone

I can hardly wait for next Monday, the Astros have Monday night off and I will not feel the need to stay awake past the time I should be going to sleep. Yes, I’m getting old unlike the Astros. It seems as though these young boys/men like the night life. They pull out wins towards the end of the games (or so it seems to me). Monday’s win cost the team Jed Lowrie for an unspecified amount of time, since he had a questionable “slide” and injured his hand. I do not believe his status is known more than that.

While the Astros seems to enjoy swinging the bat to a tune of 177 (I’m not going to count Colin McHugh’s strike outs) They lead all major league teams by 11 strike outs. The good news is that atop of the strike out column is not an Astro but a Cub. Jorge Soler has 29 strike outs to George Springer’s 28 strike outs. Surprisingly George Springer has more than Khris Karter but I believe once Springer starts hitting is strikes outs will decrease (obviously).

A nice stat to note is stole bases, the Astros and Reds are tops with 23 stolen bases. If the batter gets on, he’s going to try and take a base. Billy Hamilton of the Reds has 13 stolen bases, the top Astros are George Springer and Jose Altuve with 7 each. So, runners on base made me wonder how many get stranded, for once this is not necessarily bad for the Astros, they are in the middle of the pack – 135 left stranded and the league average is 130. I do wonder if that has improved over the last 10 games, but I have no idea where to find that stat.

It has felt to me that when the relievers come in to relieve they have a tendency to allow the inherited runner to score. Well, this is not necessarily true. Houston is slightly above the league average (30% to 33%), but the culprits allowing the runners to score are Chad Qualls (50%) and Joe Thatcher (71%). No other reliever has allowed an inherited runner to score. I was pleasantly surprised. Now, this says nothing of what the reliever does when he enters with no inherited runners, but out of 21 inherited runners only 7 have scored. I guess the Astros’ bullpen is better than it seems.

Last week I had an online exam in a history course I took this semester (Pirates and Smuggling). The syllabus provided sample questions and I had worked on one of them because I just didn’t feel like doing more, lo and behold that one question was one of the questions I got to chose to answer. Surprisingly I only got a 32 out of 35, this is surprising because I had written most of the answer prior to taking the exam. The mid-term in which I did not draft and answer and received a 35 out of 35. Not sure I need to think I can do better with less preparation. Either way I have a 99.5 for that grade (2.5 was extra credit). One more exam and I am done for the semester and only 6 more classes to pass to be done. Ugh, mistakes we make in our youth are so much more costly to fix when we are older.

Astros 5
A’s 4

contributed by NeilT

When the Astros play the A’s, it always makes me think of their manager, Mr. Bean, and his transformative use of statistics. Of course as you know, I myself am a statistics god, and today I thought I’d discuss an overlooked area of baseball statistics. Everybody knows the traditional player metrics: OPS+, RAR, WAR, oWAR, dWAR, WHIPP, ERA+, rtzhm, and G, but very few of us keep track of our own personal fan statistics. I thought as part of today’s recap I’d share some important single game fan stats, so that you too can track your interest in any given game through personal metrics.

DWYSOAera (discussions with your significant other about ERA). It is a universal truth that no one’s significant other understands ERA, and explanations of ERA are both muddled and immediately forgotten. With Keuchel (0.90) matching Kazmir (1.33), this game demanded an extended discussion of ERA with Kris. “No, it’s the number of runs that the pitcher would have given up if he’d pitched a theoretical 9 innings. He didn’t really give up .9 runs. He didn’t really pitch 9 innings, but he has pitched 9 innings, just not those 9 innings.” This discussion was repeated several times, until Kazmir was replaced by Evan Scribner. Neither pitcher through 7 had given up a run. They’d given up walks (Keuchel: Zobrist in the first, Canha in the third; Kazmir: Rasmus in the second, Altuve in the fifth, Conger in the 7th), and hits (Keuchel: Gentry and Semien 1B in the 3rd; Kazmir: Gattis 1b in the 2nd, Altuve 1b in the 3rd, Lowrie 1b in the 4th, Conger 1b in the 5th, Altuve 1b in the 7th). But through 7 neither pitcher gave up a multi-base hit. Through 7 neither team could string together enough offense to score a run, though Keuchel loaded the bases in the 3rd. When Kazmir left, he’d thrown 106 pitches, 69 for strikes. I’d mentioned ERA to Kris 5 separate times for a DWYSOAera of 3.88, and we weren’t watching the game.

NTVPG+ (number of TVs at a party you wish were tuned into the game, where the party has lots of TVs). Yesterday was the anniversary of our friends Tony and Bruce, who met 20 years ago at a Log Cabin Republicans event. They threw a party. I know, you’re surprised that I know a couple of Republicans, but I think they had conversion therapy, and anyway I know many Republicans who I like and respect. I’ve even voted for Republicans. Anyway, Tony and Bruce have a big house, and it was packed. There were some city council members, and a mayoral candidate, and the guys who live across the street, and just lots and lots of people. There were also televisions in every room, none of which were tuned into the Astros game. I think I counted six televisions, none on. These pitchers were brilliant, and from time to time I was checking my phone, but damn: 6 TVs, baseball brilliance, and not one tv tuned in. To be fair though, we were only there through a couple of innings, and then went on to dinner at Holley’s Seafood Restaurant and Oyster Bar. Because it was a West Coast game, and we weren’t at the party very late, my NTVPG+ for the evening was a very low .066. I suspect they remembered to turn on the televisions after we left.

GdCaaRwS (Gameday Checks at a Restaurant with your Spouse). Have you been to Holley’s? It’s really very good. I had broiled oysters, and the rolls, and the grouper. Kris had the flounder. I’d go back. We were there until about 11.

This was probably my best statistic of the night, but to be fair I’ve followed a lot of games on Gameday during the past few seasons. I swear I kept looking, but I couldn’t ever find the Astros games on TV. We left about the 8th, when Marwin Gonzalez replaced Gattis as a pitch runner and was caught stealing 2nd. I put my phone on game day and laid it on the table as soon as we were seated. That’s six innings of Gameday, in a restaurant, with my wife. Of course we’ve been married a long time. 1.000.

TTVwHL (Turning on the TV when home late). This is really a minor statistic, and it’s importance is highly debated. You either do, or you don’t, and it’s one that early in the season or during playoffs—remember playoffs?—is easily inflated. I’m not even going to share my numbers, but I did get home in time to see Keuchel come back in for the 9th. Nine innings pitched, with the only baserunners in the first and third. 2 BB, 2 1b, 4K, 14 ground outs. 106 pitches, 64 for strikes. Brilliant. Just brilliant. This is a night to remember when Cy Young rolls around.

FBDGZ (F-Bombs dropped in the GameZone). This is not a category I’m very good at. There are guys like MRaup whose numbers are astronomical, and I’m lucky if I drop an F-bomb per series—not per game, per series. But after Keuchel left, the game got crazy. In the bottom of the 10th, with Dan Otero pitching and Springer (2B) and Lowrie (IBB) on 1st and 2nd, Marwin doubled in 2 runs, then got caught off base in a baserunning kerfuffle. Keuchel was up for the win! Gregerson, who has pretty much been money, came in to close things out, and instead gave up a 2-run double to Josh Reddick. One F-bomb dropped. 2-2. Then in the top of the 11th, with Eric O’Flaherty replacing Otero, Carter walked, Rasmus walked, Conger laid down a perfect sac bunt to move the runners, Robbie Baseball singled in two runs and advanced to 2nd on an error. Altuve IBB, and my favorite relief pitcher, Abad, replaced O’Flaherty. Springer singled in Grossman. End of inning, 5-2.

Bottom of the 11th, Neshek in for Gregerson. Mostly I like Neshek, but last night I didn’t like Neshek. Sogard singled, and Semien hit a two run homer. Two F-bombs dropped, in only three GZ appearances! Davis singled and advanced to second on a wild pitch. Zobrist finally popped out for the first out. Sipp replaced Neshek, and Butler flied out to Springer. Qualls replaced Sipp and Lawrie flied out to center.

NeilT’s FBDGZ: .666.

What a game. What a night for my personal statistics.

Astros 7, Mariners 5
W:Sipp (1-0)L:Farquhar (0-1)SV:Gregerson (3)
Astros recap
Game Zone

I just couldn’t do it. I tried but I failed. I thought I could stay awake for the whole game, but I could not. The last part of the game I remember seeing was Harris pitching in the 6th. I do wish I had seen the boys win, but I did not have the stamina to stay awake.

Wojciechowski only went 5 innings but he did face 2 batters in the 6th. Thatcher made sure all of Wojciechowski’s runners scored and then proceeded to finish the inning by giving up 2 hits and allowing a run of his own to score.

But the young bats were not to go silently into the night. Valbueno got a long hit that scored one and Khris Karter pinch hit for Marwin and got his two strike outs for the night. Karter is one strike out behind Springer for the second most strikes out in baseball. I would be upset about Springer if he wasn’t batting a strong .170 (99 points higher than Karter) on the season. Seriously, I think Springer is going to start getting hits on a pretty consecutive basis.

I do worry that I have jinxed Marsinick this season. I like the kid and he’s done well this season, but I’m just waiting for the BudGirl jinx to catch him.

Sunday I had the opportunity to watch the Altuve movie. It’s worth a viewing. He seems to come from a very genuine family that values a person’s character more than their accomplishments (not that they don’t like Altuve’s accomplishments). Altuve is a great role model for kids and his teammates. I hope they all put in the work he does and become as successful as he has.

contributed by NeilT

Miss Lola Laloush
Public Relations
Houston Astros
Minute Maid Park, Houston

Anaheim 6
Astros 3

Miss Lola,
Man, I sure miss seeing you at that bar down in Montrose and discussing statistics, but I understand that now that you handle public relations for the Astros you can’t just hang out at TC’s. I think the job you’re doing is pretty fantastic though. What you did with that Tommy John Aiken? A-Ma-ZZZZinG! I knew you were the right girl for the job.

As you know, in addition to my day job, I am an influential media pontificator in my role as a recapper at Orange Whoopass. This clearly qualifies me for the same press credentials as other members of the 5th estate—it’s the 5th estate right, or is that the Communists who are going to take over Amarillo?—anyway I’m a little surprised that the Astros haven’t contacted me yet. I am, after all, read by just about everybody who reads me. You can probably answer some of my questions, now that you’re an Astros employee. Is there a free buffet in the press box? Are there weenies on toothpicks? Is there beer? I really like some of the fine St. Arnold beers sold in the stadium, and would drink just about any of them when offered to a big league recapper. Offered for free.

I thought you might like a chance to review my recap for tonight’s game before it’s published. After all, we want our Astros to put their best feet forward, and as I recall you’re feet are always well shod. I have to admit, I was actually out water skiing on University during most of the game, so my recap is taken verbatim from the GameZone. It might be incomprehensible.

Altuve started the game with a sparkler of a play, making an excellent catch/stop/throw/quiche. No score after the first inning. Alan Ashby is an excellent broadcaster, and I would enjoy being introduced to him when given my press box credentials.

Gattis now has a four-game hitting streak after hammering a hanger into left in the bottom of the second, but at the end of 2 still 0-0. Mr. Castro stepped anatomically improbably and might be sore in the top of the fourth, allowing Calhoun to score. Austro, who is a grandfather and therefore blind, thought Castro got the runner. HH said no, and there was nothing more to be said, but JBM did, and it wasn’t pretty.

Mr Gattis followed up with a double in the bottom of the fourth, but I sure am looking forward to meeting Alan Ashby. Everyone has such a high opinion of him.

Altuve singles and ties the game. Marisnick either doesn’t tag and score on a sac fly by springer, or takes a crap at third. Maybe his incontinence explains the mistake?

Mr. Trout hits a 2 run homer. Chuck and Sphinx form the Colby Rasmus Fan Club. Castro hits a home run, Alan Ashby explains that Castro’s home run swing should embarrass him. I’m just glad that Pujols isn’t a Mariner, because that much hatred would be morally wrong.

Springer ties the game with a sac fly.

Qualls/Trout. Motherfuck.

Anyway, just let me know what time the pressbox opens, and what’s on the buffet.

Yours,
NeilT

Astros avoid sweep with a 6-1 victory over the A’s

BOX

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

Forty-two, Jackie Robinson, the number 42 is the most important number in baseball. According to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy it is also the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. As a kid I used to watch my grand-pa and his friends play a game with dominoes called 42, they cussed a lot when they played. I didn’t understand the game but I liked listening to them cuss.

In Japan, the number 42 is considered bad luck, the numbers 4 and 2, when pronounced together, sound like the Japanese word for “unto death” and that freaks them out for some reason. They probably don’t celebrate Jackie Robinson the same way in Japan. The movie, 42, only reached 108 in box office sales in Japan for the year 2013. Lets face it, it didn’t do that well domestically either, though according to IMDB it did gross over $95 million in the USA.

The Astros beat the A’s 6-1 Wednesday, also known as Wotan’s Day, and Tax Day, and the annual Jackie Robinson day. Collin McHugh and Jed Lowrie were awesome. And Evan Gattis finally blasted a home run. Did you realize there are 42 eyes in a standard deck of cards? How about 42 lines per page in the Gutenberg Bible, did you know that? Or did you know that there are 42 dots on a pair of six sided dice?

Collin McHugh picked up his second win of the season going just 5.2 innings allowing 6 hits and one run while striking out 11 batters. Sipp, Qualls, and Gregerson all worked scoreless relief appearances. Jed pounded his third homer of the season in the first inning, giving the Good Guys an early 2-0 lead which, thanks to the good pitching, would be all they would need. For good measure Luis Valbuena hit his second home run of the year, and as mentioned earlier, Evan Gattis joined in with his first long ball of the year.

Jose Altuve got 2 hits, one a double, to see his average climb up to .282. Jed Lowrie also chipped in with 2 hits, his second of the game was a double, his average is .286. If you haven’t noticed, Jason Castro has gotten off to a decent start offensively and Jake Marisnick is hitting .320. Though at this time it has little meaning it is worth noting, the Astros are in second place at 4-5, one half game out of first. Thus, they are still in contention and haven’t been eliminated from post season competition yet.

Thursday is an off day. Friday the Astros welcome the Angels to town with Roberto Hernandez (0-1) taking on Jered Weaver (0-2) with a 7:10pm CST start time on Jimmy Wynn bobble-head night.