contributed by NeilT
Miss Lola Laloush
Public Relations
Houston Astros
Minute Maid Park, Houston
Anaheim 6
Astros 3
Miss Lola,
Man, I sure miss seeing you at that bar down in Montrose and discussing statistics, but I understand that now that you handle public relations for the Astros you can’t just hang out at TC’s. I think the job you’re doing is pretty fantastic though. What you did with that Tommy John Aiken? A-Ma-ZZZZinG! I knew you were the right girl for the job.
As you know, in addition to my day job, I am an influential media pontificator in my role as a recapper at Orange Whoopass. This clearly qualifies me for the same press credentials as other members of the 5th estate—it’s the 5th estate right, or is that the Communists who are going to take over Amarillo?—anyway I’m a little surprised that the Astros haven’t contacted me yet. I am, after all, read by just about everybody who reads me. You can probably answer some of my questions, now that you’re an Astros employee. Is there a free buffet in the press box? Are there weenies on toothpicks? Is there beer? I really like some of the fine St. Arnold beers sold in the stadium, and would drink just about any of them when offered to a big league recapper. Offered for free.
I thought you might like a chance to review my recap for tonight’s game before it’s published. After all, we want our Astros to put their best feet forward, and as I recall you’re feet are always well shod. I have to admit, I was actually out water skiing on University during most of the game, so my recap is taken verbatim from the GameZone. It might be incomprehensible.
Altuve started the game with a sparkler of a play, making an excellent catch/stop/throw/quiche. No score after the first inning. Alan Ashby is an excellent broadcaster, and I would enjoy being introduced to him when given my press box credentials.
Gattis now has a four-game hitting streak after hammering a hanger into left in the bottom of the second, but at the end of 2 still 0-0. Mr. Castro stepped anatomically improbably and might be sore in the top of the fourth, allowing Calhoun to score. Austro, who is a grandfather and therefore blind, thought Castro got the runner. HH said no, and there was nothing more to be said, but JBM did, and it wasn’t pretty.
Mr Gattis followed up with a double in the bottom of the fourth, but I sure am looking forward to meeting Alan Ashby. Everyone has such a high opinion of him.
Altuve singles and ties the game. Marisnick either doesn’t tag and score on a sac fly by springer, or takes a crap at third. Maybe his incontinence explains the mistake?
Mr. Trout hits a 2 run homer. Chuck and Sphinx form the Colby Rasmus Fan Club. Castro hits a home run, Alan Ashby explains that Castro’s home run swing should embarrass him. I’m just glad that Pujols isn’t a Mariner, because that much hatred would be morally wrong.
Springer ties the game with a sac fly.
Qualls/Trout. Motherfuck.
Anyway, just let me know what time the pressbox opens, and what’s on the buffet.
Yours,
NeilT