Houston Team 5
Texas Team 1

contributed by NeilT

Howdy! I guess y’all have heard that I’m not Governor of this great state anymore, and I tried to pass off my recappin’ duties to that new fella, Abbott, but he wouldn’t have it. “Nossir,” he said, “I’ve got plenty to do figurin’ out what you were doin’ the last 15 years.”

Of course that’s just nonsense. I was providing the balanced budget and low taxes that fueled the Texas miracle, and I was writin’ recaps at the same time. He ought to be able to crank out a recap or two when the Silver Boot is on the line, but I suspect he doesn’t know much baseball. My recaps would show him up, just like my record as Governor and President will do. Plus I’m worried that if I drop an important media spot like the front page of OWA, then Cruz will slip right in. You want to mix your baseball with political commentary? He’d be ‘splainin’ how he stood with each and every one of you courageous conservatives as you came together to reignite the promise of America by rooting for the Rangers!

Can you imagine? Someone writin’ a recap and not stickin’ to the game?

I went to that first game in Houston, but left in the fifth inning because there wasn’t any hitting. Who wants to watch a game like that? I went home and Anita and I watched basketball and planned my Presidential strategy. Just remember to contribute to the President Rick Pac, P-Rick Pac we call it. Anita reminded me to say that.

Well I reckon I better say something about today’s game, but there’s not much good. My team, the Texas team, was coming in with a pretty good week, having split a series with the Oakland Tax and Spenders, while the Astros had only scored three runs against the Subcontinentals. That McWho fella looked pretty good though, pitching 6 innings with 5 hits, 4 Ks, and 1 ER. Neshek, Qualls, and Gregerson shut things down with only one hit in the 9th by Fielder. The Houston team had 10 hits, with Marisnick getting 3 hits and 2 RBI, and Lowrie and Rasmus hitting homers.

Well tomorrow is another day, and maybe tomorrow the conservative Texas team will do better. You courageous conservatives will need to come together and join with me tomorrow to reignite the promise of America by rooting for the Rangers!

Mets 8, Astros 3

Contributed by Reuben

Well, at least the dinged-up old sedan (a Pontiac, or maybe a Dodge, is what I’m picturing) known as the 2014 Astros made it to Route 70 before they completely ran out of gas. They tried to get it all the way to I-72, via Old rt.71, but the fumes finally quit making acceleration possible, and it’s hard to coast uphill, and frankly, it wasn’t looking good anyway, considering the engine had been smoking for the last 12 miles. It’s all relative, though: remember that old jalopy with the maroon passenger-side door and the black hood? Remember how a semi slammed into it, over by State Route 51, and ended up dragging its mangled wreckage along for about 15 miles?

I don’t have it in me to turn this into a profound look back at the season. I mean, I probably don’t have the writing talent in any case, but I don’t have it in me to even attempt it. I’m too tired, and sore, and have too many other things on my mind. It’s worth wondering whether anyone would care at this point anyhow.

Altuve made it, though. Despite some last-minute drama about whether he would sit out, hoping that Victor Martinez didn’t go 4-for-5 or whatever, Jose in fact played the entire game and got his 47th double, his 224th and 225th Hits, his 59th RBI, and his Batting Title. That’s all that really mattered today (although, Thank God, Jon Singleton broke his 0-for-25 slump), and it’s a pretty damn cool thing too. Cheers to 24-year-old Jose Altuve, a great, one-of-a-kind player.

***

Futility Watch: The Astros lost 9 out of their final 12 games to finish 70-92, a 19-game improvement over the prior year’s Win total. The late slump cost them a few spots in the overall standings, and they finish tied with the Twins for the 4th-worst record in baseball. Only the D’backs, Rockies, and Rangers had poorer Win totals. The silver lining there is that the Astros have “earned” the 5th pick in the 2015 Draft, which means (barring some bizarre meddling by Bud Selig, which can’t be ruled out, in the Aiken saga) that they will become (presumably) the 1st team in history to hold 2 out of the top 5 picks. So there you go.

Good luck in the Void, everyone.

Astros 3
steM 1
contributed by NeilT

You may not remember me, but I have a sausage stand on Miller Way, right outside the stadium. I have this customer, Bud. He’s tall and cadaverous, with joints and bones hung together all loose and jutting. He jerks and writhes when he talks, and hunches over at the shoulders like he’s bobbing and bowing. When he orders sausage he rubs his long bony hands like he’s washing them under a faucet.

Usually Bud drops by to buy sausage to go to slip to his friend Houston, but sometimes, especially when the Astros used to be in town, Bud would watch the game from this little portable tv I keep at the stand. Last fall Bud paid me $5,000 to watch the Astros lose to the Yankees while I served him sausage. I didn’t want to, I wanted to watch the Brew Crew, but $5000 paid for a lot of ice fishing schnapps. I haven’t seen him much this year, what with the Astros being in the American League. He does drop by to pick up sausage for his friend Houston when the Astros are on a West Coast swing.

Frankly, I’m just as glad he doesn’t hang out at the stand so often. He buys lots of sausage, but he creeps me out, y’know? I suspect Bud is always sneaking a bite of the old salami. I don’t deal in the hard stuff.

The season end here on Miller Way comes as early as winter, but this year at least it wasn’t so bad. The Brew Crew had a real chance of the post-season. They broke .500 and came out third in the Central behind good Pirates and Cardinals teams. You remember the Central? This year it was one of the better divisions in baseball, if you leave out the Cubs. And the Reds.

But tonight Bud showed up squirming like a squid in heat, and asked me if I’d turn on the Mets/Astros game. Now mind, I’m tempted. Last season that $5000 was some serious schnapps. But to hell with it, I told him no, not this time. The Brewers were my team and I wanted to watch the Brewers beat the Cubs. Like all right thinking people I hate the Cubs, and the chance of a Cub loss is worth some tv time.

But Bud leans over the counter and bobs his head towards me. “Master David,” David is my name, “Do you own this fine piece of property here on Miller Way?” I don’t know what Bud is thinking. This is prime Milwaukee real estate, and I run a sausage stand. Do I own the property? “What the heck you talking about Bud? I lease this strip from the owners.”

Bud rubs his hands together. “And Master David, do you have a prohibition against assignments by the lessor in the lease?” What the heck is Bud getting at? I know Kielbasa, not prohibitions against assignments. “Heck if I know Bud.”

“Master David, I am only an humble man, but I do know. As you may have heard, your lessor ran into some hard times and needed to monetize some assets,” Bud paused and gave a little gasp and a little wriggle, “and now I, a very humble man, own your lease. It terminates at the end of this season. I have the extension rights, and would like to watch the Mets/Astros now. Next season I’ll be looking for a new opportunity—as you may know my current position is ending—and this sausage stand might be the very thing. You would hate to lose your lease over such a small thing, I think.”

I realize that I hate this guy. I hate this guy and he owns me. I turn on Mets/Astros and at his request serve up Bud’s usual liver with some onions and mustard. I charge him double. He picked up that sausage and just squeezed, until there were bits of liver all over his hands and his shirt, and then he asked for a mettwurst. He’s smiling and squirming and sucking happy on the sausage until the Astros go up 3-1 in the sixth, when he starts pounding the Polish kielbasa I’ve given him against the counter and yelling no, no, no…

That bastard. That bastard. I’m glad the Astros won.

***

70. I didn’t think they’d reach 70. Altuve was a star, and McHugh and Keuchel were stars, and Carter did pretty fine after June. Sipp was nails in the bullpen, and FIELDS! came around. Feldman did I fine job. Do I feel great about next season? I don’t think so, but they could be better than this year. Some. I’d be really happy if they reach .500. I don’t expect another 19-game jump, but 11 games? Maybe. I’m not feeling it.

Tonight was more of the usual. Peacock left after 4 2/3, run by pitch count, and he didn’t win 30 games this season. There was a rare error by the catcher at home on a tag of the runner, and it wasn’t the Astros cacher. Chapman, De Leon, Sipp, and Qualls combined in relief to retire 13 of 15 steM, with Chapman getting the win. Sipp retired 6 straight, and Qualls 3.

The Mets score came on a Granderson solo in the 4th. The Astros no longer hit home runs, and scored all 3 in the 6 after the Mets pitcher Niese left the game with an elevated heart rate. I hope he’s ok. Petit doubled but was caught stealing. Grossman doubled. Altuve singled driving in Grossman. Carter doubled driving in Altuve. Fowler HBPd, and Dominguez drove in Carter with a single. Dominguez, who is still finishing a 100-meter sprint he started in high school, was out when he tried to stretch a single into a double. There were only 9 Ks for the game, and there was a double switch, whatever that is.

That’s it for me. Thanks for reading, and see you in the void.

Rangers beat Astros 5-1

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

Yeah the Astros just got swept by the team with the 2nd worst record in the MLB. Even still, the Astros have a better record than the Rangers. However, if the Astros get swept by the Mets in the final three games of the season this weekend, and if the Rangers sweep Oakland in their final four game series, the Rangers and Astros could end the season in a tie.

Scott Feldman took the loss but he pitched well. It wasn’t until Jose Veras got blown-up in the 7th when the game got out of hand. Overall it wasn’t a horrible season for Scott Feldman. He started the season as a de facto ace but fell to third starter with the emergence of Collin McHugh and Dallas Keuchel.

Good ol’ Jose Altuve went 1-3 with a walk. He is still standing strong as the MLB leader in batting average and hits, and the AL leader in steals. Jonathan Villar was responsible for the Astros’ only run, a solo jack in the top of the 8th inning. Krauss/Guzman (.194/.188) filled in at 1st base and performed about the same as Jon Singleton but with less promise.

I would like to say that I think Luhnow’s plan is working. It’s a slow process with parts I don’t really feel comfortable with, but it appears to be working. I hope next year the team continues to build on what it has gained this year and I think they will. I think they’re still a couple of years away. There appears to be no “must go for” free agents in this coming off season, so I don’t expect any blockbuster signing.

The Astros are off Thursday, travel to Queens, play the Mets in the final three games of the season. Peacock faces off against Niese Friday with a 6:10 Pm CT start time.

Game Time: 3:06.
Weather: 82 degrees, Clear.
Wind: 8 mph, In From Center.
Attendance: 28,003.