Toronto 2, Houston 1

W: Buehrle (10-7)
L: Lo (0-2)

It was another game lost by the bullpen, but at least in this one the starting pitching went farther than usual. Keuchel went seven and only gave up four hits and three walks. Granted, it was to the movie-set facade of what we expected to be The Toronto Blue Jays this season, but none of us saw this coming from Keuchel. He has been better than the poor man’s Aaron Harang, coming out of nowhere to show command of multiple pitches around the fringes of the strike zone and is a worthy #5 guy.

Personal comfort is all he gets out of this one, because even though Fields was able to hold through the eighth, Lo came on and melted away in the ninth. A bloop single and three walks tied it up, and then Kevin Chapman came in to allow the winning run on a fielder’s choice.

Houston loaded the bases in the bottom of the frame against closer Casey Janssen, but Cody Clark bounced out to end the threat and keep the Jays from being swept.

Why did Porter keep Lo out there when he obviously had no command at all? That’s a great question, and you must not have anything to do with Houston media because that question didn’t get asked. “It’s how you battle. I thought Lo did a great job of battling, even though he walked a few guys. He did a great job for us. He had a 0.90 ERA before today. It’s one of those things.”

Astros 12
Blue Jays 4

contributed by NeilT

In Command Central, far beneath the Governor’s Mansion, Governor Rick Perry and Attorney General Greg Abbott met with the rock-jawed and virile Texas Ranger Captain Berk Lanceman. It was time to brief the General concerning The Citizen.

“That’s what we call him, Greg, because we have no idea who he is. No matter what we’ve tried, he’s eluded us. All we know is a code name, The Citizen. We believe he was placed here as a child. Major?”

“That’s right, Governor.” Captain Lanceman took up the story. “During the 60s and 70s, the Canadian secret service seeded specially bred children into deep-cover homes to be raised as Texas citizens. These children were often born in Canada, purportedly to one or more dissident American parents, often to draft dodgers or so-called energy workers. We believe that at least one of those children, the agent known only as The Citizen, has now reached the highest levels of state or federal government here in Texas. He is a ticking time bomb, ready to explode.

“As you know, since the Revolutionary War the Canadians have been a constant threat to our independence and liberty…”

Governor Perry interrupted, “We think the Canadians armed the Comanche, and that it was Canadian wind behind the Dust Bowl. Santa Anna and Molly Ivins may both have been Canadian.”

Captain Lanceman continued, “This is their most nefarious plot since the movie version of Dudley Do-Right and The Arcade Fire. Intercepted information—information that cost the lives of two of our agents—indicates that The Citizen is being fed positions out of Ottawa that are so patently absurd—extreme even—that their only purpose is to drive good Texas citizens to the Canadian way of life; that means single payer health care, hockey in the schools, singing God Save the Queen in French, rye whiskey.”

“And that’s our problem, Greg,” the Governor addressed General Abbott, “we haven’t yet identified any high-ranking Texas politicians who take extreme positions.”

The handsomely rugged Berk Lanceman again spoke. “We do think we know how they are communicating, though. The Canadian government funds an American League baseball team, the Blue Jays—notice, by the way, the subtle reference to the color blue. A Canadian sympathizer named “Bud” caused the Astros to be moved from the National to the American League solely to allow messages to be passed to The Citizen through the Blue Jays. We feel this may be the key to catching The Citizen.”

***

In his office in Washington, Agent Cruz stroked his Canadian passport as he called to his aide. “Jean-Jacque, bring me the pitch sequence from tonight’s game. As you know, I always pay particular attention to what’s thrown when the Blue Jays are playing.”

***

Lyles pitched through the 7th giving up two runs, then pitched into the 8th and gave up two more. He only walked one, but only struck out two. It was his longest outing of the year. Zeid, who has shaved, finished out the 8th. FIELDS! finished the 9th, giving up a two-out double but no runs.

It was about as good of an offensive night as I’ve seen this season, at least where the Astros were getting not giving. The Stros scored in every inning but the 6th and the 8th, and they batted through the 4th scoring 5 runs. Villar hit 2 triples, and Castro hit a 3rd triple. Dominguez and Grossman hit home runs. Six players had two hit nights. I won’t mention that Carter, who went hitless, struck out four times.

Rangers use tremendous sucking power to sweep up the Astros.

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

Don’t hate Dallas because of the Rangers. There are plenty of other reasons to hate Dallas. Proximity doesn’t corrupt my hatred of the Rangers. The Rangers hatred is pure and deserves to stand on its own merit.

Hate the Rangers because they represent so much that is wrong with MLB. From being in total cahoots with the Bud Selig conspiracy to allow the Greenberg/Ryan group to purchase the Rangers at a far lower price than Jim Crane’s group was willing to pay, to having the most comprehensive accumulation of steroid cheats of all MLB teams.

Hate the Rangers because when the richer-than-he-is-smart Tom Hicks owned the club he made a bunch of stupid deals, but the worst of all was signing Alex Rodriguez to that ridiculous contract. He would later point to that contract as “one of his biggest regrets.” Ironically, after Hicks sold the Rangers, Alex Rodriguez was the largest unsecured creditor, owed nearly $25 million in deferred payments despite being traded six years earlier.

Hate the Rangers because emails presented in court show that after Hicks agreed to an exclusive negotiation period with Greenberg/Ryan, attorneys for HSG were still in discussion with another bidder, Jim Crane, about a sale price for the team. Hicks emailed the creditors on December 31, 2009 saying “Basically, the response from the MLB was to prohibit us from negotiating with anyone other than Greenberg. Their intent seems to be to lock us into Greenberg even though Crane now has a clearly superior economic deal — and may always have had based on Greenberg’s current position. We need help here. Unless the lenders weigh in, we are going to be stuck negotiating a deal that is clearly worse than Crane’s.”

There you have it. Jim Crane should be the rightful owner of the T Rangers. But he’s not, because Bud Selig didn’t want him. Bud didn’t want Crane to buy the Astros either but didn’t have the bankruptcy leverage or another viable buyer available.

What does this all add up to? Rangers win. Astros lose. But unlike Wednesday’s game, it wasn’t fair and square. Check out the game zone for real-time commentary on Wednesday’s game.

Thursday the Astros have an off day, I mean, a day off. Friday they play host to the Bluejays from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Jordan Lyles takes the mound against Todd Redmond in a 7:10 CST start time.

Time: 3:22
Attendance: 38,699.
Weather: 92 degrees, Partly Cloudy.
Wind: 8 mph, In From Center.

Dallas 4, Houston 2

Contributed by Reuben

Facing their old ‘mate, Travis Blackley just a week or so after cutting him loose, the Astros got to him…a little bit…with a 2-run dinger by Matt Dominguez, his 17th of the year, in the 2nd inning. But it sure didn’t seem like enough against Blackley, who, frankly, sucked as a reliever for the Astros this year. Well, he sucked against batters who hit from the right side. The Astros had 8 such batters in their starting lineup Tuesday night but still managed only 3 hits and a walk off of Blackley in his 4 innings of work.

Jarred Cosart was good but not quite good enough, surrendering the first homer of his MLB career in the 6th inning, a 2-run shot to Adrian Beltre. The opposite-field shot flipped the game from a 2-1 Astro lead to a 3-2 Astro deficit and they did little to threaten that lead, managing only 3 singles off of 4 Ranger relievers spanning the final 5 innings while striking out 8 times.

“But, Recap Writer, How Did Your Day Go?”

My softball team played a double-header last night, beginning a best-of-three playoff series. We lost the first game in demoralizing fashion, 10-3. The second game, we were down 5-0 early, scored 4, went down 7-4, got a 3-run homer to tie it (homers are fairly rare in this league as its wooden bat, and high-arc-pitch), and then were down again 9-7 going into the 7th and final inning. Facing elimination, we reeled off a 7-run rally, begun with a clutch pop-fly double by your faithful recap writer. Final score 14-10, and we play the rubber match Wednesday night.

I also collided with a fellow outfielder while chasing a deep drive to center, so between that and all of the running I am rather sore today.

The doubleheader meant I missed the first half of the Astros game. Frankly I’m not sorry I missed seeing Blackley’s 4 innings of work, because he is quite possibly the slowest worker in the history of organized baseball. I do regret missing Dominguez’s bomb off him though. All in all though, I am sick of the goddam Rangers. Too much Rangers. Schedule-makers, please take note. Also, Neal Cotts. Where does this guy get the nerve to hang around baseball this long, still being a good reliever? I saw enough of this asshole in the ’05 World Series. Then he was with the goddam Cubs for a few years, wasn’t he? Go away, Cotts.