How can you play a game for 5 days a still end in a draw? Booooriiiiiing.

Perhaps. But that same game can give you the 2005 “Ashes” series between England and Australia, in which they play five, 5-day games (“tests”) and the series hangs precariously in the balance at the start of the last 2-hour session of play of the fifth and final day of the fifth and final test.Read More

…says Harold Ramis, climbing out of an over-sized footlocker with Sean Young.

The Astros bolted out of the blocks, taking 5 of the first 6 games. Of course, this was an opening homestand that included 4 games vs. the Reds. Then they went out on the road where the wheels fell off, and they finished April with a 9-13 record. Then things went bad. In May, the Astros fell to a season-low 15-30 record, finishing the month only slightly improved at 19-32.

Jeff Bagwell went on the DL because of his bum shoulder and had to delay surgery due to his Doctor being on vacation (or something). Later, he was quietly proclaimed as being “done” for the year. The Ezequiel Astacio Experiment was ended. Ditto Brandon Duckworth. Berkman was hitting like Jason Lane. Jason Lane was hitting like Chris Burke. Chris Burke was hitting like Luke Scott. Luke Scott was sent back to the minors for hitting like a girl.

It was the end of May, and it was a dark time. But the pitching – oh, the pitching.Read More

My last LT was written in the state of euphoria that followed the home-sweep of the 3rds by an on-fire Astros team. That was three months ago. Since then, every day has seen a sliver of that euphoria shaved off by paper, until all that remains is bare, exposed, cut-ridden flesh. That, plus the halitosis and indigestion resulting from the massive shit sandwich served up by Messrs Beltran and Boras, has made it a very crappy to start the New Year for Astrodom.

The Astros, on a triumphant march back to St. Louis, stumbled, righted themselves and then had a kneecap smashed in by Edmonds. Game #6 is where the NLCS was lost, seemingly no sooner than it had been won in Houston. The controversial decision to start Munro was negated when the Astros rallied to tie the game in the 9th. The 3rds were shell-shocked and they must’ve been having visions of themselves having visions of deja vu …all over again… as the Astros put the go ahead runner in scoring position. A base hit…a ground-ball…a ground-ball with eyes… But it was not to be. The Astros fail to deliver the killer blow and the game rolled on for a few more innings until fate and a depleted pen conspired to set up the horrendous mismatch of a now very fallible Miceli vs. a dyed-in-the-wool Astro-Killah in Edmonds. Paybacks are hell, and the fuck-you-back walk-off homer was as hurtful as it was inevitable.

Game #7 put the ball in the Rocket’s HoF hands, but I truly believe the 3rds were resurrected by Edmonds blast. They’d left Houston beaten, crushed, mashed, shredded and humiliated. They stirred against Munro in Game #6, but really should have demolished him. They left the door open for an Astro revival, and when it occurred, they were dead. The Astros just had to call it, but an ill-timed strikeout let them off the hook and they never looked back. Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck. Game #7 started brightly, but ended up a water torture as the Astros slowly sank below the waves.Read More

After making harder work of the Hated ATL than they should have been, the Astros and (most of) their fans were just happy to be here. The NLCS. In some ways, it’s a marvelous achievement, but considering the hype and expectations swirling around this team in March, this was considered the bare minimum before the wheels fell off in the middle of Summer. Now, some people like to do the bare minimum, and that’s ok. Others like to do more, and we encourage that.

Hunsicker has said repeatedly that there was never any question of breaking up this team in July and August. Baseball is a game of failure, and yet the dick-tripping going on in May, June, July and early August had large sections of Astro-fandom and the media abandoning ship. Yours truly most definitely included. Of course, when fans agree with mediots (coming to Fox this Fall), it could not be clearer that we were all completely wrong. The highest kudos to Astros management, without whom I may be able to speak today.

I’m sure all of you reading this upon its posting will know what’s going on right now. However, for the record, and for those who may read this in the future wondering (a) who gave this tool the bandwidth for this drivel? and (b) WTF is he talking about? I will say this:

(a) Hudson, Noe, Arky, Andy, and Waldo; and

(b) The improbable yet almost expected sweep of the mighty 3rds in Houston this week.

The 105-game winning rock just got hit by a wave of orange whoopass. And the rock moved.Read More

Garner says (grabbing his package) “I got yer double-digit win-streak right here!” Yep, the streak that people kept telling me could happen (but hadn’t since moving out of the ‘Dome – and that was a while ago now, folks)…happened. And the other thing that people kept telling me would happen when the win streak happened, getting back into play-off contention, happened too. Shows what I know.

So what now? Well the Astros have (following Monday’s slaughter of the Reds) 25 games left and a 1-game deficit to make up over the Cubs. The Giants are also in the way, but unlike the Cubs, the Astros have 3 left with them in SF which will decide that little battle one way or the other. The Astros have to keep winning at a ridiculous clip as the Cubs have a schedule softer than my dog’s poo after he’s been in the garbage, and they have three more games to play whilst being 3 games better off in the loss column.

Mushrooms

My sympathies to the residents of Florida, but the Astros have a wild card to win and you poor folks are just in the way. The BBGs appear to have enlisted the help of Mother Nature to mess with the Cubs. The rain-out of the weekend series in Florida means that (a) they still have one tough opponent on their schedule; and (b) they will have to gorvel their pitchers to make up those games. One game may be made up in Chicago this weekend (which ain’t so good for us), but there’s also a double-header likely on 9/20 that will mess with their rotation and have them traveling through the night on consecutive days.

Oh, and Hurricane Ivan is a possibility to arrive in Miami at the same time as the Cubs. Sometimes, the BBGs just don’t know when to quit. Read More

Back in April, I wrote a column where I expressed nagging fears that this season might blow-up, destroying all our hopes and dreams for the glorious campaign to come. “BANG!”, I said. I was wrong. This is no bang, this is a whimper. OK, so Miller and Pettitte have spent some time on the DL, and Oswalt is nursing a bum rib, but that matters ought when you look at any or all offensive categories. “Operation Shutdown” has been executed flawlessly, and the Astros’ season has been scuppered as a result.

As I write this, Scrap Iron appears to have beaten some life into the Astros offense. This, coupled with some unexpected pitching fortitude from Munro and Redding, has resulted in a rally that has reinvigorated certain sectors of the fan base, and seemingly convinced the organization to press on with this campaign instead of cutting bait. They announced this renewed commitment to winning by trading for Darren Oliver. Of that I will say nothing except, “WTF”? Read More