How can you play a game for 5 days a still end in a draw? Booooriiiiiing.
Perhaps. But that same game can give you the 2005 “Ashes” series between England and Australia, in which they play five, 5-day games (“tests”) and the series hangs precariously in the balance at the start of the last 2-hour session of play of the fifth and final day of the fifth and final test.
For seven weeks, England’s band of not-yet-ready-for-the-big-time upstarts took on an Australia team that has dominated World cricket for nearly two decades. Two countries on opposite sides of the World waited breathlessly to see who would be able to say “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” whilst making “wanker” signs at the other, for the next two years. Moreover, England last won a series from Australia in 1987 and last held “The Ashes” in 1989; that’s not Cub-futile, but it’s pretty painful in a head-to-head match-up occurring every two years.
Game #1
The series opened at Lord’s cricket ground in West London. Australia won the coin toss and decided to bat first – a significant advantage in cricket for reasons that will become clear as the series’ story evolves. Australia’s dominance of the World began when they decided to abandon old school “boring” cricket, and try to score at a rate of 4 runs an over (an over is a sequence of 6 pitches). This will bring up a total of 400 runs in one day’s play – not an unusual total prior to this sea change, but certainly not an expectation. But with this mind set, the Australian batsmen strode purposefully onto the pitch at Lord’s and were promptly “all out” for a meager 190.
“All out” means that the fielding side has recorded the necessary 10 wickets (outs) to “retire” the batting side and end their inning. England’s Steve Harmison had done most of the damage, recording 5 wickets himself. The England camp was ecstatic as the mighty Australian line up had been dismissed so cheaply. Expectations were high. Then England’s first innings ended for a total of 155 runs, 35 behind Australia. Bugger! Then things started to go wrong for England.
Australia smashed 384 runs in their second innings and then bowled out England again, this time for only 180. The first test went to Australia, the margin of victory being 239 runs – which sounds like a lot because it is. Perhaps the cricketing world was not quite ready to be turned on its head.
Game #2
A week later the teams go at it again at Edgbaston, near Birmingham. This time England won the toss and elected to bat, and this time their batting stood up and smacked 407 by the time the leg-spin of Australia’s Shane Warne bamboozled the light-hitting Harmison and knocked over his stumps. England’s batting stars were Trescothick with 90, “Freddie” Flintoff with 68 and Kevin Pieterson with 71. There will be more from Pieterson later…
Australia’s reply was 308, meaning that they were 99 runs behind before the start of the second innings. England’s Flintoff and Giles got 3 wickets each as they tormented the Australians with medium-paced swing and slow off-spin respectively. A solid total in their second innings would put England in the driver’s seat and Australia on the rack, so it should come as no surprise that England capitulated for a measly 182. This left Australia a very reachable 282 runs for the win, and a 2-0 stranglehold on the 5-game series.
But “Freddie” (actually Andrew) Flintoff had other ideas. The shaven-headed all-rounder (everyone bats but “all-rounders” pitch too and are good at both) was in no mood to let Australia walk away with another win, and attacked them like a man possessed. His haul of 4 wickets, to add to his 3 in Australia’s first inning and his tally of 141 runs off his own bat made him easily Man of the Match. Such things were to be contemplated later, however, because while this was happening Australia were sneaking up on 282. When Harmison fooled Australia’s last man into snicking one into the waiting hands of Geraint Jones, they were sitting on 279. England won the test by 589 to 587. NBA eat your heart out! England win by 2 runs. Series tied at 1-1.
Game #3
The series that was beginning to look like a classic moved on to Old Trafford in Manchester. Once again, England won the toss and decided to bat. Exuding confidence, they belted 444 runs in the first inning, with Captain Michael Vaughan’s 166 easily being the highlight. Australia’s reply was again a muted total, 302, with England’s Simon Jones, an emerging star, taking 6 of the 10 wickets. England were in command, but there was a black cloud on their horizon.
Literally a black cloud. This was Manchester; it was August; so shit weather inevitably caused a lot of time to be lost to rain and poor light (floodlights are verboten in test matches). If you added up all the weather-related stoppages, they’d lost a whole day. A day which England could well use to roll up the Australian batsmen and record a comfortable victory. Instead Australia had the opportunity to see out the remaining time and snatch a draw from the jaws of defeat. Nervously, the pundits began to talk of a declaration…
Cricket includes what I believe to be a unique rule that allows a batting team to stop batting when they so choose. This is called “declaring”, and occurs typically when one team believes that they have already amassed enough runs to win, but want to make sure they leave themselves enough time to get all 10 of their opponent’s wickets. If they fail to get all 10 outs, the match is a draw. The declaring team forfeits any remaining outs, so there’s no going back if you screw up.
England’s Captain Vaughan was left with a very tricky decision. His team started its second inning already ahead by 142, but so much play had been lost to the weather that he did not have the luxury of running up the score and still leave enough time to get Australia all out. He would have to walk the tightrope, and declare on a score that might be overhauled by Australia if things went pear-shaped. A declaration under these circumstances is a very aggressive move, and a very scary one when faced with the mighty Australia.
With the second inning score at 280, Australia took England’s 6th wicket (4 remaining) and Vaughan called his boys in. There was an hour or so left of day 4, plus all of day 5 to have a go at the Australians, who would need to go like the clappers to put on the 423 runs required for them to win. All of England held its breath, hoping that Vaughan had guessed right and a draw was the minimum result to be expected.
Make no mistake, Vaughan’s declaration was the equivalent of wagging his dick in the face of a hungry Doberman. Australia were pissed off, and they meant to take up this challenge to their collective manhood. Take it up, screw it into a ball and jam it right back down England’s throats.
Australia’s Captain Ricky Ponting set the tone. He tore into England’s bowlers and blistered a spectacular 156 runs before the duo of Harmison (bowling) and Jones (again with the catch) accounted for his wicket. Australia were running up the score and pushing closer and closer to 423. But without much help from his countrymen, the fall of Ponting signaled the end of Australia’s charge for the win, stalled as they now were in the 370’s and with only one wicket remaining. Their goal now was to simply survive the day, and secure the draw. There were 4 overs (24 pitches) left to be bowled in the match, and Australia’s nos 10 and 11 batsmen at the crease (their two worst). Flintoff went after them, but was unable to add to his tally of 4 wickets as Australia saw out the day.
Anyone who thinks a draw is automatically boring is simply wrong. It may be a non-result, but 5 days of nip and tuck, move and counter, tension and heroics like those seen there at Old Trafford are as far from boring as one can get. For confirmation, just ask any of the full house at Old Trafford for the final day’s play, or any of the 10,000 ticketless strays locked outside, or any of the 15,000 stuck in Manchester city center when authorities shut down the bus service to the ground because the place was overrun.
Game #4
With the series tied at 1-1 and only 2 to play, Game #4 became pivotal. The winner would be dorme, but a series draw was no good to England who need to win the series outright to claim back The Ashes from Australia (like the Ryder Cup, the holder needs only a tie to retain the trophy). A win for Australia, therefore, would ensure that the 3-inch tall urn – full of no one knows what, that has been the symbol of England vs. Australia cricket for 123 years, would return down under.
Trent Bridge in Nottinghamshire was the venue. England again won the toss and decided to bat. The team was improving with each game, and this time slogged Australia for 477 runs. Freddie Flintoff’s 102 was the highlight, but contributions came from up and down the batting order as Australia’s bowling was made to look ordinary in the extreme.
Then England’s Simon Jones took over again. He demolished the Australian batsmen and took 6 of their wickets. They were in disarray, with 6 of the 11 batters failing to get into double figures. Their total of 218 was embarrassing compared to England’s, but the 259-run first inning deficit brought with it a deeper shame. The follow on.
The follow on is a cock-punch as delivered by Mike Tyson. The rule requires that the team batting second has to get within 200 runs of the first team’s total, or they can be forced to bat again. It brings up the spectre of the “innings defeat”, in which one team loses to an opponent who bats only once. The follow on is humiliating, and it hadn’t happened to Australia in over 17 years.
England enforced the follow on.
Perhaps Australia’s batsmen were stung by the follow on, perhaps the England bowlers were tired from their first inning toils and no rest before re-taking the field or perhaps it was a little of both. Australia mounted a fight back, overhauled the 259-run deficit and pushed on to a lead themselves. Everyone of the batsmen contributed as they finished up with decent tally 387 runs, but a lead of only 128 runs to defend.
England were on the brink of a comprehensive victory over Australia. After the thrashing at Lord’s, the skin-of-the-teeth win at Edgbaston and the one that got away at Old Trafford, this England team was on cloud nine and ready to show who’s boss.
But old soldiers die hard. Shane Warne’s tantalising leg-spin had the England batsmen with happy feet and Brett Lee’s vicious pace had them ducking for sheer self-preservation. Wickets were falling at a consistent rate and the runs were just not being added. The clock was not the issue this time, but there was a real possibility that Australia could achieve something that has happened only 3 times in international test cricket – victory after being forced to follow on.
Ultimately, the 128-run lead proved indefensible. Despite losing 6 wickets in the process, England limped to 129 – the required runs – and recorded what was truthfully a lop-sided win although at times it may not have seemed like it. England lead the series 2-1.
Game #5
The Oval in South London, where, in 1882, a touring side from Australia beat England on home soil for the first time ever. The Times published a mock obituary:
In Affectionate Remembrance
Of
ENGLISH CRICKET WHICH DIED AT THE OVAL
On
29th August, 1882,
Deeply lamented by a large circle of sorrowing friends and acquaintances
R. I. P.
N.B. – The body will be cremated and the ashes taken to Australia.
The Ashes of English Cricket have passed back and forth between these two great rivals ever since. For the last 16 years, they have resided down under. But now… now England have the tiny, port glass-sized trophy within their grasp. A simple draw in this fifth and final test will bring the Ashes home to England’s green and pleasant land.
Vaughan’s fortunes with the coin continued as he again won the toss and elected to bat. The Oval is long-renowned for its benign batting surface and wide open spaces. The game plan was for the England batsmen to fill their boots; run up the score and run out the clock. Every minute they spend batting was a minute taken from Australia. Ominously, Shane Warne had a plan of a different colour.
International cricket’s highest wicket-taker of all time isn’t Curtley Ambrose, blessed though he was with wicked pace and deadly bounce. Nor Dennis Lillee or Jeff Thompson bowling with both speed and precision. Nor Wasim Akram or Malcolm Marshall gifted as they were with immaculate control and movement. Nope, it’s a guy with a four-step run up and delivery that rarely tops 60mph. It’s Shane Warne of Australia.
Years earlier, he’d announced himself to the cricketing world upon his debut against England. We’d all been exposed to the hype of this punk-cricketer with his spikey blond hair, earring and roguish good looks. But tales of his feats were surely exaggerated. Surely.
Warne’s first ever pitch to an Englishmen – then team Captain Mike Gatting – was so far behind the man that he simply returned to upright from his stance and watched the ball go harmlessly behind his legs. An embarrassingly bad pitch for anyone, let alone a hot young phenom if that is what Warne truly was. Perhaps he wasn’t what he was cracked up to be. Then the ball bounced.
Such was the spin imparted on the ball by Warne as it left his fingers that it turned back on itself, shot forward and knocked over Gatting’s stumps. The poor man was out, victimized like so many others after him by the pitch that bears his name – The Gatting Ball.
Now, over a decade and more than 500 test wickets later. Warne’s captain gave him the ball and with it the task of holding down this England batting line up that was eager to have a go on The Oval’s batting track. He tossed 37.3 overs (that’s 225 pitches for those of you who love to count such things) and sliced the head off the English beast. The head, the arms, legs and one other appendage. He took the wickets of the first 6 Englishmen to pick up a bat, but not without cost in runs.
England’s Andy Strauss (who ironically had become career-wicket no. 501 for Warne earlier in the series…think about it) stroked his way to 129 for himself, while his team accumulated 373 runs. Flintoff chipped in with another helpful 70+, but 450 is the target at The Oval, and England were well short of that. Game on.
For the first time in the series, Australia’s opening batsmen got in and stayed in. They raced away to 185 before Harmison clean-bowled Langer right down the pipe to record the first wicket. But Australia were in the mood to put on a monster score – one that would give them a fabulous shot at taking the win and saving the Ashes. They continued on at a breathless pace and were at 264 runs before their second wicket fell (Flintoff inducing Ponting to pop one up into the air and into Strauss’ waiting hands). But then Flintoff struck again and again and again. Four wickets in all for the hero of Edgbaston as Australia collapsed to a total of 367. Inconceivably falling short of England’s paltry (by Oval standards) score.
For the umpteenth time in this series, the pendulum had swung. But now rested at dead center. These two heavyweights were about to start again, basically at zero for the series, with one inning each to decide it all. And with everything poised on the edge of the sharpest of knives, it started to rain.
Just like at Old Trafford, the players would be on and off the field for bad weather for the next two days. Similarly, about a day’s play in total was lost. But unlike Old Trafford, where Australia had been saved by the rain, this time it was backing them into a corner. It was victory or bust for them, so they had to take what time they were given, knock England over and come back to overhaul what they needed to be a small English lead.
Warne again was asked to do his worst. Another grinding performance netted him another 6 English scalps. The English batsmen were again jittery and it seemed that no one was going to grasp the nettle and put together a high-scoring and, more importantly, clock-burning inning. But way back in Game #2, debutante Kevin Pieterson knocked a helpful 71 and I said that he would be heard from again. Well this was his last chance to reward the faith in his potential exhibited by England’s management.
With his Pepe le Pew-striped hair concealed under his batting helmet, Pieterson came out to bat after Australia’s McGrath had just taken care of England’s Vaughan and Bell in successive pitches (Bell going for zero for the second time in the match). England had just 67 runs and had lost their top 3 batsmen. Weeks of hard work was swirling the bowl and McGrath was on fire, looking for the hat-trick. McGrath raced in and launched a vicious bouncer at Pieterson. Kevin in sheer panic dropped his hands and slung his head back – the ball catching his shoulder and looping harmlessly into the hands of Ponting. A dot was placed in the scorebook (signifying no activity from that pitch) and English lungs relaxed just a fraction.
Only to be filled again a few balls later as Pieterson fished at a ball he should’ve let go and clipped it into and out of the outstretched glove of Australia’s wicket keeper (catcher). This was nervy stuff, and it was the English nerves that were frayed while the Australians’ were emboldened. But Pieterson remained, and some heroics had been promised.
With England battered, bloodied and completely on the defensive, a thought flashed into Pieterson’s head. That thought was “Fuck This Shit!” Bam! Sock! KaPow! Pieterson threw caution to the wind and went after the Aussie bowlers. Suddenly, Pointing’s field setting that had been aggressive in the extreme was turned around as he moved everyone out to protect the boundaries as Pieterson clubbed the ball all over the park. Seven times he rendered the field moot as he smashed the ball over their heads and out of the park for a “six”. McGrath got him in the end, but not before Pieterson had dragged England from 67 to 308, with 158 of those runs coming off his own bat.
More importantly for the series, England had now amassed too many runs for Australia to chase within the time remaining and they had yet to end the English inning. The tenth wicket fell with England at 335 for a lead of 341 and only two hours of play remaining. The packed house at The Oval (well most of them anyway) could now relax and savour the moment. For the first time in nearly two decades, England had beaten Australia. For two years at least, until they reconvene down under in 2007, the wankers had become the wankees. England had just played arguably its best Ashes series in living memory.
And the National pastime is once again the National pastime.