Breaking format this week, in honor of the All-Star Break and its typical deluge of first-half instant analysis from the Traditional Media, Blogosphere, and Average Joes like me.

To match appropriately to the Instant Analysis nature of such a column, I shall go all Bill Simmons on you and describe the season by matching it to great opening lines / paragraphs from some famous works of literature (“books”, for some of you, or “Barnes and Noble checkout line stuff”, for others.)

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.
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I tried to tell you, didn’t I? I tried to explain that anyone excited about winning 3 series in a row – 2 at home – was getting a little too far over their skis. And one week later, here we are. This team is done, D-U-N done, and so we who are about to suffer through the second half salute you.

3 UP:
1. Rays – They have a 5 game lead over the Sawks, 7 in the loss column. The swept Boston and KC to build a nice little 7-game winning streak. They have prospects galore if there’s a deadline deal to be made, and given Percival’s shaky health, adding one arm to the pen might not be a bad idea. The only thing they don’t have is fans, but they should come around. Taking 2 of 3 in the Trop might be the highlight of the Astros’ season when all is said and done.

2. Brewers – Forget the record for the week; by adding Sabathia, they’ve got themselves a perfect fit – a strikeout-throwing innings-eater, which is just what a poor defensive team with a horrid bullpen needs. This is another team that needs to add an arm to the pen.

3. Dodgers – 5-2 on the week, as we know all too well. They’re now two games under .500, which makes them the prohibitive favorite in that crapfest out West.

3 DOWN:
1. Indians – The 8 game losing streak, I suppose, convinced them to pull the trigger on the Sabathia deal, but really? The going rate for an ace in a AA DH, a back-of-the rotation AAA guy, and a projectible A arm? I understand his contract status devalues him quite a bit, but if that’s all that an Oswalt deal would fetch, then I may have to reconsider my stance on dealing Sparky.

2. Red Sox – At this time last week, they were tied for first; they’re now 5 games out. That’s down. Oh, and Terry Francona made the absolutely indefensible move of adding Jason Varitek to the ASG roster; the BBGs will not look kindly upon this.

3. Astros – A very thin line separated thme from having an OK week; namely, two 7-6 extra-inning affairs. But the bottom line is, they were at 5-2 on a homestand that ended up 5-5, and then blew a 3 run lead on the road. The team is going nowhere fast, the owner won’t want to hear that, and I don’t see a way out of it in the forseeable future.

EN FUEGO:
JJ Hardy managed the Yackball 6 times during a 15-25 week, raising his SLG a sickening 105 points in the span of 7 days. Well done, well done indeed.

STINKNG UP THE JOINT:
Edgar Renteria: 1-22 on the week, .254/.302/.328 on the season. Exhibit 23 in the case of the Underachieving Tigers. And yet they’re .500.

SnS TURNING POINT… AND WHAT THE HECK, CHOCOLATE STARFISH OF THE WEEK:

Long time forum poster Jose Cruz III apparently counts “tugging on Superman’s cape”, “pissing into the wind”, and “hitting on 17 because he has a gut feeling” as his hobbies, as evidenced by this affront to the BBGs. We can only hope that JCIII has learned his lesson, before we finish the season staring up at the entirety of the NL Central.

THE WEEK TO COME
At PIT for 3, and at WAS for 3, and then the All-Star Break; this should be the easiest week of the season. Unfortunately, this team just isn’t good enough to take advantage. Look for 3-3 at the best, but 2-4 more likely.

Powered by black market antibiotics to cure whatever version of the plague Mrs. MM passed on to me, away we go:

3 UP:
1. American League – 52-31 last week. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this pains me. And before you argue the payroll disparities, please note that the Twins owned the best interleague record at 14-4, with the Royals (really? the freakin’ Royals??) next at 13-5.
Speaking of which…
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2-4 on the week may not be much, but it’s a step in the right direction. I’m not here to say that anyone actually did sacrifice a Lackey Rag writer, but at least things are starting to trend positive…

3 UP:

1. Brewers – don’t look now, but they’re 5-1 over the last week, and 14-6 in June. They’ve climbed within 6.5 games of the baby bears, and are only 2 games behind the Redbirds for the WC.Read More

Sorry, but my intensity isn’t real high for this column – some of the regular contributors are out of the lineup, and I’ve been getting squeezed on my cell phone minutes, so don’t blame me if I allow 7 or more mistakes in this edition.

3 UP:
1. Whoever is playing the Astros – this should be self-evident.
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OK, let’s get this out of the way: yes, it was another wretched week for the “good guys”, a team playing completely uninspired ball for two weeks now. Enjoy the Brewers series while it lasts, because that gets followed up with 2 1/2 weeks of softball.Read More