OK, let’s get this out of the way: yes, it was another wretched week for the “good guys”, a team playing completely uninspired ball for two weeks now. Enjoy the Brewers series while it lasts, because that gets followed up with 2 1/2 weeks of softball.
3 UP:
1. Padres: A four game sweep over the Mets? Stay classy, San Diego. Anyone that dumps those guys on their collective arsess is OK in my book, even if they’re assaulting my eyes in this “fashion”:
Camo? Really, guys?
2. Phillies: 6-1, including a 3 game sweep AT the House that Chipper Built, no small feat. The Phils are starting to assert themselves as Masters of Their Domain, and should be able to put the East away in the next couple of months.
3. White Sox: The mere thought that Ozzie’s rants could actually serve as a motivational tool make me want to vomit blood. Instead, I will go with the old “correlation does not imply causation” standby, and point out that their 6-0 homestand was a result of (a) coming home, and (b) playing teams in their own division. That starting pitching, though, looks awfully good.
3 DOWN:
1. Astros: I will rant further on this later.
2. Twins: 2-5 on the week. Much like the Astros, this may be a team that is regressing to its mean.
3. Nationals 1-6? At home?? Swept by the Giants?? A team batting line of .232/.308/.348 for the season?!?!?! This is a bad, bad baseball team. At least the Astros have 3 left with them in July.
EN FUEGO:
Apparently Ozzie did get under Joe Crede’s skin, as he mashed to an 11-18, 5 HR, 12 RBI tune this week. (Yes, a 2.222 OPS for a week is considered above average). Honorable mention to Milton Bradley, who controlled his rage long enough to go 11-23, 5 HR, 9 RBI plus 9 walks. He apparently detests all the attention that Josh Hamilton has been getting.
AAAH! My eyes!!!
I don’t mean to pick on a guy I loved when he was here, but 0-16, Mike Lamb? Ouch.
CHOCOLATE STARFISH OF THE WEEK:
We’ll stay close to home for this one.
Michael Bourn, you are the center fielder. You are faster than any man on the planet. You are flanked by two men who are not exactly Gold Glove material.
I want you to envision Kelly Leak. If you can get to the ball, it’s your play. I don’t care if it’s hurting anyone’s feelings, it beats the hell out of that carnival that was on display in the 7th inning yesterday.
(And don’t think you’re off the hook for this, PENCE!!!. You are NOT the central gardener any more. If you see the skinny blur coming towards you, it’s his ball.)
But if you guys are going to turn this into the Bad News Bears, then could we at least have this end this weekend with Joe Girardi slapping Joba for throwing at Lee, followed by Joba holding the ball to allow all runners to score while A-Rod and Jeter swing their purses at him?
NOTES FROM AROUND THE LEAGUE:
– Coco Crisp: an 0-18 slump does NOT excuse the shit you pulled against the Rays. Shields was well within his rights to dot you, and for you to come out after him showed no friggin’ knowledge of the game. No wonder the Sawks couldn’t move this guy in the offseason.
– Adios, John Smoltz. You weren’t as annoying as your teammates.
– From the “and the radio callers thought AE was bad??” department: Royal shortstops are batting .153 with no homers and nine RBIs, with 37 strikeouts and just nine walks. (Thanks to ESPN for the heads up.)
SnS KEY THREAD OF THE WEEK:
Truthfully, the most important event of the week for the organization was not on the field, but the Thursday-Friday MLB draft was absolutely critical. (Just pay no attention to my rantings, as I clearly need to cut down on the coffee.)
Duman, Jacksonian and co. provide the best perspective you’ll find outstide of the Astros’ own draft room, and you’ll do yourself a favor if you check it out.
CORRECTIONS:
– A June 4 post by this author indicated that the Chicago Cubs would eventually “trip over their own dicks.” In retrospect, this statement implied that the Cubs would be well-endowed to the extend that such an act were possible. As I am fairly certain that the Cubs’ own media guide indicates that no current Cub measures over 2″, my statement was clearly mistaken. SnS regrets the error.
– It appears that on multiple occasions, Albert Pujols has been referred to as a “cocksucker”. Anonymous sources have confirmed for us that Pujols acts only as the “pitcher” in his relationship with LaRussa. SnS greatly regrets any misunderstandings or discomfort that this may have caused Mr. Pooholes or Mr. LaRussa.