Sorry, but my intensity isn’t real high for this column – some of the regular contributors are out of the lineup, and I’ve been getting squeezed on my cell phone minutes, so don’t blame me if I allow 7 or more mistakes in this edition.
3 UP:
1. Whoever is playing the Astros – this should be self-evident.
2. Detroit – Six in a row. Rid themselves of that dead Dontrelle weight. Only 6 games back in a shockingly crappy AL Central. Don’t write them off yet.
3. Cubs – 5-1 last week, 10-4 in June. They have no excuses – if they don’t Cub this thing up, they should absolutely walk away with the Central.
3 DOWN:
1. Cecil Cooper – he is absolutely in panic mode. 70 games in.
2. Dodgers – losers of 5 in a row. So at least we have that going for us.
3. Blue Jays – if you lose 2 of 3 to the worst team in baseball, and 2 of 3 at home to the Cubs (16-17 on the road), that’s a pretty bad week.
EN FUEGO:
Ryan Doumit returned from the DL to go 10-25 with 2 doubles, 4 HR, 7 RBI. Honorable mention to El Caballo, who quietly went 9-21 with 4 doubles and 2 HR, and Chien-Ming Wang for allowing just 1 run in 12 1/3 innings.
MY EYES! MY EYES!!
Houston pitchers, last 7 days:
54 IP, 43 R, 59 H, 29 BB, 14 HR, .370 OBPA, .535 SLGA.
Dishonorable mention: PENCE!!! and his 3-22 effort in the leadoff spot. Way to work that one through, Coop.
CHOCOLATE STARFISH OF THE WEEK:
I’m not taking anything away from any of the other guys; it’s just that when you’re [sic] regulars are not it, it seems like there’s not as high intensity of play. – Roy Oswalt, 6/15/08
OK, Roy, while you’re throwing your teammates and manager under the bus, let’s consider the following:
NL – Hits Allowed:
1. Roy Oswalt – 112
NL – HR Allowed:
1. Brett Myers – 20
2. Brandon Backe and Johnny Cueto – 18
3. Roy Oswalt – 17
NL – Runs Allowed:
1. Brett Myers – 61
2. Roy Oswalt – 60
NL – Total Bases Allowed:
1. Brett Myers – 197
2. Roy Oswalt – 188
Getting the picture, Roy?
NOTES FROM AROUND THE LEAGUE:
– I think I made my feelings toward the Red Messiah clear. But why all the current hubub around the Rays potentially acquiring him? If I told you the Astros were on he verge of obtaining a right fielder with a .245/.357/.392 line, in a hitters’ park no less, who also had a $4.5M buyout on a $16M option for next year, would you be giddy like a schoolgirl?
– Bravo to the Tanked Commander for not getting his panties all in a bunch over Eric the Red’s collision with Whichever Squatting Molina plays for him. Apparently .093 is only a complete douche nozzle during intradivision games.
– TWiB fully expects that next week’s edition will note a new manager for the Mets.
SnS Thread of the Week:
JackAstro thought that a blatant threadjack would compel the power of the slumpbuster. Unfortunately, too many folks did not properly understand his efforts, and the BBGs were not amused. I see a direct correlation here between this fiasco and Coop forgetting that Reggie Abercrombie was on his bench Friday.
CORRECTIONS:
– A post in the above-mentioned thread referred to television commentator Nancy Grace as one of the “last two women left on earth”. Nancy Grace is, in fact, a man, and SnS regrets the error.
Lastly, TWiB notes that the Astros are 3-9 since the inaugural edition of TWiB. The author accepts that correlation may imply causation in this case, and offers to light himself on fire (or maybe just discontinue the column) if this will appease the BBGs.