Powered by black market antibiotics to cure whatever version of the plague Mrs. MM passed on to me, away we go:
3 UP:
1. American League – 52-31 last week. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this pains me. And before you argue the payroll disparities, please note that the Twins owned the best interleague record at 14-4, with the Royals (really? the freakin’ Royals??) next at 13-5.
Speaking of which…
2. The Tigers also went 13-5 in interleague, including a 5-1 week at the expense of the Jakes and Rukkakkes. Mike Ilich and his Pizza!Pizza!-funded squad have finally reached .500.
3. The Royals went 4-2 last week, seeing their winning streak broken Saturday by the return of LaRussa’s boyfriend.
What, you thought I was going to mention the Astros here? 4-2 after a month of losing shouldn’t get anyone’s hearts aflutter. Good teams are supposed to win at home. Hell, even mediocre teams are supposed to win at home.
3 DOWN:
1. NL East/West – for the record, the third-place Brewers would currently hold a comfortable lead in either of the other divisions. The Astros would only be 2 games out in the West. This freefall continues to be led by…
2. The Phillies – 2-4 on the week, and now considering dropping Brett Myers from the rotation. If Shawn Chacon went nuts for that move, how is a sack of excrement like Myers going to react?
3. Tie: Padres/Rockies – the Rockies have lost 7 in a row; the Padres, 8. Something’s gotta give during the next 3 days in a “Fire Sale Special” in San Diego.
EN FUEGO:
No surprise here, as the prize goes to Dustin Pedroia, or Dustin Fucking Pedroia as he shall hereafter be called. 14 for 23 with 2 HR and 5 RBI, every bit of it seemingly against the Astros.
FALLING FAST:
Doesn’t it seem gratuitous of mlb.com to lead the “Who’s Not” section with Chacon’s 18 runs allowed in his last 17.1 innings? Especially given the incriminating lack of a team next to his name?
CHOCOLATE STARFISH OF THE WEEK:
I think we can just skip this section this week, don’t you?
SnS THREAD OF THE WEEK:
Again, no surprise here.
(Give me a break… if I were to really look for a “fresh angle” on this debacle, I would be no better than Pinwheel. The horse us dead, and then some.)
COMING SOON:
WWE fans will tear their attention away from “Raw vs. Smackdown” as the Sawks face the Rays in Tampa for the first time since Coco Crisp earned Chocolate Starfish honors. This will be a best of 3 falls match, with hardcore rules and Special Guest Referee George Steinbrenner. The turning point of the third game will feature David Aardsma suddenly walking in 3 runs, only to rip of his jersey to reveal the Rays uni underneath.