I got nothing.

Posted on April 16, 2013 by BudGirl in Game Recaps

Astros 2, A’s 11
W:Milone (3-0) L:Bedard (0-1)

Eric Bedard gave up 6 runs in the first inning, which is more than most, if not all, teams can overcome. The Astros did get two runs on 8 hits but Cedeno and Wright did not have good nights either. Mr. Clemens did a good job going 5.1 innings of scoreless baseball. In fact, Mr. Clemens injured his finger. video I hope he is alright. It looks like it hurt.

I must admit, this game really wasn’t on my mind tonight. Between the events from earlier in the day and me studying for an oral exam in my French class, it just wasn’t a priority. Plus twice now I have been hindered from watching part of the game because of Rockets POST-GAME coverage. Really, post-game coverage versus live action? Oh well, it just justifies me going to sleep earlier. In my mind at least.

Here’s a good recap of the night’s game.

Astros at A’s – I Pity The Foo That Don’t Read This Preview

Posted on April 15, 2013 by MRaup in Featured, Series Previews

In 1972 , a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem…if no one else can help…and if you can find them…maybe you can hire…The A- Team.

(If you can read that and don’t hear the opening strains of the A-Team right now, there is something wrong with you)

I’m not really sure what else to say about the two “A” teams meeting here.

Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum

Monday, April 15th, 9:05pm (Hahaha, you actually think you’ll get to watch this?)

Tuesday, April 16th, 9:05pm (Hahaha, you actually think you’ll get to watch this?)

Wednesday, April 17th, 9:05pm (Hahaha, you actually think you’ll get to watch this?)

Monday

Eric Bedard (0-0, 0.00 ERA) vs. Tommy Milone (2-0, 4.50 ERA)

Bedard has thrown 7 1/3 innings of shutout baseball and has only given up 2 hits. He nailed down his first career save on opening day, and had a great start cut short due to… well, I don’t even know why and I don’t feel like looking it up. Anyway, he’s been great so far this season, and has fantastic career numbers against the A’s (4-0, .55 ERA).

Current A’s bat .115 against Bedard (3-26). So, expect 4-5 innings of well pitched baseball before the game is turned over to our dumpster fire of a bullpen.

Tommy Milone sounds like someone’s little brother. He faced the Astros once when he was with the Nationals.

Current astros bat .111 against Milone (1-9). He’s been pretty meh so far this year, so hopefully the Astros can jump on him early before Bedard’s quick exit.

Tuesday

Brad Peacock (1-1, 4.82 ERA) vs. A.J. Griffin (2-0, 1.93 ERA)

Peacock had a short start against the A’s earlier this year where he gave up 2 earned runs in 4 1/3 innings and took the loss. His other outing was a pretty solid one against the Mariners.

A.J Griffin sounds (and looks) like the douchey guy that would hit on your girlfriend at a bar on a Wednesday night. This is only his season season in the big leagues, but so far, he’s looked pretty solid.

Griffin has only faced one Astro in his career, Mr. Happy’s best friend Carlos Pena. Carlos is 2-3 with a double and 2RBIS, but Mr. Happy would like to point out that his other at bat was a strikeout.

Wednesday

Bud Norris (2-1, 1.96 ERA) vs Bartolo Colon (1-0, 4.15)

Bud has really come on strong early on this season. He’s really put it all together so far, and if he keeps this up, he’ll have a good chance to win 6 or 7 games before the season is over.

Current A’s are batting .227 (10-44) against Bud. Jed Lowrie (2-3, HR) does the most damage against him, that traitorous bastard.

Bartolo Colon is a big fat tub of goo. That’s neither here nor there, but should be said. It’s rare to see a pitcher with an ERA that matches his weight, but there it is.

Current Astros bat .309 against Blubbertolo (17-55). Jason Castro, Justin Maxwell, and J.D. Martinez all are 2-3 against him, and Carlos Pena is 10-33 with 3 home runs against him. You can hear Mr. Happy grinding his teeth all the way from here!

Injury Report From Astros.com

Astros:

John Fields is on the 15 Day DL with a forearm strain.

Fernando Martinez is on the 15 Day DL with an oblique strain. He started a rehab assignment Sunday in AAA.

Alex White underwent Tommy John surgery and is out for the year.

A’s:

Travis Blackley is on the 15 Day DL with a shoulder strain.

Yoenis Cespesdes is on the 15 Day DL with a hand sprain.

Coco Crisp is off the DL, but still day to day with a groin strain.

Hiroyuki Nakajima is close to coming off the 15 Day DL with a straight hamstring.

Fernando Rodriguez is out for the year recovering from Tommy John surgery.

Adam Rosalez is on the 15 Day DL with a strained intercostal.

Scott Sizemore is out for the year with a torn ACL.

Giveaways This Series

The Astros were given away to the AL. Fuck Bud Selig.

Other

Brad Peacock looks like the after picture of a Bud Norris miracle diet commercial here.
These first few weeks have been really interesting to watch. The team went from a total strikeout fest every game to suddenly taking close pitches instead of flailing at anything within 5 feet of the plate. It’s rare to see a turnaround like that happen so quickly. One has to wonder exactly what happened. Did Bo Porter just finally send in the “Don’t swing at every pitch ever” sign?
Although I’ve been keeping up with the team mostly, I’m having a really hard time getting as emotionally invested in writing about the Astros. There just isn’t that much to be excited about playing on the fucking west coast at fucking 9pm every fucking night against fucking teams I fucking don’t care about. Aside from waiting for Pujols to suddenly age like the bad guy at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (or like Dick Clark finally did), I’m just sort of along for the ride so far. I’m trying to muster up hate, but so far it’s pretty lukewarm annoyance.
Please, for fuck’s sake, put someone that maybe has just a LITTLE bit of gas left in them in the closer’s spot. If I’m going to watch someone blow games, at least make it someone interesting to watch pitch.

Talk about tonight’s ridiculously fucking late game in the GAMEZONE!

series

This one smells familiar…

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Angels 5, Astros 4 (Saturday)

contributed by Mr. Happy

This game was great. For seven innings. Lucas Harrell spread out six hits, including Josh Hamilton’s first home run over his 5.2 frames. The Astros took advantage of Garrett Richards on an off-night, touching him for four earnies in 6.1 innings, including Chris Carter’s fourth long ball of the year. Would four runs be enough? Ambriz was loose with the hits, but didn’t surrender a run over his 1.1 innings.

This takes us up to the eighth inning, up 4-1, with the backend of our bully, that team of Cruz and Veras. Could they hold off the Halos? Cruz surrendered two hits and two runs (one unearned, courtesy of a JD Martinez error) over his inning, cutting the lead to one. Would it be enough for Veras?

Veras strikes out Conger on three pitches, including a wicked couple of snappers. However, for some reason that escapes my understanding, Veras walks Jiminez, the nine, on five pitches. This brings former Astro J.B. Shuck to the dish. Veras goes full to Shuck before inducing a harmless F7. Trout. Trout singles Jiminez to 2B. Guess who comes up next? The bane of Astro existence—the one and only ageless Albert Pujols. Veras throws a 1-0 meatball to dipshit, who doesn’t miss it, lining a double to LF. Unfortunately, Trout is fast. Very fast. He scores all the way from 1B to seal our fate. Veras takes the loss (0-1) and earns his first blown save.

In the GameZone, a poster enraged the BBGs by suggesting that Shithols was done. We all know what happens in those situations. Shitfick. Come see us in the GameZone.

From A Whisper To A Scream

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

Angels 4, Astros 1

W: Wilson (1-0)
L: Humber (0-3)

She plays castanets, she works without a net
I like her better when she walks away
She said she was mine, she told me twice
I like her better when she walks away

Yeah, I like her better when she walks away
I like her better when she never stays
I like her better when she danced my way
I like her better when she walks away

Sometimes it’s the exhilaration of the tease. Those moments where you’re close, near as a whisper and the electricity jumps from her arm to your hand but you don’t dare to draw the distance. When you were a child, blowing bubbles…did you like to pop them, or follow that lone stray floating on the wind, hoping that it would be the one to escape and your eyes were the last to mark its flight?

Something about the number of chances makes the tease stronger, warps it until it takes on all the depth and meaning of truth. As long as you don’t blow on the smoke you can watch it curl and embrace and pretend that it’s more than you know it is, as real as a dream. Just don’t shine too bright a light this way.

The Angels were supposed to be better than this. That’s a hell of a lineup over there. We can laugh and smirk about how some of those millionaires are past their sell-by date, but when you turn the light on they’re still a really big guy with a bludgeon standing in that alley. You might make it through, but you know you aren’t going to just saunter by.

Sure enough, the Angels brought the stick today. They didn’t use it often but they did show it enough to remind everyone that money, luck and smarts are the way to the bright lights. Humber was great, and he’s been great – much better than we had the right to expect. He scattered seven hits over seven innings, but one of them was an opposite field home run muscled out by Trout on a high fastball. In the meantime, C. J. Wilson was the beneficiary of Houston’s weakness as he walked the tightrope through six, walking four and giving up five hits but only one run.

Despite multiple 3-2 counts (seven?), the Astro offense was so inept with runners in scoring position that they resorted to a squeeze bunt attempt in the sixth inning with runners on second and third, down by one. It was so close you could feel her breath on your neck, but if you turned to meet it she’d melt away.

I do love watching her walk though.

The skies are fire and he’s waiting to die
And his heart’s as empty as a dead man’s eyes
She held his hands, looked him in the eye
She said “Believe, Believe and everything will be fine.”

Stars 5, Disneys 0

Posted on April 13, 2013 by Ron Brand in Featured, Game Recaps

contributed by NeilT

Heigh ho, heigh ho
It’s off to work we go
Heigh ho, heigh ho . . .

“Heigh Ho”

Snow White

Frank Churchill (music) and Larry Morey (lyrics)

The Astros came into Anaheim, that damned Disney town, on their first win streak of the season. Everyone in Anaheim was still in black for Annette. The ageless Evil Queen Grimhilde, the one who’d mirror mirrored us from StL, and his 24 dwarves are supposed to be the best team in baseball, right?

I’m gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!
I’m gonna be the mane event
Like no king was before
I’m brushing up on looking down
I’m working on my roar
Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!

“I Just Can’t wait to be King”

The Lion King

Sir Elton John

The Astros are not the best team in baseball. They’re all about potential that’s further than happy ever after, but sooner than never never. But this team, this team right here, is supposed to be terrible. Historically terrible. The very Armageddon of baseball as we know it. That’s why nights like tonight, a series opening shut-out of the better team following a series win from Our Natural Rivals, the Scurvies, are so completely satisfying.

Someday my prince will come
Someday we’ll meet again
And away to his castle we’ll go
To be happy forever I know

“Someday My Prince Will Come”

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Larry Morey (lyrics) & Frank Churchill (music)

The big story tonight was Bud Norris, 7 innings of shut-out ball, 3 hits, 2 bb, 5 SO. It started ugly, with a HBP for the first batter, but that was followed by a timely and completely satisfying Cruella de Trout GIDP. Grimhilde walked, but Gaston k’d. Norris had now made it through the toughest 2-4 in baseball.

It was not really an easy inning–many pitches were thrown—but it seemed easy because of the top of the first. Altuve led off with a single, Maxwell doubled scoring Altuve (and was thrown out at third because of boneheaded baserunning. If his baserunning were a dwarf it would be Dopey.) Castro and Carter singled, Pena walked to load the bases, Martinez had the only K of the inning, and Ankiel drove in two runs with a single to right field.

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A
My oh my what a wonderful day
Plenty of sunshine headed my way
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A-Dee-A

Mister blue bird’s on my shoulder
It’s the truth
It’s actual
Everything is satisfactual

“Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah”

Song of the South

Music by Allie Wrubel, Lyrics by Ray Gilbert

Norris’s 2d took 6 pitches. Six. Pitches. Brandon Harris got the Angels first hit in the third after Jimenez grounded out, but was followed by two Ks. Meanwhile the offense kept grinding. Maxwell homered in the second. Ankiel doubled in Pena in the third. By the end of the third, the Disney’s Hanson Brother had thrown 87,000 pitches.

It was now 10:15 in real, not Disney, time, and I fell asleep.

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the whole day through
To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we really like to do
It ain’t no trick to get rich quick
If you dig dig dig with a shovel or a pick
In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine!

“Heigh Ho”

Snow White

Frank Churchill (music) and Larry Morey (lyrics)

But that’s really the story, isn’t it? The Hanson finished the 5th, so the Disneys got more than they should have from him. Marwin Gonzalez was caught stealing in the 6th—of course he was, I had him in my fantasy lineup. Martinez and Dominguez walked in the 8th, which was better than Martinez and Dominguez striking out in the 8th, and hopefully a nice sign of a sea change. Probably not. The Astros only struck out 7 times in the game, though. The Disneys struck out 6.

Altuve led off innings three times on base. What else could you ask from your lead off? He’s hitting .364, as if I need to tell you. Maxwell had a double and a homer. There were 10 hits total, with only Martinez, Dominguez, and Gonzalez hitless, and Dominguez had two walks.

Defense was sparkling, with strong play by Dominguez, Gonzalez, and Maxwell. And the pitching just got it done. Armbriz pitched a scoreless 8th, but gave up a single to Grimhilde to start the 9th. Wright got Gaston on a force out to second, and Cruz got the final two outs on the night’s second double play.

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you.

“When You Wish Upon a Star”

Pinocchio

Ned Washington and Leigh Harline

Astros @ Angels Series Preview

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Noe in Austin in Featured, Series Previews

Do you ever get the desire to scream out “ounce!” (own-say) whenever you see Jose Altuve in a baseball uniform? No? Okay, then it’s just me. Either way, Senor Altuve and the rest of his mates look really sharp in those new road unis. Lo and behold they made the Seattle Mariners scream some things this past series (maybe even in Japanese) that may not be printable. Hey, who am I kidding, this is the revived Orangewhoopass, of course it’s printable.

Now it is on to Anaheim to meet up with that dastardly Pujols and his band of merry men in a weekend series. Homers for everyone!

Houston Astros (3-6) versus the Anaheim Angels (2-6)
April 12th through the 14th
Angels Stadium of Anaheim

It’s early, but…
Who knew at this stage of the season, or at any stage of the season, the Houston Astros would have a better won/loss record than the mighty Angels of Anaheim? Not me, but that is the beauty of having a really breakout series in Seattle, those long time rivals of the local nine. So not only did the Astros win their first series of the season, but they did it on the road. This is the place where Astros wins go to die. This year… four words: FREAKIN’ AWESOME ROAD UNIFORMS! What got little attention this past series was the smack that was run by the Seattle television broadcast version of Patti Smith about the new road unis. Never mess with the Baseball Gods when it comes to good baseball fashion sense. Stirrups long side on the back, young lady.

Friday, April 12th
Bud Norris (1-1, 3.18 ERA) vs. Tommy Hanson (1-0, 4.50 ERA)
Start time: 9:05 CT

Not sure which Hanson brother is pitching for the Angels, maybe the one who plays the drums or skates on the left wing, but it doesn’t matter. Houston has finally broken out of the early season jitters and settled down when it comes to hitting. Of course, all it took was skipper Porter sitting one guy down in the middle of a game to send the message to everyone. Since that comm was sent to the entire team via one quinea pig JD Martinez, they all seem to be more relaxed and focused at the plate. Okay, maybe not all of them, but when Marwin Gonzales starts to swing a mean stick, you have to take notice. On the flip side, the Angels aren’t a bad hitting team either, but if I thought the Astros bullpen was suspect, wait till you get a load of this Angel pen. I think they’re all rehearsing to be the batting practice pitcher for Josh Hamilton in the Home Run Derby. That is important because Houston has never fared well against Hanson in the past. Fireworks are going to start later in the game in this one. No lead is safe for either side.

Saturday, April 13th
Lucas Harrell (0-2, 7.84 ERA) vs. Garrett Richardson (0-0, 2.08 ERA)
Start time: 8:05 CT

Lucas Harrell has had a Jekyll and Hyde season so far. Of course, that is exactly two starts worth of data, so let’s just say it’s a toddler version of Jekyll and Hyde. Still, toddlers can be mean sumabitches too, but I digress. For whatever it’s worth, and my guess is “not much”, I still don’t see how Harrell translates into anything other than journeyman starter who has had a run of really good luck. For example, you want to talk about luck… there is nothing luckier than to miss squaring off against Jared Weaver to try and win your first game of the season. Harrell should take advantage of the fact that some dude named Richardson and probably a very worn out Anaheim bullpen get to try and hold down the orange and blue hitters. Go Marwin!

Sunday, April 14th
Philip Humber (0-2, 3.09 ERA) vs. C.J. Wilson (0-0, 5.25 ERA)
Start time: 2:35 CT

Okay, you want to talk about luck, I give you the flip side of the coin named Philip Humber. He of the perfect game last year who this year can’t buy a break pitching for the Astros. Humber has been the most impressive starter on the team, worthy of some amount of praise and a whole lot of condolences for wearing out the shoulder for a team that was completely lost at the plate. As luck (the bad kind) would have it, it was after Humber’s last start that the road Astros started to hit. So to reward the Rice ex, he now gets to face the Angels best pitcher not named Weaver. There you go Philip, deal with it.

When you’re hot, you’re hot… when you’re not, you’re Wallace
Anyone with two eyes and penchant for over analyzing this early season’s worth of baseball can see that there are some noteworthy streakiness going on with this team. Carlos Pena, Chris Carter, Marwin Gonzales, and of course Rick Ankiel on occasion. Gonzales is really the surprise to me because I’m not used to American League baseball. So is this what they had in mind with the number nine hitting spot in the order in the AL? Aye Diosito Mio… Go Marwin! What is more surprising to me is Justin Maxwell somehow becoming a major league hitter of the consistency kind. Nevermind Altuve, you knew this kid could hit… but J-Max? Time will tell of course and truth be told, he’s only a quasi-centerfielder holding down George Springer’s job for later (or maybe not), but if J-Max is actually hitting with consistency, then they knew of what they were doing to put his photo along the walk of fame for 2013 outside of the MMPUS. Then there is Brett Wallace. Ahum… ’nuff said. Next!

Injury Report

Both Houston and Anaheim are realtively injury free right now other than Jared Weaver. Next time, no more Neo-like moves on the mound big guy.

So I’m kinda sad I couldn’t think of any type of “Angels in the Outfield” reference to use this time. I think we’re all better for it too. Be sure to catch up on the games in the Gamezone this weekend, Mr. Happy will be in a good mood to see you there!

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