By Taras Bulba

Astros (52-65) at Dodgers (60-57)
Dodger Stadium

Monday, August 13, 9:10pm CDT-ESPN2
Tuesday, August 14, 9:10pm CDT-KNWS
Wednesday, August 15, 9:10pm CDT-FSN
Thursday, August 17, 9:10pm CDT-FSN

Your 2007 Houston Astros begin a four game meet and greet with The Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles at beautiful Chavez Arroyo tonight. Though stung by a couple of tough losses against the game Brewers, the Astros are 6-4 over their last 10 games and seem to be playing with a little more of an edge. Meanwhile, the Dodgers are in somewhat of a free fall, going a dismal 2-8 and falling 6 games behind division leading Arizona. Houston took 2 out of 3 against LA in their last series, which featured B-G-O’s grand slam and Carlos Lee eating an entire side of beef in the clubhouse afterward. Obviously, it’s an important series for both teams and can determine if there’s still fight left or if it’s time to run up Berkman’s or Kent’s drawers. An ugly thought.

Projected Matchups
(http://houston.astros.mlb…ble_pitchers.jsp?c_id=hou)

Monday
Roy Oswalt (12-6, 3.42) v. Chad Billingsley, RHP (7-3, 3.34)
Oswalt has been back to his dominating self over the last month, punishing hitters and bringing back the “K” when he needs it. Jake Peavy is in love with him. Meanwhile, Billingsley has been pitching relatively well but has dropped three straight. I think that Chad was an Omega.

Tuesday
Matt “Fat” Albers (2-5, 6.20) v. Brett Tomko, RHP (2-9, 5.49)
Albers is getting the start for Sampson who is lolling about on the bench complaining of piles or consumption or something, so it’s another opportunity for Fat Matt to stake a claim to the rotation for next season. He’s had a decent start or two and has wicked stuff (heard that before?) but needs to establish a semblance of command. Tomko is a rag arm and needs to be shelled. That would, of course imply that Houston will have a difficult time hitting a ball out of the infield. We’ll see.

Wednesday
Jason Jennings (2-7, 6.15) v. Brad “Will” Penny, RHP (13-3, 2.54)
Jason and his Assonauts will attempt to turn in a quality start, although he might get beaned by one of the still orbiting home runs hit by Fielder and Weeks on Friday. It’s difficult to believe Jennings when he insists that he’s healthy in light of his awful season. Must be an old Baylor trick. Penny has been tough all year but is battling an abdominal strain which causes him pain and requires after hours special healing therapy from his girlfriend. I’ve tried the injury angle myself from time to time over the years and have had limited success with it. Hats off, Brad.

Thursday
Wandy Rodriguez (7-10, 4.34) v. Derek Lowe, RHP (8-11, 3.61)
An 8.16 ERA on the road. A 1.65 ERA at home. Ausmus, you’re a smart guy—time to do some mind tricks with Wandy and convince him that all of Los Angeles loves him. I’m betting that Thursday night our boy Wandy-Pop breaks the cycle of road suck that has plagued him in ’07 and performs his magic against the suddenly light hitting Dodgers. He’s up against Derek Lowe who has an even more fascinating injury than Penny: a hip boo-boo that results in shooting pain up his side causing him to prance about the place like the Elephant Man. However, Lowe is not a quitter and has hung in there despite the pain, saying a lot of really bad words in the process.

Giveaways
(http://losangeles.dodgers…le/promotions.jsp?c_id=la)

Show up Tuesday night and get Dodgers trading cards. For Kent, they just superimpose a stock image of his head onto a random player. The last photographer that tried taking his picture was beaten to death with his own camera by an enraged Kent who then went out and promptly washed his truck.

Thursday is “Filipino Amercian Night.” I really don’t know what this is all about other than I’m just grateful that they’re not having this promotion in San Diego, otherwise you’d have sailors spending the whole game swapping fond tales of Subic and Marilyn’s “Super Number One” special.

Injury Report
(http://losangeles.dodgers…team/injuries.jsp?c_id=ls)
Chin-hui Tsao and Hong-Chih Kuo are out with arm injuries but should be back soon assuming the tiger penis tea and cobra blood cocktails work.
((http://houston.astros.mlb…eam/injuries.jsp?c_id=hou)
Chis Sampson allegedly has a sprained right ulnar collateral ligament. He’s probably just still teary and weepy after Wheeler pushed him and needs to get through the latest Danielle Steel novel. PENCE!!! is still out with the wrist thingy but he’s busy clothing the masses and learning how to slide. Garner hits him with a cattle prod every time he doesn’t get his hands up. Lidge isn’t on the DL, but he’s got a knee issue to be fixed once the 2007 Death March is completed. The swollen carcass of Rick White is still out in the Minute Maid parking lot. Awful. Everett is taking a few ground balls but remains gimpy after being plowed by El Rey Feo. Ball Product is a throwin’ and a fightin’ to git back into this here fight before the war’s over. He seems to be on target to do just that and may even get his old regiment back. Gimenez reports feeling “bloated” and can’t seem to do anything with his hair, but otherwise says the right labia thing is coming along fine.

A few items:

The Dodgers have had hitting woes of late, as evidenced by their trade for Mark Sweeney and the signing of Shea Hillenbrand to a AAA contract. They looked tough a few weeks ago against Houston and were riding high, but have dropped off a cliff since.

Wiggington isn’t Doug Rader around the bag, but he’s solid, has a pretty good bat which he actually swings when presented with a hittable pitch, and is a hustling dude. Nice to know that third won’t be a question mark for the next few years. Also nice for Garner, whose facial tic has greatly subsided since Ensberg was shipped to the Padres.

It’s my sincere hope that incriminating photos of Pettitte with Clemens and Jeter in a three way are published. But, there’s no doubt that Houston is missing what he brought to the rotation. Hate to even say it out loud.

Whenever Houston goes to LA, it’s fun to think about Art Howe single handedly destroying the Dodgers back in the one game playoff there in ’80.

Nice photo of Andy Zipp with Drayton. I’ve met Drayton a couple of times, the last at the pee trough at Floyd Casey Stadium in Waco. He’s a larger than life figure. Reminds me that I once met Ronald Reagan while standing at the urinal and he was the kind of guy who had the goddamn common courtesy to wash his hands before we shook. Decent fellow. In some ways, being an owner is akin to being president—tough to make everyone happy, you make both very good and very bad decisions, and you have to put up with some snippy reporters. When it’s all said and done, you just hope to walk away without a urinary tract infection.

Astros sweep the Dodgers. I’ve got a Kent Bottenfield card for anyone who stays up that late to see it.