CARDS 7, ASTROS 4
June 7, 2011
MMPUS
Westbrook (W, 6-3)
Myers (L, 2-5)
HOUSTON (SnS) – The Astros fell to the rival St. Louis Cardinals here Tuesday night, 7-4.
In what is becoming a familiar script for recent Astros games, the home team acted like it might be about to do something a time or two but, lacking serious firepower, came up short. Once again.Read More
Padres 7, Astros 2
W:Latos (4-6)
L:Lyles (0-1)
Maybe not having this one on TV was a good thing. Plagued by shaky command early on, Jordan Lyles’ second start started off rough as he gave up three runs in the first inning and only lasted four. The 31 pitches in the first inning were more than he could overcome. Despite tightening it up as the game wore on, Lyles threw 96 pitches in only four innings and the game never was in doubt, similar to Saturday’s tilt.
FotF now has a 17-game hitting streak. Wallace was the only Astro with more than one hit, a single and a double. Bourn stole two bases, giving him 25 so far. Boojwah returned to play a little LF and he stole another, his 13th.
Lyles will get what could be his last start of this stint with the big club on Saturday against the Godless Red Devils from Georgia. With any luck the cavalry will be there to help run those fuckers back to humid nights on the reservation with plenty of firewater and itchy blankets to keep them company.
Off day Monday before those whiny shits from Jakeville pull into town.
PADRES 6, ASTROS 3
June 4, 2011
Petco Field
WP – Harang (6-2)
LP – Rodriguez (0-3)
SAN DIEGO (SnS) – The game was close most of the way, but never at any time did it seem realistic to think that the Astros might actually come back and win the thing. Read More
June 3, 2011
WATCHING JL
I watched Jordan Lyles’ debut against the Puppies of North Chicago the other night, and I think what impressed me more than anything about him was his composure on the mound, and the easy, seemingly effortless motion of his delivery.Read More
I don’t understand what it is about my job that causes me to be buried with work the day or two leading up to my turn to write previews, but it never fails. So I’m writing this at the last second again, but this time, I’m REALLY under the gun so this is going to be quick, to the point, and probably nonsensical.
If you’ve been living under a rock for the last few days (I’m looking at you JackAstro… STILL waiting for that cushy job offer), you’re probably not aware that the Astros pecker-slapped the stupid fucking Cubs to the tune of a three game sweep at Condemned Wrigley Field. Despite all that excitement, the Astros are still in the NL Central cellar, and they’re headed to visit their West Coast counterparts. I imagine that a constant loop of Yakkity Sax could be played over the highlights of this series, and it wouldn’t see at all out of place.
Petco Park
Thursday, June 2nd, 9:05 pm FS-H HD, DirecTV-678 | MLB.TV
Friday, June 3rd, 9:05 pm FS-H HD, DirecTV-678 | MLB.TV
Saturday, June 4th7:35 pm FS-H HD, DirecTV-678 | MLB.TV
Sunday, June 5th, 5:35pm, MLB.TV
Pitching Matchups From Astros.com
Thursday
Bud Norris (2-4, 3.76 ERA) v. Tim Stauffer (1-3, 3.60 ERA)
Shitty beer versus TV dinners.
The Fathers hit .229 against Bud. The Good Guys hit .294 against Stauffer in limited at bats (6-17).
Friday
JA Happ (3-6, 4.66 ERA) v. Dustin Moseley (1-6, 3.18 ERA)
Shitty ERA versus Even Shittier Record.
The Padres hit .242 as a team against JA. The Astros hit .313 against Dustin Meoeseleye.
Saturday
Anuery Rodriguez (0-2, 5.40 ERA) v. Aaron Harang (5-2, 3.88 ERA)
Horrific spelling of first name versus horrific looking half man/half ape.
Anuery has never faced the Pads. The Astros knock the Harangatang around to the tune of .326 as a team.
Sunday
Jordan Lyles (0-0, 2.57 ERA) v. Mat Latos (3-6, 3.97 ERA)
Victim of being called up early due to plenty of shitty starting pitching versus victim of letter theft. I suspect one of those goddamn Nix brothers with all the extra letters they’ve got stowed in their names.
Jordan, obvious has never faced San Diego. Latos has owned Houston, with a .185 BA against (10-54).
Promotional Giveaways This Series
Friday is Sample Downtown Day at Petco. Apparently you can go and taste food and drinks from local eateries before the game. Sounds pretty sweet.
Saturday, the first 25,000 fans are getting Garden Gnomes. Fuck you, I’m not making this up. Look!
Sunday, Padres Ice Cream Bowl Replica Mini-Helmets for the kiddos.
Injury Update Time!
Alberto Arias – still out with shoulder problems.
Boojwah – about to start his rehab assignment in AAA.
Castro – his knee is still blowed up.
Lyon – Tendonitis in his biceps and partial rotator cuff tear. Maybe back in July? Maybe Pa will take him out back behind the barn and we’ll get a new reliever for our birthday!
Q – due back in mid-June from an ankle sprain.
Wandy – discomfort in his left elbow. Should back in in mid-June.
Padres:
Mike Baxter – Thrown off a bridge by Jack Black dressed as a biker. Due back in mid-June.
Jarrett Hoffpauir – 60 days on the DL for a sore right quad!? Does Hoffpauir mean pussy in some foreign language I don’t know?
Orlando Hudson – Suffering from depression someone finally told him he isn’t actually related to Kate Hudson.
Cameron Maybin – Patellar tendinitis. There’s nothing funny about patellar tendinitis. What is it again?
Joe Thatcher – Suffering from depression after someone mistook him for Margaret Thatcher in the locker room.
Other Stuff
First: Fuck The Cubs Hope that broomstick across your drunk bitch tits didn’t sting too much, you bunch of assholes.
Second: Sorry for mailing this one in, but I really got buried today. Stupid work always gets in the way of entertaining you guys.
Third: This article is pretty awesome.
Now that you’re done reading, bitch about how short and lacking in information it was in The Gamezone!
Astros 7, Wrigleyville 3
F. Rodriguez (W, 1-0)
Marmol (L, 1-2)
CHICAGO (SnS) — I don’t have enough adjectives, or a solid enough command of hyperbole, or enough of a lordly, know-it-all mein to do this write-up Justice, so I am playing it (relatively) straight.Read More
