Astros 7, Wrigleyville 3
F. Rodriguez (W, 1-0)
Marmol (L, 1-2)
CHICAGO (SnS) — I don’t have enough adjectives, or a solid enough command of hyperbole, or enough of a lordly, know-it-all mein to do this write-up Justice, so I am playing it (relatively) straight.
If you watched the game, you’ve already created your own inner commentary. If you missed it, here goes:
Jordan Lyles debut went well, you could say. He and Crazy Zambrano dueled for 7+ innings. Lyles was up 1-0 going into the bottom of the eighth when he faltered slightly, giving up a ringing double to Soto and then making an errant throw into left field on a sac bunt, allowing the tying run to score. After that Mills went out and got him, at which point Lyles may or may not have sensed, as the rest of us did, that he was well and truly fucked now. Sure enough, the bullpen rose to the occasion – after lefty specialist Escalona retired Fuck-a-domey, Wilton Lopez came in and gave up a couple of doubles, and before you could say “Fuck the Cubs”, the Astros were behind 3-1 and Lyles was on the hook for the loss. The FTCs brought in the almost unhittable Marmol for the save, so things looked bad, really bad.
But what the Astros hitters knew, and the FTCubs did not, is that when things look bad, and it looks like you’re not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb mad dog mean. ‘Cause if you lose your head and you give up, then you neither (hit) nor win, that’s just the way it is. In the top of the ninth, against one of the hardest throwing bad-ass closers in the NL, the Astros got mean. Brett Wallace, who had homered earlier for the ‘Stros only run to that point, popped a single. Then Chris Johnson doubled him to third. Downs, pinch-hitting, also doubled, driving in Wallace and Johnson and tying the game. Angel pinch-bunted Downs to third, and then Bourn hit a shot to the opposite field, over a leaping Starling Castro, and the Astros had the lead. Bourn immediately stole second, outrunning an excellent throw by the FTC backstop, Hill. Wholly unnecessary, it turns out, because Barmes walked and the PENCE!!! drilled a shot to the drunks in the LF bleachers, and the Houstons were suddenly up 7-3. Marmol looked like he’d seen a ghost, as did FTC skipper Mike Quaddy.
They did see one, too. Bagwell’s ghost haunts Wrigley, its where he had some of his most memorable games. And now his spirit lives there, to help the Astros when they come to town, if possible. He gets help sometimes from the spirit wraith of Carl “C4” Everett, who once professed a desire to blow up piece-of-shit Wrigley Field. He used to tear up the Cubs in their home park, too.
It worked tonight. Quaddy sprinted out to get Marmol, before the latter performed ritual seppiku on the mound; which would’ve been cool, no doubt, but kind of weird, since Marmol is Dominican. His replacement, Marshall, finally got the third out, but the damage was done. Perhaps the one reliable Houston reliever at this point, Melancon, came in to close it out for the Astros in the bottom of the ninth.
It is always nice to beat the FTCubs. Especially in Wrigley. Especially late and shockingly, when their retarded, boozed up fans – Cub Nation, or whatever it is they think they are – have already counted the game as a win. It was sweet tonight to watch the shocked faithful trudge out of the stately Dump Of N. Chicago, too stunned to speak, too drunk to be able to find their car for the next couple of hours. Your typical Cub fan has all the depth of a ¼ teaspoon, and doesn’t understand that Houston is a very flawed team but one with some nice parts that, when firing together, can give any team trouble. Cubfan’s limited universe only allows for “SUCKS” or “RULZ”, so when the FTCubbies get beat by an inferior team like the Astros are this season, they take it doubly hard. ‘Cause, you know, this shouldn’t happen, becuz Astros SUCK and Cubs RULZ!!! Can’t wait to see what happens if the Astros take Game 3 of the series tomorrow.
Lyles’ line for tonight, in his MLB debut: 7+ IP, 5 H, 4 Ks, 0 BBs
I’m guessing he’ll get another start. Actually, Wade, etc., have already indicated they’d like the phenom to take the ball again on Sunday, in San Diego. Lyles’ evolution will not be televised, of course.
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