contributed by Mr. Happy

It doesn’t get much better here in Toledo during baseball season, with the Happys here and the Good Guys squaring off against the Tribe down the Ohio Turnpike. What looked early like a Cleveland waltz quickly tightened up as Dallas Keuchel pitched one helluva ball game. He deserved a better fate tonight.

Unfortunately, Ubaldo Jimenez, who has enjoyed a resurgent season under Tito Francona, matched him pitch for pitch. Both starters departed after seven frames with the game knotted at 1. We would get free baseball tonight, as neither team could do anything against the respective bullpens. Unfortunately, one team had to lose, and it was the good guys, courtesy of some Rhiner Cruz generosity in the bottom of the 11th inning. Cleveland took game one of the Happy Series.

However, there’s always tonight’s game, which pits surprising young portsider Brett Oberholtzer against Zach McAllister. I hear that good seats (lots of them) are still available. The Tribe fans should be packing that joint for this overachieving team. It’s a crying, fucking shame.

Poor Poor Pitiful Astros Lose 6-5 in 13 Innings in front of 29,701?!?!?

WP: Alfredo Simon (6-4)
LP: Jorge De Leon (0-1)
S: Aroldis Chapman (37)

contributed by Sphinx Drummond

The game was in Houston and the attendance was announced at 29,701. How could that be? On a Wednesday? Are there that many Reds fans in Houston?

The Astros fell behind early but used a two run sixth inning to tie the game up. The game remained tied throughout regulation and entered extra innings. The Astros’ record in extra inning games stood at 4 and 5, so it was somewhat encouraging in that the Astros have a much record in extra inning games than they do in regular nine inning games. And it was a Wednesday.

Wodan did his job, not allowing the Astros to lose on a Wednesday by keeping the Astros in the game right up until Thursday morning. Alas, as the five hour and fifteen minute game edged over into the next day the Reds proved to be too much for the hometown team, scoring two in the top of the thirteenth inning while the Astros could only score one run the the bottom half.

So the team is now 4 and 6 in extra inning games, which is still much better than their overall record but pales in comparison with the cumulative record of 14 and 10 for games that begin on Wednesdays.

Peacock didn’t have a good night but an unexpected good performance from the relief crew last night helped keep the Astros in the game ’til the end. But in the end it just wasn’t enough and the Reds garnered another victory and a series sweep of the youthful Astros.

In seven plate appearances Carter only struck out once while picking up two hits and two walks. I know he’s close to some record of failure, hope he doesn’t make it. Carter’s season sort of epitomizes the Astros season.

I love the Astros but right now, I can’t stand them.

Thursday the Astros travel to Cleveland. The Indians are fighting for a play-off spot and will start the underachieving but highly talented Ubaldo Jimenez, (one of the AL’s hottest pitchers since the All-Star break), and the Astros will counter with Dallas Keuchel. It could get ugly. Hey, speaking of Cleveland, whatever happened to Grady Sizemore?

Time: 5:18
Attendance: 29,701
Weather: Indoors

Lose 100th Game in Embarrassing Fashion, 10-0

W: Mike “5-finger” Leake (14-6)

L: Jordan “Punching Bag” Lyles (7-8)

Contributed by Reuben

I really don’t know what to think about Jordan Lyles at this point. I like the kid, and I believe all the people who see #2 starter potential in him. But he’s gone backwards this year. And at some point you have to wonder if he’s one of those once-promising starters who just can’t cut it as a starter. Maybe he could find himself in the bullpen, maybe even become an elite setup man or closer.

Brian Matusz comes to mind as a recent example, although there are certainly many others. Matusz was once rated the 5th-best prospect in all of baseball by BA, but in parts of 4 MLB seasons as a starter, he had a 5.51 ERA, 1.56 WHIP. Since the Orioles moved him to the ‘pen last year, he has a 2.95 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, and his K rate has gone from 7.1 per 9 to 9.4.

I have no idea if Lyles would be better off in the bullpen – I’m very far from a pitching expert – but the fact that he’s only 22 years old becomes less reassuring the more backward steps he takes. In fact, most of his numbers this year are the same, or slightly worse, than his rookie year in 2011. Maybe pitching out of the bullpen he could find that extra 2-3 mph on his fastball that would enable him to get away with all the mistake pitches he seems to leave up in the zone. I don’t know. God knows this team could use another good reliever.

I have to admit, I turned this game off after the 5th inning. Instead, we watched the rest of a Werner Herzog documentary, Happy People: A Year In The Taiga. Don’t let the dubious title fool you, this is a wonderful film. It explores the lives and practices of Russian trappers in Siberia. These people already live in an extremely remote village most of the year, way out in an isolated, icy area that can only be reached by boat or helicopter. Then, during the winter, they leave their families and trek up to their tiny hunting cabins with their dogs and a winter’s worth of supplies, living in a completely self-reliant manner for months. Sounds boring to watch, perhaps, but to me it was fascinating. And beautiful. For the most part Herzog lets the trappers, and the visuals, do the talking. I highly recommend it. It’s on Netflix.

Anyway, I couldn’t resist the urge to tack on this apropos screen-grab from the game:

ASTROLINA 9
Angel 7

contributed by NeilT

“Why should I trust you Grimhilde?” She sat in a back booth in the Four Seasons bar near MMPUS. Across from her sat Grimhilde, the Evil Queen from Anaheim, that damned Disney town. 33. Grimhilde said she was 33, but everyone knew she suffered from Dominican Aging Syndrome. She looked at least 34, maybe 35, and now when she looked in her magic mirror it no longer said she was the most beautiful in the land.

Just one of the higher paid.

***

Keuchel started for the Stros. He got two outs in the 5th, and by then he’d given up six earned runs. Pretty ugly.

***

She was there before Grimhilde’s show, when she would sing her songs from the island and dance the hokey-pokey. “Astrolina, how long you be knowing me, you? You be knowing me for so long, since I was nothing but a baby princess from the islands, singing and dancing on the island of St. Louee. You trust me, yes? Okee-dokey, you don’t trust me, but I tell you, my labia is torn, me. I cannot even play more this season, me.” She was dressed for her show. She was a first baseman from the Dominican, a voodoo queen who was on the DL. She was a former star who was now just trying to hold it together, and all she could do was sing and dance.

***

Angel was pretty ugly too. Vargas gave up a 3-run, 2-out homer to Altuve in the 3rd. That’s 5 HR for Altuve. Vargas was run in the 4th when Crowe scored Barnes and Clark on a single.

Clark had his first major league hit. That was special.

In the 5th Dominguez, with 20 home runs for the season, hit a grand slam. Astrolina is a little bit in love with Dominguez.

***

“So what you’re telling me is that it’s not just Angel, it’s not even Boss Rat, there’s someone else who dumped me in the house by Limey’s, pumped full of coconut water and antidepressants?”

***

Then there were some Astros bullpen shenanigans. DeLeon had to give up a hit and a walk in the 6th before he could get his final out. Chapman pitched an inning with a HBP, 2 walks, and a hit. Zeid got out of the inning but not without giving up a run on a walk. A run on a walk.

***

“I be telling, you, me. There is a man, we know this in the clubhouse, an evil man. The Evil Queen, me?

I am certainly holding on to my beauty however I can, but this man, this man he scare me. He is a bad bad man. Bud they say. Bud they say is behind it all.”

***

FIELDS!!!

2K in the 9th. Astros clinch the season, at least between Astrolina and Angel.

Peacock struts his stuff in Astros 6 – 1 victory.

WP: Peacock (5-5)
LP: Maurer (4-8)
S: Zeid (1)

Contributed by Sphinx Drummond

After getting swept at home by the scum-laden seafarers to end last month, the Astros reversed the tide and returned the favor Wednesday in front of a sparse Seattle crowd by sweeping the Swabbies in their home ballpark. As the worst team in MLB it’s great anytime you get a win, but it’s really sweet to pick up a sweep on the road. It must really suck for the home team when that happens.

Brad Peacock was kind of brilliant in his 6 innings of work, striking out 4 while allowing only 3 hits. The only score by the salty dogs was a fourth inning solo shot by Kendrys Morales. The Astros’ Kevin Chapman pitched a scoreless inning and two thirds, and Josh Fields finished the last inning and a third to pick up his first save.

The Good Guys scored all their runs in two innings, totaling two in the second inning and three in the third. Symmetry. Dominguez, Altuve, Paredes, and Kraus all ended the night with two hits. Carter drove in two of the 5 runs. He has 77 RBIs for the year and is now hitting .222 with an OBP of .321.

If my calculations are correct the Astros finish the year against the Mariners at 9 wins and 10 losses. For what it is worth, the Astros have a 9 and 7 mark against the Angels with three games left to play. With two Wednesday wins in a row, the Astros have raised their Wodansday record to an excellent 14 and 9 on the year. Thanks Wodan.

Thursday is a travel day and Friday the Astros begin the previously mentioned three game series at home against the Angels. Brett Oberholtzer takes the mound for the Astros who’ll face Jason Vargas of the Angels.

Time: 3:00
Attendance: 11,656
Weather: 80 degrees

Astros 13, Mariners 2

W: Lyles (7-7)
L: Saunders (11-14)

Contributed by Reuben

September 10, 2013.
Late evening.

Jonathan Villar started the game off with a bang, walloping his first big league homer on the very first pitch from Seattle’s grizzled lefty, Joe Saunders. The no-doubt blast from the Astros’ swift-footed leadoff man set the tone for a fun, fulfilling game for the offense. Chris Carter had 3 hits, and got his average above .220 (what I like to call “The Deer Line”). Altuve got his back over .280, and stole 3 bases. Dominguez collected a couple hits. Hoes had a couple, and knocked in 3. Villar walked and stole 2nd and 3rd over the course of 3 pitches. And Lyles, with 6 innings of 1-earned-run ball, got his ERA back below 5.

Actually, these figures may not all be accurate, because as I write this, the game is not over. Being on the East Coast, I have to draw the line somewhere, and tonight, 12:30 is it. So I’m just really hoping that when I get up in the morning, I’ll find that the 8-2 lead the Astros had built by the top of the 7th inning was, indeed, bullpen-proof. Because if not, well, that would be kind of a crappy start to the day, wouldn’t it?

The following morning.

Whoa. 13-2. Yeah…that’ll do. Good way to start the day.